Arsh IRL

"With great power, comes great responsibility." - Some old white lady from superman idk

Being a Kanye West fan on the internet is a tough job. It's like being black on facebook anytime there's a race riot. You're forced to constantly go on the defensive against corny white dudes who wear Oakleys in their profile pic who derive great pleasure out of yelling at negroes they don't know. It can become tiring, and I get that. So I'm making this guide in order to teach you youngbloods how to deal with the many different shades of Ye hate.

Not all Ye haters are the same. They come in different sizes and shapes and they hate for different reasons, but the end result is the same. High sodium. For the sake of your cholesterol I'm going to show you how to spot them, and maybe, if you're lucky, how to diffuse them.

(Before I go into this, a lot of you are probably asking what are my qualifications to be giving out advice like this. Simply put, I've been defending Ye on the internet since some of you were still shitting your diapers. I was there for the George Bush Wars. I did multiple internet tours during the Swift Troubles. I typed my fingers to the bone during the Battle of Beck. I been in these streets so when I tell you this shit, I hope you understand that all of this comes from experience. I didn't just buy a fuckin computer yesterday b. I'm known on these tubes.)

Anyway, let's get started:

1. THE RACIST - These are your loudest and most frothy Ye haters. These are the ones who will bring up how much they hate Kanye without any provocation. They cannot be reasoned with, as their hatred really doesn't have shit to do with Kanye and more to do with what Kanye represents. There's no track you can show them, no interview or article you can link them to that will convince them that Kanye isn't here to destroy music and take their white women. Everything Kanye does, even if positive, makes them sick. Can usually also be found talking about "heritage not hate" under the #AllLivesMatter hashtag. Avoid at all costs.

2. THE DAD ROCKER - The /r/lewronggeneration group. Mild crossover with #1. Their hatred of Kanye is usually just an extension of their hatred of hip-hop in general. These are the guys who will claim that Kanye isn't a real musician because he samples, or as they'll say, "stole a King Crimson song." This was the group that was most heated after Kanye's Glastonbury performance of Bohemian Rhapsody. Usually these types will be aspiring (read: failed) musicians themselves who play in a cover band at their local Bahama Breeze who are basically salty that they spent the last 2 decades learning to play Guitar for no reason. The best way to shut them up is to mention Paul McCartney's/Lou Reed's endorsement of Kanye. They'll brush it off in front of you but it's going to fuck them up once they get off the internet and from now on they're going to skip those Velvet Underground tracks as they ride around town in their Nissan Centra on the way to the recording studio so they can cut another demo they're going to try and mail to a record label that'll get immediately thrown in the trash.

3. THE KIM HATER - These are the people who didn't know Kanye existed until he appeared on tabloid covers with Kim. To them, he's just another big black buck that Kim sleeps with, because as we all know, being in monogamous relationships with black men makes you a whore. These people will go on and on about how annoying it is that the Kardashians receive so much attention, not realizing that they are exactly the reason why the Kardashians receive so much attention. Even though they are Kim haters, some can still be rehabilitated. Send them some tracks and let the Ye incubate. Their hatred/slut shaming/subtle racism towards Kim will persist, but they may one day admit that Kanye is slightly talented in his own right. Gotta take the wins where you can.

4. THE BACKPACKER - These are the people who stopped listening to Kanye after Graduation. 808's and Heartbreak was too weird and reminded them of T-Pain so they quit without giving it a fair shake and have never picked it back up. These people won't let chipmunk soul Ye die. They aren't necessarily haters as much as they are scorned lovers who feel like their girlfriend lost of a bunch of weight, got hot, dumped them and started dating the prom king. But what they need to realize is that even if their girlfriend moved on, they're still the same fat nerd who wears naruto headbands to school on the inside. Show them Devil In A New Dress, they'll come back around.

5. THE SOUTH PARKER - These people don't really hate Kanye. They probably don't know much about him. They just see hating Kanye as the new dank meme on the block and are trying to get in on some of those sweet internet points. These are the people still posting gay fish may mays in 2015. They're so stupid they're not even worth engaging. They probably unironically post minions too.

Now I know what you're thinking: "What if someone legitimately just doesn't like Kanye for valid reasons? Are you saying its impossible to just not like Kanye?"

Yes. That's exactly what the fuck I'm saying. If you don't like Ye, cool. But have fun dying alone cause you not gonna have any bitches today, tomorrow, or at any point in your life. The math is quite simple really. If you don't like Ye you probably the type of nigga to have a picture of you with a fish as your Tinder prof pic. You the type to say some sideways shit about feminists on facebook, not understanding that even if you have a point you basically just ensured yourself a dry dick for the rest of the year. You corny as hell, you wear crocs, you the nigga at the party who gets on Spotify and turns on Foo Fighters. Nobody likes you b, we all just pretend to like you because your dad has a sweet boat.