Anonpencil Writes Sleep-deprived as fuck: Voicing Concerns

>You lie awake in bed, hoping that sleep will finally come and take you away from this wretched consciousness. Your eyes feel crusty at the edges with lack of sleep and watering, but they stubbornly refuse to stay closed. So you simply lie there in bed, hands crossed over your stomach as if you're some kind of religious corpse, and stare upwards, waiting.
>Sleep didn't used to be this difficult, you note. You used to sleep like a baby back on earth, just napping and dreaming away whenever you felt a little tired. In fact, when you first got to Equestria, you were pretty fucking great at napping. You and Rainbow Dash used to have nap-offs, which just involved in the pair of you platonically sleeping through the day. Fluttershy had blushed when you told her that you'd slept with Rainbow Dash, and when you'd stressed the word 'platonic,' she'd turned an even deeper shade of red. Clearly, she either didn't know what platonic meant, or platonic naps were her fetish or something. Either way, all that changed when you moved in with Twilight.
>At first, resting was just a little uneasy, but you attributed that to late night indigestion caused by Spike's lousy cooking. Now, however, you're sure that it's not that. After all, you stopped eating Spike's cooking long ago, ever since you found out what his special salad dressing was really made with. Instead, you've found that you can't fully turn your brain off.
>Whenever you would try to sleep, you'd suddenly feel this horrible nagging voice in the black of your mind. As you drifted in and out of consciousness, you could hear those horrible, evil little voices that everyone has, saying bad things about you. Sometimes they'd demoralize you in general, tell you what a terrible person you were. Other times it would be specific, targeting a specific action or word, telling you how much you could have done better. Perhaps the worst ones were when the voice, a little louder than usual, would tell you that people hated you, that you were a nuisance, and that no one could possibly love you or want you in their lives. Even though that prospect was the most extreme, it was always the hardest to silent.
>Recently, you've found that you dread going to sleep. You know that the moment you shut your eyes, you'll start to hear that whisper getting louder, more direct with its attacks. As you go fully unconscious, it always hisses inside you, viscous, like someone pouring syrup into your head. Yes, that metaphor didn't really make any sense, but you haven't been sleeping well, so whatever. Go try it in a poetry class, see if your professor thinks it's 'profound.' Anyway, you hear the voice in dreams, and it's mean and stuff. It gives you nightmares. You're scared to go to sleep. You get the idea.
>Tonight, as you feel your lids grow heavy, and they shut for the first time, that insidious whispering begins.
"Anon, do you think you really deserve to sleep?"
>Your eyes shoot open, and the voice goes silent. But soon, you can't help it, and you shut them again.
"Anoooooon, you know better. You were a jerk to that friend of yours today, by the flower stand. You know she probably hates you now."
>Once more, fully awake, eyes to the ceiling. A few more minutes past. Your lids droop.
"Of course, that's not much of a change. No one likes you. No one even wants you here. You're a constant drain on people who care about you."
>Your eyes stay shut, too exhausted to open again as you grow even more drowsy. As usual, you try to fight back against the words in your head. No. You have friends. Rainbow, Fluttershy, hell, even Twilight thinks you're useful for the occasional experiment now and then. You're not hated by all.
"You're hated by all."
>Gee, thanks self-doubt. Really needed that today. The voice goes on as you feel a tightness in your chest at the mere notion of everyone hating you. You can't even muster enough mental energy for a rebuttal.
"Everyone is to polite to tell you to leave. But they want you to. They want you to leave and never return. You're such an annoyance. And you always leave the seat up in the bathroom. So thoughtless for others."
>No, that's not... hey, wait. You've been leaving the seat up on purpose, because you love the squawk of indignation that echoes through the castle when Twilight doesn't look before she sits. You don't feel bad about that, do you? What is this voice even doing today? You shake your head hard.
"Yessssss, you should feel bad about that. It's a terrible habit. You're a horrible house guest."
>Something's not right here. You shake your head hard, trying to will your eyes to open, and at last they do... to reveal that you are nose-to-nose with Twilight Motherfucking Sparkle.
>She emits a little gasp, then a slow, sheepish smile creeps onto her face. You stare at her, your sleep-deprived mind trying to figure out what exactly is happening here. Twilight, meanwhile, pulls her chin off the pillow beside your ear, where she had obviously been resting.
"Oh, uh, hi Anon," she says brightly. "Just, uh... checking for ear spiders! Can'd be too careful, it is egg-laying season after all."
"Twilight," you mutter. "What are you talking about, I already sprayed the spider repellent in both ears tonight, what..."
>Then it hits you. Your eyes slowly widen. The voice. In your head. Damn it all, you always wondered why your inner self doubt had a female voice! You always figured it was something weirdly freudian, but were always too scared to analyze it too hard. Your jaw drops open as Twilight takes another step back, her grin widening as she sees recognition dawn in your eyes. How long has she been doing this? How was she able to do it so stealthily every fucking night? How does she know so much about your daily life and personal insecurities? You have so many questions, but only one manages to escape your lips.
"Twilight," you wheeze. "W-why?"
>She stares at you and just continues to back away. She pauses, very briefly in the doorway, and at last her smile wavers, and she narrows her eyes at you, just a little. Then, she heaves a heavy sigh and turns away.
"Just start putting the damn seat down when you're done. Okay?"
>Without waiting for an answer, she slams the door behind her. Welp, one thing is for sure. There's not even a whisper of a chance you're getting any sleep tonight.

-END-