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- Explaining why I come to 4C is as unique as for any other person, maybe more so. Able comes here for different reasons than I do just as any other player does. I can tell you why I am here, and why I keep coming back, and that reason has a lot to do with expression and plain escapism. It's hard to explain to non artists that an artist does not choose to be an artist, it's a calling. I cannot NOT write, I have to do it or it seriously makes me physically and mentally ill. Writing stories is one of the most stressful and simultaneously fun things I can do in my spare time. Every artist has certain preferences of genre and medium, and my medium of choice happens to be writing and GMing. I write stories because I have a story to tell and it HAS to get out, every minute the story is not told it burns in my mind and haunts me, as edgy as that sounds that's simply how it is. And while traditional prose writing has it's charms, GMing brings in a whole new dimension to the experience. Writing and art is a lot about introspection, it's a way to try to come to terms with my own life and existence just as it is made to be fun for my players. Making an adventure fun for my players is far more important to me than making it fun for myself, I am so incredibly satisfied to see my players happily chatting and discussing my adventures, because it means that my story touched them, that it conveyed a meaning to them and it meant something to them. And many people have commented on my seeming masochism when it comes to 4C, that I keep coming back to this place where all my hard work is met with scorn. But that is simply not the case. Yes, I may get a lot of shit, and yes, it hurts me extremely deeply, but on the other hand, I have so many, so good friends, that truly DO care for my stories, and hearing that makes it all worth it. If I can just hear that someone cared, that the message I was trying to convey touches someone, then it was worth it, and I can take the beating if I so deserve it. GMing vs writing, I could discuss it for hours and hours, about the pros and cons of letting other people into your writing. My dad once described making art as the following: There is a place, in your head, where only you can go. Making art is going to that place, coming back, and creating something that can allow others to see that place. GMing often means letting other people into your special place, your imagination, and it is a huge risk. By making a character like Lucyne and letting her loose on the world, I let a piece of my soul so to speak out into the world, completely at the mercy of others. This is very dangerous, and I have suffered immensely and often for just that reason, but at the same time, it allows me to experience and convey stories of such utter legitimacy, of such complexity and honesty, that it really can make it worth it. If you know Lucyne, and not just Lucyne but Ashen Logic, Iron Hoof, YFGM, you know more about me than I would ever tell someone face to face, if you know where to look, all shrouded in metaphor and exaggeration. And expressing yourself in artistic ways is something I can only most highly recommend each and every one. We all have problems, and expressing them allows us to deal with them in a sandbox like atmosphere. We can suddenly be honest about who we are and what we want, unrestrained by cultural bias. I can be a man, a woman, a dragon, an alien, a little pony, it's all fair game in the world of art, and allows one to experiment with emotions, concepts and ideas. This way, you can learn things about yourself you were hiding from yourself, learn important life lessons and ultimately, I believe, become a better person. This is inherent to all art whether literature, painting or sculpting, the process is all the same, but the medium conveys things differently. When I write, the characters are absolutely real in my head, I can talk to them and they can talk to me, or each other, with the same sapience as any other human, close to what some call a tulpa so to speak. And here is a lot of why I love world building, I want to make a world for my characters to live in. A character in my head my tell me they want to do something, and I have to create the world around them so they can do that action and get feedback. As such, I've grown to love the act of fleshing out a world and it's inhabitants, it's rules and it's stories, because a REAL world isn't just as much as you happen to see on your screen, a true world is alive and complex, stretching far beyond what the reader may be seeing at a given point. It's also a challenge in a way, I love to push my brain to it's limits, be it with math, quantum physics or philosophy. And world building is a lot like that, there is so much to consider, to work with, to think about. And it's just damn fun. 4C is sort of my baby, I was here when it was started and I have seen it grow and change, and it's amongst my greatest regrets with how much I have fucked certain things up about it.
- So really, what brings me here are the people and the potential, the stories I can tell here that I may not be able to tell anywhere else. I can't tell stories about love that are as true as they are in 4C in a traditional PnP group, won't work. And I have too many good friends here to abandon, I just wish I could do more like I used to.
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