Possibly the most MLG story ever

Ryan the schoolboy sat at a park bench, surrounded by other students. Although he was in year 6, he was still picked on by the Kool Kids. Ryan desperately wanted to join the Kool Kids Klub, but he always got laughed at because he only has 1 tooth. Today, he tried his luck again. He put on his fedora and walked over. They stared at Ryan as he walked over. He put on his fedora and walked over. They stared at Ryan as he walked. He pulled out a packet of Panadol, and injected 5 of the hard-core Panadols. “Hello, you dankalicious swagbags!” They all stared at him silently and all simultaneously pulled out guns. Ryan’s eyes widened with disbelief. Their leader, Vladimir Molotov was holding an intervention. He rarely spoke, but he pulled down his Villain’s Veil and menacingly and robotically stated “You what mate?” And they all opened fire.
Ryan stood, unable to move as the 9 members of the Kool Kids Klub unleashed hell upon him. Ryan closed his eyes in anticipation of the pain. Bullets flew, copypastas were yelled repetitively, dust flew as everything the bullets hit was violently torn apart, from concrete to an innocent student or two. The shooting only lasted seconds, but seemed to last a lifetime. The dust cleared and Ryan was standing in the same position, but the ground directly behind him was clear of bullet holes and everywhere else was peppered. It was almost as if he had a shadow where there were no bullet holes. Ryan thought for a moment. They were bad guys, of course! Bad guys can’t hit a thing!
Ryan looked around and saw his fedora lying in the dust. It had several bullet holes in it. Rage, pure and simple built up inside Ryan. His prized fedora was ruined. In a split second, he formulated a plan of attack. He reached into his left pocket and pulled out a handful of marbles and he threw them on the ground in front of the enemies as they reloaded their weapons. They instinctively stepped forward and stumbled. Ryan took the chance and grabbed all of the weapons and then aimed the weapons at his enemies. “What… Are you, like, six?” Vladimir asked. Ryan dramatically replied “I’m turning seven in 4 months.” He then did a 360 degree turn and fired.
Vladimir Molotov was hit in the crotch and crumpled to the ground. The rest of the K.K.K ran at him. In a moment of terror, Ryan dropped every weapon except for his intervention. They engaged each other for almost 2 minutes before the sound of gunfire was overruled by the sound of a chinook filling the air. From it, a figure parachuted. It was David Vonderharr, in all of his glory! He screamed “Hardscope scrubs,” as he nerfed all of their sniper rifles. David didn’t pull his chute, so he slammed into the concrete, splattering his innards across the floor. Ryan fired his intervention which hit Vladimir in the head. He spiralled back, but got back up. Ryan watched as the wound healed in 5 seconds flat. Vladimir smiled as he pulled out a recently buffed LMG, and opened fire yet again.
Ryan ran to his left and took cover behind a trash can. He reached inside his right pocket, and pulled out a mobile. He put it to his ear, and made a call. Ryan waited until the gunfire had stopped and then slowly walked out with his hands up and the phone still in his hand. “What ARE you doing?” Ryan stood without saying a word. The sound of another chinook filled the air, but this one was closer to the ground. There was the sound of something snapping, a whoosh, and a figure landed next to Ryan. The figure was perfectly still, hands on hips, pulling a very heroic pose indeed. Vladimir Molotov looked at the man’s face. It was PewDiePie. Vladimir panicked and opened fire upon his new enemy. PewDiePie moved like a blur, faster than Ryan’s eyes could follow, and Pewds seemed to be in 2 or 3 places at once. The gunfire stopped and the bullets all hit the building behind him. PewDiePie then pulled out a revolver and aimed it at Vladimir, who looked absolutely flabbergasted. Pewds then raised his weapon to the air and fired 3 consecutive shots. Before anybody could ask what the hell was going on, ANOTHER chinook sounded. Upon waiting a few more seconds, hundreds and hundreds of chinooks slowly flew over to the school. Ryan watched, amazed, as at least 20 million 9 year olds (all armed with Barrett .50 cals) landed in similar heroic poses, except holding their sniper rifles pointed towards their lower right hand sides. Vladimir Molotov could do nothing but gulp as all of the 9 year old overweight clones simultaneously dropped to one knee and pointed their rifles at the K.K.K. Pewds made a forwards gesture with his hand, and they opened fire. Ryan saw at the last second that he was in the line of fire. He began to run towards the edge of their target-zone, and he was about halfway when the shots were fired. Ryan would remember later how loud 20 million sniper rifles firing 3 bullets a second sounded. It was deafening, and Ryan didn’t know how his eardrums remained intact. It was like thousands of bombs going off. Ryan didn’t comprehend the sound at the time, he was too busy jumping and weaving through seemingly never-ending waves of bullets. He could actually see them fly in front of his face, feel the wind of them pushing him. Unbelievably, through all of the dodging and weaving, he escaped with nothing but a grazed shoulder and a hole along the edge of his shorts. Ryan landed safely, and watched as the K.K.K members were physically torn apart, with literal eruptions of blood that formed like clouds appearing. Vladimir had every one of his limbs torn off, and as if the first shots weren’t enough, the shooting continued for 4 seconds or so, and the concrete was torn apart, and the sheer amount of bullets caused a 2 story set of classrooms to collapse on top of what was left of their mutated corpses. The dust eventually settled, and Ryan went over to PewDiePie. “Thanks, Pewds,” he said happily. “No problem, Ryan,” he replied, “Now don’t forget to like, favourite and subscribe for more!” So Ryan punched a hole in his chest, through skin, abs, and ribs, and tore out his still beating heart. PewDiePie gasped for air as the beating began to slow. He could do nothing but crumple to his knees. “No” was all Ryan said as he crushed PewDiePie’s heart with his hand. Pewds fell to the floor. Ryan looked to the Bro Army, and he watched as, from closest to him to furthest away, they all powered down like robots without a battery. Ryan walked away, as he had forgotten to eat his lunch.
EPILOGUE
Ryan walked through his front door and into his house. He took off his snapback and hung it on the wall with the rest of his collection. Ryan opened his fridge and pulled out some Mountain Dew and Doritos. After a quick CoD trolling match, he walked over to his PC. He stopped in his tracks. There was a figure sitting in his chair. The chair slowly turned around to reveal the figure. Ryan couldn’t believe his eyes. It was Vladimir Molotov.
“How is this possible,” Ryan questioned aloud. “Well,” Vladimir replied “What if it isn’t? How do you know that I’m me?” And before Ryan could reply, Vladimir aimed a pistol at him. Ryan simply sighed as he pressed a button on his phone behind his back. Vladimir then proceeded to reach up towards his face. He grabbed at his chin and pulled upwards. ‘A mask,’ Ryan thought. The mask was slowly pulled upwards until it was completely off his face. It was Michael Rosen. “Michael Rosen!? What on earth…” “Yes Ryan,” Michael replied, “But what if it’s not Michael Rosen?” He reached up and tore off another mask. It was Ryan. Ryan gasped. He was looking at a perfect image of himself! “Well,” the original Ryan muttered, “How do you know that I’m Ryan?” The fake Ryan was puzzled. The real Ryan pulled off a mask. It was Vladimir Molotov. “Well, guess what,” the one remaining Ryan said, “What if I’m not Ryan?” He then pulled off his mask. It was Optimus Prime. “Oh yeah?” Vladimir asked, and then he pulled off a mask to reveal that he was in fact a pineapple. Optimus prime moaned, bored. Optimus pulled off a mask to reveal… Optimus Prime with C4 strapped to his face. The pineapple also noticed that he had a pack of C4 strapped to his chest. They both screamed as the house exploded.
The first explosion was only moderately small, taking out a few rooms. A figure watched on from fifty meters away. A few seconds after, there was a much larger explosion, so large that it took halves of the side buildings apart. A woman ran out, yelling “Filthy scrublords,” before she was brutally noscoped by a meme. The meme was a troll face, and it bounced around for a few seconds before it was noscoped. It was noscoped by the figure that watched on, his face still hidden. The figure looked over to his house to see a large number of memes flowing from the rubble. The figure had a moment of panic before he threw a grenade into where the memes seemed to be coming from. The grenade exploded, only a small explosion. The figure was already running full speed away from the house. The grenade that detonated didn’t just blow up; it had blown up to spread out several grenades that were inside it, 420 to be exact. They had spread out in an almost perfect circle, and all detonated simultaneously. They weren’t regular grenades, and so the houses up to 3 houses down were completely and utterly rekd. The shockwave knocked an onlooker over, and the onlooker fell and splattered her head all over the concrete. The figure ran away from the shockwave and the fireball, and his face was revealed. It was Ryan. Ryan then began to pull open his shirt superman-style as he ran in slow motion away from the explosion. His shirt underneath read:
“Swag”.