Some like 'em large 7

>you had an early start this morning
>it’s not hard to rise at the crack of dawn when you have a hot water bottle filled with ice tucked snugly in your shorts
>your weren’t risking a repeat of yesterday morning, cleaning bed sheets is a pain in the arse
>a quick visit to the market and an early morning call to Twilight got you sorted through…
>a few pounds of potatoes, sugar and a bit a yeast boiling in a pot still made from various things barrowed from the Purple smart…
>as you stare into the bubbling concoction you can’t help but feel a pride rising in your chest…
>this is good…
>this will solve all your problems!
>and even if it doesn’t you’ll be too pissed to care!
>either that or you’ll go blind and die because you are not really sure if you’re doing this properly…
>meh…carpe diem
>….
>it just occurred to you that this is going to take all fucking day, even with the magic still.
>you sit near silence, only the bubbling of your work disrupting it
>”Hey! Hey bro”
>what?
>”You should totally steal Fluttershy Leotard…for non-creepy, non-sexual reasons of course.”
>that is a terrible idea dick, and besides she has definitely washed it washed it since….
>you bite your lip at the memory
>…her workout….
>”Oh…Well then ask her to sit on your face!”
>that’s what the Poitín is for dick
>”oh….Well then what if Rarity new takes your advice and makes designs of based of Buttershy and then she it gets really popular and th-“
>you reach for the emergency ice pack you’ve kept with you today, in a swift movement its down your pants, nipping the problem in the bud before it could emerge

>oh boner, you so crazy
>”well I am not the one talking to a voice in his head that is apparently a personification of his penis’ will….”
 >well he got you there
>you have to admitted, talking to one’s erection  is pretty insane
>you like to think the madness was born out of the sexual frustration due to the lack of human women and decent porn and not because you were fundamentally bonkers
>welp you still have a handful of bits left, better go out and buy next week’s ration of food
>after all the devil makes work for idle hands


>well fuck…
>guess USAshy’s comment on her diet going well affected you on a sub-couscous level
>cause guess what you bought with literality the all the money you have left in magic horsy land?
>if you guessed the logical answer and said enough cheap but tasty food to last to your next pay check you would be a very astute and sensible person
>you would also be wrong
>because you bought the ingredients to construct the worlds fattest veggie burger!
>apparently they haven’t invented that shit in Equestria yet
>you pull het Patties out of the fryer and being laying them with plies of cheese
>taking no chances with your waifu…
> you cringe…
>god that’s still pisses you of.
>you shoo those negative thoughts away…
>but this must be done!
>for the sake of happiness!
>your resolve stiffens as you wrap the heart attacks on buns in tin foil
>YES!
 >you turn to you brew…simmering quietly
> tonight nights the night!
>you scoop up a glass full of the still cooling liquid!
>you will be!
>and down the glass
>Fucking Buttershy!

>Oh god! It’s like drinking paint thinner!
>you cough as your homemade Poitín burns all the way down…
>wait….
>you’re not dead…
>AND you can see!
>success!
>you bottle some of the mixture and begin making your way to the door…
>wow
>you hit the bottom step harder than usual…
>…
>in fact you haven’t eaten anything today…
>you take another swig of your Irish moonshine
>meh it’s fine
>everything is fine
>I mean honestly…
>what could possibly go wrong?