Muffinocalypse

>Be Twilight Sparkle, and be enjoying a pleasant day of reading in your library while ignoring the screams and tremors originating from the town around you.
>Sipping the last of your tea, you calmly turn the page of your book, and you call out to your number 1 assistant.
SPIIIIKE!
>Grumbling as he comes down the stairs, he walks up to you with a scowl, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
>Such a lazy dragon, you'll have to cut back on his gem supply, he's getting a little pudgy.
>"What?"
>Looking at him innocently, you pretend not to notice his agitation.
Will you please make some more of that delicious tea? Thank you~
>As he walks into the kitchen, he puts up one of his middle claws, in that strange hand gesture that Anonymous taught him.
>Speaking of Anonymous, your door is suddenly thrown open with a bang as the human in question runs into the library.
>Grabbing your shoulders, he lifts you to his eye level and shakes you repeatedly while screaming in your face.
>"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
AAAAAAAAAGH!!!
>"JESUSFUCKTWILIGHTHELPME!!!"
AAAAAAGHWHAT'SWRONGAAAAAAAH!!!
>"DERPEEEEEY!!!!"
>Hearing an explosion in the background, he gives you no time to respond as he turns and sprints back into town, ignoring the looks of the terrified, crumb coated pones, and cradling you under one arm as you continue to scream.
>Back in the library, Spike shakes his head and returns upstairs for more sleep.
>Fucking Spike.

>Be Anon, and be flipping the fuck out.
AAAAAAAAAAAGH
>"AAAAAAAAAAGH"
>Ashes and muffin crumbs drift from the sky, and great white flashes erupt in the distance.
>Currently, you are running as quickly as you can past the devastation that you yourself may, or may not have wrought, attempting to avoid dropping the still screaming alicorn in your grip, and trying to decipher just what the fuck went wrong.
>You were spending some quality time with your favorite mail mare, just walking around, pelting random pones and houses with muffins.
>She's so cute when she concentrates to line up a throw, scrunching up her snout, and closing one eye.
>And she somehow always manages to cause maximum destruction with just a toss. Brought down the clocktower with one muffin, she did.
>When you had finished painting the town with mixed berry and chocolate chip, you decided to stroll leisurely through the nearby park.
>And there you came across a few barrels of what appeared to be glowing radioactive waste, forming a thick puddle beneath them.
>"Ooooh, it's so pretty..."
>As Derpy timidly walked over to dip a hoof in, you stopped her in obvious concern.
>You knew what this was, and you didn't plan on letting the grey pone grow an extra head any time soon.
>But not 2 seconds after you both turned your back and decided to continue on your stroll, with the full intention of leaving this to be some other pones problem, you saw Derpy trip over something, and pitch forward.
>...And in a mind boggling twist of reality that will haunt your sanity for life, she landed with a splash in the nuclear goop that was at least 20 feet behind the two of you.

>Back to the present, you look up and point with a shaky finger at the floating green cutestrocity that used to be your... Friend, she was just a friend (insert lip bite and look of longing), as she somehow hovers without functional wings over a now cratered part of the village.
YOU SEE THAT SHIT!? FIX IT!
>"Wh-what happened to her!?"
FUCKING MAGIC, DOES IT MATTER!?
>Derpy is flying there, mane molted off and patches of skin missing, exposing the muscle and bone beneath.
>Scrunching what's left of her muzzle in a still admittedly adorable fashion, she tosses a glowing muffin towards town hall.
Shit...
>The muffin lightly splats on the roof, leading to the area being immediately enveloped in a blinding light as a mushroom cloud rises into the air, and a shockwave spreads from the point of impact.
>Being thrown backwards from the force of the blast, you slowly rise to your feet in time to see her drift away to an untouched part of town.
>Twilight pulls herself out of the wall of a nearby building, and looks to you with a suprsrs expression.
>"We can't handle this by ourselves, Anonymous, I have to get Princess Celestia."
>You look at the retreating figure in the sky for a few moments before giving a nod. This was more than you could handle.
>"I'll head to Canterlot, you... Just try to slow her down."
>In a zap of purple magic, she's gone, leaving you alone in the wreckage.
>Clenching your fist, you run after Derpy. Your Derpy.

>Huffing from exertion, you arrive in the park just as a squadron of Royal Guard appear in a flash, led by sunbutt herself.
>Fucking cheating pones, teleporting bullshit.
>The situation looks tense, as the two opposing parties stare each other down.
>Well, one does, Derpy is back to sitting in the puddle of green goo, splashing about and giggling to herself.
>"DERPY THE PEGASUS, YOU WILL CEASE YOUR SENSELESS DESTRUCTION, AND RELINQUISH YOURSELF TO MY CUSTODY IMMEDIATELY."
>Using the Royal Canterlot voice, the Princess surrounded by her contingent of guards begin to advance on Derpy, who just looks on in confusion.
>Finally catching your breath, you begin to run between the two opposing forces, in an attempt to stop this before it gets ugly.
>Catching sight of you as you reach her side, Derpy smiles and brings out another muffin, holding it up to you in offering.
>Unfortunately, the muffin tips off of her hoof, and lands in the toxic waste beneath with a wet splat.
>Celestia has just enough time to wrap you and any nearby pones in a barrier, before a deafening boom fills your ears, and white floods your vision.
>It's happening.
>The explosion resulted in the complete destruction of Poneville and it's surrounding area, in what would forever be immortalized as "The Muffinocalypse" in history books.
>A disaster that set the pone kind that chose to settle here back hundreds of years as they descend into anarchy and violence.
>When you can finally see again, you gape at the wasteland that now surrounds you, feeling like you could have prevented this.
>You look down at the adorable grey-green pegabomination, and can't help but smile as she puts her hoof to her head and sticks out her tongue.
>"I just don't know what went wrong..."
>[spoiler]Yeah, you'd still hit it.[/spoiler]