life updates and whatnot

oh boy this was definitely needed. if you hadn't noticed, there have been a lack of streams. when i'm visiting geoff, sometimes it's hard for me to stream all the time. mostly i'm just there helping on his channel, which is fine with me. :)
but even when i'm at home, sometimes i don't stream as regularly. i want to kind of explain why, and then kick it in the ass and go out of this with a whole new attitude. WOO!

so, as some of you know, i went to college and did great my first semester. things went downhill my second semester, and i had basically screwed up. a lot had happened mentally that semester, and juggling it with schoolwork, i had no idea how to handle it. i freaked out, and decided to try going back again in the fall (this past fall). i started off just fine, was completely motivated and was doing well with my work, and then i felt overwhelmed again mentally. the same thing happened that happened in the spring, and it made me realize that i am not ready to go back to college just yet. i have a lot to fix mentally, and i need to work on handling it better. i have been going to the doctor, and we are working on figuring out the right combination of medicine that works for me and my life. i have a mixture of anxiety/depression, and sometimes the two together can be a real bitch. since i don't have it together, me trying to do schoolwork and focus, well, it didn't work at all.

i have decided that i am taking off next semester to focus on myself. i need to find the motivation and the right medicine to help me do the things that i want to do. i KNOW that there is so much i want to do, and it's not that i don't want to do it, it's just that sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed. i need to slowly work towards getting to where i want to be so i can go back and get my degree, but i'm not there yet. this will give me until approximately the end of august to figure things out, which is a good chunk of time for me. i might go back, i might not. i don't know where i will be in august. as of right now, i plan on going back, but we'll see how i feel when the time comes. my mental health is more important than stressing myself out over college.

what does this mean for streaming? well, this means that i will be streaming 6 days a week and taking one day to myself. my stream has been very successful, heck i started back in MARCH and had no idea that this is where i would be right now. i love you all so much. every single one of you. you've helped me become who i am, and i know that you'll all be supportive during my time of figuring out a lot about me and what makes me better motivated. i guess you could say i'm going somewhat full time until i decide if i want to go back to college or not. i plan on sticking to the schedule i make so that it'll get me in a rhythm and you guys will know exactly when to expect my streams. lets see where life takes us together. <3

again, i'm sorry for the lack of streams, but there's been a lot on my mind. hopefully we can continue to grow the kaddy shack and be a great stream family. :D

- octomom rachel/misskaddykins