Bi

"Equestria, Present Day.

An adorable human awoke in the middle of the Everfree Forest. Being an adorable human, it tried to find a stream to look at itself and see its adorable face. But when it found the Stream, it gave a huge gasp at what it saw. The human... was no longer a human! Dun dun dun!

Instead, a face covered in a black cowl, with white slits for eyes, stared back at the human. ‘Oh no!’ the human cried. ‘I'm Temmie... I mean, Batman!’ The human stumbled backwards, grasping his head with his hands. He slouched against a tree and sobbed. Then he stood up. ‘Well, enough of that,’ he told himself. ‘I'm Batman now. I'm not supposed to cry. I'm a batass. Ha ha ha. I made a joke.’

The human leaned against the tree, putting his hand to his chin as he thought deeply. ‘So,’ he thought, ‘I must make a new name for myself, to represent my new identity.’ He thought for a good twelve minutes on the matter, before reaching his conclusion. ‘I will call myself Brian, because I don’t have a very creative mind.’ Brian was very pleased with himself and so decided to walk to Ponyville. He knew he was in Equestria because when he strode through the woods, a giant wolf made of wood appeared, roaring its intimidating roar. ‘Oh no!’ Brian screamed. ‘A timberwolf! I must fight it!" He raised his hands and shot a cloud of bats at the creature. The timberwolf fell to its knees as the bats clawed and pecked at its head. Brian prepared to launch forward to deliver a finishing blow, but suddenly a manicore burst onto the scene. It clawed at Brian, and he was forced too dodge. Brian looked up to see the manticore charge at him, so he braced himself and leapt over the mindless beast. Brain turned and kicked the manticore from behind, sending the monster toppling to the floor. It tried to get up, but Brian sprang into the air, before landing roughly on the manticore's head.

Brian was proud of himself until he turned around to see the timberwolf chomping on the dead swarm of bats. ‘Hey!’ Brian screamed. ‘Those are my children, and you won’t hurt them!’ With a burst of speed, Brian charged forwards, tackling the beast to the ground. He then delivered a rage-fueled beatdown that left the timberwolf as a mere pile of splintered wood.

‘Wow,’ Brian said to himself. ‘That was pretty impressive.  To bad there was no one around to see it." He apprehensively approached the pile of dead bats, before falling to his knees. ‘Why! They were so young to!’ he screamed. Then he flopped over and sobbed.

He got over it quickly.

Brian chose a direction and walked. He walked and walked for what seemed like (and probably was) hours. Finally, he could see sunlight peeking through the thick bushes. Brian quickly rushed out of the forest and was greeted by quite the surprise. All around him was beauty and color, squirrels skittering here and there, birds tweeting through the air (with 250 characters or less). It was generally a pleasant site to behold. Everything was adorable, but not as adorable as the human. In the midst of the grotto was a tiny cottage, Brian walked up and knocked on the cottage door. *Knock knock knock!* The sound echoed through the whole place, startling some of the jumpier critters. The door opened and Brian’s face again turned to shock as he was greeted with a smiling pony. She had a pink mane and was staring pleasantly at the costumed human.

‘Oh no!’ Brian screamed. ‘I didn’t want to believe it, but... I really am in Equestria! Goddammit, world!' He shook his fist at the sky and cursed every single religious figure he could remember.

‘Um,’ Fluttershy said. ‘Are you done yet?’

'Yes,’ Brian answered,

‘Yeah!’ Fluttershy said like she did that one time in Sonic Rainboom. ‘My name is Fluttershy. What are you?’

‘My name is Brian,’ Brian said.

‘No, what are you?’ Fluttershy clarified.

‘What? Racist!’ Brian exploded, screaming with anger. ‘You’re racist and I hate you! I’m gonna blow up your home.’

‘No, please sir, don’t do that!’ Fluttershy pleaded, her eye tearing up a little.

‘OK,’ Brian said. ‘Hey! Will you introduce me to the rest of the Mane Six?’ Brian asked.

‘Sure,’ Fluttershy said, stepping outside. ‘Come with me.’

Brian followed Fluttershy to the town of Ponyville. All the ponies screamed like children and ran around until they hit each other and fell over. Brian was about to explain himself when Rainbow Dash streaked through the sky and slammed into him. He didn't even flinch, but he picked himself up and through a batarang at Rainbow. She dodged and landed in the street. 'He's evil!’ Rainbow explained. ‘He scares everyone and looks different from the rest of us. Get the Elements, Twilight!’

Before Brian could defend himself, Celestia and Luna appeared. ‘Rainbow’s right,’ they said. ‘He’s a monster. My faithful student, use the Rainbow of Friendship now!’ Brian was powerless as the Mane Six charged up the Elements and fired. A whole sphere of color enveloped Brian as he was sealed away for a hundred years...

NOT!

Yes, when the color faded, Brain was not sealed! Instead, everything around him had been turned to stone. The ponies stood like statues, frozen for the rest of time. ‘Hehahahaha!’ Brian chuckled. ‘I’m not defeated. I’ll never be defeated. I’m invincible!’ He laughed like that to himself for a while before he looked around himself at the petrified landscape.

‘Well. This is boring.’"