FR- Sage Pony vs. Anon

FYI, this was originally a request.

Day sage in Equestria
>You are sage p0ne.
>Twilight Sparkle going on and on about how rocks are formed.
>Fukkin' sage the shit out of her.
>"SAGE. SAGE. SAGE."
>Pinkie Pie talks about her friend's friend's super awesome pool party
>Stuff her mouth full of sage.
>Rainbow Dash bragging about all her new tricks.
>Sage goes in all the fields.
>Literally.  You put sage in all the wonderbolt's fields.
>Rainbow dyke was definitely mad after that.
>You feel invincible.  Indomitable.  Except for one person.
>One person that you feel a strong connection to.

>You are now normal Anon.
>looking for the last item on your list.
>Walking to the sage stand, you ring the bell
>Wait.  And then wait.  You mutter
Useless p0ne.
>"Hello, anon.  How may I  SAGE!  help you"
>The blue mare blushes, contrasting against the red of her cheeks.
Look, can I just have some sage.
>"Take aaaalllll  SAGE!  you want, anon.  SAGE!"
>She raises her rump, showing off the sage stuffed in her marehood.
>Anon has no time for this, taking the sage and placing some bits on the table.

>Anon's cooking with Spike.
>Hey, that'd be a good title for a TV show.
>You are in a good mood today, so upon hearing a knock on the door, you open it.
Y'ello?  Yellow mellow?
>"I was talking with Green Sage, and well.."
>Fluttershy flitters her rear in front of you, with something green deep inside.
>"Is your fetish sage, anon?"
>Anon puts on his displeased face
>"..... sage......"
BUMP!!!
>You kick, leaving a yellow comet streak the night sky.
>mfw  The face Twilight makes when she sees the Fluttercomet in the telescope.
>You and spike still talk about it to this day.

*********************************************************************************

>Day sage in Equestria
>You are Green Sage
>Sage grows in all your fields
>Been doing this all alone for 30 or so years now.  You know your shit.
>Applejack shows up to ask for some advice on Applecysts forming on her orchard trees.
>"Put blossom worms on the ground. Let the apples  SAGE!  blossom, that's the only way you can kill the infection before they attack the other trees."
>Applejack always respected your wisdom, even if you were a bit peculiar.
>"Thank ya kindly, Sage.  Mind if you reserve some winter sage for me when the time comes?  The cows would like something more than hay this winter."
>"SAAAAAGE!" you said sensually.  Quickly after you stuttered, "I mean, sure Applejack."
>You were thinking of anon again.
1/3


>Waking up from a great night's sleep, you (normal anon) feel invigorated.
>You are in the zone.
>In 5 minutes, you tell fluttershy to fuck off, and cunt-punch her.
>Time to spend the rest of the day jacking off then, you think to yourself
BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!
>What is this bumping at my door?
>Open the door.  Notice some jerusalem sage hanging on the door.
>You would know.  You're fucking anon.
>"Anonnnnnn.  Want to buy some SAGE!"  She shouted the last word unexpectedly loud, blushing at the request.
No thanks.
>You point to a sign 'NO SOLICITERS'
>The sign is appended 'EXCEPT GIRL SCOUTS'
>Appended again, the last sign hastily scribbled with fresh green paint 'NO FLUTTERSHY(S), _NO_ EXCEPTIONS'
Now get out before I really kick you out of here.
>"I'm not really soliciting my  SAGE!  wares, anon. Honest. We're both adults here."
Yes?
>"And what I'm suggesting is"
Yes?
>she'd better hurry up.  your boner is waiting.
>"You.  Me.  Upstairs, in  SAGE!  bed."
>Her breath smelled of a mix between pine, mint, and a rough third quality you couldn't put down.
>You noticed because of Green Sage's attempt to rub her mouth in yours.
>Boner.  Stop boner.
>Must be all that goddamn sage, you thought.
I am no fucking bottom bitch.  Fuck off!
>She starts rocking back and forth on your dick, muttering "sage"
>Gaining the upper hand, you headbutt Green sage.
Get the fuck out.
2/3


>Day sage in Equestria
>You are normal anon.
>Stretch.
>Coffee.
>Bacon.
>And your boner keeps going, and going, and going.
L'il guy, the energizer bunny would be crying for mercy.  How do you think I'd feel
>Boner gives none of the fucks.  Or rather, all of them.
>Threads of dead sage were flying through the house.
>It would take days to clean this.
>Rummaging through the fridge, you find no food
>Except a fuckton of sage.
>"SAGE!"
NYAAAAAAAAH!
>You recoil in horror, as sage p0ne embraces you.
HOW LONG WERE YOU IN THERE?
>Trying to pull her off, the blue mare grips your upper body hard and cold like a vice.
>There's your answer.
>"Anon.  You're so  SAGE!  warm!"
Green Sage, get out!
>"Nope."
>You think fast.  Using your legs, you run off to the hills.
>You'd better hurry, she was grinding on your boner.
>And you didn't know how long you'd last.
>Knocking on the door, somep0ny replies.
>"Bumpy Hills Housing.  How may I help..."
>"BUMP!" hollared Sage, still tightly gripping your body.
>...saaaage." growled Bump.
>Sage then promptly released your body, and leapt at Bump.
>You were glad that you picked up on that rivalry.  It pays to listen to Pinkie sometimes, because you're
>Not fucking sage.
3/3

***************************************************************************************************

Not a funny story, but something to work on my other writing muscles.

>It's official.  Sage pony must be at least three levels of retarded.
>First, she kept on saying 'Sage' all the time like it was some nervous tic.
>Second, Fluttershy seemed to be the best influence on her because she's pulling the poor man's version of the same stunts she did.
>Third, what was with all that sage?  You know it's her cutie mark, but goddamn.  It's an obsession.
>Mare needs to learn how to chill.
>You sat down on your chair, taking a few breaths to alleviate your stress.
>If it kept on escalating, well you didn't want to think about it.
>In this world, being a weatherman meant the same as 'cloud engineer'.
>You massaged Dash's scratchy voice away from your temples.
>"Anon, I think it's time to have some Stratospheric nacreous clouds.  We haven't had an awesome sunset in forever."
"It takes too much ice crystals to do that Dash.  Just turn it into something else."
>Welp.  Hope all the ponies enjoy being under a scorching hot sun because some selfish brat took all the ice crystals for the next few days.  Just so she could make the sky look pretty for one hour.
>But you digress.  Enough taking your work home with you.
>A knock at the door summoned a frown on your face.
"What is it.  I'm trying to rest here."
>"It's me, Green Sage.  Can I come inside? -SAGE!-"
>Great.  Double vision.  You knead your forehead, hoping to keep away the worst of the attack.
"No.  Fuck off.  I'm trying to hold back a migrane here."
>The familiar all-blue mare walked inside of your home, ignoring your warning.
>She carried in her smile two wicker baskets which overflowed with sage.
>Or was it one?  Goddamn it.
>"I know the perfect solution."
>She bolted to your kitchen.  A moment later, the sound of clinking glass battered your ears
>Your eyes were now closed to keep the worst of the migrane from hitting.
"Stop whatever you're doing, Sage.  You're making it worse AND you're messing up my spice rack."
1/3


>"Um, do you know where the lavender and basil are?"
>Some more tinking of glass came, followed by a crash.
>"-SAGE!-"
>Walking half-blind, you stumble to the kitchen, cursing as you stubbed your toe against the kitchen molding.
>Hopping towards the kitchen, you decided to put an end to this racket.
>You snatched the tupperware container from above and thumped it down unceremoniously onto the counter.
"Here are my herbs.  That I got from you.  Go nuts, just don't bother me."
>Trudging upstairs, you took the door and locked it with your newly installed dead-lock.
>Fucking Fluttershy, she forced you to turn your house into a fortress.
'She could tear the house apart for all I care.  Just let me suffer in peace,' you thought.
>After a few minutes, you could hear the sound of clicking tapping your aching head like a jackhammer.
>Only to surprise you when the door opened.  You heard the sound of pins dropping.
>"Sorry to do that Anon, but I -SAGE!- I've got something for your migrane here.
>You try to object, but the smell of her tea pushed that thought from your mind.
"So what.  You want to drug me?  Is that it?"
>"No Anon.  It's not a tea to drink."  She gently placed the cup down, to be followed with the wringing sounds of something.
>The things that those ponies can do with hooves astound you.
>Preparing for to be choloroformed, you hold your breath only to find the coolness of something hot and wet against your forehead.
>"This is a compress.  This tea that I made helps against migranes."
>Why the fuck not.
>"I also took the time to put those herbs you had and stored them properly in the fridge."
"Thanks, I guess.  Sage, you might as well go.  I get cranky when I'm like this."
>"I don't think so, Anon."
>That was when you felt a small presence on the other side of the bed.
>"I wonder why you're all alone, all while -SAGE!- you've got this big, warm bed."
2/3


>Her pineish breath hits your cheek.
>You envision just taking her small body and cunt punting her out of the window.
>You could also just turn over, and enjoy having just a mild migrane for once.
>All while the second worst annoying pony lays next to you.
>Something's lifing your shirt.  What is she planning?
>Something moist, cool, and fuzzy crawls against your spine.
>Must be her muzzle, either that, or a frozen tarantula walked up your back.
"Fuck off.  I told you to go."
>Instead, she's whispers, "It's been so long since I've had a stallion next to me.  Just let me have this one time."
>She started to heave a sob, only to stifle it with a "Please?"
>You remained silent, allowing her to mold to the conteurs of your back.
>Sage followed that with the smallest of whispers.  "saaage."
>Silently, you allowed her to cuddle you out of pity.
>Today was an exception.
3/3