I. Thou shalt not jack another team’s public Slack channels for off-topic discussions.1

II. Thou shalt not introduce thyself with “hi” at the start of every direct message.

III. Thou shalt not use sentence case unless thou art addressing a superior at least two tiers above thy level.

IV. Thou shalt not use @here or @channel unless thou has something truly pressing to say.

V. After five messages back and forth, thou shalt move a public one-on-one conversation to a private direct message.

VI. One GIF is fun. Two is pushing it. Three GIFs, and the Slack god shall smite thee.1

VII. Thou shalt not treat /giphy as a replacement for actual humor.

VIII. If thou messages someone with an important question and does not receive an answer within an hour, thou shalt just talk to them. However, if thou regularly ignores questions for hours, requiring the lord’s flock to get up and search as if thou art the Slack lord’s only son, thou shalt bring upon thee the wrath of thy lord.

IX. Thou shalt not send a message in lieu of punctuation

this

is

just

annoying

X. If thou art regularly slacking past 6 p.m., thou art part of the problem and shall have a plague of inopportune notifications visited upon thee until thou learnest thy lesson.

The word of the Slack lord.