Best Pone

>Day Fan Favorite in Equestia.
>Stretching as you wake up, you hop out of bed and head downstairs while whistling a jaunty tune.
>Nothing can get you down, your enthusiasm for the world you live in is just too great.
>Skipping into the kitchen, you start a pot of coffee before heading to the bathroom for your morning routine.
>You lean your head out a window as you take a piss, and take a deep breath of that pollution free Equestrian air.
>Smells like horse and marshmallow.
>Glorious.
>Celestias' sun is just peaking over the horizon; shining down on the land and warming your cozy home with it's loving rays.
Beautiful morning as always, thanks babe. Remind me to give you extra ear scritches the next time I see ya.
>Winking up at that glowing orb, it shines all the brighter just for you, with a hint of rosiness beginning to accompany the early morning light.
>You can imagine the Princess giggling to herself on her throne; kicking out her hind legs in a girlish fashion from your praise.
>She loves your flattery, and working as hard as she does, she deserves every bit of it.
>The birds are singing out their love of flying, the wind, and their eggs in the sky above.
>Your smile can't get much brighter as you watch them flit about in joy.
>The scent of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the air, drawing you back towards your modestly sized kitchen.
>Life is good.
>But what makes it excel beyond just good; what skyrockets it into feeling truly great, is her.

>You're dating best pone.
>The love of your life, Rara.
>The absolute pinnacle of perfection; undeniably, undisputedly, the most beautiful pone in the land.
>Pouring yourself a cup of coffee, you take that first sip of the rich, black liquid, while thinking of what the day has in store for you with your wonderful mare.
>Soft taps on the door break you from your happy thoughts.
>That'll be Fluttershy with her fetish guess nonsense, but not even that can get you down.
>She's just confused, and in a strange place in life.
>You can't hold it against her.
>Everyone deserves happiness, even the creepy rapist that stares at your ass and masturbates in public.
>Continuing to sip at your coffee, you open the front door and smile down at the butter pegasus beneath you.
>She looks different today, exuding an air of confidence that is quite out of character for her.
Morning, Shy. What's the word today?
>She doesn't respond, merely continues to look up at you smugly before leaping into the air and landing in a proud pose; one foreleg raised and wings puffed out at her sides.
>Taking another sip of coffee, you nod down to her while keeping eye contact.
...Kay. That's an interesting fetish.
>Jumping once more, she turns in the air before landing in the same pose at a different angle; looking up at you almost in challenge.
>Another sip as you tilt your head in wonder at her strange behavior.
Where ya goin with this, Flutters?
>Finally glancing away with a blush on her face, she scrapes a hoof along the ground cutely.
>"I k-know being with best pone is your fetish, Anon. You can... R-rut me now..."

>It takes you longer than it should to process her statement; the wrongness of it just broke your mind a bit.
>When your brain finally catches up with your ears, you have to bite your lip to stifle the laughter.
Shy... You're a lovely mare with a kind heart, that is loved by many when you aren't mentally scarring foals for life... But ur takin the piss if u think ur best pone, m8.
>Once more adopting that superior pose, she hoofs todays' newspaper up to you with a smile.
>Taking hold of it, you give the page a cursory glance before your eyes widen and snap back to the top.
>...The headline shatters your entire perception of reality.
>Fluttershy Voted Fan Favorite Element of Harmony, New Best Pone.
>Your coffee mug slips from your grasp and shatters beneath you as a blank look falls over your face.
>Slowly glancing back up with dead, unseeing eyes, you feel choked words escape your mouth in a raspy voice.
...What... The fuck is this.
>Her wings quiver in excitement while she happily explains to you the reason for your loss of faith in god.
>"Isn't it great, Anon! I-it's official, everypony voted and I'm their favorite!"
>She continues chriping away while you sink to your knees, and begin to weakly beat the ground with a fist; one word repeating itself in your mind.
>"I didn't even know this contest was going on until yesterday, but when I found out, I just knew I had to win it f-for you!"
>no no no no no
>"Can you b-believe it? Pones actually think I'm the best! I'm so excited I could just...! Yay!"
>Squinting her eyes closed, she flaps her wings to gain an inch of lift with her outburst.
>The thought takes form as it passes your lips in defeated whispers.
no...no... no no no
>She crouches down on her fore-legs beneath you to look up at your face through her mane.
>"S-so... Can I come inside, Anon?"
>Blinking up at you with the happiest look on her face, she asks expectantly.

>The shattered fragments of your broken psyche condense to a single point of unfathomable rage in an instant; your face turning a livid red as you snarl in defiance.
NO
>"EEEP!"
>Quickly rising your feet, you grip her mane and begin to swing in a circle; all of your hatred forming into a whirlwind of pink and yellow.
>With a release, she goes sailing over the town in a high arc.
>"I LOVE YOU ANOOOOooooo-"
>A shockwave booms through the quiet morning, accompanied by a flash of white and intense heat from the large mushroom cloud created at her point of impact.
>Your gaze remains planted on the ground as you clench your fists and pant deeply.
>"Darling...? Is everything alright? You look absolutely dreadful..."
>Snapping your head upwards, your eyes lock with those concerned, sapphire blue orbs belonging to the mare who used to be best pone.
>Just as she visits every morning right after Fluttershy has left, she has come to greet her prince charming before starting the day.
>She approaches cautiously before stopping short as you grit your teeth and roar at her.
FUCK OFF RARITY YOU'RE A SHIT
>A devastated look comes to her face; tears pooling in her eyes and lower lip shaking with barely contained sorrow.
>"B-but Anon, darling..."
>Continuing to roar in rage, you rip your mailbox from the ground and wave it at her in a threatening manner reserved for second tier, shit waifus.

>She takes off galloping down the road wailing loudly at your act of betrayal.
>No...
>She's the one who betrayed you by not being number 1.
>Violently hurling your mailbox through your neighbors window, you ignore the screams of anguish and "Why Celestia!?"'s and proceed back towards your porch.
>Berry Punch sticks her head out of her window to yell at you for the racket you're creating, but one look causes her to flinch back and slowly pull inside with a submissive posture and folded ears.
>Slamming your door loudly, you contemplate your continued existence in this land of pleb opinions and shit tastes.
>A single robin pecks on your kitchen window sadly, and begins to sing a melancholic song in an attempt to make you feel better.
>Slamming open your window, you throw the remaining pot of scalding coffee over it; resulting in it's sad song turning into pained squawks as it writhes on the ground in agony.
>This fucking planet, man.
>Fucking best pone.