A Rainbro Scorned

>You wake up with a hangover
>One of those awful ones that hits you before you even open your eyes
>So you do what any self respecting drunk would do
>You flop your arm over your face and groan
>While it doesn't help, but it does signal to the world that, yes, your liver is still functioning
>It's the little victories that count in life
>After a few more weak grunts, you manage to roll yourself out of bed and hobble to the bathroom
>Not even bothering with the lights, you grope for the sink and prop yourself up against it before finally opening your eyes
>Yup, you're all there
>100% human
>And with a great big shiner to boot
"Helluva night."
>God, your voice sounds like you've been gargling sand for a week
>After washing your face, taking special care around the eye, you slurp up a mouthful of water, then a second for good measure
>What a relief
>As you stare at yourself, with your tongue lingering on your bottom lip, you suddenly become aware of an unusual sound
>A fatty sound, sizzling, possibly popping?
>Your cracked lips roll up into an instinctive smile
"What is that absolutely haram sound tickling at my ears?"
>And, after a moment more, your face falls
"Better question, who the fuck is in my house?"
>Stopping long enough to grab Ol'Kicky, you slide the boot onto your foot and quietly tromp your way out from the bathroom and towards the kitchen
>A glorious smell assaults your nostrils as you prepare to round the corner
>No doubt about it, somebody's cooking up your bacon
"Like hell I'm going to stand for that."
>Placing yourself close to the wall, you glance around the corner and see a pony busying itself in the kitchen
>Correction, herself
>Further correction...
"Rainbow?"
>The pegasus stiffens, her head whirling about
>Jaw dropping, she makes a throaty, confused sound before forcing a smile
>"Oh, hey Anon; I was just, y'know stopping by to check up on you and thought you could, use some breakfast?"

>Puffing out your cheeks, you sigh and separate yourself from your +5 Boot of Pony Booting and wobble into the kitchen
"Well, seeing as how you didn't show up last night, that's pretty swell of you."
>Rainbow puts on an obviously forced smile, but quickly changes the subject
>"So anyway, I figured that after a big night down at the bar, what could be better than a greasy breakfast!"
"Rainbow, you don't eat bacon."
>"Yeah, so?"
"So how are you going to know if it's good to eat or not?"
>With all the confidence in the world, the speedster smirks
>"Duh, when it starts to get all crispy, but before it turns black?"
>You glance at the nearly charred and shriveled pieces of pork already set aside by the pan
>She's burnt nearly a dozen pieces already
>Putting on a smile, you walk over and do your best to salvage some of the tenderness of the remaining pieces in the pan
"Thanks for looking out for me Dash; you're a real bro."
>Pushing your fist out behind you, you wait expectantly for the bump of her hoof
>But it's slow coming
>After a moment, you glance behind you and see that Rainbow is looking up at you with a goofy smile
>Unsure of what to do, you continue to grin, more forced by the second, before finally giving a gentle shake of your still outstretched fist
>After a moment more, Dash's smile fades and, with a heavy sigh, she reaches up and bumps you
>You waste no time turning back to the skillet, eager to be done with the awkwardness
"All right, off to a good start today."
>"Uh, yeah, sure."
>Jeez, what's crawled up her butt?
>You take time to fix up a proper breakfast that doesn't consist solely of pork, and even manage to throw something together for Rainbow before moving to the table.
>The awkward atmosphere extends beyond the incident at the stove, with Dash watching you over her plate the entire time
>You'd never thought about it before, but those big pony eyes are kinda creepy
>Anyway, you're nearly through with eating when a knock comes

"Oh good, my daily wake up call."
>Sighing, you move to stand when Rainbow hops out of her seat, all smiles
>"Hey Anon, buddy, why don't you sit this one out and I'll take care of it?"
"Uh"
>The throaty sound is all you can manage before Dash disappears, leaving a rainbow trail behind her
>In the distance, the door opens, and you catch bits an pieces of a muffled conversation.
>"Oh, Rainbow... Anonymous?"
>"Fine Fluttershy... come down... case of cider shaft..."
>"Oh dear... okay?"
>"Yup! No visitors though! See you!"
The last bit is clear as day as Rainbow all but shouts before slamming the door
>Quick as she left, Dash is back in the room
>On the table in fact
>She's got her eyes wide, grinning from ear to ear
>And holding her hoof out for a bump
>You glance between the usually cute pony's terrifying gaze and her hoof, donning an anxious smile
>One which she completely ignores, her face splitting into an even wider grin
"Uh, thanks, Rainbow."
>"No problem. That's what bros do, right?"
>You give an uncertain nod
"Sure."
>The word hangs in the air for a moment before Dash raises an eyebrow
>"And what else do bros do when their bro does them a solid?"
>Another uncertain sound escapes your throat before you putting on a completely lost expression and bump her hoof with your fist
"Hoof-bump, right?"
>There's a moment more of waiting before Rainbow's face settles back into a scowl
>"So that's not good enough either, huh?"
>Okay, this is getting obnoxious
"Good enough for what, Rainbow?"
>"Don't act like you don't remember what happened last night."
>The little pony puffs out her cheeks, leaving you completely lost
"Uh, I invited you out to go drinking, you never showed, and I ended up getting sloshed with Big Mac?"
>Rainbow leans in closer
>"And?"
>And?
>And what?
>Did something else happen?
>At once your bruised face throbs
>Oh right, there was a fight at some point
>But you really don't remember it
>You must have gotten really shitfaced last night

>May as well wing it
>Now, what sounds good?
"Uh, I got into a tussle?"
>Rainbow nods
>All right, one for one
>You feel your confidence growing
"And, it was a really knock down drag out fight."
>The pony gives another uncertain nod, anger giving way to a measure of interest
>Sweet
"It was me and Mac against the entire bar, even the barpony."
>Now she nods excitedly
"The fight must have lasted ten minutes before Big Mac and I were thrown out and told not to return until we paid out tabs!"
>"That's so cool..."
>Nice, you've got her hooked
>Now for the finishing blow!
"And then, I came home and went to bed."
>Immediately Rainbow scowls
>Garbage...
>"That's not what happened."
"It's not?"
>She shakes her head
>Now it's your turn to get defensive
"Yeah? Well how would you know? You weren't even there!"
>"I was for this part."
>Rainbow's voice is a deadpan.
>"I saw what happened when Big Mac carried you home."
>Wait
>Mac brought you home?
>And something happened?
>Your rectum clutches on reflex as Dash glares at you.
>"That's right, I saw everything because I was waiting out front for you to come home but ducked out of sight when I heard you two coming. You were howling and laughing together, and having a great time. And then, when he got you to the door, you turned to him and you said..."
>Rainbow pauses, looking up at you
>You're sweating bullets, wondering what it was that you'd blurted out
>That you thought his sister was hot?
>That he should come inside?
>That he should COME INSIDE?
>But Rainbow isn't making a move
>Hell, she can't leave you like this
>Reaching out, you grab the pegasus pony by the cheeks and push your nose to her snout
"What did I say Rainbow? What did I say!?"
>She doesn't flinch a bit, glaring at you with a sneer on her face
>"You. Said. He. Was. Awesome."
>A pause
"That's it?"
>"And that you loved him."
>Another moment of silence.
"That's... it?"
>"And you bumped his hoof."

>...
>Taking your impassive face as a motion to continue, Dash brings down the hammer
>"And then you laughed and said: No Homo. And went inside."
>You flop back into your seat, exhausted
>Your face hurts again
>Covering yourself with your arm, you sigh
"Dash..."
>"It's not fair!"
>You don't need to be looking to know the throaty crack that comes into her voice when she starts tearing up.
>"You did something with Big Mac that you never do with me!"
"Dash..."
>"No, no, I get it; this whole No Homo thing must be for absolute best bros forever, right? It- It's not something you do with just anyone, right?"
>Moving your arm to the side, you see Dash rubbing a hoof across her muzzle as she blinks back tears.
>"I mean, otherwise, you would No Homo me all the time, right? But, I just, I thought, we were best bros but we've never done it..."
>God ponies are stupid sometimes
>You could take the time to explain this to her
>But really, would that make things any better?
>She'd just get embarrassed
>Maybe you should just go along with this
>Taking a deep breath, you put on a smile and reach out to ruffle her mane
"You're right Dash, I have been neglecting putting you in on this. I'm sorry."
>Rainbow sniffs, looking up at you for a moment before extending her slightly snotty hoof in your direction
>That's really gross
>But you bump her all the same, smiling
"I love you bro. No homo."
>The pony puts on a smile and sniffles
>"N-No homo."
>You have a quiet laugh at Rainbow's expense, seeing as she's happy again
>It is, after all, the little victories in life that make it worth living
>And there is certainly no way at all that this will come back to bite you in the ass
>Probably.