/y/ writefag

When I try to remember our expedition, my mind stays blank. I find nothing in my memories, not even an impression, a sensation, a feeling. It’s as if this page of life was erased, but strangely, I don’t find it concerning, or even strange.
It can’t be for no reason. I have never felt such a sense of purpose in my life, and even though there was no end in sight, I worked. I experimented. I tinkered, I measured, I calculated. At night, I dreamt of equations that I would try during the day, pushed by an inexplicable drive to solve. It had been three weeks. At times, I wasn’t even myself, in a sort of a fever dream.
And again, it was with confidence that I’d abandon myself to this strange force that wanted to finish the project. I knew this all had a purpose, like those things you do when you’re drunk, that you’d never have done otherwise. Long ago, I told myself to never regret, to go forwards. Life was too short for hesitations.
And yet. Now that I had winded up, it seemed impossible to go on. It was not doubt, it was perplexity. All of this – for what purpose? I had obviously been guided, but by who?
As I was thinking, I realised I moved right next to the switch, my hand resting against it. It was inevitable. Something wanted me to do the experiment. Something greater than me.
And I understood. It was the plant.
Gently resting on a tube full of nutritive water, it was heaving up and down gently, its green leaves from another world moving with power. It was calling me. From the beginning. All those gestures, all this feelings of power, it was this alien thing taking me, controlling me. And I welcomed it.
I was not afraid, in fact I was relieved. I felt like the chosen one. A warm feeling of comfort and pride overwhelmed me, a confidence I didn’t imagine possible filled me up. I looked at the alien thing one last time, this time not with surprise, but with determination, a smile on my face. I pushed the button and the chemicals needed for the reaction went into the tube. The alien plant began to grow, so much that it break the glass and the liquid was spilled on the floor. An humanoid figure was struggling inside and I came to help him. I knew it was on my own will this time. I heard a cry for help in my head and I hurried in, tearing the organic tissue apart.
Inside was the most handsome man I ever seen. His green skin was as perfect as the one of a baby. His purple eyes were full of lust and desire. Vine shoot were everywhere on his body, a bit smaller than mine, thinner, but athletic and tense as the string of a bow. I wanted to touch it, I wanted to kiss it. I wondered how his pubic hair – which at the elegant form of leaf – would felt under my fingers, but I couldn’t dare.  I touched his hair and I felt like grass, then like a gentle caress on my hand, softer than any human fibre, and then both. He leaned in and kissed me.