Anon-Spike in Equestria

"I want to cum inside Rarity but she thinks my double dragon dick is too intimidating!"
>"Wh-What?"
>You shake your head and look around, noticing that you're in Twilight's library
>Before you can assess everything, you turn to Twilight with an embarassed smile
"Uhm, what I meant wassss..."
>You turn to the calender and take note of the note on last Tuesday's date. "Send Friendship report", it says
"Shouldn't you be finding a friend's problems right about now?"
>"...What for?"
"Well," you start to walk towards the calender and point to the day it is, "it's Tuesday, right? Last week you sent out a friendship report, and you need to send out another one!"
>"Y-You're right! I DO need to send out a report! Or..."
>She rambles on about shit you already know, magic kindergarten, punishment, test, yada yada
>But you interrupt her with,
"So you should go, go now! Find that friendship problem or be punished!"
>"Right, Spike!"
>And she dashes off in a snap
>And now you have the whole day to yourself
>First, however, you look around for any evidence-
"Three fucking checklists.."
>Yup, you're in Lesson Zero
>God damn it, you should of never read OP's post
>Cramped claw, big library, that Picnic is going on as well
>Good, just great
>All as Spike the fuck-up
>You might as well make the best of it
>You go looking in Twi's treehouse for an icepack to put on your wrist
>You have no idea if there even IS an icepack in a treehouse but-oh
>She has a fucking fridge
>Powered by magic
>...Whatever. You tie the icepack onto your wrist with string and head out
>Since you know that you can't get it with Rara, you'll try Sweetie Belle
>Where would Sweetie Belle be without Rarity...
>AHA! The clubhouse
>After waving to various ponies and trying various ways of getting to the treehouse faster (using fire as a propulsion, trying to fly, riding ponies, jumping on roofs, ect.)
>All of those ideas failed miserably
>You're really pathetic
>Anyway, you eventually get to the CMC club house, first listening to what they-or she-were doing
>"No.. That wouldn't work"
>"Yeah it would! We'd just have ta get a lotta supplies!"
>"Like what?"
>You burst in with the CMC all lined up in a circle. They turned to you with smiles
>"Hia Spike! We were just thinkin' up a plan ta build Ponzilla!" Says an excited Applebloom
>"And if that failed we were gonna play ball in the park." Chimes in Scootaloo
"...First of all, do niether of those things. Applebloom, you should build something for someone, like a barn for Cheerilee. Scootaloo, scoot for people. Sweetie Belle, come with me."
>The CMC shrug and go there seperate ways, as Sweetie comes by your side
>"What do you need from me, Spike?"
"A date. You, me, Sugar Cube Corner."
>"Really? I don't know... Rarity might get mad..."
"I promise she won't. Even if she does, I'll take the blame."
>"Hmmm.... OKAY!"
>...Shit
>That was easy
>You put your arm over Sweetie's shoulder and start to walk with her to SCC
>You eventually get to SCC with her, letting her in first, like a gentleman
>"Thanks, Spike!"
"No problem, my sweet."
>You're totally going to manipulate her into fucking you after dusk
>After going into the SCC aswell, you sit Sweetie at a table and ask her what she wants
>"Cinnabons, plEAse!"
>Her voice cracks and you can't help smile when does
>God that's cute
>You go to the counter and order four cinnabons-well, no, you don't have money, so you stole them
>You're Twilight's friend, though, so she'll cover it
>You go to the table a give Sweetie two of the cinnabons
>"Thanks Spike-"
>"SWEETIE BELLE!"
>HOLY JESUS WHAT WAS THAT-
>Shit, it's Rarity and Twilight
>"GET AWAY FROM THAT PERVERTED DRAGON!"
>"Rarity, shut up! I NEED Sweetie Belle for a friendship report!"
>"OH FIDDLESTICKS WITH YOUR STUPID REPORT! THAT PURPLE MONSTROSITY WANTS TO CUM INSIDE ME!"
>"Spike, what does that mean?"
>You ignore the filly and blow a whistle
"Both of you, shaddup! First, Rarity, I meant that I wanted to cum inside Applejack, not you."
>"Oh, okay dar-WAIT WHAT?!"
>Rarity dashes away with a furious expression on her face
>You'll deal with that later
>You turn to Twilight with a smile
"Your friendship report will arrive in three, two, one-"
>"WE GOT OUR CUTIE MARKS!"
>Scootaloo and Applebloom come in with marks on their butts, one that has something to do with building, and the other that has something to do with scooting
>"B-But... What about meeEEee..?"
>You smirk at Twi and point to Sweetie Belle, who's tearing up
>"Well... Sweetie Belle, it doesn't matter if they got their cutie marks first. That sort of thing shouldn't be a thing that disconcerns your relationship with them. And AB, Scootaloo, you shouldn't join Tiara and Silver Spoon in their riduculing-"
>"We weren't!"
>"I know, you two are better than that, I can tell."
>You and Twilight watch as the fillies group hug
>"Awwww"s are heard all around from the shop, as Twilight rushes out of said shop
>Fucking Twilight
>You go over to Sweetie Belle and tap her shoulder, breaking the group hug
>You give some sheet music to Sweetie Belle and the ex-crusaders
"You guys should sing this, with Applebottom and Scootaflew singing backup."
>"Ya mean Applebloom?"
>"And you mean ScootaLOO?"
"Yeah, sure. Sing!"
>You pull out a guitar and start to play to the tune of the song
>"AHEM!"
>"We are the cutie mark crusaaaders! On the quest to find out who we aaarree~!"
>"AND WE WILL NEVER STOP THE JOURNEY!"
>"Not until we find our cuuutie maaasrks!"
>After the song, stallionsnand mares all around clap their hooves, along with you clapping your claws together
"Wow, Sweetie Belle! I can't believe you wrote that piece, too!" You chime in with a smirk
>"I-I did?"
>She looks at the sheet again, and smiles brightly
>"I DID! I DID!"
>Soon after, Sweetie Belle gets her cutie mark, and her expression and her reaction couldn't be more adorable
>"I DII*CRACK*IID IT! I DIII*CRACK*IIID IT! I GO*CRACK*OT MY CU*CRACK*TIE MARK!"
>You couldn't help but hug her with a gigantic smile upon your face
"You sure did, Sweetie. You sure did."
>"THA*CRACK*ANKS, SPIKE!"
>Sweetie Belle and accidentally kisses your cheek
>Soon, she breaks the hug and runs off with her friends
>You just got rid off all those shitty CMC episodes
>Good on you-oh...
>Oh god..
*BUUUUURRRRRRAAAP!*
*CACK, CACK, CACKLE!*
*WHEEEZE, COUGH, COUGH, CACKLE!*
>Jesus Christ, that hurt!
>Oh god, you really feel bad for Spike, now!
>You check the letter you just threw up, and see it's from the Princess
>Selfish son of a bitch, putting you in pain for her own needs
>It's for Twilight
>You better go give this to her...
>You should read it, though
>"Dear my faithful student, I've noticed that you haven't sent out a friendship report, yet. That is quite alright, because I have a better idea..."
>"I suggest that you and your friends send letters to me for your friendship reports, whenever you FIND a friendship problem. Which means you all send reports to me whenever you can. And if any of your friends don't believe you, send them to me. I'll set 'em straight. You're lawful teacher, Celestia."
>When Twilight finishes her reading of the letter, you can't help but smile, knowing that everything turned out well
>"So.. I shouldn't of been worried at all...?"
"If you listened to m-"
>"Shut up, Spike, I'm thinking."
>You growl at her, completely wanting to send her to Celestia
>But... whatever. You'll just do things at night and blame being a baby on it
>Although, you have a week until the next episode, so you can experience daily Spike life until then
>Or go crazy during it
>Hours later, you're sleeping in your doggy bed, with Twilight sleeping in her own larger bed
>You decide to get up and to sleep in Twilight's bed with her
>The sleepy mare doesn't protest, she subconsciously putting the blanket over you as you both cuddle and go to sleep.
>What you'll do tomorrow, you wonder...

>The next morning, you wake up before Twilight does, and you decide to kiss her awake
>You give her a good tongue kiss on her lips, quickly getting bucked into a wall
>"SP-SPIKE! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT KISSING ME?!"
"That I should do it more often?"
>"Well yes-I MEAN, NO! NOT AT ALL!"
"Well, it's all apart of dragon puberty."
>"..."
"Care for me to explain?"
>"You can."
"Well, it's simple. As dragons age, they tend to do stupid things. Very, very stupid things. One moment I might be sensible, the next I might be licking someone's vagina-"
>"SPIKE!"
"It's your fault, I only know that word-and many others-because you left me in the library with all those naughty words. Now my dragon puberty is going to be worse than normal. I might rape someone, on occasion, or I might do something else just as bad. Who knows? I might do ANYTHING because of this pueberty. I'm going through a tough time that'll last until you become a princess-I MEAN... until a year's past, or so."
>"R-Really...?"
"Really. Right hand to Celestia."
>"...You mean LEFT hand, right?"
"Yes, of course, Twiley."
>"...Huh, that's what Shining Armour calls me."
"Who?"
>"My brother. You've met him, right?"
".....No."
>"Really?"
"Yes. This is the first time I've heard of him."
>"Oh... I'll tell you aaaaall about him!"
>Oh boy..
>Later that day, you see the crazy party pony known as Pinkie Pie rushing around, notifing everyone of-
>"NIGHTMARE NIGHT! NIGHTMATE NIGHT IS COMING! FREE CANDY AT SUGAR CUBE CORNER!"
>"HIA SPIKE!"
"HOLY FUC-I MEAN... Shit. Hi Pinkie. You settin' up preperations for Nightmare Night?"
>"Yupper-roo~!"
>Well she took that well
"Cool. One thing to tell you, though."
>"What is it, Spike?"
"Come closer.."
>She does
"Clooooser...
>Again, she does
"Closer."
>She does, for the last time
"I swear to Celestia if you, or anypony else get scared of Luna, I will KILL you."
>"Wh-...What?!"
"You'll figure it out."
>She looks at you with a frightened face, as you smile and walk away
"Byyyyeee~!"
>Y'know, you should really make a list of this stuff
>Like, which episodes are next
>So you can correct the bad and derail the good
>Shit, you just might not turn Twilight into an alicorn...
>New goal: Stop alicorn Twilight from happening
>It shouldn't be tha-
>"SPIIIIIIIIIIIKE!"
>Oh good, it's the marshmallow sisters plus an Applepone running straight for you
>Luckily, you have a cape
>You take said red cape out and step to the side, waving it from side to side
>Rara and Applebutt go straight for the cape, while Sweetie Belle goes over to you, just to stand next to you
>You raise the cape up, and reveal a brick wall
"OLE!" You yell as the two get hit by said wall
>"Ooooh, that's gotta hurt!"
>Classic Looney Toons trick
>You're a gag, so you can do that
>Applepony stumbles about before shaking her head and trying to talk to you
>"Now Spahke, Ah understand that you want to... "cum inside me"?"
"I meant the Applebarn. I want to come inside Applebarn, see?"
>You hold up a wooden house, and demonstrate your two fingers walking inside
>"Oh.. Well that makes it okay then-"
"But I REALLY want to cum inside Braeburn!"
>"WHUT?!"
>The two mares promptly dash off, leaving you and Sweetie Belle together
"How's the other ex-crusaders-"
>"We're still crusaders, Spike! We're the Problem-Crusaders, now! We fix problems with our cutie-marks!"
>Oh god damn it
"And how, preytell, do you do that?"
>"Well, Applebloom fixes things..."
>That don't need to be fixed
>"Scootaloo rides things, and I SING to fix problems! And three of us together..."
>Fuck shit up more than before?
>"WE FIX THINGS IN THE BEST WAY, EVER!"
>Oh good god what have you done?
"Well, that's great to hear, Sweetie Belle!"
>You give her a peck on the cheek
"Hate to kiss 'n run, but bye!"
>"Bye, Spike!"
"Oh, and tell Rainbow Dash that she's a cunt for me, mmkay!"
>"WHAT'S A CUNT!?"
>Too bad you're too far away from her to hear that last part..
>That she just screamed in front of the whole time
>Someone to blame for all this, you wonder...
>AHA! Mare Mayor and Twilight!
>They're the type of ponies that should take all of the hits, only because they're authorities
>But, back to the point
>The problem-makers are, indeed, going to be a problem
>You can see them already, jumping on Luna, trying to cure her of her scarriness
>What the hell have you created?
>A few hours later, you decide to find Derpy
>'Need to tell her that she needs to appear, obviously, in every episode
>She won't be that special, then-
>"SPIIIIIIKE!"
>Shit
>You look to your side and see Rainbow Dash rushing straight to you
"Ahem..."
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"
>You hold a claw in front of the rainbow mare, and she stops right in front it
"What do you want-"
>"WHY'D YOU TELL SWEETIE BELLE TO CALL ME A CU-AAAAAaaaahh..."
>This dragon puberty shit is a great excuse to finger Rainbow to shut up
>...Shit. why didn't you do this to Applejack-
>"R-Right theeeeree~!"
>You need to visit Fluttershy
>Best pony needs more love than stinky bitch
>God, does she stink
>Those Anons were right on the money with Rainbow's stank
>Of course, most of them would be turned on right now by this shit
>You take your claw out of her moist cunt and wipe her juices on her cutie mark
>Bluh, you thought your first sexual experience with a mare was going to be with a GOOD one
>"Whu...Whut was I talking about again...?"
>Although, the power of hands is quite the extraordinary one
>You can just turn a bitch into YOUR bitch
>....
>That's a big power
"You said you were going to praise Scootaloo for getting her cutie mark, cunt."
>"O-Oh... Right.. Thas what I was doing."
>And so she flies off, leaving you to your mission
>Wait, what was your mission, again?
>...You'll figure it out, later
>Wait, hold up...
>Essentially, you're breaking canon, here
>Which means every action that you did yesterday, happened on the show
>....Holy shit
>You've really got a power, here!
>You could burn the Everfree Forest down, and that would fuck up everything
>You could visit the Tree of Harmony, and essenstially borrow power from it
>Shit, you could go around Equestria and steal the six keys to the box
>You could kill Rarity, and thus make next week's episode abput how to cope with death
>....
>Okay, you had to sit down for a second
>You could go to the Crystal Empire-oh right
>That doesn't exist yet, does it?
>Damn it!
>You could've stopped Equestria Girls! Nobody would have to see the monstrosity that is Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna
*Shiver*
>Such horrible designs...
>But, all of that's later
>You're still in Season 2
>Early Season 2, at that
>Assuming that each episode IS a week apart, and that the hiatuses are just a month or so, then this is gonna take a looooong while
>But, you should destroy something to see what what impact that has
>Hmm...
>Before destroying anything-wait, no
>You walk over to Sugar Cube Corner and burn it
>Anyway-
>"OH CELESTIA! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"
>...Anywa-
>"AHHH! THE BABIES ARE BURNING!"
>An-
>"MR. AND MRS. CAKE, WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"
>..God damn it
>"CELESTIA HAS DAMNED US TO THE CLOSEST HELL THERE COULD BE!"
>You sigh, with immediate regret, as you rush inside the candy shop, saving everypony inside
>Except Derpy
>You let her die a horrible death
>"Th-Thank you, Spike!"
"Eh, it's the least I can do."
>You turn to Pinkie Pie, who's mane+tail is shortened, also deflated
"You okay?"
>You already know what she's gonna say
>'what? oh, yeah, im fine, dont worry bout lil ol p-'
>"NO! We almost DIED! We were lucky that you were nearby!"
>...
>Well shit
>You were fucking off by a million
"Well, nobody-"
>"Pony."
"Right. Nopony important died, so you can just rebuild it, bigger and better!"
>"...Spike."
"Yeah?"
>"You're RIGHT!"
>Her hair flates up as that party-noise plays
>Damn, that's actually a thing with Pinkie
>You just thought the show added that in
>Plus, her mane looks much more like Cheese Sandwich's
>The pink annoying starts rambling on about her friends, parties, happy, shit you already know
"One question, Ponka-"
>"Pinkie"
"Right, right."
>You really wish they could shut the fuck up about that
"Do you have your element with you, at the moment?"
>"Yes I do!"
"Oh, okay, I'll just-wait what."
>"I have my element with me AAAAALL the time, just in case Twilight needs it!"
"...Wouldn't it be better to have Twilight keep it?"
>"Pffft! Have you SEEN Twilight last episode? She's not to be trusted!"
>You have no words
"Well... okay then. Follow me."
>"Okie-doki-loki!"
>Fucking Pinkie Pie
>As you two walk to your next destination, Fluttershy's cottage, you decide to make conversation with the pink horse
"So, what's your knowledge on the show?"
>"Whatever do you mean, Spike?"
"I mean what the fuck do you know about My Little Pony? The show that you're in."
>"Hmmmmmmm....... NOPE! Doesn't ring any bells, Spike."
>You're gonna kill her
>"BUUUUT! I DO know of this show called "Major League Pong", and it's about these six humans..."
>Wait what?
>No, she's bullshitting you
"Rewind a bit, Pinkie. What was that word you said?"
>"'Elements'?"
"No."
>"Murder?"
"No-Wait, what?! No!"
>"Human?"
"N-YES! What do you know about them?"
>"Weeeeeeell-HIYA FLUTTERSHY!"
>"EEP!"
>*CRASH!*
>"O-....Ow..."
>You have no idea what just happened
>You assume Flutters hit her head, however
>"Uhm.. Hi, Pinkie. Hi, Spike!"
"Yo."
>"What'd we come here for, again?"
"Fluttershy and her element."
>"Why?" Both of the mares ask
"You'll see. Flutters, get your element, then come with me."
>"Oh.. Uhm, okay."
>Twilight'll be last. You just need Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack
>The last two will be easy. yeah?
>Know what?
"FLUTTERSHY!"
>"Yes, Spike?"
"Can you go visit Rainbow and convince her to bring her element?"
>"And herself, right?"
"....."
>"I'll just assume that's a yes."
>Fluttershy flies off, as you and Pinkie walk into the middle of town
>"What're we doing now, Spike?"
"We're going to the middle of town to wait."
>"...Foooor..?"
"You'll see."
>So, the two of you wait
>...And wait
>And wait
*Yaaaaaaawn*
>It's an hour before Rarity and Applejack come
"Took you long enough!"
>"Now lissen here, partn-OH MAH CELESTIA WHAT HAPPENED TA SUGAR CUBE CORNER?!"
>"I believe it was burned to the ground, darling."
>"Well YEAH! AH KINDA FIGURED THAT OUT, RARITY!"
>"Well excuse me for trying to hel-"
"SHUT UP!"
>Okay, those two are a bunch of jabber jays
>This is why Fluttershy is best pony, she knows when to shut up
>The two mares look at you, as you sigh and sternly look at them
"Rarity, Applejack, go get your elements. Then come back and-"
>"We don't have them, Spikey."
>"Yeah, we lef' them wit Twah."
"...WHY?!"
>"Well, it'd be stupid not to. We'd lose them if we actually held on to them."
>...
>Isn't that what you said to Pinkie Pie?
>"Spike!"
>Huh?
>You turn to your left, and see Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flying to you
>They land right in front of you
>"Good news, Spike! Rainbow said yes!"
"Great!"
>"Her element's with Twilight, however."
>Son of a bitch
"Well, now that we've got everyone,"
>Quite easily, actually
"Lets head to Twilight's!"
"Twilight!"
>You knock furiously on Twilight's door
"TWILIGHT!"
>She opens the door, knocking you to the side
>"WHAT?!?"
"..."
>You get up, as Fluttershy starts sobbing
"You better apologize, Twilight. You know how sensitive she is."
>Twilight growls at you, as you snicker
>"Fluttershy... Fluttershy, please stop. Please, I didn't mean to yell-"
"Want me to stop the water works?"
>Twilight nods
"Alright, but you gotta give us the Elements of Harmony when I'm done."
>"What? No!"
>"*WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!*
>"OKAY, OKAY, WHATEVER, JUST SHUT HER UP!"
"Fluttershy, would you shut up if I said you could go and visit the breezies when we're done?"
>"*Sob, sob* T-The Breezies....?"
"Yes, the breezies."
>"C-Cross your heart a-and hope to fly..?"
"Stick a cupcake in my eye."
>Funny how she knows that, when "The Last Roundup" didn't happen yet
>...Or did it?
>Fuck, you have no idea
>Fluttershy sniffles and hugs you, as you hug her back
>Twilight comes out with the rest of the elements, and everyone puts their element on
"Alright, now follow me!"
>You should've guessed that there would be a collective "Why?" between the Mane 6
"Because shut the fuck up and do it."
>Most just oblige, some even shrugging
>So, you lead them out of Ponyville, and to-
>"THE EVERFREE FOREST?!"
"YES, THE EVERFREE FOREST! WE KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT IT!"
>"Uhm... Who's "we"?"
"....Shut up."
>You sigh and turn to the Mane Six
>"Spahke, are ya CRAZY?! WE COULD DAHE OUT HERE!"
>"Think about Angel!"
>"Think about the Princess!"
>"Think about my house!"
>Glances and stares are practically thrown at Rainbow
>"Think about mah Apple Orchard!"
>"..."
"..."
>You quickly groan and faceclaw
>"And mah family...!"
"Girls, girls, you'll be fine. You're acting like I'll let anything happen to you!"
>"So, what you're saying is that you're proctecting us?" Rainbow says, unsure about this dilemma
"In a way, yes-"
>"BAIL!"
>"Not so fast, Rainbow Dash!"
>Twilight quickly grabs cyan by the tail with her magic, before she could do anything
>"Let Spike speak. If what he says sounds reasonable, then we'll oblige."
>If they followed you this far, then they might as well follow you through
"Well, I want you to go through the Everfree Forest to find the Tree of Harmony, the thing that produced your elements."
>"..."
>"BAIL!"
>"RAINBOW!"
>"...razzle frazzle stupid spike and twilight grrmm mumble mumble i want to go home.."
>"What're we going to the Tree of Harmony for, Spike?" A curious Fluttershy asks
"To return the Elements of Harmony that the royal sisters stole-er... I mean 'borrowed' a thousand years ago."
>"Why would we need to put them back? Wouldn't that just make us vulnerable...?" Twilight asks, digging her hoof in the ground
"Pinkie, dig."
>"Yes sir Mr. Spike! Hee hee!"
>Pinkie burrows into the ground, coming back up with a black seed
>You take the seed from her, and show it to the other five
"See this? This is a slow-growing seed planted by Discord, that's making the Everfree slowly growing into Ponyville. By putting the EoH-"
>"What's E-O-H?"
"Elements of Harmony."
>"Oh. Continue, darling."
"If we put the elements back in the tree, the seeds with be destroyed."
>And a box, that you need to break open, will appear
"So, who's with me?"
>"...I'm in."
>"Me too."
>"So Ah'm Ah!"
>"Me three! Wait, Applejack's three. Me four!"
>"Me too, darling."
>"ARE YOU ALL /MAD/?!" Rainbow practically SHRIEKS
>"HOW COULD YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT-"
>"RAINBOW DASH!!!!!"
>"Oh! OH! SO WHEN /I/ SAY IT, YOU SCREAM AT ME, BUT WHEN THAT LITTLE PURPLE SHIT SAYS IT, IT'S OKAY!"
>"HE'S GOING THROUGH DRAGON PUBERTY, RAINBOW DASH!!"
>...
>...
>...
>"..."
"..."
>"Wh-What...?"
>"He's going through Dragon Puberty. THAT'S why he's acting like this. Besides, he's never been wrong before, right?"
>"I-..I guess. Sorry, Spike. I'm in."
"No need for apologies, Dash. I understand."
>You start to walk into the Everfree, and lead the Mane 6 to the Tree of Harmony
>Rarity only got some of her mane burnt by a seven headed minotaur
>And that's only because she was fixing her mane
>The first words of the mane six upon seeing said tree were "Woooow...."
>"Ah'm-..Ah'm almost speechless."
>"Celestia and Luna know about this place?"
"Yup. Now, Twilight. hurry and put the elements in."
>"...How..?"
"Take elememts out of the-"
>"Sp-Spike... I can't believe you were telling the truth.."
"Yes, that's great and all, but lets get to the point-"
>"I'm really, really sorry I doubted you, Spike."
"Okay, cool, don't care-"
>"I mean, I'm REALLY sorry-"
"SHUT UP!"
>Fourth time
"Twilight, take the elememts out of their golden shells and put them in the tree."
>She nods, and closes her eyes, using her magic to take the elements and put them in the tree. The tree glows, as the box appears in a blinding light
>A resounding "Woaaaah..." is heard throughout the room
>"What is it..?"
>"I-It's a box... Six keys, six locks-"
"That's great, Twilight. Pinkie, the hammer."
>"Hammer? What do you need a hammer for, Spike?"
"You'll see."
>The pink pony bounces about and tosses the mallet to you-wait, what?
>You asked for a hammer, not a mallet
>Ah, whatever. Each will do greatly
>You pick up the mallet and start to swing at the box, hitting it with more force each time
>"SPIKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
>You don't answer Twilight's stupid question, because it's stupid
>You finally take one last swing at the box, and it opens, a rainbow enveloping the mane six
>You cover your eyes, and minutes later, open them, seeing the designs you've seen on the toys and on the pictures promoting the toys
>"Wh-...What the?!" A surprised Twilight asks
>"Oooooh! I'm all Rainbow colored, now! Weeeee-"
"Pinkie, shut up."
>Fifth
>"This is great and all, darling, but what does this DO?"
"Everything that the EoH can do, but better?"
>"Do we ALWAYS have to look like this? This isn't really cool.."
"No, Rainbow Dash, you don't. Just power down."
>"...WELL HOW DO I DO THAT?!"
>You sigh as Rainbow flies down and sighs as well, the rainbows poofing off of her
>You turn to Rainbow Dash, and the others, waiting for a question or two
>"Uhm... One question, Spike."
"Yes, Fluttershy?"
>"How did you break open the box with just an oversized hammer?"
"I-..."
>You actually don't know how that happened
>....Fuck
>How DID that happen?
>Quick, make up some bullshit
"Well, I.. I hit it enough.. And the keys app-I don't know."
>"Something that Spike doesn't know. Surprise surprise."
"Would you shut up, Rainbow?"
>You hear an audible growl come from the rainbow headed mare
>"Who are you, anyway?"
"Huh?"
>"You're acting NOTHING like Spike, right now. Spike was never this completely-a-jerk."
"And you're any different??
>"What?"
"You literally just cursed at everyone, because of my dragon puberty. Celestia wouldn't be proud of her element of loyalty right now, I'm sure."
>"EX-Element. We just gave away our elements to that tree."
"Just because you returned your elements to stop a future event from happening, doesn't mean you don't represent your element."
>She's still growling
"Be happy that Discord won't be back."
>"Why would he ever be back?"
"Because Celestia would've told you to bring him back."
>"No. Celestia wouldn't of made us do that."
"You don't know Celestia, then."
>"Why're we still here?"
"I don't know, Twilight, ask Rainbow Cunt."
>"SPIKE!"
>"No, let him call me that. I don't care. I do not care."
>"Uhm... Can we leave..? Angel must be worried sick by now.."
>"Sure, sure. Whatever, Flutters."
>You sigh and start to walk away
"YOU'RE WELCOME!"
>The mane six just follow you out of the forest, with you having a new NEW found hatred for Rainbow Dash

>The next day, you wake up with Rainbow Dash and Applejack hovering over you
>Wait, what?
"Go to bed, Spike, you're tired."
>"...Whut?"
>You rub your eyes and see that you aren't decieving yourself
>"So, my question from before, who ARE you?"
"Spike the Dragon, the assistant of future Princess, Twilight Sparkle."
>".....Whut."
>"No! I mean what did you do with Spike?"
"....That hurts, Rainbow. Just because I'm going through dragon puberty-"
>"STOP IT WITH THIS DRAGON PUBERTY BULLSHIT!"
>"RAINBOW DASH!"
>Twilight has came to your aid once again
>"Twilight, I'm serious, his dragon puberty is FAKE! HE IS NOT SPIKE!"
>"Eeeyup."
>Funny how Dash is the suspicious one
>You would've guessed someone like AJ more than her
>"Rainbow, please. Who would he be if he wasn't Spike?"
>"I DUNNO! A... A..."
>A changeling?
>"SOMETHING, ALRIGHT!"
>"Eeeyup."
>"Applejack, shut up."
>"Nope."
"You're hurting my feelings, Dash..."
>"See what you've done, Rainbow? Go home, go to sleep, it's five AM."
>"Eeyup."
>"Alright, alright. But I'm watching you, "Spike"!"
>The two mares leave, as you get more comfortable
>They're gonna be a problem, for sure
>Later that day, you were taking a stroll around town
>Just to experience the fresh air that you desperately needed
>More so, actually, you just needed some fuckin' space
>AJ + RD crowding you over your dog bed didn't sit right with you
>Especially since they were getting suspicious
>But, you're sure you won't have to think about those ladies for a while
>So, you'll go check on the CMC-wait
>Shit, you forgot you gave them their cutie marks
>You still regret doing that
>Ever since then, they became the, "Problem Crusaders"
>And you've dubbed them, the Problem Makers
>And if anyone asked, you'd blame them for Derpy dying and for the Sugar Cube Corner burning down
>You really hope AJ's helping the Cakes + Pinkie with building it back up
>But anyway, you get to where th Problem Makers are
>Which is near the edge of the Everfree Forest, just looking up at the sky
>You join them in their looking, although confused
"Hey girls."
>"Hi Spike!" They all exclaim at once
"What're you looking at?"
>"Tha' skah!"
>"Rainbow Dash is going to do this AWESOME move! And we're here to see it!"
>Fucking Scootaloo
>*Low whistle*
"...Hey, you guys hear that?"
>"No, why?"
>"It's probably Rainbow Dash here right n-"
>*CRASH!*
>The blast of the crash sends you to the back of Fluttershy's cottage
>But, you land on your head, knocking you unconscious for hours-you assume
>Once you wake up, the ex-CMC and Rainbow Dash are topping over you, like you're a patient at a hospital or something
>Reminds of you of this morning, when you were in your catbed and RD and Applejack were doing thid
>All of looked at you with frowns... except for Sweetie Belle
>She looked more sad and dissapointed than anything
>Scootaloo was the first to say anything
>"Well? GET UP, /FAKER/!"
>Faker?
>You're not a fake-oh wait..
>The chicken filly kicks you, along with Rainbow and Applebloom
>The onslaught of kicking more so tickled than anything
>Except for the occasional hard kick from Rainbow Dash, THAT one REALLY hurt
>"ST*CRACK*OOOP!" Sweetie Belle yells after a few minutes of kicking
>The others pave a way, so you could get up
>You pretend to be hurt from the kicking, but you're really trying to hold in the laughter
>"What's the matter, FAKER?! Can't handle something the REAL Spike could of?"
>'I did handle that well, actually.'
>"Guys, stOOp it! This could actually be Spike!"
>"Yeah... But what if Rainbow's rahght, Sweetie Belle?"
>"No need to question it, guys, I AM right"
"How do YOU know if you're right or not, if you can't prove it?"
>"Because I'm awesome-"
"That isn't an answer, Crash."
>"...Well, I just AM! I know I'm right, because I am! C'mon girls!"
>Ugh, it's like you're talking to Pinkiepony
>The two colored fillies leave, while Sweetie stays behind
>"Sweetie? Sweetie, c'mon!"
>"I'll be right there!"
>...
>A moment of silence is brought between the two of you, until the filly speaks up, her voice breaking and her eyes watering..
>"Sp-....Spike...? I-Is it true...? A-Are you not who you say you are..?"
>...
>Fuck
>You can't lie to her
>You can't lie to that face
"...Promise not to tell?"
>She slowly nods her head, with hopeful eyes
>You walk over to the white filly and whisper the entire situation to her-well, no, not the ENTIRE situation
>Just the main plot points
>"...What's a 'hooo-mane'?"
"Not important. Now, please don't tell anyone, and I mean ANYONE. I'm not ready to tell anyone else."
>"Well, okay, Spike!"
>She seems a lot happier, now that you've told her
"Also, don't call me Spike when we're alone."
>"Then what SHOULD I call you?"
"Anon."
>And you walk off
>"Mmkay! G'bye, Spike-er, Anon!"
>She's gonna fuck this up somehow
"Bye, Sweetie!"
>You walked through town and looked around
>You waved to ponies, and smiled at everbody
>Life's good when you're Spike
>...Except for being short
>You were fucking six foot two back when you were a, as Sweetie describes it, "hooo-mane"
>Now you're-what-a foot, tops?
>You walk by a Rainbow-fied Pinkie Pie and Applejack fixing up Sugar Cube Corner, with a crowd standing around in awe
>....Wait, what?
>You slowly walk back to the scene at hand
>Nope, you're not mistaken
>A blurred Rainbowfied Ponka is fixing up SCC with a Rainbowfied Applejack
>....How?
>Lets summarize and jog our memories as to why this is happening
>You burned down Sugar Cube Corner, killing Derpy
>You made the Mane 6 get Rainbow Powers by returning the EoH to the tree
>...Huh, I guess that DOES make sense
>AJ and Ponka figured out how to use their Rainbow Powers, and now they're putting them to the test
>"DONE!" Exclaimed the two Rainbow cousins
>"Nice job, cuz!"
>"Same to ya, Pinkie!"
>Oh yeah, you think somewhere along the way, you explained that AJ and Pinkie are related
>You, and the crowd enter the new and improved SCC and-.....
>You're speechless
>It's a trillion times bigger AND better than the old Sugar Cube Corner ever was
>Shit, can it even be called a CORNER, anymore?
>It's more like a street
>"I hope y'all enjoy it! Sweets galore will be comin' reaaaal soon!"
>"Actually, I'll go get them right now!"
>Pinkie zooms off and at least a milisecond later, she's back with five barrels full of treats
>Ponka quickly restocks the entirety of Sugar Street, even having enough left to leave two plates full of free treats by the counter
>Ponies quickly line up to buy treats and cakes and things, as you step out and smile
>Cause and effect, mother fucker
>The next few days were, uneventful
>The Mane 6's powers were like those in Power Ponies
>Twilight got a magic boost when she used the Rainbow
>Rainbow could control tornadoes on her own with her powers
>Fluttershy.... you honestly don't know
>You just prsy to god that she doesn't turn into Flutterhulk
>Pinkie can run around at the speed of sound, now
>It's not like she couldn't do that before
>AJ can buck a whole orchard using the Rainbow
>And Rarity can make a thousand dresses a minute
>....But, there's a catch, that you've seem to have caught on to
>You can't use the powers for more than an hour each day
>Or else they'll pass out for twenty-four hours
>And Rarity's passed out like, what, three-four times?
>She at least figured it out by Nightmare Night
>Speaking of Nightmare Night
>Today's NMN, the holiday celebrating the time the Nightly Princess known as Luna turned evil and almost killed her sister
>Good
>Of COURSE we need a holiday for that
>Speaking of Luna, she should be coming right now
>You decided to make Rarity make you a Twilight costume, instead of the dragon costume Spike was already making on his own
>You looked up at the night sky, alongside with Twilight in her Starswirl costume
>Thunder and Lightning shock the town of Ponyvill-
>SHIT!
>You almost got hit by that lightning bolt!
>Fucking Luna!
>God, being a gag-character fucking sucks
>Good thing you can't die
>...
>As far as you know
>The Lunar Princess lands, and she yells loud enough to kill your ears
>"HELLO THY LOYAL PEASENTRIES! OUR PRINCESS IS HE-"
"SHUT, UP!"
>Silence
>Fuck
>You might've just killed yourself right there
>You look around, now seeing that everypony is bowing, even Twilight
>"WHO IS THIS SUBJECT OF OUR KINGDOM? STATE THY NAME, PEASENT!"
>...You don't remember her acting this... mean, is it?
"First of all, quiet down for a Celestia damned second-"
>"HOW /DARE/ THY USE OUR SISTER'S NAME IN VAIN!"
"Hey, Luna, you see all of these ponies, "bowing," to you?"
>"YES, WE-"
"Stop, that. Also stop your fucking screaming, too."
>"WHAT DOST THOU MEAN?"
"Stop using olden words like "dost," and, "thou,". It's not olden Equestria anymore. Get with the lingo."
>"WH-"
"Stop."
>".....Uhm, what is this, ..uh, "lingo," we-erm, "you," speak of?"
"Good. You were scaring everypony half to death."
>...
>You just fucking disarmed Princess Luna
>She could've done ANYTHING to you, yet you disarmed her
>Like, it, was, nothing.
>You promptly faint
>"THE FUN HAS BEING DOUBLED!"
>"Luna, it's 'been', and that's not the right terminology. Calm down."
>"Right! Sorry, we-er... I'm getting excited, this... 'fun', is amazing!"
>You slowly wake up and look around
>It takes you a minute to realize that you're back in the library. Twilight must've carried you in here
>...How nice of her
>You would've just left yourself outside
>There's a note on the bed, next to a finished dragon costume
>Of course, you ignore it, for now
>You go over to the window
>And then to the wall
>Then back to the window, because it was stupid to even go to the wall in the first place
>You look out said window and notice Luna playing with the ponies
>Honestly, this seems like the end of the episode
>You turn around and wave, smiling
>You assume that the camera is straight on you at the moment, with Luna's reactions in the backround
>You pick up the note and read it aloud, whilist putting on the dragon costume
"Dear Spike,
"I have to say, your interactions with Princess Luna seemed rather... harsh. But, that type of enforcement worked on Luna, along with repition. I'll tell you the whole story later, but, I've learned something from you today-
"Wow, look at that, bronies and little children, Princess-erm, Twilight learned something from Spike, me. Record this, it's a rare moment-
"I've learned that sometimes you NEED to be harsh on someponies for them to get it. Do that, alongside with some positive reinforcement, and they'll get it."
>Wow, this is a horrible moral
"Also, it says that sometimes it.s fun to be scared, and that on Nightmare Night you shouldn't be scared, because you're gonna get scared. Got that, bronies, kids? End episode."
>You then fully put the costume on and jump out the window, landing on Luna with a smile
>You can only imagine the spreging that's going on in bronies' minds

>”So, Spike… Where’d ya learn all this stuff, anyhow?”
>It’s been a week and a half since Nightmare Night
>It’s… weird. The next episode hasn’t even come yet..
>You’ve been socializing with ponies all across the map, but..
>It’s fucking empty as hell to do it
>You haven’t even noticed any changes, except for the obvious Sugar Street
>Speaking of, that place has been producing new jobs, AND new candy for the past week and a-half
>You’ve tried some, and for the lovely love of Celestia is it the best candy you’ve ever tasted
>Probably the best thing you did, making the mane six get Rainbow Powers
>Ponyville has been pretty much waaay better than it ever was, ever since you came along
>But, back to Applejack
>”Well? Where’d ya learn it?”
“Twilight, obviously.”
>”Now don’t try to be buckin’ coy with me, boy. Yer still a BABY dragon, after all-“
“A baby dragon who’s personally trained with CELESTIA, I mind you.”
>”THAT STILL DOESN’T GIVE YA THE DAMN RIGHT-“
>Applejack stops in her tracks, realizing what she just said
>A fierce growl is heard from your current opponent, making you step back a bit in fear
>Back home, you ALWAYS thought that when you make a sweet and kind pony mad, you’ll be stick and stones in an hour
>It’s kind of like when you joked with sweet girls, but then they thought it was an insult
>You hardly talked to those girls after those moments
>It’s probably why you’re extremely single
“A-Applejack… C-Calm down, now..”
>You had this nervous tone to your voice, but it was obvious that you were faking
>”Oh, so yer jus’ going to turn over a new leaf, as soon as ah’m mad? Haha, nice try, Spike. Ah ain’t fallin’ that!”
>Applejack blocks the sun out of your view, towering over you with a sinister smile
>”Y’know what, Spahke? Yer goin’ to regret ever givin’ me this Rainbow Power!”
>Immense fear enters your body
>You can’t help but regret everything you’ve done
>You’re a baby dragon! You’ve probably should’ve thought about the consequences of even attempting to change things!
>”SPIKE!”
>Twilight!
>Twilight is galloping towards the scene at hand, and you’re relieved
>You’ll be able to live another day
>Your favorite purple pony stops next to Applejack, and frowns, the orange pony returning a nervous look
>And what followed next, is possibly the scariest thing you’ve ever seen
>Twilight’s eyes turned pure white, as she lifted her self high into the sky
>A rainbow sphere shapes around her, different colors of the rainbow rushing around herself
>It reminds you of Twilight’s transformation to an Alicorn
>Fear enveloped you at this very moment, as you sit, frozen on the dirt
>Applejack looks as scared as you, at the moment, but has the courage to back away-
>ZAP!
>Burnt dirt is the first thing you smell, as you look over to your left, seeing a burnt mark with smoke emitting out of it
>You look back up to Twilight, as rainbow fucking LASERS start shooting out of her horn at the speed of light
>She’s aiming for AJ, but she’s also missing on purpose
>You guess she didn’t want to kill her..
>Well, of course not! You reasoned
>AJ and Twi are friends! No way in hell would she kill her!
>At least… you don’t think so.
>Back to Twilight, it seems like she’s in her ultimate Rainbow Power mode
>If THIS is what Ultimate RP mode of Twilight is, you REALLY don’t want to see anyone else’s
>”GUYS! COME QUICK!”
>Pinkie rushes into the scene at hand, causing Twilight and AJ to stop their antics and look at her, Twilight now calming down and floating back to the ground
>You start to regain your cool as well, getting up from your fear-coma
>You sigh and smile at the three mares, glad that it was now over… for now
>Pinkie tilts her head in confusion, but you mention you’ll explain on the way

>What?!
>When you reach Ponyville square, a returning foe is standing before the crowd, a black cloak attached to her, and a sinister smile on her face
>”Hello, residents of Ponyville!”
>”…What?!” The mane six-excluding Pinkie Pie-exclaim, flabbergasted
>”I welcome you, to the return, OF THE GREAT, AND POWERFUL, TRIXIE!”
>What the fuck did you do?

>”Yes, peasantries, it is I, the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie, you have so longed for!”
>Rainbow’s the first one to speak up, while Twilight and AJ apologize to each other for what happened earlier in the background
>”What are YOU doing back here, Trixie?”
>”Oh, it’s the Rainbow one, again. Trixie sees you’ve adorned some new tattoos. Sad, you looked SOO much better without them. Now you just look like a whore.”
>”TAKE THAT BACK YOU NO GOOD-“
>”Rainbow! There is no need to be harsh! Trixie is obviously here to apologize over the atrocities she’s done before! Isn’t that right?” Rarity chimes in, a smile of hope on her face
>”Quite the contrary, actually. Oh, Trixie sees you’ve adorned some tattoos, just like Rainbow did. You two must be from the same whore house!”
>”WHY I NEVER!”
>Rarity starts up the defensive, right up with Rainbow
>”You see, Trixie is here to get sweet, SWEET revenge on you little weaklings, by talking someone you love and cherish. She WAS going to be here later, but after hearing about the dragon’s little escapades with you all,” you’re raised high into the air, by Trixie, no less. You feel an invincible force pulling you towards Trixie that holds you back. Must be her magic, no less, “She just HAD to come and visit. Even though she hasn’t completed her plan, she DOES have a new one in store..”
>Trixie raises you up to eye level, smiling at you
>”You’re going to make a nice assistant to Trixie, aren’t you, Spoke, was it?”
>She chuckles, as you try to fight her magic
“A LITTLE HELP HERE?!”
>Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity are immediately snapped back into reality, as they get up on stage
>The rest of the Mane six, however, don’t bother helping you
>”Oh Twilight, where’s the rest of your team? They want to help you, don’t they?” The blue devil asks
>And you’re not talking about Rainbow
>Twilight quickly notices, and looks to the crowd
>You can’t help but look as well
>Fluttershy’s cowering
>Rainbow Dash is just standing there
>And AJ still isn’t so happy with you
“Why the hell did you come here, anyway?”
>Trixie turns back to you, surprised
>She must have forgotten that you were being held up by her
>”Oh, you want to know, huh? Well, ever since Twilight humiliated Trixie, she has been trying to gather up money to replace her carriage,” Trixie turned back to her foe, “THAT YOU BROKE, BY THE WAY!” She turns back to you, “But she started to think. Think about the past, and think about everything she went through. After such thought, she decided to forget her original plan, to get her revenge-“
“That doesn’t make any sense. She never did anything to you-“
>”SHE HAS HUMILATED TRIXIE FOR THE LAST TIME!”
“Last time? There wasn’t any other time she could have humiliated you.”
>Unless…
>No, no, that’s stupid fanon, that was later destroyed when Sunset Shimmer came into play
>There’s no fucking way that’s true
>She seems to have ignored your last comment, however, “Trixie decided to get rid of her original plan, to save up her bits while working on a rock farm-“
>”OOOOH! Rock farm!? Did you go on the rock farm /I/ grew up on? How’s Maud? How’s Dad? How’s-“
>Trixie doesn’t waste any time to use her magic to… hypnotize Pinkie?
>Pinkie now stands, dazed, with swirls in her eyes
>”Speaking of magic, the bits Trixie has earned on the rock farm allowed her to buy a magic book. And with that book, she has learned hypnotization spells. And that is all she is inclined to tell you.”
>You look over to the current Mane three… well, now Mane two, who are just standing there, still furious
“WHY AREN’T YOU ATTACKING HER?!”
>”Oh! …Uhm, I was entailed with her story… actually..” Twilight says, a bit ashamed
>Rarity rubs the back of her head with her hoof, ashamed as well
>”Well then, Spike, it’s time for you to become Trixie’s personal assistant! To help her find something GREAT! She deserves it, you know!”
“What, is this your revenge? This is a bad plan, you know. You should’ve just saved up to buy the Alicorn Amulet!”
>You quickly shut your mouth, slamming your claw over it
>Damn it damn it damn it!
>”And how, prey tell, do you know I was going to do THAT, Speak?”
“It’s Spike!” You say, muffled by your own hand
>You’re fucked