And now for something familiar

I weakly open my eyes and look at my surroundings. I'm in a white room with a fairly large window, on a bed,  surrounded by numerous bleeping machines that are hooked up to me. There's a shaggy man in a white coat next to me writing things down on a clipboard. He's most likely a doctor.
He notices that I am awake, and begins going through various generic and cliche doctor actions that don't need to be mentioned.
The doctor pulls out a laser pointer and uses it on my eyes before smiling at me, "Good morning, Joe. You've been out for some time, how are you feeling?"
"Like shit..." I weakly mutter out. Though that's an understatement. My whole body feels weak, there's a bunch of crud in my throat, my back feels as though someone was riding on it, some nurse or something wrote down their name and number on my hand, my head feels like it's splitting apart, and I need to piss. BADLY. My bladder feels like it's going to explode.
"Well, that's expected, due to the injuries you sustained a few months ago." The doctor says as he tests my reflexes with a hammer, before pulling out a thing of tic-tacs and downing its entire contents like a drug addict.
What?!
"A few months?! I've been out that long?!"
"Yes, it's a miracle you didn't die. Thank goodness medical science has progressed to the point where damaged muscles tissue and any non-immediately fatal injury can be healed, and thank god it's still expensive as hell." The doctor smiles while mentally guessing the amount of zeroes he'll get on his next paycheck.
"Yeah, sure." I sit myself up and pop my neck in an overly loud fashion, "Where's the bathroom?"
"If you need to relieve yourself I'll call a nurse to help you out while I go inform your family that you're awake." He then turns his body towards the door and shouts loudly, "Nurse!" Almost immediately, a Weresheep in a nurse outfit walks through the door and slaps on a warm smile, "Yes? What do you need?"
The Doc points a finger at me over his shoulder, "He needs help with going to the bathroom. Assist him while I tell his family that he's awake and tell the Wurm next door that she's going to get diabetes if she keeps consuming a lot of sugary things."
"Alright!" The nurse give the doctor a thumbs up before he leaves the room.
"Yeah no." I speak up and shake my head back and forth.
"Oh, I'm sorry, would you have preferred a Manticore or Kraken instead of someone like me?" The Weresheep nurse makes a dopey smile and tilts her head to the right.
"No, I can do this myself. I don't need any help."
"But you do, your muscles have weakened after laying there for a few months. You shouldn't be able to walk at this point." She pulls out one of those piss jugs and begins walking towards me, "Now let's get started, shall we?"
"Sorry, But no thanks." I throw off the covers, double jump out of bed, and preform a ten point landing with flowers and cranes spawning next to me, "As I said, I don't need any help."
"Ohh." The nurse claps her hands in an airheaded manner and looks at me with amazement. I've still got it.
?!
My weakened legs buckle under my body's weight, causing me to slam onto the floor.
...never mind...

---

"How are you feeling, Dad?" My Ryu daughter, Clara, sits next to me and the pile of smashed hospital machines that I destroyed a bit ago. The noise was getting on my nerves.
"Awful. The food here tastes like shit, and there isn't a drop of alcohol anywhere to make it even edible."
"Thank goodness, I was worried!" Clara sheds a tear and wipes it away.
"Are you listening? I'm starving to death here!"
"I should let you rest. I'll be back later." Clara gets up and leaves while waving at me.

---

A man with a proper haircut, business suit, tie, and sunglasses sits next to my bed.
I cock a brow at him, "Who the hell are you?"
"Don't recognize me, eh? Isn't surprising, since I no longer have a mullet."
...Mullet? No, it can't be....
"Lou?!"
"That's right."
"What the hell happened to you?"
"A lot. After getting married to my Unicorn girlfriend I got a real job, a real house, and a real vehicle; A car."
"So, you no longer have that scooter anymore?"
"That's right, I sold it."
"...But you were borrowing it from me..."
"..."

---

Claire sits on my bed and tries to spoon-feed me some of the awful hospital food, "Ah~"
"No."
"Say 'Ah~' now."
"No."

---

I sit up in bed while watching Clara go through the various get well presents I got from my students.
Among them are a large bouquet of flowers from my one Alraune student I don't remember having, A pair of stained panties from Shannon the Succubus, a life sized Solid Snaked from Metal Gear Solid made of Legos from the Anubis who's name I can't remember at the moment, A stuffed Wyvern idol doll in a frilly dress from Rose the Dragon, mineral water from Marion the Wurm, A half eaten pie from Kate the Wurm, a bottle of milk from Karen the Holstaurus, and numerous others.

---

I sit and blankly stare at the ceiling. I haven't eaten anything that didn't taste like crap in the last couple days, and I'm starting to lose it. If I don't eat anything good, or dull my senses with alcohol and/or pinball, I'm going to go insane.
"You look miserable." A familiar voice speaks from beside me. I turn my head to see who it is, and see that it's the purple Succubus principal for the local highschool I teach at. Her name escapes me...
"It's been a while, Principal."
"My name's Ann." She tosses a fast food bag, which I didn't notice until just now, full of heart attack inducing onto my ap, "Here, this is for you." Maybe I am going insane, but for a minute there the normally demonic looking principal appeared as an angel in my eyes for a split second.
I begin to practically inhale the bag full of burgers, fries, and burritos. The fat and grease never tasted so good before.
"Hurry up and get better, I want you to be good and healthy again soon. After all, I like to chase someone who can run, not sit there like a dead fish." The principal mutters something out, but I'm too busy eating to listen or notice the young Succubus and Harpy pressing their faces against a nearby window.