Babysitting Connie ep. 1

>be the boy
>and the beach
>simaltaneously
>henceforth and forever
>beach boy

>connie seems to have settled right into your beach shack
>she's got her things tucked away in your den, which is more of a glorified closet than anything else tbqh fam
>she told you how her mom dropped her off after picking the lock and set off to find you
>she told you how she's been poking around while you were out
>all in all, you're pretty fucking pissed
>today, day one, you're off to see if someone can't take this little shit off your hand
>your hand which she is currently grasping, much to your chagrin

"Thanks so much for taking me out today!" she says, swinging her (and your) arm about as she happily trots alongside you. "Where are we going?"

>you look down at her, forcing a smile that barely conceals your contempt
>she's wearing some dumb, foofy dress and a big stupid hat along with those weird, clunky boots
>we're gonna go see Steven, pumpkin
>and if he's not home maybe you can help me find a good spot to dome myself

Connie's eyes light up for a moment before her tremendous eyebrows furrow in thought. "Isn't Steven, ah, busy with something?"

>not too busy to say hello to his bestest friend ever
>...and you, of course

Connie nods with a confident smile; "You're right;" she says, nudging you with her shoulder, "if it was /that/ important, I'd be over there training with Pearl right now!"

>you shudder at the saccharine little sand flea's mention of a certain someone
>you'd totally forgotten about Pearl
>well, it's been awhile
>maybe she's chilled out a bit
>you stop and tell Connie to scram for a bit, to which she quickly kicks off her shoes to go splash around in the shallows
>while she's off getting sand in her buns you fish out your phone
>tippity tip tap
>'now calling ammy-thist'
>...
>...
>...

"Yo," cries a familiar voice, "how's it hangin' Beach Boy?"

>to the left
>you're glad she still laughs at that one
>yo ams me and connie are heading down to your place, you free?

Amethyst groans; "Nah, man. Garnet and Pearl are all freaked out about some little blue thing Steven saw."

>lapizzle?

"Nope; that was my first guess, too." You can practically envision Amethyst laying on the couch, fiddling with her hair when you hear Pearl squawk at her to get off her fat, purple ass. "Ugh, look, Buh-Buh-Beachie Boy;" you hear the springs shift as Amethyst shifts; "we can't have you guys over right now. ...or, uh, any 'now,' anytime soon."

>fug

"Yeah, sucks man." Amethyst chuckles on the other end. "Tell ya what; I'll sneak outta here tonight and come hang for a bit. I knooow you don't like Connie too much, so I'll distract her for awhile."

>alright that sounds cool
>thanks b--

"SO HANG IN THERE!" You can hear Amethyst laughing through the ringing in your ears, and your phone makes a light 'bzz' as the call is dropped.

>eeeeeugh
>you look over just in time to see Connie putting her boots back on and come racing over

"Was that Steven?" she asks, cocking her head to the side.

"No."
>er
>no
>it was amethyst
>they've got their hands full, my crusty little carbuncle

"Oh..." Connie frowns a bit, lowering her gaze.

>hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
>you give her a rough pat on the head
>cheer up, you sad sack of shit
>let's head into town and uh
>I'll getcha a big ol' donut and/or doughnut

Connie looks up at you for a moment before giving you a warm hug, nuzzling your belly with her cheek. "Thaaaank yoooou."

>fucking
>kill me
>fam

***

>THE BIG DONUT
>where they sell donuts
>big ones
>hence the name
>*dingalingaling*

"Heeeey," says Sadie, jerking herself out of boredom upon seeing the two of you; "good to see you, guys!"

>ayyy say-dayyy
>what's bakin'

"Hi, Sadie." says Connie, marching up to the counter as you trudge behind her.

>you glance towards the back room
>what's lars' excuse today my dude

Sadie sighs, "The flu, apparently." She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, popping back into a pleasant state. "So, what can I getcha?"

Connie "hmmmms" audibly, gripping your hand as she looks over the confections. "They all look so /good,/ huh, Beach Boy?"

>yep now pick something
>say sadie
>you do a lot of babysitting?

"Not really," she says, leaning on the counter, "why?"

>hmm
>well got any spare keys for my ball and chain here?

Sadie snickers, trying not to laugh. "Oh, /that's/ why." She looks over the counter at Connie, who's chittering away about perfect circles and the process of making the hole in the donut. "...I, uh," says Sadie, leaning over and lowering her voice to a whisper, "thought you two didn't get along..?"

>/shrug
>she gets along with me
>I don't get along with her
>besides her mom snuck her into my house and got the fuck outta here so my hands are tied

"Alright!" says Connie, jumping to her feet. "I'll haaaaaaaave... One of those great, big, glazed ones!"

Sadie looks to you, bemused.

>gimme two dozen doughnut holes friendo
>sadie doesn't stop giving you that god damn look until she's fetching your snacks
>you feel a tight squeeze on your hand and glance down
>Connie says nothing, beaming up at you
>eeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhh

"Here ya go." says Sadie, smirking at you. "On the house."

"Thanks, Sadie!" Connie bolts out of the store, leaving you with your bag o'holes.

>........
>.......ok
>you trudge out of the store, tempted to flip off the shortstack behind the counter when you hear her mocking "come again"

***

>it's almost 3, so you start heading back
>you and connie have finished up your doughy nuts and are taking the long way home

"Sooooooo..." says Connie, "What's new with you?"

>oh you know
>scavving
>exploring
>vidya gaems
>old movies

Connie chuckles, "I asked what was /new,/ silly."

>glare
>well not a whole lot
>just kinda goin' through life till something happens
>et tu

"Hm..." Connie lets go of your hand, giving you pause. "Well, I can fight now! With a sword, even!"

>uhhuh

"Ummmmmmmm aaaaand I fought Jasper the other day over some movie tickets, aaaaaand I finished reading the new series of 'Unfamiliar Familiar' spinoffs aaaaand..."

>kay

"..." Connie looks up at you for a moment, concerned. She takes a few steps forward, putting a hand on your shoulder. "...are you alright, Beach Boy?"

>uh
>yes?

She doesn't seem to accept your answer. "...are you /sure?/ Are you sure you're doing okay..?"

>I'm fine

"..." Connie steps back, looking you over before giving you a firm hug. "...okay."

>...........
>...........
>...........
>so uh
>what do you feel like watching tonight

"Horror movies!" cries Connie, jumping back. You're put-off by the sudden heel-turn, but at least she's not clinging to you. "You've gotta show me one of the ones you said we'd watch last time!"

>nuh uh, no way
>it's gonna be like
>way bloody
>and there's probably gonna be boobies
>aaaaaand it's for people of mature and refined tastes such as myself

Connie scoffs, putting her hands on her hips. "'Mature and refined tastes,' huh?" She gives you a sly grin, "Is that why you drink Shasta when you're out of Dr. Thunder?"

>boi I will fite you

Connie's grin gives way to a smile, which gives way to a giggle, which gives way to a laugh.

>alright now let's get a move on
>you head off, stopping only to watch Lars get a few rocks thrown at him as the cool kids drive by

*loading screen*

>it is now evening time
>and like most dating sims going outside is not viable when the sun ain't shinin'
>you're watching "Killer Klowns from Outer Space," a longtime favorite
>Connie's never seen it so you're having fun with deconstructing it with her
>pay attention to the dialogue now connie cause there's a lot of shit going on

Connie's sitting in your lap, leaning over a bit to fully absorb the campy-ness of the 80s fever dream. "...so, wait;" she leans back, looking up at you, "these guys stole an ice cream truck and drove it to the makeout spot to... Annoy people?"

>they did it to pick up chicks
>even though they already have two of the frumpy ones in there with'em I guess

"Hmmm." Connie looks back at the screen, watching the teens pelting the ice cream truck. "...kinda sounds like something Lars and Ronaldo would do."

>you share a laugh and settle in when there's a knickety-knock at your doorski
>harumph
>you stand up, leaving Connie to be engrossed by the weird, made-for-movie theme song to see who it is
>yo what's up

"Hey, Beach Boi!" calls a familiar voice, "It's me! Ama-teest-uh!"

>ayyyy lmao
>bring that fat purple ass in here gurl
>amethyst lays one on you as she walks in
>seeing what's on TV, she hurls herself onto the futon

"Yooooooooo is this the one about the clowns?" She immediately settles in, pulling a bowl of chips out of her mane.

"Yep." mutters Connie, transfixed. "Hasn't that old cop been in a lot of movies?"

>ye
>he was even in "I'm gonna git you, Sucka" as a joke

"Huh." they both grunt in reply.

>you plop back down on the floor, with Connie quickly scuttling into your lap
>you look back to see Amethyst teasing you with a chip between her lips; you snatch it with a smooch

"So," she whispers, "how long you got'er for?"

>month
>perhaps more
>imagine

Amethyst groans, rolling her eyes. "...well, we'll probably wrap this thing with Steven up pretty