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- >After downing what must've been a gallon of the highest-quality bleach Earth had to offer you had found yourself in Equestria.
- >I mean, you had the money for it, you didn't have to settle for a low-quality off-brand product or anything.
- >Perhaps you thought it'd taste better, but it tasted like death allright.
- >Pretty much what you were going for, on that token, but you couldn't help thinking that perhaps suicide could've come in better flavours.
- >Either way. You woke up on a field with a headache faintly reminiscent of a Miley Cyrus concert while sober.
- >You didn't think it was Equestria at first, because you really couldn't see anyone. It sure as hell didn't look like a promised afterlife either.
- >At least it wasn't hell.
- >Or if it was, hell came in the form of large fields outlined by oak trees.
- >A quick inspection around you revealed that specific field to be rye.
- >Not a particularly pleasant realization, considering you were allergic. Not deathy allergic, but enough to irritate your entire body.
- >You basically sneezed on cue, leaving you to wonder if you had been reborn as a cartoon character.
- >You had decided to take the not-so-short way out and run for your life as long as you'd be able to breathe.
- >You made your way towards the oak trees lining the field, coughing from the sudden exertion.
- >Surprise surprise, your headache did not like it either. It felt like some devilish person had given Cyrus and amplifier now.
- >Perhaps a megaphone.
- >So you collapsed on the ground at the roots of the first tree you came in contact with.
- >Sneezing, coughing, panting, your entire body itching all over, and wrecking ball stuck on your head on repeat.
- >After a while of what must've looked like a mixture of seizure and suffocation to any potential random onlookers, you found the strength to stand up and observe your surroundings.
- >You realized you were on a road. Or well, on a bank of a road. It ran between two lines of oak trees, and seemed to go through the field.
- >Apart from the stench of death by rye attacking your nostrils and your horrible condition, this wasn't the worst place to be. So that probably ruled out the hell for good.
- >You decided that the optimal course of action was to follow the road.
- >I mean, at least it wasn't a rye field. It just went through one.
- >You were vaguely aware that the trees were planted near the road to stop erosion. You were also vaguely aware that you really didn't give a damn.
- >You just decided to start putting one foot in front of another until you found something that wasn't rye.
- >It took a while, but eventually you entered a small forest, basically consisting of a bunch of random trees, and you were able to see a structure on the other side of it.
- >Even amidst the wheezing for breath, your powers of observation weren't failing you.
- >You weren't exactly sure what the building was. It kind of looked like a farmhouse, but it was basically half the size of one.
- >At first you thought some rich bastard had built it for his kids.
- >Upon closer inspection, peering into the second-level windows you realized that wasn't true.
- >Your hint was a creature with eyes the shape of saucers jumping to the roof as it saw you.
- >Your reaction wasn't much more contained, as you fell flat on the ground and felt your heart skip a few beats.
- >You WERE in a cartoon.
- >What happened next was more or less a blur.
- >You tried to talk to the orange-coated pony, but she'd have none of that.
- >For some reason you found yourself exempt from the cartoon physics this pony was using to her advantage, so you weren't really in position to pursue.
- >Instead you decided to check if her house had working water utilities. You were kind of thirsty.
- >Having a taste other than bleach in your mouth couldn't hurt.
- >You found a sink, and although you needed to crawl in on all fours you managed to operate it.
- >Splashing water everywhere worked, some of it found a way to your mouth.
- >You decided to spend a moment to catch your breath and think of the implications of your situation.
- >Then it hit you.
- >Not a realization, in fact you weren't exactly sure what it was that hit you, but you could feel the impact alright.
- >It basically sent you flying to the roof of the tiny house, and that's about as far as you could remember from that episode.
- >You woke up eventually, feeling slightly worse than before.
- >After affirming yourself that you could feel all of your extremities, you rated your well being around 9/11.
- >Enough to sit up anyhow.
- >In other words, enough to make stupid decisions you began regretting just moments afterwards, as you heard an excited shout.
- >"It's alive!"
- >You turned to face the source of the sound, and found saucer-sized eyes around few inches from your own face while doing so.
- >Your movement seemed to spook them a bit, and they backed up to a more comfortable talking distance.
- >You recognized the pony as Lyra Heartstrings, and a quick scan of your surroundings revealed that you were in Twilight's castle.
- >Before you had time to recommend a better architect, the purple pony herself stood up from behind a desk.
- >"I don't think he was ever dead, Lyra."
- >You thought for a moment about whether you needed to correct her or not, but decided against it.
- >You opted for a more honest expression of confusion instead.
- "Err.."
- >This was added to the long list of decisions you had made, that had lead to regrettable consequences.
- >This time it was a full-body tackle from the mint green pony, and a verbal torrent of excitement that started before your back actually hit the ground with a loud thud.
- >"Hey there human, you're a human right? I've read all about your species. You can talk, right? Right? I'm pretty sure you can but I'm just making sure. We have so much to talk about."
- >Your answer was a relatively loud grunt of pain as you wondered if your spine was still intact.
- >Lyra backed off a bit on the sight of that, but didn't wipe the huge grin from her face.
- >It was honestly a little unsettling.
- "Pretty sure I can ta-"
- >At the first recognizable sound, she was jumping all over you. Literally.
- >"That's amazing! What's your name and what was your profession? I've read all about different professions of your species! Were you a dishwasher or a dictator?"
- >At first you thought she was glowing from excitement, but the colour seemed to not match.
- >Then she disappeared with what seemed to be an explosion in 50 shades of purple.
- >For a very few short moments your brain drew a blank on what had happened there.
- "... Thanks."
- >Twilight seemed more contained than her more inquisitive counterpart.
- >Less keen on shattering your ribcage with her bodyweight, at least, and that was something.
- "So I'm in Equestria, huh?"
- >In your defense, you were never a clever person.
- >"How did you know?"
- >You didn't even have time to regret before the question hit you.
- "..."
- >"Are there more of you, is this an invasion from somewhere?"
- >Her words elicited a burst of uncontained laughter in you.
- >Quite the invasion indeed.
- >On the second thought, you figured that if you could send knowledge of this incident back to earth, half of /mlp/ would be in market for premium textile whitening products, so you couldn't rule out the notion perfectly.
- >"What's so funny?", Twilight continued with a slight look of concern on her face.
- >At least she had the courtesy to let you finish laughing.
- "One-man invasion at your service, please let me catch my breath so I can take over Equestria."
- >The sarcasm in your voice was so overbearing that even Twilight got it, letting out a small chuckle.
- >"I suppose not, then."
- >You thought about spewing spaghetti everywhere and telling her how you had over 3000 confirmed kills, but you were too hungry to waste good spaghetti.
- "Yeaaah. Nope."
- >The realization that you really were no threat despite your physical size did seem to calm Twilight down.
- >"I suppose I went a bit overboard with the lightning bolt?"
- >Due to not being able to pounce at her, you opted for an angry gaze instead.
- "You think?"
- >"Well, you were out for three hours, that was hardly the intended effect."
- >She just refused to feel guilty about zapping you with a magical cattle-prod.
- "..."
- >"I didn't know you were sentient, either."
- "So you just zap anything that moves until you can identify them?"
- >"Better safe than sorry. I didn't think it'd knock you off."
- >Nope, no guilt there.
- >"Since you have nothing better to do, do you mind answering some questions."
- >The lavender mare had an inquisitive face on, and judging by previous occurences wasn't above zapping you half dead so you figured the best option was to comply.
- "Sure, Twilight."
- >"How do you..."
- >This time your years of visiting /tg/ gave you the perfect answer. Any highly advanced technology was more or less indistinguishable from magic.
- "Magic."
- >"Wh.. None of the reports we have from contact with humans say anything about magic and I don't feel any kind of energy on you at all!"
- >Perhaps claiming to be a wizard wasn't such a good idea, but you were sticking with it.
- "We could only enchant items, by inscribing tiny runes on small surfaces we called microchips."
- >This seemed to confuse her even further.
- >"So.. you have any such items with you?" She replied in a confused tone.
- >You patted your pockets pulling out an assortment of random items.
- "Nope."
- >"Then how?"
- "Used the items before I arrived here. We were able to look into other worlds with them."
- >The confusion on Twilight's face reached critical levels as you desperately wished you had your camera with you.
- >There was a long pause in the conversation, until she broke it by muttering something in a low defeated voice.
- >"I suppose Pinkie wasn't all crazy after all.."
- >This was your cue to get away with your bullshit and establish "Wizard Did It" as a legitimate answer to her future questions.
- "We called it breaking the fourth wall."
- >"..."
- >You didn't feel too good for the ridiculous lie you had just spun, but it did make her other questions easier to tolerate.
- >I mean, being able to handwave instant communications devices and the internet as advanced magic probably saved you thousands of words.
- >You answered her questions as best as you could apart from that. They ranged from biology to geography to physics.
- >Eventually she noticed how tired you were.
- >Or perhaps she got tired herself.
- >"We can continue tomorrow." she said, and started walking outside.
- "..."
- >Your dramatic silence didn't seem to impact her actions, so you figured you'd have to speak up.
- "Can I at least get a blanket?"
- >You could actually tell she was taken by surprise as her ears perked upwards.
- >"I.. Suppose."
- >The concept of having to think of you as a living being rather than a science project or a storytelling machine seemed to get to her.
- >Either way, she grabbed a blanket from somewhere in the room and floated it over you.
- >Carefully, as though she was dancing around a dangerous subject she continued.
- >"What was your name again?"
- >She had literally never even bothered to ask you if you had one.
- >You replied in a tone that made it clear that you were offended, as you tried to cover yourself with the hopelessly tiny blanket.
- "You can call me Anonymous. Anon for short"
- >"Anon.. I. I'm sorry I zapped you."
- >There was actually an apologetic sound to her voice now, but not enough to make you reply.
- >After a moment you could hear her hoofsteps and the creak of the door as she left.
- >Sleep was welcome, you really were tired.
- >You had a silly dream about Earth, except everything was actually powered by magic instead of electricity.
- >Twilight was there when you woke up, ready with more questions.
- >She even brought a checklist.
- >"I offer you food and lodging in return for answers, Anon."
- >Whatever emotion there might've been last night was absent from her voice once again, though she did seem to remember your name."
- "I.. Accept?"
- >"Perfect!" She exclaimed, pulling a sandwich from behind the table and presenting it for you.
- >You weren't exactly sure if everything in it was edible, but you were too hungry to question it further.
- >The barrage of questions began before you had time to eat through it anyhow.
- >You did your best to answer her, explaining the different kinds of 'magic' in your world as well as you could.
- >She even asked some personal things about you, about your profession and family.
- >She actually seemed to be genuinely interested in those things.
- >Cycle of sleep and questions repeated itself a few times.
- >It really wasn't too bad. She even got you a mattress filled with hay and a blanket large enough to cover you.
- >Taking a shower proved to be a challenge, since the showerhead was approximately at the height of your groin, but you managed.
- >Twilight slowly got friendlier, too.
- >She even started telling you things about Equestria.
- >Mostly things you knew, of course, but also some that you didn't. Relationships with neighboring countries etcetera.
- >You more or less started to get used to it, and she seemed to trust you enough to let you walk around the castle.
- >The guards wouldn't let you go just anywhere though.
- >Just anywhere mostly included outside.
- >But it still wasn't too bad. You didn't get uncontrollable urges to drink bleach to escape it anyhow.
- >Cycle of sleep and questions repeated itself a few times.
- >It really wasn't too bad. She even got you a mattress filled with hay and a blanket large enough to cover you.
- >Taking a shower proved to be a challenge, since the showerhead was approximately at the height of your groin, but you managed.
- >Twilight slowly got friendlier, too.
- >She even started telling you things about Equestria.
- >Mostly things you knew, of course, but also some that you didn't. Relationships with neighboring countries etcetera.
- >You more or less started to get used to it, and she seemed to trust you enough to let you walk around the castle.
- >The guards wouldn't let you go just anywhere though.
- >Just anywhere mostly included outside.
- >But it still wasn't too bad. You didn't get uncontrollable urges to drink bleach to escape it anyhow.
- >You let out a sigh, partially to your own surprise. You hadn't even noticed you had been holding your breath.
- >The waves of relief running through your body make you let out a little laugh.
- >"Anon, this isn't funny. It says right here on page 398 tha-"
- "Twilight."
- >Your interruption diverts her focus from the book back into you, and she looks into your eyes with a mixture of worry and fear before continuing.
- >"It's absolutely horrible. It says that your species captured and ki-"
- "TWILIGHT!"
- >Your raised voice seems to snap her out of it for good, as the only sound coming from her mouth turns to unintelligible stuttering.
- "The Holocaust was nothing."
- >"H-How can you say that. It's.."
- "Largely irrelevant."
- >It was Twilight's time to raise her voice.
- >"HOW CAN 6 MILLION DEATHS BE IRRELEVANT?"
- >Her sudden outburst leaves her panting, as you look at her and wonder how naive she really is.
- "6 Million is a overblown number based on very little evidence."
- >"..."
- "I'd say the actual number would be much closer to one or two million."
- >There is a look of confusion, horror and disgust on Twilight's face as you look at her. She manages to squeak a response.
- >"That's still horrible!"
- >You let out another small chuckle at Twilight's expression.
- "Not particularly horrible, but sure."
- >She basically screams her answer at you.
- >"NOT PARTICULARLY HORRIBLE?"
- >The expression on your face is stuck on 'you done?'-mode.
- >She isn't done.
- >"THAT'S.. That's like half the population of Equestria right there!"
- "Exactly."
- >Her words fall into confused stuttering once again, but this time you wait for her to regain her composure.
- >"Wh.. But w.. What do you even mean?"
- "Twilight."
- >Her only reply is heavy panting and a utterly confused expression.
- "When I left Earth, the estimated population was over seven billion."
- >You give your words a moment to sink into her, savouring the expressions as she tries to wrap her head around the numbers and logistics of a population that size.
- "There were more than 130 million born each year."
- >Her jaw is gaping now, as she's desperately trying to come up with words.
- "Now, I'm not saying that what happened wasn't morally wrong or reprehensible, Twilight."
- >"..."
- "In fact, I'm sure there was plenty of unnecessary suffering caused by the people that were on the proactive side of those events."
- >You signal at her book as you speak.
- "But in a population of that size, even if it was a fair bit smaller when the Holocaust happened..."
- >At this point you weren't sure if her jaw would ever recover.
- "It just isn't that much, Twilight. More people die of diseases each year. More people die of the regular flu each year, even though those that do are usually of old age."
- >She seems to be catching on to what you're saying, and her jaw actually does seem to be recovering. You decide to continue before she can re-open it with the intent of speaking.
- "Malnutrition kills more. As far as historical events go, the disease known as the Black Death claimed around a hundred million lives."
- >She doesn't seem to be ready to answer just yet.
- "And that was when the population on earth was less than five hundred million, Twilight."
- >"I.. I didn't.."
- "The Holocaust was relatively recent, and very directed towards a certain part of the population. It just gave face to all the suffering that took place on Earth."
- >"... Know."
- "It was small enough that people were able to focus on it, and happened in a part of the world where it was possible to study it. In all likelihood, it became important and remembered incident precisely because..."
- >She seems to be willing to let you finish at this point.
- "Precisely because it wasn't as horrible as some other things, that you'd rather turn a blind eye towards."
- >You find it a bit too difficult to continue looking at her at this point, so you redirect your gaze at your feet instead.
- "And because it was already over, whereas some of the other things still continued when I left."
- >You spend a moment fidgeting your feet around nervously as you wonder if she'll find the words she's looking for.
- >She seems to have trouble speaking, but she continues anyway.
- >"But those deaths weren't all caused by.. Other humans?"
- >You just shrug.
- >"Right?"
- "Not directly, Twilight, but many of them could've been prevented."
- >She seems to have trouble wrapping her head around the concept, as there is serious doubt in her voice as she answers.
- >"Why weren't they, then?"
- >You give it another shrug before returning to face her gaze. The anger is gone, replaced by confusion and sadness, mixed with a slight notion of defeat.
- "Too many people I suppose. It's hard to care about those that you do not know anything about, that you haven't met personally, and who share very little in common with you."
- >Sensing that the explanation wasn't enough to satisfy her, you proceed.
- "And you have to life your life, too. If you just try to help everyone else, well, you better hope someone helps you in return, because there's a lot of people to help."
- >She doesn't say anything, but her expression speaks volumes.
- "You just can't help everyone, so it's easy to give up."
- >The two of you just stay there in silence, out of words to say about the subject. You notice some tears in her eyes and can feel yourself following suit.
- >Without saying anything she walks next to you, sitting on the side of your makeshift bed before looking you in the eyes again.
- >"Is that.."
- >Her voice is broken, but gentle.
- >"Is that why you left, Anon."
- >You can't bear to look her in the eyes for your answer, so you break the eye contact while slumping your shoulders in a defeated manner.
- "Yes. Yes it is, Twilight."
- >There are more than a few tears on your face at this point.
- >She continues in the same broken tone, but there's a glimmer of happiness in it this time. She pushes closer to you as she responds.
- >"You're in a better place now, Anon."
- FIN
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