Mass Effect 3 - original endings (cut from game)

Mass Effect 3 - Original endings (cut from game)

bad ending - As everything is going to shit in the universe, and incredibly intense fighting with the reapers, Shepard decides to activate the Prothean weapon.  Before she activates it, she gets a vision... its... a reaper?  in a store?  selling a tennis racket?  Confused by this, she still activates the weapon.

It powers up, and blasts a beam of light near the battlefield, eventually making a glowing circle.  "It's a portal" Javik points out before insulting yet another race about their ancient ancestors.  Suddenly, a figure walks through it.  Who.... who is it!?

"Isn't that the man from the citadel?" someone asks.  He's gripping a tennis racket.  With explosions surrounding him, he calmly walks up to harbinger.  "Hey!  Hey you!  I'd like a refund on this!"  Harbinger stops, confused.  After a tense few seconds, harbinger says..... "well sir, what seems to be the problem with the product?"

After one whole year of arguing over a refund, the reapers die of aggravation.  (this is the bad ending because refundman never gets his racket refunded)

--THE END--

(if you visit Purgatory on the Citadel after this, you can find refundman drinking at the bar, muttering how he never got his refund.  Talk to him, ask him why he's returning it.  He'll tell you he's really bad at tennis.  Use the top right option, and he will ask you if you can refund him.  You can refund him, tell him to stop whining, or (paragon choice) invite him to play tennis with you.  The renegade choice has Shepard invite the guy to play tennis with Wrex.  Krogan are terrible at tennis, but the man is actually worse than that.  This makes the guy even sadder.)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

neutral ending - As the reapers are attacking the universe, Shepard is about to activate the Prothean weapon.  Suddenly a small shuttle appears, and lands on the battlefield.  It is being followed by a bizarre looking craft.  "What is that?  Has anyone ever seen a craft like that before?" Shepard asks her crew.  "I have seen something similar to that in ancient Prothean drawings.  I do not know what it is." Liara responds.

The small shuttle opens, and Javik steps out, looking very annoyed.  "Leave me be.  I have more important matters to attend to!" he yells.  Who is he yelling at???

Then the bizarre looking ship opens up, and thousands upon thousands of Hanar pour out.  The sound of gunfire and explosions is suddenly drowned out by thousands of Hanar speaking.  "Tell this one of your time, enkindler."  "Show this one the path to righteousness, enkindler."  "This one requires knowledge."

"I do not have time for this.  It is important I destroy this reaper."  Javik yells.  The Hanar are silent for a few seconds, and then state in unison, "If the enkindler desires this creature destroyed, it will be done."

Suddenly harbinger is surrounded by Hanar, swarmed by hundreds, forming a wall of tentacles and glowing.  In unison they announce, "Excuse me sir.  Do you have a minute so that these ones may enlighten you about the enkindlers?"  Harbinger is confused.  He fires.  The Hanar wall is blasted with a massive laser from harbinger.

The smoke clears.  The Hanar..... are unharmed?  "This one does not find your reaction appropriate."  "This one concurs."  The Hanar wall starts to move slowly, glowing, surrounding him, wrapping him in Hanar.  Harbinger suddenly stops, starts shaking, and then falls down.  Harbinger is destroyed.  Javik yells "The rest of them too!"  The Hanar move through the battlefield, easily destroying every reaper.

Later, Shepard asks a Hanar how they defeated the reapers so easily.  "Unfortunately, this one cannot divulge the secrets learned from the enkindlers."  Javik walks in, and the Hanar asks him "On behalf of all Hanar, this one would request the enkindler live on our planet to provide guidance."  Javik says, "I find this.. acceptable."


Epilogue - The Hanar, now under the guidance of an enkindler, become a major force in the galaxy, and along with them, the Drell.  In the capital city of the Hanar homeworld stands a statue dedicated to Thane.  The Blasto series of movies wins 76 space-oscars.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Good ending - As the other endings, everything is going to shit.  The reapers are easily destroying humanity along with all other races in the universe.  It's time to activate the Prothean weapon.

As Shepard rushes to activate it, EDI comes on the intercom and says, "Admiral Hackett available on vidcom.  He says it's extremely urgent.  Tali also wishes that I reiterate her concerns over activating the weapon.  She believes it to be dangerous as its function is still unknown."  A choice comes up.  Answer the vidcom (paragon), or activate the weapon (renegade.  choosing this option then gives you the bad ending).

Choosing paragon has you taking the call from Hackett.  "Commander, Hackett here.  We've got some extremely important news from an Elcor recon team on Faringor, they say they've found something to defeat the reapers."

"Why is this the first time we've heard of this?" Shepard asks.

"Well, they called 3 days ago, but you know the Elcor.  It took them the entire time to explain it clearly.  And I've had two assistants quit, claiming they never want to hear the word "excitedly" in a monotone voice ever again."

"Well, Admiral, what is it they've discovered?"

"Commander, excitedly... dammit now I'm doing it.  Anyway, it turns out after analyzing an ancient artifact, they've discovered that the reapers are highly susceptible to embarrassment-by-proxy."

(Choose the left top option, "Embarrassment-by-proxy?")

"Yes Commander, apparently when reapers are faced with a situation in which someone is being embarrassed, or doing something embarrassing, they also feel embarrassed.  The Elcor believe that if the reapers were to see something embarrassing, so incredibly embarrassing they couldn't stand it, their minds would simply shut down and they would die."

"That's interesting.  Should I show them Joker and EDI's relationship?"

"Commander, that's close, but just not embarrassing enough.  We need something more, something so damn awkward it would make Krogan mating look like carefully choreographed ballet."

"Admiral, I know what I must do."

"What are you planning, Shepard?  Forget it, we're running out of time, just do it, quickly!"


Shepard turns around.  "EDI, contact the Salarians.  Tali will be sending them a blueprint, tell them we need it built immediately."  "Yes, commander."

----Fade to black-----

Shepard is now standing with a Salarian.

"Do not understand purpose but have done as requested.  Blueprints built.  Very easy.  Have been installed on Normandy."

(Choose top right option, "Thank you.")

"Shepard is very welcome.  All Salarians anxious to see your plans.  Curious.  Not sure how recent addition to normandy will help.  Need to stop reapers.  Reaper invasion very problematic."

"Tell your people to get ready, the show is about to start."

Shepard removes her armor and stretches out.  "EDI, drop me off by that walkway."  "As you wish, Commander."  Shepard walks out onto the walkway, standing over a humungous battlefield.  Explosions are constantly going off, bullets are flying by.

"HARBINGER!" Shepard yells.  Harbinger and the other reapers stop to look at her.  "I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS."

"Feel what, Shepard?" comes the ominous reply from the giant reaper.

Shepard smiles and says, "you feel... the beat."

The reapers all look confused.  Some husks start to approach Shepard.  The Normandy appears behind Shepard, its engines straining to hold up the weight of 4 gigantic Salarian-built speakers.

All of a sudden, a realization seems to come across Harbinger.

"No..." it mutters, but it is too late.  Too late for the reapers to retreat.  Shepard has found their weak spot.

"Hit it, EDI!"  Shepard yells.

A small click as the speakers come to life.  The words that will seal the reaper's fate echo across the galaxy.

"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW" dunt dunt do do do

Shepard starts dancing.  The husks stop.  Harbinger is silent, motionless.  The reapers are frozen in place.  Harbinger begins to collapse, its ominous voice now reduced to a small squeak as it forces its final words out.  "Its...just...too...damned...embarrassing..."


Epilogue - Everyone on your team survives.  Shepard and Liara get married in a traditional Asari wedding.  The wedding is presided over by Zaeed, who happens to be an ordained minister.  The galaxy's paper supplies get dangerously low in the months preceding the wedding, as the Rachni queen demands an invitation for every Rachni.  Zaeed explains he's never told anyone he was a minister because the last three weddings he presided over, he was the only survivor.  Shepard right hooks a man after he was the 153rd person to go "something old, something new, something borrowed..." and, pointing at Liara, "something blue."

The video of Shepard dancing becomes a smash hit on the extranet, receiving over 76 billion views.  "The Shep", as the dance is now known, becomes a major trend throughout the galaxy.  Unfortunately, some planets have banned "The Shep", after an incident where an Elcor attempting it accidentally kills 53 people.  The video "The Shep - gethstep remix" receives over 124 billion views.