Overabundance of Katherines Chapter Two

Chapter Two:
	Hi. It’s Mat again. Yes, yes, I know. You’re probably more interested in Kat’s story. Look, she’s not that interesting, jeez! Okay, fine, so neither am I, but…look! I have to warn you! Warn you of the danger that we’re all in! And if that’s not interesting, then—
	The next day, I awoke in my secret hideout, cleverly titled “the Mat cave”. I had a good night’s rest, even if it wasn’t a good night. And even if I didn’t rest. Clearly, though, I had more important things to do than sleep. I had to attend school and warn the Katherines. I even had the perfect plan.
	Let’s skip what my other classes are, and what my other classes were. Let’s focus, instead, on Geography class. That dreaded class where that girl…what was her name again? Oh yeah. Kat. That vile creature, threw, how could she? She threw a paper ball! Can you believe the audacity? I mean, I never! Who would do such a thing? 	Even thinking about it puts a tear to my eye.
	But yes. Geography. That class. My perfect plan was about to be set in motion. Soon. All I had to do was..
“Ow! What the ever loving fuuuuuu…funhouse!” Kat was about to swear. Her mouth was so close to putting the icing on the cake. But she was in class and the teacher would not stand for it.
No matter, she knew right away who threw that paper ball.
	“Yo. Bucket head? You wanna go? You wanna fight? Is this your sick idea of revenge? Well, lemme tell you, I can beat you up. I can kick your ass. Don’t even test me. Do not even THINK of testing me. Yeah, that’s right!”
The whole class cheered.
	I ran out of the class, hands covering my face, crying profusely.
	So what? I cried. Big deal. I am not sensitive. It’s just that…she was supposed to read the note. Why did she have such a reaction? Hasn’t she ever passed notes in class? Why didn’t she read that note?
	By the time I calmed down, the next thing I knew I was at the Mat cave and trying to figure out what my next course of action should be.

	Hi. It’s Kat again. Last night I dreamed about that one girl character in Grease making out with me. I couldn’t remember her name, nor the name of that one actress that played her. I bet she’s dead now, though. It’s okay. They should do a grease remake and have me play a greaser. That would be fun.
	Sadly, a little while into the dream, zombies attacked, just as the school was putting on a musical number. But at least there was plenty of blood and gore. My mom, Katherine, keeps telling me how I should stop having so many nightmares, but I have a feeling that my doctor would tell me that it’s healthy to have every dream I have turn into a dream about a zombie outbreak.
	It was early in the morning, early enough that I wasn’t at school yet, but not early enough where I could go back to sleep. Which meant I had to get ready to go to school. High school. It was only the second day of school, but I already couldn’t wait to get there. I had a feeling that I would see more hot boys, which meant that I might actually enjoy attending lunch.
	…So much for that.
	First period, lunch. The teacher had us compete, boys vs. girls, to see who could stuff the most oranges in our mouths without swallowing. Said that it had something to do with our health and nutrition, but I couldn’t hold any more after two oranges.
	At the end of the competition, there was a tie. A girl had stuffed five oranges into her mouth. A boy, one not so cute as the greaser named Kimberly, but surely this boy was also named Kimberly, also, you guessed it, stuffed five oranges into his mouth.
	The teacher couldn’t comprehend how there could be a tie. Saying something about “in all my years of teaching” like many teachers say. The teacher was going to award a prize to the winner, the prize being an orange. But since it was a tie, no one got the prize. Something tells me my teacher doesn’t understand the concept of sharing.
I don’t remember what happened in my other classes. For some odd reason, everything was a blur. Even watching the blender make smoothies at lunch looked blurry.
	But, I do remember what happened in Geography.
I was minding my own business. No wait, get this. Okay, so I was minding my own business LIKE I ALWAYS DO (because I never don’t mind my own business) and this paper ball flies right at me. Like, isn’t that just the rudest? I sure think so. And surely you agree with me, right?
	And you know who threw that paper ball? It was that bucket kid. The kid with the bucket hair. I can’t believe him! Was this his twisted idea of revenge for me throwing a paper ball at him yesterday? I couldn’t help it, really. I am awkward. I am a teen and I have hormones. Still, that does not give him any right to get revenge. I will not stand for this. You know what I did, right? I sure hope so, because you would have done the same, right?
	“Ow! What the ever loving fuuuuuu…funhouse!” I shouted to bucket from across the room. I was about to swear, but I was in class, and the teacher would have been mad. And I was not some rude little girl who swore in front of a teacher.
	“Yo. Bucket head? You wanna go? You wanna fight? Is this your sick idea of revenge? Well, lemme tell you, I can beat you up. I can kick your ass. Don’t even test me. Do not even THINK of testing me. Yeah, that’s right!” Is what I said next. Wait…something tells me you’ve read this before. I’m hoping that’s just my paranoia and this is really all new to you, the reader, but I keep having this suspicion, in the back of my head. Nah, you couldn’t have read this before. I just said it. That would be redundant if you read it a second time, am I right?
	Anyway, the class, upon hearing my rousing speech, cheered me on. I took a bow. The teacher threw roses at me. I caught one in my mouth.
	The bucket boy, whatever his name was, ran out of the room, crying. I didn’t know what his problem was. He shouldn’t be throwing paper balls in class.
	Poor kid, though.
	When I got home from school that afternoon, instead of going straight to my room, I asked my mom and dad, Katherine and Katherine, respectively, what to do about a boy.
	They both looked shocked, but in a good way. Like not in a bad way. They’re parents, not monsters. Jeez. What do you take me for?
	They blushed and asked me what it is about this boy.
	“Well, he had a bucket for hair on the first day of school and he was looking all nervous, so I did the right thing and threw a paper ball at him. He cried and ran home for the day. I don’t know why, all I did was throw a paper ball at him.”
	They nodded and said “I see, I see,” just like therapists do. Well, do therapists do that? How should I know?
	“Okay, so, like, today’s the second day of school, right? That makes sense, right? Well, he was in Geography class again. And he totally just threw a paper ball at me! Like, what the hell? Where does that guy get off? What makes him think he can do that?”
	My mom, in her sweetest, most concerned voice, said “Honey, I think when boys do that, it means that they li—” before she could finish, I screamed at her.
	“I DON’T CARE IF HE LIKES ME OR NOT! THROWING PAPER BALLS IS RUDE! REVENGE IS RUDE! BEING MEAN IS RUDE! YOU’RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO THROW PAPER BALLS IF SOMEONE IS BEING AWKWARD WHICH I NEVER AM!”
	I ran up to my room and watched Grease, but didn’t get very far before there was another power outage.

	Wiping off my tears, I resume my perspective. Yes, it is I, Mat. Please, do not take note of my red face. Or red eyes. I do not smoke pot, I just…I had my feelings hurt today.
	Here I am, trying to warn the masses. And the only person who I believe might believe me, might not think I’m crazy, won’t even take a look at my note. I rolled it into a paper ball just to get her attention. And then she threatened to beat me up. And now…here I am, in my Mat cave. Just being me, Mat. Hoping that the end of everything we all know isn’t upon us yet.