TSW 14: Kasra's Talks

[18:28]	IcePickLobotomy	Walker doesn't say anything on the way to the car.
[18:50]	IcePickLobotomy	She starts the car. "Kasra, I just want you to know I don't think less of you over this alright/ I'm here, we're all here, for you ok?"
[18:50]	Kasra	 "I-I am really sorry about this, Captain, I just...it wasn't...sorry."
[18:51]	IcePickLobotomy	"No, no, it's. . . It's not something you should apologize for Kasra." She pulls out of the parking spot. "I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier is all. If I'd known you were under this much stress I'd have tried to help."
[18:53]	Kasra	"It's not me, I did-" Kasra shuts his mouth abruptly and looks at the ground. "It's not like that."
[18:53]	IcePickLobotomy	"Then what did happen Kasra? I'm not going to lie, there are not many other ways for me to see this."
[18:58]	Kasra	lapses into silence.
[18:58]	IcePickLobotomy	". . Sorry I didn't mean for that to be as . . harsh as it sounded."
[19:00]	IcePickLobotomy	She pauses and pulls the car into a side street before pulling Kasra into a hug.
[19:03]	Kasra	struggles out of it and huffs for a few moments.
[19:03]	Kasra	"I can walk, maybe you should get back before the others wake up."
[19:04]	IcePickLobotomy	". . ." Walker pulls the car back onto the main street. "Nonsense. I'm going to see you to Verbeck myself, alright? You have me worried."
[19:05]	Kasra	"You don't have to be, I...I know what I'm doing, I just...I don't know."
[19:06]	IcePickLobotomy	"I take care of my men Kasra. I'd be a poor captain if I didn't make sure one of my pilots got to the docs alright. Besides, I need to take care of some paperwork in the office today anyways. Mahtab said they identified another pilot candidate yesterday."
[19:09]	Kasra	"I shouldn't be here."
[19:10]	IcePickLobotomy	"Do you want to talk about it?"
[19:12]	Kasra	"...not until I talk to the doctor, but...I just...I don't know what to say..." He stops speaking again.
[19:12]	IcePickLobotomy	"Alright then."
[19:16]	Kasra	"...what do you know about how pilots are chosen?"
[19:17]	IcePickLobotomy	"Not too much really. Mostly that you are identified based on your ability to sync with the units, and that we can test for it."
[19:19]	Kasra	"It's...it's good they found another though."
[19:21]	IcePickLobotomy	"It is."
[19:33]	IcePickLobotomy	-----------
[19:34]	IcePickLobotomy	Walker passes you off to Dr. Vernbeck, who brings you to his office. It's a rather warm room, soft muted browns from the fake-wood wall and warm fuzzy carpet. He motions you to a large padded chair  before taking a seat in his own chair.
[19:45]	Kasra	"Thank you for seeing me, doctor. Sorry to bother you."
[19:45]	IcePickLobotomy	"You're hardly a bother Kasra."
[19:51]	Kasra	"I just wanted to touch base about a few things and...verify a theory that I had
[19:51]	IcePickLobotomy	"Go ahead then."
[20:00]	Kasra	"It seems that everyone on the lance has experienced some form of delusion or momentary hallucination. Mary, Reagan, John, Arina, and Robin has her own condition."
[20:01]	Kasra	"I've begun to wonder about my own...state of mind, and how it may...how it may begin to affect my capabilities as a pilot."
[20:02]	IcePickLobotomy	He nods.
[20:03]	IcePickLobotomy	"Are you worried that you may not be suitable as a pilot due to your mental status?"
[20:03]	Kasra	"I'm afraid that...it might come to that, yes."
[20:04]	Kasra	"I...uh..." Kasra rolls back his jacket sleeves to show the cuts on his arms. "I didn't remember doing this."
[20:04]	IcePickLobotomy	He nods, and pulls out a first aide kit from his desk. "Do you mind if I inspect the wounds Kasra?"
[20:08]	Kasra	"Please do."
[20:09]	Kasra	"I just...I woke up like this. I don't remember doing it, and I'm too old to believe in the boogie man."
[20:10]	IcePickLobotomy	Vernbeck takes your arm, his hands are bony and cold. He hmms to himself as he looks them over. "Strange, I don't think these are self inflicted. This wasn't a edged weapon, nor your own fingers. Too deep and wide for either."
[20:15]	Kasra	"...do /you/ believe in the boogieman?"
[20:16]	Kasra	"Because either that, or the thing in my dream /actually/ reached out and bit me."
[20:18]	IcePickLobotomy	"Kasra, does the phrase "SyncroTraumatic Feedback Injury" mean anything to you?"
[20:18]	Kasra	"Inside an outrider, of course, but this?"
[20:19]	IcePickLobotomy	"I know. It's a rather disturbing idea, isn't it?
[20:24]	Kasra	"You...that would mean that something actually hurt me though, or at least damaged something that ...ha, that my AT field had been part of.."
[20:25]	Kasra	"Doctor, I came here because I think I'm insane, you don't have to feed my delusions."
[20:31]	IcePickLobotomy	"Hmm. We know that the AT Field is influnced at least in part by one's mental state. It's been suggested that sleeping creates enough dissaction with ones body that a sufficiently open AT Field could be modified slightly by the owner in a state of deep sleep. Such changes would then be reflected on the body itself as it attempts to match itself to the given template."
[20:32]	Kasra	"So I hurt myself by dreaming that I got hurt."
[20:33]	IcePickLobotomy	"Yes, and I think you are a more sensitive to such events than anyone else on account of your SyncRatios and prolonged use of the Units."
[20:34]	Kasra	"Wouldn't that mean that Robin and Mary would have experienced this? Their synch ratios are better than mine."
[20:34]	Kasra	"And Robins been in the program for a while."
[20:35]	IcePickLobotomy	He nods "That is true, however. . " He nods to himself "Kasra, I think there's something I need to show you. Follow me please?"
[20:36]	Kasra	reluctantly follows him. "Doctor, there's no need for all of this, I just...I just want to bring to light the idea that I may not be...suitable anymore."
[20:37]	IcePickLobotomy	"Kasra, you are more suitable than anyone else here."
[20:37]	Kasra	"Not for much longer. The rest of the team performs quite well, and, ha...you already are working towards a replacement."
[20:38]	IcePickLobotomy	"No, no. Not a replacement. No one could ever replace you Kasra. The others are one in a million, but you my dear boy, you are one in. . . well I very much doubt that there is anyone quite like you in the planet." He steps into a elevator and sets it to Layer 12.
[20:41]	IcePickLobotomy	The doors open and Vernbeck wastes no time guiding you to a nearby lab, with a computer terminal. He opens it up. "You see, you were not our first Indigo candidate, though you are Indigo-1 in our official documentation."
[20:43]	Kasra	"O-oh." Have you ever seen someone broken by a clerical detail before?
[20:44]	IcePickLobotomy	"Chin up Kasra. Here take a look at this, uh this is quite classified you understand however." He points you to the monitor
[20:46]	IcePickLobotomy	It's a pilot dossier of you. [NARIMAN, KASRA. DESIGNATION: ULTRAVIOLET-0] "Red Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, /Indigo/ , *Ultraviolet* ."
[20:46]	Kasra	smiles weakly and leans over to examine the screen, dropping to a neutral expression once he is looking away from the doctor.
[20:46]	Kasra	(Oops, swap those last two lines)
[20:46]	Kasra	"That's...that's not correct."
[20:47]	IcePickLobotomy	"And why is that?"
[20:49]	Kasra	"That's not an official designation, is this dated information?"
[20:50]	IcePickLobotomy	"It's not a designation we use. The ratings are based on one's current Sync Ratings, on that basis you are a Indigo." He points to the date of your first SR test, based on the date it must have been taken shortly after your parents died. 197% Sync with the test. "We calibrated it 9 times before we ruled everything else out."
[20:54]	Kasra	"So...so what you're telling me is...I've been losing synch ratio?"
[20:54]	IcePickLobotomy	"No."
[20:55]	IcePickLobotomy	"We installed additional limiters into your unit to prevent you from going too high, for your own safety. The SyncroTraumic feed back would kill you far to quickly for a post 100 SR to be worthwhile."
[20:57]	Kasra	doesn't speak for a while before he turns to the doctor.  "Could...could I try it? Just in the hangar?"
[20:58]	Kasra	It's hard to tell if his eyes are filled with dread or excitement.
[21:00]	IcePickLobotomy	"I'm afraid not, it's far too dangerious. And while I am willing to tell you why, understand that *no one* can know why. Not Captain Walker, not Colonel Klemnko, not your fellow pilots. You do not breathe a word to this to anyone without my explicit say so, or written permission by Command. Are we clear?"
[21:00]	Kasra	"...understood."
[21:00]	IcePickLobotomy	"Are you sure you want to know Kasra?"
[21:02]	Kasra	There is a look of complete bewilderment to greet the question. "I...I think so. Do I?'
[21:04]	IcePickLobotomy	"I see, then we are going to need to go to Layer 13. That's where we keep the uh. . . spare parts, for the units biological components. They're rather sensitive so it's best to keep them as far away from damage as possible, and if a Intruder makes it that far we're fucked anyways.""
[21:07]	Kasra	"I see."
[21:15]	IcePickLobotomy	He takes you down to Layer-13. The air feels thicker here, your ears prickly at the distant crackle of static. A very large bulkhead door is to your left. "EMITTER ACCESS." Verbeck ignores it as he walks further down the hallway.
[21:16]	Kasra	scoffs. "When I think of how badly the others wanted to see what was down here..."
[21:24]	IcePickLobotomy	The doctor chuckles "I never did get any requests to visit here from them, but yes, it's better they don't." The halls are bare concrete, and thick steel doors with keypads. Bio-hazard and Info-hazard, even a few Radiological Hazard symbols mark the doors. You don't see any that have less than 1 hazard symbol on them.
[21:27]	Kasra	"So...what /is/ down here? Is this all for the emitter?"
[21:28]	IcePickLobotomy	"The Emitter, the spare parts and some Unit fabrication facilities, and a great deal of either very dangerous, very sensitive , or very important research, material or the like."
[21:44]	Kasra	"So what am I here to see?"
[21:53]	IcePickLobotomy	"This," He stops at a door and enters the 12 digit entry code. [OUTRIDER BIOLOGICAL FABRICATOR 1. BIOLOGICAL CONTAMINANTS AT: 0%. LEVEL 0 HAZARD GEAR IS REQUIRED.] The door slides open revealing a airlock with pristine a pristine white tunnel. Verbeck steps inside. "What the Units are made of."
[22:00]	Kasra	remains silemt
[22:02]	IcePickLobotomy	The next door opens and you step into a massive room. It's dominated by a massive tank, some 100 meters in length, and at least 30 in diameter. The room itself seems to tower upwards past the lights. Tubing and scafolding runs the length of the tube.
[22:04]	IcePickLobotomy	Inside is a pale amber liquid, and suspended within it. . . Arms and legs made of a black stony looking substance, misshapen organs. Even a head. The 7 eyes of CHERNOBOG stare at you unblinking from it.
[22:11]	Kasra	"You kept it...and it's what the outriders...you've been harvesting it?"
[22:13]	IcePickLobotomy	He nods. "This is CHERNOBOG-Gamma. We grew this off the flesh from the original, which is still in our Siberia lab. Though it lacks a core and is thus inert." He chuckles to himself "This grew from a sample of perhaps a dozen kilos Kasra over a period of about 7 years. Amazing isn't it?"
[22:16]	Kasra	"Yeah, it's...incredible."
[22:17]	IcePickLobotomy	"But the Units, they do have cores. Ones we made mind you, but we'd rather not risk you over syncing with something that's even partially based on the Intruder, even if it's only the biological components."
[22:25]	Kasra	"What would happen? Do we have any idea?"
[22:28]	IcePickLobotomy	"In theory? Very little, we've made our own cores, albeit based on what we recovered."
[22:29]	IcePickLobotomy	"So you're not syncing with it itself, and they shouldn't be able to regenerate the core." He hurms "It can only regenerate this much because we feed it power and materials, and thus far no core has formed. We've not tried either."
[22:30]	IcePickLobotomy	"But is it really worth risking?"
[22:30]	Kasra	"So why is it a risk? You saw what Mary can do with her ability, what would happen if we removed the limiters?"
[22:30]	Kasra	"If it could enable us that much power, isn't it worth the risk?"
[22:32]	IcePickLobotomy	"Kasra, without any kind of limiter, even a SR of 60+ results in permanent mental damage. Someone with over 100 naturally? No, you're too important to risk it. We learned that the hard way."
[22:33]	Kasra	"I'm not that important! We all thought I was, but look what they've done, they were civillians, no training, on the spot they were as good as me in every relevant regard. Mary has surpassed me in AT manipulation without even trying!"
[22:38]	IcePickLobotomy	"And I would have any of them die in your place Kasra. What Mary has in natural talent, she lacks in the ability to explain it like you can. It's /you/ who will pass on your knowledge to the next generation of Pilots. Arina may have the right temprament, but I doubt she would react well to the truth of the units like you would. Reagan, too invested in her Uncle's sphere of influnce. Robin?...
[22:38]	IcePickLobotomy	...Too unstable, John? Too loyal to his country. Mary?" He shakes his head "No."
[22:38]	IcePickLobotomy	"Kasra, they may be soldiers for this war. But you? You are our future."
[22:39]	Kasra	"Well, why not Mary? She's not a soldier, but I am! That's what I've always been."
[22:39]	IcePickLobotomy	"Exactly, she's not a soldier. If she had to choose between her child and the mission, she would choose her child."
[22:42]	Kasra	opens his mouth a few times, but says nothing for a moment.
[22:43]	Kasra	"Why was I never told this?"
[22:44]	IcePickLobotomy	"Ahh. . uhh. . . That was something I wasn't supposed to share was it?"
[22:45]	IcePickLobotomy	He clears his throat. "My understanding is that she was. . . well for whatever reason the girl felt the need to claim her daughter was her sister. Shame I belive for having a child out of wedlock. Don't pass that around either. It's not actually classified but uh, would be in poor tact I believe?"
[22:45]	Kasra	"...I  understand. You've probably already taken risks telling me this much."
[22:46]	Kasra	"Wait."
[22:46]	Kasra	"Megan is her child?"
[22:46]	IcePickLobotomy	He takes a breathe and lights a cigarette . "Uh yes."
[22:49]	Kasra	"I...that...huh."
[22:49]	IcePickLobotomy	"But back on the topic?"
[22:49]	Kasra	"I feel that should have less impact standing in the literal and figurative shadow of...this, but..."
[22:49]	IcePickLobotomy	"Lies from friends are closer to your heart."
[22:50]	Kasra	"No, METI is as close to me as Mary, I think it's just...a bit much to take in. I'm processing the other detail faster."
[22:51]	Kasra	"I may have to have another chat with her though. BUt, uh, back to...this." Kasra gestures.
[22:52]	IcePickLobotomy	He nods. "You may be a soldier yes, but that is not all you /can/ be. There is a reason why I am showing this, why I've shared what I have, why I've pressed you to learn MetBio at such a young age."
[22:56]	Kasra	"I'll do my best."
[23:00]	IcePickLobotomy	"And you've never failed to meet my expectations Kasra." He takes a breathe, a cloud of smoking curling up into the air in the cold subterranean air. "Kasra, there will come a time when the next generation will need to take the lead. That is what I'm preparing you for Kasra. That is why I value you more than the others, not because of what you /are/ but because of what you /will/ be."
[23:04]	Kasra	appears to be choking something back, and after a moment requests the cigarette.
[23:04]	IcePickLobotomy	The good doctor chuckles and passes Kasra one. He removes a zippo-lighter and holds the flame aloft.