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- >You wake up on your own today.
- >God damn this is the first time in a while you've just woken up because you actually woke up.
- >Instead of some dumbass attempt at rape waking you.
- >Stand and stretch.
- >Scratch your nuts and walk over to the computer.
- >Some Namefag is requesting things to write stories about on /mlh/.
- >You, being the vastly minded and incredibly witted quick thinker you are, type in:
- "My dick."
- >You smile to yourself as you believe you have completely stumped the writer and then you go to the bathroom for your morning routine.
- >After completing your routine, you head downstairs.
- >There's a knock on the door and you go to answer it instead of going to get breakfast.
- >Guess what, it's Fluttershy.
- >"Hey Anon, chainsaws?"
- >She pulls out one from behind her and revs it up.
- "Wait... What do you mean? Do I like them or are they are my fetish?"
- >She narrows her eyes at you.
- >"Yes."
- >She swings the chainsaw forward at you, with no intention of stopping.
- >Quickly, you jump back and step around her.
- >She takes notice and turns around to follow.
- >And now you find yourself running into town being chased by a flying Fluttershy dragging a chainsaw.
- >Fuckin' sweet.
- >You run into a house on 6th street and come out of one right across from it.
- >Flutters goes in the one you went in and comes out down the street diagonal from you.
- >Go back in the door you came from and come out the one she came out from.
- >This highly overused skit confuses your head, so you take off running to Twilight's house.
- >You bang on the door for your life and it flings open.
- >Twilight's mane looks like complete shit and she stops Fluttershy from impaling you with her magic.
- "Jeez Twilight, you look a mess. What's wrong?"
- >"Get in here!"
- >She grabs both you and Fluttershy and pulls you inside, slamming the door behind you.
- "Hey what's the big ideaβ"
- >There is a huge penis coming out of a black and purple portal.
- "Well that's cool."
- >And it's a human penis.
- "Hey Twilight, mind telling me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
- >"I don't know what's going on, but I think it's yours!"
- "What?!"
- >You shift your body and sure enough it also moves
- "This is disgusting Twilight! And how did you know what my dick looks like?!"
- >Narrow your eyes at her.
- >"Oh, don't try to put this on me! I didn't do it!"
- "Bull fuckin' shit."
- >She releases Fluttershy as you both argue about the huge phallus right there.
- >Fluttershy looks up at it and hearts float around her as she flies up to it.
- >When she gets about a few inches away you can feel her breath on your dick.
- "Fluttershy! Get away from my cock you psycho bitch!"
- >"No Anon! If I can't have you, then nopony can!"
- >She revs up the chainsaw and slices your miniman clean off.
- >Blood gushes from your crotch and both you and Twilight scream.
- >...
- >You awake in the hospital with a bandage on your crotch.
- >You can't feel your dick so you're pretty sure it's gone.
- >A doctor comes in with Twilight and she smiles at you.
- >"Hey..."
- "Hey."
- >You look at the doctor.
- "Doctor, couldn't you have reattached my dick?"
- >He sighs.
- >"If we could find it. The only human penis found was at Fluttershy's house, but it was obviously fake being 10 ft tall and used as a centerpiece on the table."
- "Oh my god..."
- >"I'm terribly sorry for your loss."
- "Get the fuck out."
- >He nods and walks out.
- >Twilight shakes her head.
- >"I just don't understand... What could make that happen?"
- "I don't know Twilight... I don't know."
- >A vibration noise is heard.
- >You pick up your phone.
- >3% battery.
- "Hey Twilight, can you give it a little juice?"
- >She glows her horn and your phone's battery life springs up to 85%.
- "Thanks."
- >She nods.
- >Look down at it.
- >Eh, while you have it out you might as well check the thread to see if that Namefag wrote the story.
- >You refresh the page and read word by word what you are reading now.
- >You drop the phone.
- "Fucking Swift."
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