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- >Be anon, turning 25 this year.
- >Step out onto veranda with your fresh cup of coffee.
- >You look over the vast expanse of your quiet, isolated home.
- >It's a wonderfully temperate morning, time to do the gardening.
- >You make your way down the stairs, through your house, and to the back door.
- >And you exit into the small, fenced backyard of your countryside home and breathe in the fresh, grassy scent of your colorful garden against the light blue house.
- >A sweet little German Shepherd comes to greet you, and you pet the doggie.
- >You pick up the metallic watering can near your feet, it's light and empty.
- ”Time to fill 'er up.”
- >You walk over to the small well, which is sturdy and well-built. You're very proud of it.
- >Sadie, the dogger, follows you as you make your way across the dew-damp yard.
- >You begin turning the winch to raise the heavy bucket, seems like it's a little stuck this time.
- >You walk around it to the opening and tug on the rope, and it breaks off the winch.
- >Fug
- >Sadie nudges your leg and you lose your balance...
- >...Falling forward into the deep well. Oh shit.
- >You attempt to stop yourself on the damp mud of the tight, deep, and moist hole.
- >It's no use! You're falling in.
- >Dirt falls on you as you barely slow your decent.
- >These could very well be your last words.
- >You take a quick, deep breath...
- “HITLER DID NOTHING WRRRROOOOONNNGG!”
- >It's over, you've made your peace as a single bachelor with successful career in boxing.
- >You wish you could have posted on /b/ one last time...
- >...........
- >But you're not stopping. You just keep falling.
- >It doesn't make any sense.
- >You've been falling in a hole that's 3 and a half feet wide for 2 minutes now.
- >Your arms are scraped horrendously from the friction.
- >But you hear the air in the tunnel raising pitch.
- >You might taste sweet death after all.
- >In seconds, you see light from below you and you can't look where you're falling.
- >SPLASH!
- >You land feet first into cold water, and but when you end up submerged, your sense of gravity is upside down.
- >You swim up, but there's hard ice from where you fell!
- >You flip around and swim down the other way.
- >...Which feels like you're swimming up.
- >You see a clear surface!
- “Haaaaaaaaa!”
- >You're left panting, but you're alive and breathing air again.
- >And it appears you're in a cave.
- >Milky stalactites hang above, and there are lanterns dimly lighting the area.
- “Whoa? Where am I?”
- >You look around and you're in a small pool, and you climb out onto solid ground.
- >You look back where you fell into, the water's surface is reflective like a mirror.
- >And finally notice the sign next to it, with dingy white paint.
- >[Mirror Pool]
- >How creative.
- >Your clothes are soaked in cold water, you have to take them off.
- >Thus, you begin peeling off your dirty red t-shirt and brown pants.
- >At least the pants won't be discolored.
- >But as you remove your soaked boxers, you hear a clacking sounds echo from afar.
- >You're frightened for sure, but you're confident you can handle whatever might be coming.
- >... Clop. Clop. Clop.
- >What the fuck, is that a horse?
- >The horse sounds get closer, and you're in your signature boxing stance.
- >You're scared, confused, and on the edge of laughing from the thought of a horse possible coming around the corner of the lit path of the cave.
- >The shadow approaches, and you hustle, fists up, toward the strange creature.
- ”HAAAAAA!!”
- >You nail whatever is coming.
- >It hits the wall and looks at you.
- >It's... a blue miniature horse?
- >The creature cries out and a loud, and human-like voice.
- >”OH MY GOD, THAT NAKED GORILLA STRUCK ME!! WAHHH!!”
- >He wails like an manchild.
- >And continues for 3 minutes as you watch him, wide-eyed and confused.
- >You hear 2 other sets of clopping feet coming in your direction.
- >”Deep Delver! Are you okay!?” They shout, coming into view.
- >You stand there dumbfounded as they are.
- >It's like somebody dyed talking ponies in different colors and drew on their butts, then dressed them up.
- >Whatthefuck.jpg
- >The one on the left is yellow-green with a goldenrod colored mane, you figure it's male by stature.
- >Because the one on the right is smaller, cuter, and white with a ice-blue mane. It's got a swirly horn on its head.
- >They look at what you're standing next to, and see the crying infan-- pony next to you.
- >They begin tearing up, and start cowering backwards.
- >”What is that thing? It's naked, bald, and has some kind of wingus!”
- > “S-s-stun him, he must be dangerous!”
- >Suddenly the horn on the white one glows in a blue hue, and flashes.
- >BAM!
- >You're on your back like you took a knock-out blow to the head from Keith Thurman.
- >But you're used to this.
- >You didn't earn bronze in the World Boxing Championship for nothing.
- >You stagger and try to lift yourself off the ground.
- >The horse-things are clearly horrified that didn't work.
- >But the female pony's horn flashes again before you can react.
- >”AAAAAAAHHH!”
- >She screams and another dart hits me straight in the forehead, putting me out for good.
- >.........
- >You wake up, naked and a sore back laying on a delightfully soft bed.
- >It's not the cave, it's a steel interior. You rise to find that you're on a cot in what appears to be a jail cell.
- >It's a simple room, but it looks quite comfy.
- >Before you ponder why you're here, keys jangle outside and the steel door opens with a click.
- >A lavender, bulky pony creature with navy colored hair, a beard, sunglasses, and a police uniform walks in.
- >You thought that the cave horses were a dream, and you were drunk off your ass last night.
- >Pokerface.jpg
- >”Oy, you's the ape that hurt Delver, right? What's yer name?”
- >He's got a thick accent and a deep voice.
- >It sounds Italian, and it's so funny that you're trying hard not to burst into treats.
- ”Err... my name is Anonymous. You can call me Anon.”
- >The scruffy, purple dude replies casually.
- >”Dat's a weird name, what are yous anyway?”
- >He pulls out a small notepad from his breast pocket, and deftly writes pen-in-mouth while holding the notepad with a hoof.
- >You're impressed, but you try not to seem like it.
- >”I'm a human. Never seen one before?”
- >He replies rather bluntly. “I'll be askin' da questions. A /hughman/ you say?”
- >”Umm...Something like that.”
- ”So, what am I in here for exactly?”
- >He shudders at your question.
- >”You don't rememba? Yous hit a stallion so hard, he's gonna be the hospital fa months!”
- >”For months? Oh please, that wasn't even a third of what I could have done. I've broken jaws and ribs with my punches.”
- >”W-w-wait right there.”
- >He is officially scared now.
- >You are officially scared now.
- >Obviously, you said too much, and now you hear chatter beyond the door.
- >A sliding panel on the door opens and you see Mr. Shades peering in.
- >”I'm gonna be a while, just uhh... wait patiently, okay?”
- >The open panel slams and you hear him galloping away.
- >Shit, this doesn't sound good.
- >You are Basil Pasta.
- >A beefy guy who loves his Grandmama's lasagna and working at the Ponyville Police Department.
- >Today's probably the worst day of your life.
- >A strange creature called a hughman has hospitalized one of your friends.
- >He's nuts!
- >ButwhatamIsupposedtodoabouddit.png
- >He's clearly a threat to Equestria, nobody has ever heard a creature that is mean enough to do that kind of damage.
- >You're going to write Celestia about this, it's too big for anypony else to handle.
- >You gallop through the busy office toward the notary.
- >And you run into the notary office, but compose yourself before you yell out orders again.
- >It's bad habit of yours, Grandmama says you're just too passionate is all.
- ”Runny Ink, I need ya to type up a top-priority doc to Celestia immediately! It's an emergency!”
- >The mare in a mellow yellow button-up shirt hops down into the typewriter desk chair. It's the center of the square room lined with filing cabinets.
- >”Ready to go, sir!” The young, but experienced employee replies giddily.
- >She rarely gets a chance to do real work like this, she must be excited.
- ”Princess Celestia, you're urgently requested at the Ponyville PD--”
- >The typewriter clacks loudly as you continue to address the mare.
- ”--A hughman has been detained for extreme acts of violence against another civilian. He is volatile, aggressive, and intelligent.”
- ”Please help as immediately as possible, we are unsure how long he can be contained.”
- >You finish, and she formats the rest, removing it from the typewriter, rolling it, and sealing it.
- >”What should I do with it sir?”
- ”Send it to dat egghead Twilight, she should be at the castle. Inform her of the situation”
- >With that, you leave the notary and make your way back to the overnight cell.
- >You can't risk that hughman getting on the loose.
- >You're Naked and Afraid, so you're Anon.
- >The steel room is making you rather cold, and you just wish you had some pants at least.
- >You'll ask Pizza Italiano when we walks back in, you suppose.
- >Not a second later, he bursts in panting and in a sweat.
- >”I-is everythin' okay, Anon?”
- >He's asking you that?
- ”I could use some clothes, it's rather cold in here.”
- >He eases up slightly. “Oh, I can get you dat, sure.”
- >The Purple Italian leaves the room in an orderly fashion for the first time.
- >Your anxiety wears off for the most part.
- >About five minutes later, he walks in with a black and white striped top and bottom in mouth.
- >What is this, 1890?
- >He places it on the table and pauses before exiting again.
- >”Is that all ya needed?”
- ”I'm rather hungry, would you happen to have something to eat too?” you politely ask.
- >You hope that magical ponies eat food too, or you're going to wish you died falling in that well.
- >”Sure! B-be right back.”
- >You grab the top and bottom from the small table in the corner of the room.
- >You unfold the duds to find that they're awkwardly pony-shaped and you couldn't even try them on if you wanted to.
- >”Am I doomed to nudity for as long as I remain here?” You ask yourself.
- >You put them back onto the table and wait on your bed for the stallion to return.
- >Waiting.
- >It's been half an hour, and you're worried again.
- >You get up to knock on the door from the inside.
- >No answer.
- >You raise your hand to do it again, but before you do, the door opens.
- >It's pushed so suddenly that you're pushed back,
- >And you fall on your tailbone on the steel floor.
- ”FUCK, I BROKE MY TAILBONE!” you shout in agony.
- >You see a huge white pony walk in, as you're writhing on the ground.
- >”Heavens, what foul language! I've never heard such vulgarity in my presence before.”
- >You shoot her a morbid look.
- >”I need a doctor, stop screwing around!” You cannot contain your pain and rage.
- >You hear a familiar, bad Italian voice outside the door.
- >”Heavens to Celestia, did he just insult da princess?!”
- >Princess? Did you just insult a princess of whatever fucking kingdom this is?
- >You pray that the gods have mercy on your soul.
- >They're not merciful today it seems, as Pastel Pony Princess readies a magic beam at you before you can say “Allahu Akbar”.
- >You wake up for the 3rd time now.
- >These ponies have knocked you out for the last time, and you're pissed off.
- >...But for some reason, your tailbone is healed and you aren't the same prison cell.
- >You get up and look around, and see you're in some kind of cave, it's full of pink, glowing crystals the size of Sadie.
- >You miss Sadie now, that sweet little dogger.
- >And then you remember what happened in the steel room.
- ”Oh. Shit.”
- >They might have sent down here to die, where nobody else can find you.
- >”Hey, watch your mouth, newbie!”
- >To your surprise, you're not really alone, there is a bubble-gum pink pony with bat wings and a white mane in the far corner, sipping tea at a round table.
- >She looks adorable, and her small, thin, and black tail flicks about on her ass.
- >She's looking at you with a cute, but angry face.
- >You shake the thought of how cute she is, you don't want to get a fetish for bestiality.
- ”What? Is it that bad of a word?”
- >She responds flippantly.
- >“Hah? Of course it's bad! Bad enough you got thrown in here. I heard everything from the guard outside.”
- “And where exactly is /here/?”
- >”Boy, you sure are clueless.” She giggles with a smirk. “This is Tartarus, home to the worst criminals in Equestria.”
- >”Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Ebola! Ebola Lovestruck.”
- >You begin laughing hysterically at her name.
- “Who names their kid Ebola?”
- >You're in tears, it's too funny.
- >She is really upset at you now.
- >”Oh yeah?! What your name then? I bet it's stupid too!”
- ”My name's Anonymous, just call me Anon.”
- >”What kinda name is Anonymous? Stupid hypocrite.”
- >She's tear-eyed, and it makes you feel really bad for her.
- ”I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. I've been a little stressed lately.”
- >You say as you walk to her little table.
- >You're a tad worried why a cute girl like this is in prison, and feel compelled to ask.
- >”So, why are you here?”
- >”Hehe... you really want to know?” She gives a devious expression.
- >“I fuck stallions to death.”
- ”You fuck them to death?”
- >”Yeah, I'm a succubus. I have a bad habit of fucking stallions to the point that I drain them of all their energy.”
- >You instantly get an erection, and you instantly feel a horrible mix of lust and guilt at the passing thought this hussy raping you to death.
- >You're going to need a therapist when you get back from this godforsaken hellhole.
- >”Hahaha! What is that? Is that a penis? It's so weird!”
- >You almost forget you're naked, and your full-mast cock is staring her right in the face.
- ”Yeah, well, human penises can outlast stallions.”
- >You're trying to brush off your shyness. It's not working, apparently.
- >”Nuh-uh! I bet you wouldn't last ten seconds!”
- >Before you could continue this banter, a door opens on the opposite side of the room.
- >An ivory pony stands at the door, donning a gold helmet and armour.
- >”What exactly are you doing?”
- >He sees you with your erect penis about a foot away from her mouth.
- ”Officer, I swear to god this isn't what it looks like.”
- >He gives a smug, dastardly look. “Sure it isn't. Have fun, baldy! Hahahaha!” And he shuts the door, laughing as he walks away.
- >You don't know how to feel about what just happened.
- >Be Anon, with smug, pink mare giving you a look that says “Well, you heard him.”
- >You’re no virgin, but you’re no horsefucker either.
- >You don’t even know how horse genitals work.
- >Most of all, you’re afraid of smelly, gross poopholes. After all, how do they reach back there?
- >”What’s the matter, Anon? Cat got your tongue?”
- ”Are there cats in Equestria?”
- >She’s mad. “What kind of question is that? I’m giving you an invitation to mate!”
- >Wow, she’s bold.
- ”First of all, how do I know that you won’t kill me if I were even to consider it?”
- >She rolls her eyes, and goes back to sipping her tea to ignore me.
- >Man, you’re really hitting it off with your new cellmate.
- >”Why don’t you go get me some more tea? I could do without your presence right now.” She says with obvious irritation.
- ”Err, explain how I’m supposed to “go get tea” when I’m locked in here. How’d you get that tea set in the first place?”
- >”You hughmans must be really dumb. Just walk out, go down the hall to your left, and into the kitchen.”
- >She won’t even look at you.
- ”What the hell? This is a prison, isn’t it?”
- >She speaks slowly and rudely, like she believes you’re stupid.
- >“Yes. We are in a prison called Tartarus. On the outskirts of the Everfree forest.”
- >You’re getting impatient.
- “What kind of prison lets its prisoners walk around freely in the corridors?”
- >”What kind of prison doesn’t?”
- >She now looks at you confused and pitifully.
- >You’re beginning to hate this Suck-ubus.
- ”So… I can just walk into the kitchen for tea?”
- >”YES. JUST GET ME SOME GRASS TEA.”
- >You scuttle toward the door with that. You know not to piss off a woman. Or a horse-woman apparently. A horse? A pony?
- >You pull the stone handle on the creaky door.
- >And walk out into the dim hallway, and see doors along the tunnel and various luminescent crystals gently lighting the path in different colors.
- >You noticed the guard standing by the door, he stands like a statue. He couldn’t have not noticed you.
- >You ask nervously anyway.
- “Where is the kitchen? Lovestruck asked me to get her tea.”
- >In a surprisingly polite manner, he tells you to head left to the third door on the right.
- >You thank him with a smile, and he coughs awkwardly as he says “no problem”.
- >Following his directions, you head through the cell door into the kitchen, which appears to be of similar dimensions to your cell.
- >But it contains a fancy kitchenette, with green marble countertops, and cafe tables on the other side…
- >...Which contain all manner of strange creatures like something out of a surreal painting.
- >”Outta the way, please.” a dark husky voice rattles you from behind.
- >You move forward and out of the doorway, and see the large, horned creature that’s twice your size behind you.
- >”Whoa, you’re ugly. What are you?”
- >You dispel the urge to retort with “How about you look at yourself in the mirror, tough guy.” on account that he’s a minotaur who looks like he could pull your head off your shoulders.
- >You instead reply with “I’m a human. Aren’t there other humans in Equestria?”
- >”Not that I know of. You’ll fit right in, buddy.”
- >You’re not sure what to make of his last statement, so you just head over to the fine kitchen on the left side of the room.
- >Theres an island in front of the kitchen with round seats like a little diner, one small, blue minotaur sits at the edge where you enter the kitchen.
- >You pay him no mind as you walk in, and see the black and white tile floor below.
- >This is too nice for a prison, you can’t help but think to yourself.
- >Another strange creature is stirring a pot of what smells of delicious soup. He appears to be an amalgamation of 5 or 6 different creatures.
- >You’re scared what kind of thing it is.
- >”You’ve been staring at me for about a minute now. Am I /that/ amazing?” She says with a smirk on his... goat face?
- >He’s wearing a chef hat over some horns, but they stick out pretty obviously.
- >”Heeellloooo~? Anybody in there?”
- >He’s already in front of you, and pushing the flesh of your cheeks together.
- ”Oy, hands off.” You tell him as you step back and move his claw and paw.
- >”Sorrry! Name’s Discord by the way~. I figure your brain might have fell in your stomach for a moment.”
- >This creature is particularly odd.
- >”My name is Anon. What are you exactly?”
- >You regret your query.
- >”OOOH the human is interested in me! I’m a dragonequus, and god of chaos, nice to meet you, friend!”
- >A god of chaos? Really? He appears to you to be quite harmless and mortal.
- >But something he said struck you as odd.
- ”Wait, you know what I am?”
- >”Of course I know what you are! You silly humans and your bold destruction of nature. I’m really quite proud, you know.”
- ”Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I care about the environment!”
- >He’s getting under your skin at this point.
- >”Ugh, you’re one of those ‘Hippies’ are you? Gag! Those weirdos don’t have any idea about the joys of chaos.”
- ”I’m /not/ a hippie.”
- >”Now now, don’t get upset. So what are you then?”
- ”I’m a boxer. I fistfight in a ring for people’s entertainment.”
- >He snickers. “Now isn’t that interesting? Humans sure are captivated by violence.”
- >You have a feeling you’re not going to get along with this guy, either.
- >You nearly forgot what you came in here for.
- ”Well, Mr. Insult-the-Human-Race, I need to make some “grass tea”. It’s for my succubus roommate.”
- >”Oh, I know exactly what you need. Let me get it for you.”
- >To your surprise he opens high cabinets with a snap of a finger, and a ceramic yellow jar levitates out of the cabinet.
- >Circular, leafy flowers come out of the jar and land inside a prepared teapot.
- >He then retrieves parts of a dull clay tea set and puts it together on a tray.
- >”I’ll ready up some water, lickity-split!” He says as he fills up a kettle, then puts the tip of the claw in.
- >To your amazement, it already boils, and he pours it into the tea pot, and the aroma already wafts about.
- >It smells great, but it makes you feel funny too.
- >He levitates the complete tray into your open hands.
- >”Get her to bring back the other tray, would you? It’s rather /tedious/ getting her to bring it back.”
- >You nod and be on your way, since you’d like to avoid talking with him any longer.
- >”Yoo-hoo! One last thing!” He calls out before you walk away.
- >He teleports by your ear and whispers…
- >”I heard you uttered profanity in front of the princess, I would have rather enjoyed that spectacle~” He chuckles with amusement.
- >You groan without even looking at him and walk away.
- >”Oh, don’t be that way! I just want to be friends is all.” You hear him say as you make your way out the door.
- >You find yourself back in your room in front of a… peeved succubus.
- >You sit down next to her after placing the tea set.
- >And you feel bad because you recall the earlier conversation, and how big of a dick you must have seemed like.
- ”I’m sorry, Lovestruck. I should have been more receptive and turned you down in a polite and comforting way.”
- >She looks into your eyes with a smile.
- >”Aww, I forgive you. You’re nicer than I took you for, I’m sorry Anon.”
- >She hugs you to your surprise, and you put your arms around her earnestly.
- >You become aware of the dizziness this tea is giving you as soon as the two of you part.
- ”What’s in this tea, anyway? It’s making me a little dizzy and relaxed.”
- >She picks up the tea with her hooves, and pours it in the two small cups on the tray.
- >It fascinates you for a moment. How do hooves work?
- >”This tea is made from a plant called cannabis. Really great stuff! Here have some.”
- >She pushes the cup in front of you and you take it.
- ”Cannabis? Wow, I didn’t know they had this in Equestria.”
- >You take a sip of the tea. It tastes fruity and delicious.
- “Wait, were you drinking this earlier, Lovestruck?”
- >”Yeah, why do you ask?”
- “Well, you don’t seem intoxicated in the least.”
- >”Why would I be intoxicated?”
- “Well, humans get relaxed, giggly, and euphoric when then smoke it. Or drink it. Does it not effect you horses?”
- >”I’m not a horse, I’m a pony. Horses live in Saddle Arabia.”
- “Oh, to be honest, I know nothing about your people. How about you tell me as we finish this tea? By the time you’re done, I’ll be pretty high.”
- >”What is ‘High’? Well, I guess I’ll start with the races of ponykind.”
- >She tells you about all kinds of creatures you’d find here, and the way the world works.
- >You’re find yourself rather impressed as time goes by, and you begin saying “Wow” and “Whoa” a lot.
- >This cannabis tea must be really potent.
- “Pffft! So you’re telling me that a pony ‘raises’ the sun? That’s hilarious! Hahahaha!”
- >”Um…Anon, that’s how it works. How else is the sun supposed to rise?”
- ”Gravity pulls planets around the sun. It’s like… you know… a big ball of hydrogen or something.”
- >”Anon, is this what it means to be high? You’re pretty incoherent.”
- “I’m plenty coherent.. But I am tired... where am I supposed to crash?”
- >”There’s a hay bed over there, but there’s only one. I’ll go get another one.”
- >You somehow remember what discord told you in your foggy mind.
- >”Discord told me to tell you to get… kettle….”
- >And you’re out like a light.
- >You’re the pink pony with an awful name.
- >Anon just passed out on the table before you could even get out of your stool.
- >He muttered something about a kettle.
- >Oh! You forgot to bring back the tea set, you were so interested in talking with the human.
- >You carefully take the tray with your strong, prehensile tail.
- >And make your way to the cafeteria.
- >……….
- >You arrive at the empty room, but see a familiar dragonequus wiping off tables at the far end of the room.
- >You set down the tea tray on the island and walk to the only other creature here, who is manipulating multiple towels with magic.
- >He obviously knows you here.
- >”Well~ isn’t this a pleasant surprise. You almost never bring back the dishes yourself. What’s the occasion?”
- >This smooth talker always manages to make you smile. And you appreciate your friendship with him.
- “No occasion really. Anon passed out before he could do the chore for me.”
- >”Ah, that human. I got a kick out of teasing him a little. Would you mind giving this to him for me?”
- “Sure, what are these?”
- >He levitates them onto your back for easy access.
- >”They’re clothes for the human. Surely you didn’t want everyone in Equestria to see his penis unabashedly swinging about?”
- >You laugh at his crude joke.
- ”How did you make these anyway?”
- >”I just took an old uniform and transformed with my magic. This place might inhibit me severely, but I can at least do this much.”
- “Thanks Discord. You’re very appreciated here.”
- >”Thank you, dear Lovestruck. I don’t think I could have done it without you.”
- >You smile at his sweet gesture.
- “I should get back to Anon. Where are the haybeds again?”
- >”They’re the last door on the right to the great chamber. I appreciate our little talks.”
- “Me too. Let’s go for tea again after kitchen hours.”
- >”Alright then! Tata~”
- >You leave the room behind and hastily make your way to the storage room at the end of the hall.
- >You can’t imagine a wood table makes a comfortable pillow.
- >You’re Anon, and you woke up shortly after you passed out.
- >The room is empty, and one half of your face is painfully red, and you drooled a bit.
- >You get up and wipe the drool from your face, you still feel a bit sluggish from the high.
- >Just as you dust off your bare ass, and Ebola comes with a large bale of hay with her tail.
- “Whoa, that tail looks pretty strong.”
- >”It is. I bet I can pin you down with it.” She smirks.
- >You’re too tired to retort, however.
- ”What’s that on your back?”
- >She sets down the hay, presses it, and spreads it out so you can sleep on it.
- >”Oh! Discord made you these clothes!”
- >She walks over to you and grabs them with her teeth, and handing them to you.
- >You unfold them and look, it’s perfectly your size!
- >It’s a black and white striped prison uniform.
- >Nobody here wears uniforms, so this design must be some kind of joke.
- >But Discord took the time to make it for you, so you’ll have to thank him for it.
- “I’m surprised he’d do this for me, I brushed him off earlier.”
- >”You did? Aww, but he’s really nice you know. He just like to tease everypony. He means no harm.”
- “For a god of chaos, he seemed to be strangely benevolent.”
- >”Once upon a time, he actually terrorized Equestria. But when the Two Sisters stopped him, they sent him here.”
- >”He was a big meanie, even when we met. But I knew that he had some good character. He just needed a push in the right direction is all.”
- >You’re really impressed by her.
- “Wow, you confronted a big, bad god of chaos, and befriended them? That takes some balls. I like that.”
- >”Takes some balls? You humans have some weird expressions.”
- >……
- >You’re Anon, and you slept well despite the scratchy hay. Your new laundry-scented digs kept you nice and warm, you didn’t awaken in a shiver.
- >Ebola is still asleep, you don’t want to wake her.
- >You are hungry, and wonder if Discord is in the kitchen.
- >You need one or two friends here, admit it.
- >So, you head out the door and quietly creak it shut.
- >There’s a pep in your step, and you smile at the guard as you walk past him.
- >Today’s a great day, and you slept perfectly.
- >Going down the hall, you enter the cafeteria. You see a small dragon and a familiar blue minotaur eating what you believe is cereal at the opposite end of the room.
- >You see a dragonequus humming as the crackle of food echoes in the room, with the scent of eggs and breakfast foods wafting about.
- >You walk to the bar and sit on the round, comfy stool.
- “Discord, smells great. What’s cooking?”
- >”Oh, you know, the usual. Eggs, vegetarian sausages, french toast. Wait a minute...”
- >He turns around, pan in hand. “ANONYMOUS! So glad to see you, champ.”
- >You chuckle at his nickname for you.
- “Now, I’m not exactly a champ, but I did get pretty close. And by the way, thank you for the clothes. How’d you make them anyway?”
- >”Simple really, all you need is magic~”
- >Things must be pretty easy when you have magic to help you out.
- >You’re curious to hear more about this world.
- ”There’s all manner of mystical creatures here, it is still a shock to me.”
- >”Oh, I imagine so. The human world has few intelligent creatures aside from humans, pretty monotonous if you ask me.”
- >He says that as he continues cooking more food, and sets a plate in front of you. Looks delicious and smells divine.
- “Thanks, could you tell me about the different intelligent creatures that live in this world? Their cultures and such?”
- >”Oh, I definitely could, but wouldn’t it be better to read them for yourself? Surely there’s a bestiary in the library you could read.”
- “There’s a library here? Sweet! Man, prison here is actually pretty nice.”
- >”How so, Anonymous?”
- “Human prisons are pretty brutal. Theres unwarranted violence, solitary confinement cells where people don’t even get out for years on end, and worst of all rape...”
- >”WHOA, ANON.” He hushes to a whisper.
- >”Everyone here in Equestria is really sensitive. Talk of violence and… rape… are enough to send ponies to a psychologist or mental facility. You have to be careful what you say here.”
- >Jesus, you really underestimated this world.
- >You noticed the two in the corner give you weird looks, but they must not have heard you.
- “Thanks Discord, I probably would have traumatized someone without your warning.”
- >”No problem~. Now eat, you don’t want your food to get cold.”
- >With that, you chow down on the tasty semi-vegetarian dish.
- >You finished the hearty, filling meal.
- “Where’s the library, by the way?”
- >”Oh, that’s right, you’re new here.” He takes your plate and places it in a bin below the sink.
- >”I’ll take you there, no worries.”
- “Really? Thanks again, dude.”
- >He takes off the apron and walks out of the kitchen. “Shall we?”
- >The two of you head out the door together.
- >You’re pretty excited to see more of this place.
- >Which is pretty odd, since this is supposed to a prison.
- >To your surprise, you only walk across the hall to a door a little to the left.
- >He opens the door for you, and you walk in.
- >It’s a hell of a spectacle for a cave. The entire floor is tiled with black marble. Mahogany shelves that tower to the ceiling.
- >Orb-shaped lights hang from the ceiling artistically, and a fireplace glows in an open area with various chairs to the left.
- >This is supposed to be a prison library? Gods be damned.
- >Discord interrupts your wide-eyed awe.
- >”Is this better than a human library, Anon?”
- “Y-yes. It’s beautiful.”
- >You shed a tear.
- >He nudges you. “Well, lets not hang out at the door.”
- >And he walks past you to a short long, L-shaped desk with a polished birch countertop on the right.
- >”Oh, /you’re/ here, Purplesmart.” He groans.
- >Indeed, a purple pony is writing with a quill using unicorn magic onto a long roll of parchment.
- >Be Discord, with this normie of a human.
- >You’re face-to-face with the Unicorn of Friendship.
- >You just can’t stand this uptight bookhorse, not that she isn’t friendly.
- >She’s probably autistic, which makes you wonder how she still has more friends than you.
- >”Can I help you with something, /discord/” With extra emphasis on your name. She’s quite agitated.
- “Why yes you can, actually~. Anonymous here needs a bestiary, he’s from another plane.”
- >”Well, it’s actually at the tree-library in Ponyville. I needed it for-- what did you say?”
- “This human right here by the name of Anon needs a bestiary.”
- >”A HUMAN?! LIKE, A HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS? WHERE IN EQUESTRIA DID YOU FIND HIM?”
- >You consider warning Anon out of worry that he might spill the beans on how he insulted Celestia. Straight to her protégé.
- >But you refrain, since you’re a God of Chaos, and you’d find it pretty amusing.
- >He speaks for himself.
- >”I’m not from Equestria. I’m from a place called America.”
- >Oh god, he’s done it. Here comes the line of questioning.
- >Time to get out of here, before it’s too late.
- “Erm, well… I’ll be leaving then, I’ve got breakfasts to make! Tata!”
- >You’re scratching your head, you’re most likely Anon.
- >Discord poofed out of here before you could even ask why.
- >You’re alone with a purple unicorn with stars in her eyes.
- >”Y-y-you’ve got to tell me all about your species! I’ve only read it in one or two books of myths! You’re something of a legend!”
- “Whoa now, hold on. Humans have invented many things, but we aren’t legendary or rare. There’s 6 or 7 billion of us.”
- >”WHAT?! WHERE?”
- “Quiet down now, and one question at a time. I have plenty of time. Humans reside in a place called Earth.”
- >”What is Earth?”
- “It’s a planet in the Milky Way galaxy.”
- >”I’ve never heard of it. Considering the nearest habitable planet is light-years away, I don’t understand how you made it here.”
- ”Don’t ask me either. I fell down a well.”
- >”...what?” She cocks her head in skepticism.
- “That’s literally how I ended up here. I fell down a well in my world.”
- >”You have to be kidding.”
- >You’re Anon, trying to persuade a violet unicorn with glasses with your story.
- >It’s not working.
- >”That doesn’t make any sense. There’s gaping holes in your logic.”
- “Of course there is, it’s a well.”
- >You really ticked off bookhorse with that pun.
- >Her violet face turns a shade of red, but you couldn’t resist.
- >”Get out.”
- “Aww, don’t be mad.”
- >”I don’t want to hear your stupid jokes. I’m busy.”
- ”What about the bestiary?”
- >Purple pony cools down a bit.
- >”Oh, I’m sorry, there is only one copy and I borrowed it for a study project. Mind if I ask why you want it?”
- “No problem. I want to understand the folks here, since I don’t know how long it will be until I figure out how to return to earth.”
- >Her sour expression turns to one of remorse.
- >”Anon, how long does your species live?”
- >Her gentle manner of speaking makes you worried.
- “Umm… About 85 years on average.”
- >She frowns further.
- >”That’s about our lifespan… I don’t think you know this, but Tartarus prisoners don’t leave for at least 100 years.”
- >You are devastated.
- >You may never get to see home again.
- >You’ll never get to see your friends again.
- >All of your achievements, your goal to get the gold at the Boxing Championship…
- >...You’ll never get to experience life back home again.
- >But you don’t cry, you’re too prideful to cry in front of somebody else. Especially someone who also looks like they’re about to cry.
- >You instead shrug off your pain for the time being, and change the subject.
- >”What’s your name? You nor Discord didn’t mention it.”
- >”Uh… Oh, it’s Twilight. I’m sorry, Anon.”
- “It’s alright. Come here, Twilight.”
- >You reach over the counter, and pick up the light little pony with your arms.
- >And hug her sweetly.
- >She embraces your neck.
- >”A-anon?”
- “Yeah?”
- >”Could you please put me down, it’s a bit embarrassing.”
- “Oh, of course. Sorry about that, I needed it.”
- >She blushes as you put her down.
- >And she quietly rolls up the parchment she was writing up earlier.
- >”Anon, I-I didn’t mind. Would you do that… again some time?”
- >You smile and run your hand down her mane.
- “Sure, no problem.”
- >She avoids eye contact with rosy cheeks, as she puts bad over her bag with magic.
- >And fills it with 3 books and the fresh scroll.
- >”Well, I’ll be back soon. Come see me tomorrow and I’ll have your book, okay?”
- >She makes her way around the desk and to the door.
- “Alright then, later then, Twi.”
- >She waves at you as you watch her depart to the exit.
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