az/anon male party bloating/inflation/burst teasing

friend: ok i know christmas is the holiday for eating too much but it turns out drinking booze makes me feel pretty bloated, and it turns out there was a lot to drink this year
azure: friend celebrates christmas by becoming sloshbloated
friend: “it’s gemini season!!” i say as a taurus in capricorn season
friend: i’ve been drinking too much, but not for the reason you normally expect
azure: a good reason or a bad reason
friend: well it depends if having to roll me out counts as bad
azure: i mean id say guzzling fine christmas beverages until you achieve the state of a cutely gargantuan drinkblimp is a good reason
friend: in that case, say no more


azure: just spend the post-christmas half-week relazing and drinking and indulging so you can be the best new years ball for the new decade
friend: aha, OH
friend: sold the old NYE ball for beer money so we have to make do with a replacement
azure: this years nye ball drop coming courtesy of your poor overworked belt finally blowing open and letting that hugely swollen, loudly sloshing and creaking tummy slosh and drop out of such constricting fabric

friend: look, i worked very hard on getting this round so i would appreciate more applause please. yes, maybe this is all just a side effect of being too self indulgent over the holidays and maybe i already reached 90% capacity when i realised we could make something worthwhile out of this
azure: only 90%?
azure: clearly you need some friends to help push you past that last 10% if you're going to have a proper new years celebration
friend: regrettably they’re too over zealous and have been trying to reach 200%. c’est la vie

azure: maybe that's just your secret santa gift this year
azure: enough encouraging and pampering and overly insistent keg stands and beer chugs to get you to the biggest, heaviest, most utterly overblown state you can be for the new decade
azure: its the season for just lying back and relaxing with friends as they funnel another twelve pack into you whilst encouragingly rubbing their hands all over your slowly growing, swelling, creaking blimp of a bod

friend: it’s very kind of them!! i never know how to ask people to stop when things like this happens but they’re being so encouraging about it i don’t really want to
friend: no point in spoiling everybody’s fun when we’re all getting so much of a kick out of it
friend: stretch marks are starting to worry me a little though
azure: exactly
azure: why think too much (or at all) when you can just drink and burp and groan and be merry while the sofa bends a little and the booze just keeps coming
azure: the stretch marks are just a sign of how much youve managed to pack away and grow, clearly something to be proud of

friend: you know what you’re right. very generous of everybody to share their drinks with me instead of keeping them for themselves. and it’s not like anybody’s ever popped from drinking too much
azure: of course not
azure: all that creaking and rumbling and sloshing and tight wobbling anytime anybody so much as gives you a fond belly rub is just a sign of how big you've gotten and nothing more

azure: if it gets to be too much just undo a few more buttons and loosen that belt more so youve got room for another few bottles~
friend: surprised i have any buttons left to undo at this point, if they hadn’t pinged off already
azure: at this point its practically a party game
azure: see who blows your buttons off with their turn at pouring another can or bottle into your messy, bloated lips
azure: its a game everybody wins because by the time you're out of buttons and seams and belts and stitches to burst, the party gets to try and help you sloooowly slosh and waddle off of the couch and towards somewhere comfier, assuming its not easier to just heave and roll you

friend: calling it a party game is a little worrying. if they’re trying to burst the buttons off there’s definitely one big finish that i’m sure a couple people i’ve invited will try and get to
friend: i’m definitely gonna be have to be rolled out though. even with everybody helping, my legs are only so long and my beer gut too big
azure: you're practically the star of the entire show, a huge, sloshing, overblown blimp of a boy who can't even carry himself from how enormously sloshed and bloated he's gotten
azure: too heavy and full and tipsy to do anything but whine and burp helplessly as you're rolled towards the center of the room, every hand on your taut, creaking figure another mind-numbing sensation to add to the pile of reasons you can barely think about anything besides the hose in your mouth and the way your beer balloon of a belly sloshes and wobbles for a few moments after you come to a heaving stop

friend: god. happy new year everyone, maybe this’ll become a tradition
azure: it should
azure: start taking measurements so we can get you even bigger and rounder and heavier every new year~
friend: gonna be easier to weigh than to measure, i don’t think anybody has a tape measure big enough
azure: true, but itd also be pretty hard for them to just keep you upright on your own two feet and try to lift that huge, blorping beer belly to read the scale
azure: might have to just wing it and make sure to push you to 101% to be extra sure you're breaking new records
friend: ah geeze. i mean the worrying part is, you aren’t wrong

azure: i mean if you ask me theres definitely something cute about you being too much of an absolute blimp to be able to see those numbers without help
azure: all the more reason to just let you lie back and have others do all the hard work of pumping you up like the gurgliest, tautest, absolutely overbloated new year's beer tanker you can be
azure: just give it the hug test, see how it gets harder and harder every year to wrap both arms around you after a good long weekend of constant guzzling and partying

friend: you know what? yeah. i’ll organise the party & get everybody here, as long as they can do their best (do their worst?) in the run up to midnight
friend: please don’t hug too tight though
azure: just tight enough that you really get to feel how utterly massive and bloated and overstretched you are
friend: ... -hic-
azure: making sure you feel every little strain and glorp and bit of pressure from how you've absolutely exploded outwards with heavy, bubbly, near-immobilizing bloatiness

azure: how you're finally starting to doubt you can fit any more in, yet those hands roaming over your enormous tummy and squeezing the curves and swell of your hanging, drum-tight beer gut is enough to convince you to open up and let another full bottle or three be poured down your already overfilled gullet~
azure: one slow, gentle shake as you chug to send deep glorping ripples through your distended belly and make you really feel how much nice christmas booze you've chugged down for your adoring partygoers

friend: genuinely surprising of them to get the good stuff though. it would’ve been so easy to get cheap bubbly for the event but they really splashed out
friend: probably why it’s hard to keep away from the stuff. “no more” immediately becomes “no, more” when i see they’ve got another bottle
azure: if we're turning you into a near-immobile, couch-bending, doorframe-sticking festive blimp, you absolutely deserve to be bloated to mind-overwhelming levels of massive on the nice stuff
azure: it might be cheaper to get you to such incomprehesible levels of bloated, overfilled stupor on the lesser stuff but its christmas and you deserve to be funnel fed to cloud nine on something thats both nice and filling

friend: god
friend: happy holidays, everybody
azure: happy holidays and an extremely merry new year celebration