starlit heroics chapter 4

~*~*~* Chapter Four: Blinded By The Light *~*~*~


The next morning, Dan was actually able to pry himself out of bed before Letro woke him up. It hadn’t been a particularly easy sleep. It had been filled with uncomfortable dreams.

In particular, he remembered the figure of a young woman with dark skin and cinnabar hair. He wasn’t quite sure whether he had been this girl or whether he had been watching the girl, but he remembered her. At some points, he could recall a checker-print battlefield, a vast beast, and a tower hovering far over a frankensteined together patchwork world of colors and mayhem. He was pretty sure Ranthael had shown up at some point because he recalled blue bangs and a black leather jacket.

At other points, he saw a snow-covered mountain pass, saw her being left to die in the cold. He saw a vast hall full of cages filled with people, some he knew and some he didn’t. He saw city streets he didn’t recognize from any kingdom, and beheld a monolith in the skyline that looked a bit like a needle.

But there wasn’t much use dwelling on it, he thought to himself. It was just a dream. A weird one, sure, someone working at the Lunardream Factory must have been having a laugh. But it was only a dream nonetheless, no matter how real it might have felt.

He sighed, and pulled his clothes on, and opened the door to find the Letro in question just about to knock.

“...Damn it. I like waking you up.”

“Letro, that's weird.”

“Yeah whatever. Anyway, your mom told me to tell you the Lumentians say you're clear to come pick up a Reviver Stone.”

“Oh, really? That's good to hear.”

“Yeah we're all ready to go downstairs. We're having breakfast. Kaj has been bitching about going to Lumentia since we sat down but he can deal with it.”

“I'll be right down. Save me some eggs, at least.”

“We've got the usual smorgasbord waiting for you, Danno, don't you worry.” And Letro ran off again, to do Letro things. Or probably have breakfast or something.

Dan watched him leave, and stretched. Okay, Reviver Stone was go. Dani was going to be back today. That was good. She was probably getting impatient over in Heaven. At least, he hoped she went to Heaven. He didn't really know the kind of things she kept in that lexicon of hers. Ultra porn? Maybe.

When he arrived at the breakfast table a short while later, the rest of the team sat gathered around, just as the food was being served. “Oh, good, I'm not late...”

“See this is why you need me, Danno. Someone's gotta get you outta bed for breakfast, right? I mean we know how much you loooooove being up for breakfast. You're way up for it. Just put a bagel around your-”

“That's enough Letro. And for the record that's a waste of a good bagel if you don't put cream cheese on it first. Or have a girlfriend to eat it off.”

“Hey look at that, he's playing along today!”

“Letro, please.”

“Listen, all I'm saying is I feel you. If someone got me the perfect Griffilar-made bagel from Ville de Briller, I'd put my dick in it also. Those things are a work of art.”

“You know, we could hook you up.” Starr piped up. “There's this amazing deli near the castle run by an old Griffilar couple, their bagels are to die for. That and the pancakes. Good shit, man, good shit.”

“Maybe we should take them there once we've picked up the crystal and the reviver stone.” Spirit smiled. “We'll bring Angel, just make it a party. It'll be great.”

“Well that sounds like a date to me, what do you guys say?”

“Mmm...” Dan hated to admit he could feel his mouth watering at the sound of it. “Yeah, that actually sounds really good.”

“Only if I can put my dick in the bagel.” Letro laughed. “Nah, I'm only kidding. I'm in.”

“Oooh... you guys took me there last time we all had movie night at your place. I'd love to go again, for sure.” Luna chirped.

“Do we have to go to Lumentia? During the day?” Kaj groaned. Starr folded her arms and gave him a look.

“And you were perfectly fine going to Lumentia to steal our soup?”

“It was sunset. And frankly the place is absurdly bright even at night. During the day I'll be blind. What good is a blind guardsman? None. None good, is the answer.”

“Oh, suck it up, buttercup. You don't even have to go.”

“But if Luna's going, I want to.” Kaj stopped as he realized how that might sound to the rest of the table. He could already see Letro starting to smile like a git. “You know, I might as well keep being a grounding point, right? Give her something familiar to hold onto...”

Well shit, now he had just gone and made it worse. Now more than just Letro was grinning at him, now Starr and Spirit had joined him. Spirit's third eye was wide and glowing, revealing the deep blue love in his aura, the lavender hesitation and the thistle-colored embarrassment.

“Hold on to, you say!”

“Not like that-”

“Oh I bet you'd looooooove to hold on to Luna wouldn't you.”

“Dude shut up!” Kaj looked around the table at the grinning teammates, then at Luna, who was blushing a vibrant red, now. “Can't you see you're embarrassing her! Think of the Luna, guys!”

“No Kaj, I'm... I'm fine. Really.”

“No, this is not okay. I'll defend you from these heathens!”

“Kaj, I really don't need defending... they're just teasing, right?”

“Well Kaj, are we just teasing? Why don't you tell her.”

“...Yes, yes they are just teasing. Harmless ribbing. Yeah.”

Spirit and Starr exchanged glances between them, as if having an agreement entirely with thought. Does he look like he's lying to you? He looks like he's lying to me.

Eventually, it was Dan who cleared his throat as if a cough would cut through the awkwardness hanging over the table. “So... that's the plan, then? We head to the Lumentian capital, get the crystal, get the Reviver Stone, and have lunch. Right?”

“That sounds about right. Then while we're having lunch we can decide what to do next. Me, I wanna go to Magmarne. No real reason, I just like the idea of going to Magmarne after this.”

“Well, let's get to it at lunch, I guess... We can put it up to vote. I still need to get the crystal from here come to think of it. I can do that after breakfast and before we set out, I guess.”

“You got this, Danno. Now let's actually eat this before it gets cold. That bacon is calling my name. A thousand pigs died for my sins, and my sins are how much I am going to eat. Turns out fighting eldritch abominations and breaking into a castle twice really takes it out of you, you know?”

“I mean... I definitely see your logic. I can agree to that I guess.”

“Good! Now let's eat.”

–

Soon after breakfast was finished, Dan was first to rise from the table, heading off to the back rooms, the more personal rooms, of Librata Castle to seek out his parents. He found them in a family sitting room, leaning on one another as if they were very tired. One, of course, was the vermillion-haired Queen. The King, on the other hand, was a broad-shouldered, silver-haired man.

“Mom? Dad?”

The Queen was the first to look up and over at him. Talia made a motion for him to approach, and pulled him into a tight embrace when he did. “My son, I’m so sorry… The Reviver Stone is ready to be picked up, if you-”

“It’s not about that. We’re about to go pick up the Reviver Stone. I wanted to… tell you some things, I guess.”

Now, Talia seemed more intrigued than saddened, and this seemed to pull the King’s attention, as well. “Go on…?”

“I want to tell you about what I learned in there, and… some other things. See, we went back, after-”

“You went back?! You could have been killed!”

“I know, Mom, I know. Please, hear me out… Letro came up with the plan, and he got the rest of the team on it. Did they tell you what they saw?”

“That the Zempheriean royalty had strange auras, yes. I also heard from Rainer about the sick man that tried to claim dominion over the kingdom.”

“Okay, then... then you already know something messed up is happening. Seriously messed up.”

“We do, yes.”

“Good, because it’s related...”

“Please, son. Finish your story...”

“We tunneled into the castle, under the barrier. Purple had gotten stuck in there, and we felt like we had to save him. The King and Queen caught us again... Luna managed to stop the tigers this time. When they talked, they sounded like... like dual-tone. Someone else was doing the talking. Luna punched her older sister to make whoever it was shut up. And then Kerenza appeared.”

“None other than the Goddess of Love herself?”

“Yeah. She was chasing after someone called ‘Sunitha’. She kind of implied they were possessed by someone really nasty. She acted really nasty. They ran off, though, and Kerenza chased them. We found the attendants and all of Monroe’s cats locked in the basement, along with the Royal Dragon, his daughter and Purple.”

“I see. So, this crime isn’t their doing at all...”

“No, it isn’t. The Royal Dragon said he would take up responsibilities until they got back, because Luna wanted to chase after them.”

“Very well. I’ll be in contact as soon as possible.”

“That kinda leads me to my next point. I need the kingdom crystal.”

“What? Why ever would you need that? You know that we’re solemnly sworn to protect it.”

“I know, I know. But Spirit came to us with a theory that apparently Queen Lumentia was working on. That the crystals might be used to power that archway at the Crossroads.”

“The one that was supposed to go to Ethernealrus a hundred years ago and longer? Why do you want that open?”

“Well, we haven’t been able to find the Teleporter Stone lately, and, well… I need to go there, Mom. See, the night before last, I went to sit in the Cemetery to think, and I got… visited. By Lilith. The Goddess of Shadow.”

“It has been a simply divine last few days for you, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Anyway, she told me she thinks that crazy god Dani was talking about is trying to attack, and she asked me to go to Ethernealrus to go get some kind of sacred stone artifact thing for her because she has to be on guard.”

Talia paused to consider this. “Very well. Wait here.”

The Queen exited the room, leaving Dan and his father to stare at each other.

“...So.”

“So.”

“I guess I’m on some kind of magical divine quest now.”

“Hi, On Some Kind Of Magical Divine Quest, I’m Dad.”

“...Please.”

“Well can’t blame me for trying to lighten the mood.”

“Well, no, but… I guess I’m just tense. I got asked to go on a quest for a goddess. That’s a lot of pressure.”

“Your sister is going to be overjoyed at the chance to go to Ethernealrus. Just focus on that.”

“I guess, yeah. She’ll be really happy. I’m even kind of excited. I’ve always wanted to go there...”

“Now’s your chance! Think of it this way. You’re seeing new things, and helping protect the world at the same time. Just remember, son. No crying until the end.”

“Yeah, I know.”

The rest of the wait was long, awkward and silent. This was kind of a big bombshell for Dan to drop and he felt a little bit like they didn’t need this kind of thing in their lives. They absolutely didn’t and he knew it. But he had to tell them eventually. Not like he could just steal the Crystal. They would notice and start asking questions. It was best to just be honest about it.

Eventually, Talia returned, carrying with her a white crystal, which thrummed with a low rumbling vibration if you held it, and swirled with spatial distortion.

“Take it. I trust you’ll keep it safe.”

“Thank you, Mom. Really.”

“The weight of the world is on your shoulders, my little songbird. I hoped it wouldn’t be this soon, but I suppose that’s circumstance for you. Just remember, Daniel. You have the full support of me, your father, and the rest of the family. I’ll tell your siblings and cousins about your ordeal. If you ever need any assistance from any of us, all you need to do is ask.”

“That means a lot to me...”

“Don’t worry about it now. Go to Lumentia and tell your story to Queen Lucidia. Pick up your Reviver Stone and have her bring you their crystal. We all believe in you, my son.”

“I know, Mom. I know.”

“Go on then. Your friends are waiting. And I’m sure Danielle won’t want to be kept waiting ether, will she?”

“Heh… I guess not, huh… I’ll be home before you know it.”

“Go on, go take on the world, songbird.”

As Dan left the room again, Talia sighed and sat back down next to her husband, draping herself around his shoulders and falling loose. “Elnathan?”

“Yes, dear...?”

“This year has been everything I never wanted to happen. We still haven’t found Sister, and now this… I didn’t want him to have to face the world so soon. I wanted to protect him a little longer. I wanted him to be ready. Is it wrong for a mother to want to protect her child?”

“No, dear. But he’s not a little boy anymore. He’s a man now.”

“But… is he really ready for something like this? This is so much bigger than he is...”

“I’d like to believe he is. Did your father believe he was ready to take on the War of the Undead?”

“I suppose not… I hope he’ll be okay.”

~*~*~

The route to Lumentia was quiet and peaceful. Traveling past the Crossroads this time led the team through a pair of gilded filigree gates, at which the guards posted saluted when they saw Spirit and Starr accompanying them. Past the gates, the kingdom opened up into golden fields and flowers that seemed to shimmer and glow.

Kaj, of course, covered his eyes. “Why’d it have to be Lumentia. In the middle of the day. Why.”

Luna sighed deeply and reached into one of her pockets, handing over to him a dainty pair of pink women’s sunglasses. “Here, princess. Wear these and maybe it’ll help protect your delicate eyes.”

Kaj looked like he was going to rebut for a second, but thought better of it and put the sunglasses on. In fairness, it did help with the brightness of the surrounding environment. But he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about looking like kind of a fop in these.

Maybe it was just best not to question it.

Eventually, Spirit was able to wave down a vehicle for the group. It was a large van-like automobile, bright yellow, with the words “Steve’s Sheno-Taxi Service” painted on one side along with a phone number. Visible driving it was a large man with what looked like permanent five-o-clock shadow and one of those little brown cabbie hats.

“What’s doin’ Princess.”

“Good to catch you, Steve. We need transport to the castle for six, please.”

“Yeah, I can do that. Come on, all of yous, climb on.”

The six of them piled into the cab and buckled up. The inside was, startlingly for a cab, impeccably clean, with the exception of the front ash tray, which had a large cigar placed inside of it.

“So… this is convenient.” Dan commented, staring pointedly at an air freshener hanging in the window which read ‘fuck you’ in bold blocky letters.

“Oh yeah. Steve always seems to show up when you need him, you know? It’s great. Steve is the best.”

“Uuuuh huh.” No matter how earnest they sounded, Dan was forced to quirk an eyebrow at Spirit’s enthusiasm. This must be some weird Lumentian thing he wasn’t familiar with. Was this what culture shock felt like? Was this that mythical thing he always heard people from the colonies talking about?

Yes, this must be exactly what was happening right now. Clearly. He chose instead of pursuing the thought to watch quietly out the window next to him as the countryside faded into suburbs and subdivisions.

Sprawling on the fringes of the setting, in geometric order, an insulated border. In between the bright lights and the far unlit unknown…

Dan shook his head out. That dream must have still been getting to him. He had suddenly very clearly remembered that, for some reason. In his head, it was sung like a lyric, and sounded staticky as if it were being played on an old radio. A phrase also stuck out in his mind, when he thought about it.

“Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone...”

“...Danno? Buddy? You okay?”

“Wha-” He looked up suddenly and looked toward Letro. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? That sounded like some middle school scene shit you were just spouting there. Oh, I’m such a misfit, I’m so alone, woe is me!”

“No, no… just thinking I guess. I had a weird dream.”

“You wanna talk about it? Come on, we still got a drive ahead of us. Let’s go grade school sleepover!”

“No, Letro. It’s not that important. That’s just a phrase I remember really clearly, for some reason.”

“Alright, alright, whatever you say, Chief. I’m not the boss here, that’s you.”

“Thank you.” Dan happily returned to staring outside. Houses passed, small businesses passed, and the buildings slowly started getting taller. He watched as the subdivisions finally gave way to a sprawling metropolis, and noticed as some lights suddenly turned on around the exterior of the vehicle. What might have been a traffic jam before gave way to the otherwise inconspicuous cab.

Dan recognized this. This was a feature that public transport had installed in Bel Air, too. When the driver turned the lights on, it meant he was carrying very important passengers. Celebrities, high-profile military commanders, foreign dignitaries or royalty, usually. Dan supposed that there was a little of all of that in the cab. Except maybe celebrities.

He thought to himself how neat it would be to have a famous person hop on board right now. But what were the odds? The Merry Murderesses weren’t going to just jump on the van out of nowhere. Mill Swith wasn’t going to just come say hey what’s up. Lady Gogo wasn’t going to show up in one of her meat dresses. But man, would it be cool.

Even as royalty he had to respect that anyone he wanted to meet had busy lives, even though he could theoretically ask to meet them with no problem. There were just some rules of etiquette that you didn’t break. Oh well.

He snapped to attention as the vehicle came to a stop outside the Lumentia Castle yard.

“Here’s your stop.” Steve grunted, flicking the air freshener. “This is where I’d charge ya, but for these two? Ride’s free. Don’t get used to it. ‘Specially you, Sunglasses.”

Kaj looked up, startled. “What, why me?!”

“Go on, get outta here and go take care of your business.”

The party disembarked, and entered the magnificent foyer of Lumentia Castle. Thankfully to everyone, things seemed normal, unlike their trip to Zempheriea. Attendants milled about and no one looked particularly distressed. Standing there waiting, in fact, was a young woman with a very curly undercut and a certain determined gleam behind her cyan eyes. Most of the group recognized her immediately, leaving Kaj and Letro in the dust when they didn’t.

“Angel!” Luna especially seemed to latch on.

“Shit, Luna… I heard about what went down. You don’t know how glad I am to see you safe.”

“It- it’s not about me, Angel. We’re here for the Reviver Stone.”

“Right, that’s what I was waiting for you for.” From the pocket in her fancy, yet ultimately surprisingly plain jeans, Angel pulled a small white stone.

It seemed to simply be a rock on looking at it, but when Dan took it from her, he could feel the energy of life thrum in his hand and in his very soul. It was almost as if it had a heartbeat, which was somewhat unnerving to someone who had never handled one of these before. It was how he knew this was the real thing, though. There was no mistaking it, even to the uninitiated.

“Thank you...”

“Mom wanted to hand it over personally but she’s in the back library talking with Professor Hayward about something.”

“Wonder if it’s about what he told me last night...” Spirit looked to the others, then to Angel. “Take me back there. I need to do some intense research anyway.”

“On what?”

“What I saw in Zempheriea Castle.”

“What, you mean Dani-”

“No, something else. I’ll tell you on the way. Dan needs to ask Aunt Lucidia a question anyway.”

“I do?” It seemed to take Dan a moment, as he had been busy pondering the thrum of energy behind the Reviver Stone he held. “OH! Right. I do, yes. It’s very important. Critical to the state of the world, apparently.”

“What, did you get visited by a god or something?”

“...That’s literally exactly what happened.”

“Oh. Well. Wasn’t expecting to be right. Okay, follow me. Spirit, Starr, you know the way, the rest of you step lively. And tell Shadowrian there he looks like a fop.”

“H-hey!” Kaj pouted. “You don’t even know I’m from Shadowrian!”

“Dark clothes, hood, sunglasses. Also you were here before the raid bringing that stuff from Miss Shyama. What, you think I didn’t see you?”

“...Damn it.”

Angel led them into the back once again and into the magnificent library. Today, the Queen sat at one of the tables with a small pile of books and a similar moleskine to the one Spirit had been using.

Another blonde woman stood at her side, in uniform with two pistols at her hip. She seemed to be standing alert and on-guard, scanning around the room. If one were to look closely, they could see decals of teal and violet in the mass of gold and blue décor. The royalty recognized this as royal heraldry and medals from Ventureni.

Meanwhile the brown-haired man with the suit and the ponytail lounged behind a counter with a book written in what looked like Venturenian characters. He chuckled occasionally, not seeming to notice the new arrivals until Angel spoke up.

“Professor?”

“Ah! Angel!” He looked up from his book. “I see you’ve touched base already. What do you need?”

“Mostly just to talk to Mom, for these guys. Spirit wants to do more researching. Like a neeeeeeerd.”

“Now now, Angel, there’s nothing wrong with the pursuit of education. What is it that you need?”

“I need anything you can find containing the name ‘Sunitha’.” Spirit stated. “I saw some things when we wet back to the castle-”

“You went back? After Princess Librata was murdered?”

“Long story. But suffice to say, I have a definite lead on what went wrong, and it involves somebody by that name. If you can bring me those, I’ll-”

“Think nothing of it, Spirit. Go touch base with your aunt. I’ll see what I can find.”

“Thank you.”

As he began to tap away on a nearby computer, the group sat down nearby Lucidia. While she looked up at them with a calm, almost bored expression on her face, the guard who stood by her squinted down at the group with a gaze that almost felt like she should be looking at you with eight eyes, not two.

Before she could begin the customary interrogation of those foreigners who would dare approach the Queen uninvited, however, Lucidia intercepted her.

“Hello, your mother said you would be coming today. What errand do you have of me? I asked Angel to give you the Reviver Stone, unless you have another request?”

“We’ve come to ask you about the kingdom crystal.”

The guard squinted even harder, but was silenced by a glare from Lucidia, who continued to speak calmly. “Is that so? What about it? As it happens, I believe I have a lead on what their purpose might be...”

“Yeah, Spirit mentioned that. How they might be power sources to that archway at the Crossroads, right?”

“Precisely. Very good.”

“Well… I need to get into Ethernealrus. Our teleporter stone has gone missing, you see...”

“Ah, like ours has. I see. Intriguing that they would start disappearing like this.”

“If I may have a word, your Highness,” The guard began, “I still suspect thievery. Things were misplaced in the room where the stone was stored. The box was open. It looked like someone blind had done the job. There were fingerprints that didn’t match any currently in the system.”

“And it could have been an attendant who needed it.”

“I… suppose the system does only account for criminals. That is something that needs to be changed.”

“I’ll order it then. You, need to take a moment to relax.”

“I can never relax so long as you are in danger, your Highness. I already have so much to worry about with the situation in Ventureni, I do not need thieves breaking into the castle...”

“Adrienne, please. I know you’re smitten with Jade, but she needs to take care of that nasty arranged marriage problem on her own.”

“Oui, I know...”

“Anyway, go on, Dan?”

Dan began to explain all that had happened over the past two days, beginning with the visit from Lilith and ending with what they had seen in Zempheriea Castle the night before. The entire time, Lucidia nodded along slowly, her frown becoming more and more pronounced as Dan’s story continued.

“I see. Well. That is indeed concerning… very well. I’ll be off to fetch the crystal. I overheard Spirit asking our good librarian about some research, maybe you kids can attend to that in the meantime?”

“Yes, ma’am, thank you.”

“Think nothing of it, little songbird. I’ll be back in a moment.”

As Lucidia got out of her seat and walked off, and the guard left to take a breather, the librarian returned with a stack of two or three very old looking books. Spirit seemed even a little surprised at the lack of material.

“Is this all?”

“Everything we have in the library. Whomever this is, either someone wanted them buried, or thy buried themselves...” He looked down at the books in his hand. “In any case, they couldn’t completely bury themselves, now could they? Obviously they’re documented in order to be in our library at all. See if what little I was able to find might help.”

Spirit took the books and looked them over. The first had a cover whose title was done in worn gold leaf and written in Colonial Lumentian. The second, an unmarked hardcover, The last, was a book that looked more like a journal, and had the same heart symbol they had seen on Kerenza’s little clothing printed on the front. None looked very big, which concerned Spirit.

She supposed she would start with the first book. It was a good thing she could read Colonial Lumentian, she thought to herself. But she realized that the rest of the team might not speak it. Indeed, a scan of the auras around her revealed confusion. Letro, naturally, also looked bored. She assumed this was too much study and not enough fight.

“I’ll do my best to translate. Encyclopedia of Divinity and Natural Order, it reads...” She began to flip through the pages. It was filled with ornate sketches of the gods as they must have looked back when this was written, but in her scanning of the book, she didn’t spot any entries that weren’t already also recorded in Danielle’s lexicon.

Just for the hell of it, she decided to take a look at Kerenza’s entry, as she remembered that the goddess had been chasing after this rogue entity. What she found there certainly did surprise her.

“Our Lady of the Heart is also a sworn protector against those assaults on the fragile mind, particularly those enacted by the rogue fiend called Sunitha, also known as the Anathema of Beauty, the Killer of Men and the Mad God’s Mother. It is customary to burn sage and Heartleaf and leave the afflicted in the room as it fills with smoke if it is suspected that an individual’s mind is being harried by Sunitha, as it will supposedly summon Kerenza’s attention to the individual for investigation.”

“Well… at least it’s documented?” Dan shrugged.

“I guess there’s that.”

“It isn’t anything we didn’t already know, though.” Starr frowned.

“I’m just surprised you all are diving into a different rogue fuckwit when we already have God King Fuckboy taking potshots.” Angel leaned on a nearby pillar, crossing her arms. “Kinda putting a lot of eggs in one basket, don’t you think?”

“It isn’t that. We’re looking for some connection to him. When Kerenza showed up, she implied this happened back when Cerphixen went to shit.”

“Okay, I see your logic. Carry on.”

Spirit flipped open the next book. This one seemed to be written in strange characters, which Spirit recognized to be Kingdom Venturenian. It, strangely, had translation notes in the margins, which she began to rad off. “Milady had been acting strangely for quite a while now, and I was determined to find out what had caused her sudden change in mood. I gathered up the ritual supplies, difficult to find in the quiet town of...” She paused, then looked up at Hayward. “This is one of your foreign romance novels.”

“...Oh, my giddy aunt. You weren’t supposed to get your hands on this...”

“Hayward. What was this doing in the royal library.”

“Well, I do have my off periods. I believe I was in the back, reading away, when I was called to the front. I must have shelved it in my surprise.”

“Why exactly do you read foreign romance novels?” Luna had been silent until now, but curiosity killed Monroe’s cats, right? But satisfaction brought them back.

“Oh it gets even better.” Angel laughed. “They aren’t just romance novels. They’re trashy, smutty romance novels.”

Hayward gently deposited his face in his hands. “I read them to teach myself the language. That’s all.”

“You sure about that? I mean, we’ve seen your Glacientyrian dungeon porn.”

“It is not Glacientyrian dungeon porn. It is written in Glacientyrian, it takes place in a dungeon, and it features two individuals having sex. That does not equate to dungeon porn.”

“I’d argue that that’s exactly what it equates to.”

“Yes, well, no one asked you, did they?”

“Let’s just get back on track here...” Spirit opened the last book, and squinted at it, frowning.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t recognize this language.”

“That’s strange… how did this get into the library, then?”

“I don’t know. Keep it on file, though. We’ll need to investigate this further later.”

“Done and done, then. Very good.”

“Well… I guess all that’s left is to wait for Aunt Lucidia. She’s taken a while, now. It’s not that far to the crystal...”

~*~*~

The Lumentia crystal rested in a room in the cellar, behind large steel doors engraved with poems in Kingdom Lumentian and locked off by a sensor that only a sufficient burst of magical light could trigger. It was hidden still by dusty wine barrels and rack upon rack of old newspapers from every kingdom.

When Lucidia opened the door, however, she was surprised to be greeted by the startled face of a young man with a metal arm. His eyes widened behind his white bangs when he realized he had an unexpected guest, and as well, Lucidia’s eyes narrowed at the sight of someone unauthorized in the crystal’s storage room.

“Who are you, and how did you get in here.”

The poor son of a bitch looked around the room, clearly rather distressed now. “Uh… I don’t know. Wow! This teleporter crystal must be broken! This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.”

“Mmmhm.” Lucidia leaned against the frame of the door and folded her arms. “Son, why don’t you start by telling me the truth. I can see that you’re lying. Surely a good thief would know what they’re getting into before they try to steal the vitally important artifact. You clearly do not know what you’ve gotten into judging by the fact that your aura just lit up more orange than a Magmarne barbecue.”

“Listen, uh… ma’am… I got sent here. By… a guy...”

“The same ‘guy’, perhaps, who recently tried to take over Zempheriea.”

“...Yeah. That guy.”

“He sent you here, knowing full well that every kingdom is on high alert after that incident. Knowing full well that his first plan crumpled under the weight of us bearing down on it.”

“Well, see… I was going to do this a couple of days ago, but… you have really good bagels here. We don’t get good bagels on Cerphixen. So I just… stole a hotel room, and… maybe… stayed here and ate for a few days.”

“Mmhm. I’m going to chance a guess and say you aren’t very high up on the pecking order in his little organization of mad men, are you.”

“Hey, I made it to number seven just fine!”

“By being very good at providing menial service.”

“Excuse you, I make a mean cup of coffee, I’ll have you know.”

“I’m sure you do.” Lucidia smiled a bit. “How about you and I strike an agreement.”

“Er… what kind of… agreement.”

“First, tell me your name, son.”

“My name? Uh… it’s Jack. Just, Jack.”

“...Well, I suppose Hayward has some competition.” She mumbled, shaking her head a bit. “Anyway. Tell me, Jack. Do you particularly enjoy your position? What is it like?”

“It.. it’s awesome! We get free food! And working indoor plumbing! I mean… I guess we have to deal with the boss man killing us, or blinding us, or… taking arms off of us if we fail a mission, but… but it’s still better than living outside!”

“Did he do this to you?” She made a vague motion at Jack’s arm.

“Er… yeah...”

“Why?”

“I put too much sugar in his coffee one day. My Animus friend had to make me a new one.”

“I see. And you still believe this to be, as you put it, ‘awesome’?”

“Well it’s the best thing you can ask for! Or… at least… I thought it was. Everything’s so bright and shiny here. It’s all got pretty colors. I like pretty colors.”

“Well, son, let me tell you something. Here on Xephixir, food, water and working plumbing is a right. If you are willing to tell me what you know, I can offer you protection. A home in any kingdom you choose, and as many bagels as you like.”

“As many as I want?”

“Absolutely.”

“That’s a lot of bagels.”

“I can afford a lot of bagels.”

“And you won’t cut any arms off?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Well… that sounds great!”

“I’m glad to hear it. Your first order of business should be to hand me the crystal set within that pedestal. Yes, the one you were about to take just moments ago. That crystal.”

“This one? The shiny yellow one I can’t look at.”

“Yes. That one.”

“Er, alright.” He reached out and picked up the crystal, looking it over. Try as he might, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why Xerizero wanted the damn thing. Wasn’t it a little too shiny for him? Or maybe a lot too shiny. He usually went for the corrupted grimdark approach.

Was this treason? Was he going to get the melty thing?

Maybe it was fine. Maybe if he just hid out on Xephixir no one would come for him. That was how this worked, right? This shiny lady said she would let him live here. And give him free bagels. How could she afford so many free bagels? Did she live here? Did she work here?

If he just gave her this crystal, he got food and a house, maybe. That’s all he had to do. Give her the rock. It’d be great. Denzia would have a place to do his machine things and maybe not be poked constantly by that weirdo in Research and Development.

On the other hand, the melty thing if he got caught. The melty thing was legendary. He thought back to when the boss had kidnapped those Xephixerians. One was blind, and she never came out of his throne room. The one with the white in her hair did though. She was crying. Jack was not a smart man but even he knew that must have meant the melty thing.

But now he had a choice to make. Food, or melty thing. Pretty colors, or melty thing.

He handed over the crystal without a moment’s more thought. Pretty colors it is.

“Good, good, I’ll see to arranging you a--”

“Mon dieu, how did that mongrel get into the chamber?!”

The sudden appearance of a third voice made Jack jump back so high he nearly hit the ceiling, and his metal arm fired a bright white laser. The laser struck Lucidia in the side, which made Adrienne pull her pistols.

“HALT!” she demanded as Jack looked for a way back out of the room. Unfortunately for him, there was only one exit, and it was in the direction of the scary spider-looking woman with the gun.

“What did I do?!”

“You are under arrest for breaking and entering, attempted burglary and intent to ki-”

“Enough, Adrienne. Put the guns down.” Lucidia clutched her side and relaxed. As she did, teal flowed forth from her hands and the wound began to stitch back together. “It was a glancing blow, and a misfire, at that. I might hazard a guess and say that your arm has been upgraded fairly recently.”

“Is… is it that obvious…?” The poor boy looked very shaken after that brush with near-regicide. He wasn’t any of the other numbers besides those Xephixerians. Murder? Nah. He was the coffee bitch and he knew it, no matter how much bravado he had put on earlier.

“At ease, Adrienne. This boy was just about to be given a pardon from me, personally.”

“A pardon?!”

“They sent none other than their errand boy to steal a highly secure artifact. From us. I thought the poor boy might want something better. Something less dangerous, and frought with the threat of death upon failure. So, I offered him protection.”

“Mmh...” Adrienne squinted hard again. ‘I suppose, if you say so.”

“I’m taking you off duty for a few days. You’ve been overworking ever since the incident with Zempheriea.”

“I still cannot believe you are letting a group of children-”

“Yes, the children of one of the sharpest investigators in the kingdoms, my nieces, and one of the Zempheriean royals who was able to escape whatever must have taken them.”

“And the other two?”

“Trusted militarymen, of course.”

“Very well, I suppose...”

“Good. You are, as of now, off duty. I have assignments for you outside of your policework. I want you to go to Ventureni and make sure Jade and the children are alright. Report back to me on the actions of the king so that we may organize a plan of attack. After that, pay a visit to Dr. Leblanc. I think you could use a chat with the royal therapist.”

Adrienne looked for a moment as if she was going to rebut, but decided against it. “Yes, your Highness.”

“Very good. Dismissed.”

The guards-woman walked off, sighing deeply, leaving Lucidia and Jack alone again.

“As for you. Your assignment is to familiarize yourself with the kingdoms. If this is to be your home, you may as well know what it is to live in the eight kingdoms, yes? When you believe you are familiarized enough, I want you to report back to me. Then, we will talk about finding you a permanent base of operations.”

“Er… yes, ma’am.”

“Now, shall we go upstairs? I had a group that was seeking this crystal in order to test a theory.”