Depression: A Beginner's Guide (unedited)

Okay. Serious Talk Time, from a totally unprofessional perspective highly biased by my own experiences. This is kind of stream-of-consciousness, so bear with me.

The short version is that everything being a chore, crying because of laundry (something I definitely do during low and/or anxious swings) and thinking it'd be nice to be happy again and thinking maybe going to [insert trusted person, parents or friend or whatever] will give that support tell me that yeah, you're down. Good days, happy days, those can happen during depression. Depression isn't feeling sad all the time, it's the brain making the basic things seem impossible or not worth it. This usually results in sadness/hopelessness/awful, but not always. Sometimes it's just... there.

And honestly? If you have ways to cope, if you know how to get through it--.

I used to think things like that a lot, and actually still do--"Oh, it's not Too Bad, so many people have worse lives/illnesses/whatever" and keep it inside. At some point I knew I shouldn't, knew I should maybe just tell someone "Hey, things feel kind of weird and off." But it wasn't as important as other things, and there's no real need to take up anyone else's time. That? That is the lie the brain sometimes tells.

The most important thing I can say is this: If you think you should be poking someone--again, parents, friends, whoever (including professional, which was my own personal case) feels right, including an 'I would poke them if this were that bad, it's not, I shouldn't bother them'--if you think maybe someone should know for some indefinable reason, or even just want to poke someone not because you think they should know but it just feels like what you should do? That instinct is right.

Not everyone's ways of coping will work for you. I need professional and medicinal help like whoa, but don't take any of this to be ONLY DOCTORS WORK thing. My friend who constantly contemplates suicide, or the one who thinks being alive is inherently evil and the world should be burned, or ones completely debilitated and obviously not coping? Them, they need help from someone trained for it and, frankly, medicine. But not everyone needs therapy or medicine.

If you don't constantly feel helpless/worthless/hopeless? If emotional support gets you through it (or physical! Unexpected gifts of apple pies are great)? If you have coping mechanisms--not just keep it to yourself but actually get through it and come out the other side without that lingering down feeling, feeling normal? Good. Use them, whatever they are. As for talking to people: some people to be left alone; some don't think they need someone but do better with. When dealing with this and people, if someone makes it feel worse? Don't feel you can't step away.

If what you're trying isn't working, don't keep trying those specific things because 'it always worked before.' So long as it's not something self-destructive, try something new. That solution can change, too, so listen to yourself and its flow--be it staying alone, reaching out, rereading books, finding new ones, whatever. Trying to beat constantly against something you normally like or normally works but is somehow unsatisfying doesn't help. Getting locked into something hurts.

But above all, if you feel someone, specific person or not, should know? If even a tiny part of you wants to tell someone? You're right. Tell someone, because that is not a lie your brain tells you.

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(Addendum:)
What I should have specified and didn't, because it was subconsciously 'obvious' to me, is that 'tell someone' did actually mean someone physically there, if safely possible. (I'm sure not all situations have that.) Much as many of my closest friendships have come from online, are usually where I could first talk about things that were wrong, and as much as I loathe anyone who thinks they are worth less or less valid or have less depth than face-to-face relationships? Someone physically there, seeing, maybe just physically being there for whatever you need--home-cooked dinner or take-out, hot chocolate, a hug, games or laughing to break the grey, or just sitting in silence together--can make all the difference.

So I'm always here, and I understand how it feels from the inside, and I'll do everything in my power to help you. But, as I've discovered in my own experience, it's important to have someone watching your back--and it's nice to know they're there.