NORMALFAGS GO HOME! or A redhead waks into a bar...

Normalfags Go Home!
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“Alright, spill Eugene. What’s going on with Elsa and Rapunzel?” Anna said, leveling an accusing finger in front of Eugene’s nose. She had tracked down the sleazeball all through his many questionable haunts and finally cornered him on the seedier side of town in front of someplace called “The Snuggly Duckling”.

“Whoa, easy, strawberry. You might put somebody’s eye out with that thing.” Eugene said with his easy drawl, his hands up in defense as Anna poked at his direction. It was the middle of the day and none of the regular riffraff was up and about yet, so Eugene decided that he could mess with his girlfriend’s cousin for a bit.

“Besides, why are you asking? Jealous?” Eugene said with a smirk, raising an eyebrow as he leaned on the wall of the Duckling. Anna’s face lit up and she let out a little set of flustered gasps.

“Wha… you… I… Just… just tell me what they keep doing! Every time I catch them alone they just clam up and change the subject or, you know, start crying! That’s… that’s weird, Eugene! Aren’t you worried at all about it?” Anna said, trying to keep herself together.

‘Oh, if only you knew how right you were about that, princess.’ Eugene thought, letting out a little chortle that only served to infuriate Anna even more.

“So they’re a little weird, so what? Everybody’s a little weird, Anna. Have you MET your boyfriend?” Eugene said, and watched Anna continue her imitation of an indignant goldfish.

“K-Kristoff’s quirky! And that has nothing to do with Elsa and Rapunzel being weird. I already know how weird Elsa can get! It’s that they’re… they’re being all weird together!” Anna blurted, then realized what she said and quickly backtracked. “I mean, not that they’re being weird TOGETHER or they’re WEIRD TOGETHER, it’s just…. Argh, they’re just acting funnier than usual, alright?”

“From what I hear, you act pretty weird with your sister aaaaall the time.” Eugene said, waggling his eyebrows. Seeing the younger girl turn into a Christmas light was the most fun he’d had all day.

“I was drunk, and you dared us! Get your head of the gutter, Fitzherbert!” Anna said, giving Eugene a small shove.

Eugene laughed, but found that the girl packed a lot more strength in her little lacrosse frame than he anticipated. He found himself stumbling and tripping backwards, and his arms started to pinwheel. His momentum brought him crashing backwards into the a parked motorcycle, and Anna gasped as the man and the bike crashed loudly on to the street.

“Uh oh…” Anna whispered, and they could hear shuffling and yells from inside the dive.

“What the hell’s up with all this ruckus?! It’s too early for…” Anna turned to see where the voice like a gravel truck was coming from. She almost wished she hadn’t when she saw the mountain of a man emerge from the tiny doors of the Duckling.

“MY BIKE! RIDER, THAT’S THE LAST STRAW! YOU’RE GONNA EAT SO MUCH PAVEMENT IT’S GONNA MAKE A CEMENT MIXER OUT OF YOUR ASS!” the thug bellowed and Eugene had the same expression as a frog under a flashlight, struggling to extricate himself from the motorcycle.

“N… now come on, Vlad. It was an accident. These things…”

“I’ve had enough of your mouth, Rider!” Vladimir said, catching the front of Eugene’s shirt and lifting him up. The Vladimir pulled back his other meaty first for the punch, and Anna was finally shaken out of her stupor.

“Hey, wait, no! It’s not his fault!” She cried out, catching Vladimir’s arm and trying to hold it back.

The giant turned his head and looked at Anna. She suddenly wished that she hadn’t spoken up and started to back away slowly.

“And who are you?” Vladimir rumbled, lowering Eugene as he looked over the petite girl. Anna felt like her heart would jump of out her throat any at any second.

“Urk… she’s… Blondie’s… cousin…” Eugene added helpfully through Vladimir’s choking of his collar.

“Cousin… Punzie’s?” Vladimir said, recognition lighting up his face as he looked Anna over, letting go of Eugene completely and forgetting about the young man.

“Haha… oh yeah! I can see it! I mean, your eyes are different and everything, but you’re definitely… EY, GRENO, GUYS! COME OUT HERE! WE GOT PUNZIE’S COUSIN VISITING!” Vladimir said, his grimace breaking into a wide smile as he clapped a giant hand over Anna’s tiny shoulder.

“What? No way?”

“Punzie’s cousin? Lemme see!”

“She like karaoke too?”

A wide cast of ruffians and thugs literally poured out from the Duckling, and Anna was surprised to see herself in a sea of warm, although incomplete, smiles.

“Um yes, way. Yup, we’re related. And I love karaoke!” Anna said, clapping her hands together.

“Well that’s what we like to hear! C’mon inside while Greno sets up the machine!” A swarthy man with a hook for a hand said, and maybe it was just the whole surreal nature of the entire situation, but Anna gladly let herself be led inside of the Duckling.

“Oh, sorry about the bike. It really was an accident, honest.” Anna said, looking a bit sad as she spoke with Vladimir. The giant just waved it off and smiled back.

“Hey, it happens. You quit worrying about it and warm up your pipes. I’m gonna tell ya now, Big Nose’s loves singing his duets!” Vladimir smiled, following Anna inside of the building.

As the procession of toughs finally left him alone, Eugene let out a relieved sigh as the thugs ushered Anna into the bar. His relief was short-lived though, as Vladimir poked his head out and gave him a menacing look.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten what you did to my bike, Rider. We’re gonna be having words about you ‘paying for it’ later.” Vladimir said, chuckling darkly as happy pop music began to pour out from the Duckling’s speakers and Anna’s voice began to sing.

“Perfect… juuuust perfect.” Eugene muttered.