Normal Norman - True Normality Radio (Complete)

>Be Norman
>I'm elected to be one of the people hosting a radio show for Communications class
>Green and Vinny also got in
>For some odd reason I got paired up with Purple
>Need to broadcast every Friday at 6PM because I was the last in the lineup
>Go to school at about 5:30
>Purple right behind me, still talking about ponies
>Was told by the teacher to wait until Vinny's broadcast is done
>Ask teacher what I should talk about
>"It's up to you", he said
>Ask what Green talked about in his broadcast
>Teacher says he was talking about games, particularly E3
>Probably just spewing off his pleb tastes
>Hear some jargon from the booth
>She's eloquently describing why Avicii is better than any electronica music right now
>Have to sit through half an hour of it while Purple is spouting her pony nonsense
>About ten minutes in, teacher says I can get in the other room to familiarize with the equipment and start the broadcast
>When I entered, it's a shithole
>Clutter everywhere, I can't imagine anyone under these conditions
>Try to press a button, a sign lights up that says "On Air", turn it off for now
>The mic was horrendous, I need to keep holding it because it's wired up to a crank, and if I don't keep holding it it flies off
>"So, what do we do here?" Purple asked me
>Since she'll probably just ruin everything I told her she can be my Moderator
>What now?
>Norman, you've got 30 seconds to air your show
>Still got no topic
>Purple looks at me with her usual grin

>Sign lights up, I'm on air
>Still don't know what to talk about
>Screw it, I'll just talk about whatever
>Started off pretty bad, I'm stuttering and mumbling like an idiot
>Because I'm really just getting nowhere talking and I've still got about an hour left, I decided to let the viewers call, since the teacher said it's okay
>So if any of the viewers have questions or inquiries you can call me on this hotline...
>Get a call
>Alright we got a call here, what's going on?
>"Hey Norman, what is your opinion on Microsoft and the latest events?"
>Well, personally I'm a fan of the Xbox and I love the games, but given the events of E3 I think I might actually go for Sony
>I think Microsoft did something wrong with the always-online and the restrictive DRM, not to menton the complexity of sharing games with your friends
>I mean sure, PS4 has $5 a month, but compared to the Xbox one, it's a lesser evil on the two
>Silence
>"But seriously man, that's soooo plen as fuck, still a consolefag by the end of the day?"
>Plen..? What? Green, is that you?
>Aw he hung up, awwww, he hung up, stupid idiot.
>Alright we're gonna be taking a break for a while, I need to discuss some things with Purple
>I play Caramelldansen to stall them
>Broadcast is going to shit, I say to purple
>"Don't worry Norman, you just need something different, a gimmick you know?"
>What gimmick?
>Well, you know how everyone has a "tweeter"? Well I made one for the show, you can give shoutouts for people!

>Calls keep coming
>Some are just prank calls, calling me a racist, skinhead etc.
>I just tell Purple to block calls from those numbers
>Literally like 70% of calls going through are just there to call me a nazi or something
>Start to get pissed
>Alright we're gonna have some Twitter shoutouts, everyone who wants a shoutout can just retweet the first post on my Twitter account @normanradio ALL ONE WORD, NO UNDERSCORES
>Alright let's see if we got some shoutouts, Purple do we have some shoutouts?
>Can't hear her that much from over the tech booth but her nod says we got shoutouts
>She feeds me the twitter page
>Alright we got Ai_ma_come_guzzl Ah screw you!
>We got Ballsweat, what's going on
>We got PoopGargler, Jesus Christ that's sick! THAT'S SICK! PoopGargler? Aww, -retch-
>We got BurnedJuice in the house what's going on- Ah screw you too! Making me look like some kind of a Grand Wizard racist over here
>We got.. I'm not gonna say that
>We got Norman_is_a_plen, yeah screw you
>We got AdolfNor- Alright that's it, screw all of you idiots that are out there making me look like some kind of a jagoff
>You should be screening these twitter names Purple, Jesus
>We got Isle_of_Sodomy, what kind of name is Isle_of -- Ah get him off Purple!
>Alright, that's it I'm done with these Twitter names
>Do we have any skype calls purple?
>She tries to say something but her voice is getting really screwed up from the booth
>Alright according to Purple we have some Skype calls

>Let's take some Skype calls shall we?
>Let's hear from Jim_Morrison, what's up?
>"Norman why are you so racist?"
>Hey I'm not a racist alright I AM NOT A RACIST
>I happen to have a bunch of friends that HAPPEN to be coloured
>I have a whole bunch of friends that HAPPEN to be blue, or green, or grey
>So for you idiots to sit over there and call me some kind of a Grand Wizard is a false inditement, it's a slanderous lie and everyone knows it
>We got err-erto-Ertoonen? I don't know
>Cello starts to play
>Hey this is pretty good, this... this is pretty good
>Hey that's pretty good Ertoonen, you wanna give a shoutout?
>Danke Norman, zat is Deutschland classics
>Alright, that was just Ertoonen
>Let's hear it from DildoFaggins, what's up?
>"Norman come watch Super Pony Princess Pals with us!"
>Oh my god that cartoon, you know thanks for bringing that up DildoFaggins, I've been hearing that cartoon for some time now
>I think that cartoon is a shallow piece of marketing gimmick, it just gives you the impression that it appeals to the older demographic but it's not you know?
>At the end of the day it's still a show for little girls, and I don't understand the appeal of it
>So I think anyone, who keeps on saying 'I like super pony princess pals, and I'm male' needs to take a second look at their preferences, y'know?
>Suddenly the next calls are all about me being a racist or not liking the cartoon
>Alright that's it, let's have a bit of a cluster call shall we?

>Alright, I'll just spring up a few numbers simultaneously here
>Chaos ensues
>It oscillates from people screaming Nazi to Oh god Norman I want you to tie me up and call me a filthy nigger ooh
>Listen to them they're fruiting up, they're fruiting up! Their assholes are puckering for Christ's sakes
>Eventually it becomes too frustrating
>Alright that's it that's enough
>Kick 'em all out Purple
>Kick 'em all out Goddamnit!
>Alright, that's enough, I'm just gonna take a few more calls, since we're almost out of time anyway
>We got Descartes, what's going on?
>"Hey Norman, I'd just like to get some advice."
>Sure, what about?
>"Well, there's this girl..."
>Wait-wait-wait, hold it right there, I'm not too much of an authority on that subject you know
>"Nah man, it's okay, I just really need someone to talk to right now."
>Alright man go ahead.
>"See there's this girl I like, right? And I wanted to spend a little time with her, alone, if you get my point."
>Yeah, go on.
>"So I ask her out to go with me on this party, right? And to be honest, well, I kinda wanted her to get drunk so I can..."
>Wait, you wanted to get her drunk so you can have sex with her?
>"Well, yeah I mean isn't that what couples do nowadays?"
>Jesuuus Christ man, that's horrible!
>"Anyway, Norman. So we're in this party right, and well she wasn't getting drunk, because she's laying off the alcohol right? Said she was watching her weight or something."
>Yeah?
>"So... I kinda..."
>You kinda what?

>"I kinda roofied her."
>Oh.. Oh man, Jesus. Do y'all hear this? Did y'all hear what this guy just said? He ROOFIED HER! Jesus Christ man, that's sick! That's sick!
>"So we do it, you know?"
>WE? What the hell is with the WE stuff, you roofied her for Christ's sake
>"Right, so after the whole shebang you know, she wakes up and I tell her that she passed out because someone hit her with a football"
>How did you convince her?
>"Well, I kinda smacked her upper lip."
>Jesus Christ man, alright go on
>"But then after a week she calls me, and she told me that she's pregnant right?"
>What? So you roofied a girl and sex'd her up without using protection?
>"It was at the spur of the moment Norman."
>You're a sick bastard, you know that? Anyway what did you want to ask me?
>"Well, basically given the circumstances I'd just want to know why you won't SUCK MAAAH DIIIIIIIIIIIICK! SUCK MAAAH DIIIIIIIIIIICK!! SUCK MAAAAH DIIIIIIIICK!"
>JesusChrist, get this asshole off- Purple get him off!
>"Norman seriously bro SUCK MY DICK"
>Get him off Purple!
>That's it! I'm done! I'm done! Stick a fork in me I'm done!
>I'm out of here Purple, get me out of here!
>Purple tries to tell me that there are still some callers on the queue
>I DON'T CARE, I'M DONE I'M OUT HERE!
>GET ME OUT!
>You've been listening to True Norman Radio. The thoughts views ideas comments and opinions of the host of this show are...absolutely his.
>Purple gives me a disappointed look as we leave the booth