Vertex - Chapter IX, A Drunken-Hearted Man

		Chapter IX, A Drunken-Hearted Man


Raquel held up the plushie at arm's length, studying it carefully with her mismatched eyes.
"The wonderful thing about tigers..." she said, her voice a half-chuff, "...is that tigers are wonderful things"
"Oh, bother!" said Farai, her hands resting at her hips. "Didn't expect to see that. Ever"
"So... that wasn't grossly inappropriate?" Craig ventured.
"You kidding? I love it. Him, I mean. I used to bounce all the time as a kid!"
There was a moment of silence broken only by rustling branches, wind, and chuffing.
"I've got an idea" Raquel said then. "Buut..." she trailed off.
"What? What?" badgered the Dark Elf.
"You two are too young to drink" she replied with a shrug.
To drink? Well that was unexpected.
"T-to drink? Raquel, where did that come from all of a sudden?" Farai asked, flabbergasted.

Raquel placed the Tigger under her arm and looked to her young friends. She let out a little sigh.
"I'm no role model. But I'm totally grateful for all you've done for me, you know? So I wanna pay you back. All I've got to offer really is... well, I've got this bottle, see? And it's like, a horn of plenty, you know? It never runs out of what's in it. Magic. Maybe a miracle, I dunno. But what's in it is alcohol"
She seemed a little bothered by this. Craig had never been drunk before, of course. He, Andrea, Lance, BB and Ellie had downed some ciders, but that had been just a little bit each. This was a new experience for him. Or it would be, anyway.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have a little taste...
"Well, uhh, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to..."
"So whaddya got?" Farai asked.
"Vodka. Salmiac flavored"
"Well now, don't mind if I do!" Farai said happily.
Huh? Had she been drinking before?
"Huh? Have you been drinking before?"
Farai looked at him like he was a Wurm trying to solve a Rubik's cube by sweet talking it.
"Of course I have. An Elf without wine is no Elf at all!"
Oh. Wine. Elves. That wasn't a stereotype he was familiar with.
"So you can handle it? What about Craigie?"
"Uhh, I've had cider" he said, feeling like the little kid in the group.
"S'all good, man. We'll do it in moderation. Right then!"
Raquel clapped her hands loudly.
"Let's go grab some wood to burn and get my housewarming party warmed up!"

Rounding up twigs and sticks didn't take long since they were abundant in a patch of forest like that, and so they were soon enough huddled up inside the house, a pile of kindling by the oven, a flashlight providing them the light they required.
Raquel sat on one of her boxes and gestured for her guests to sit on the couch, and with ease she broke in half the thick sticks and dropped them into the oven, throwing in smaller twigs here and there.
I wonder if anyone has matches, Craig wondered.
"Need a light?" asked Farai, producing three boxes of matches from a pocket.
"I've got plenty, but thanks again" Raquel replied, accepting what was handed her. When their hands were so close to one another, Craig really saw the difference in their size. Those massive, taloned things were almost twice the size of Farai's delicate, feminine hands. And yet, they were both attractive. Nice.
With an experienced and in no way uncertain manner the tiger lit a match and in less than a few heartbeats there was a crackle as the fire spread in the oven and gobbled up its victims.
"Aaaahhh, it's already getting nice and warm in here!" Farai said, stretching out and removing her gloves, then cracking her knuckles loudly.
Well that was a mean sound.
"That was nasty" Craig pointed out, following her lead and taking off his gloves and hat.
"Oh, don't be such a fussy-wussy! You sound like my dad. Oh don't do that missy, you'll get rheumatism! Hah! As if!"
Wasn't she being a little rebellious all of a sudden?
"Cakes" Raquel said.
"Oh, right. Cakes!"
They dug them out and dug in.
"We need to eat a few, I'd rather you two had full tummies before I give you a drop to drink" she explained, and tossed the Tigger on the couch with them, where it landed in the space between Craig and Farai. There hadn't been much of a space, Craig noticed, looking at his old toy. Damn. If that hadn't happened, he might've gotten an opportunity to maybe put an arm around her or something. As if he'd have done that anyway... Damn these cakes were good. They had lots of creamy goodness and caramel and stuff. Sweeter than Farai's sweet ass. Oh why was he thinking like this when he wasn't even drunk yet?
"So you two done it yet?" Raquel asked after a loud gulp.
WHAT?
"Oh, we haven't gotten around to the dating part yet" Farai said, keeping a decent composure up despite her forced smile. No, her smile wasn't forced. It just was an embarrassed smile she was pretending was a happy, polite one. She was so much better at this than he was.
"Well I'm gonna have to ask you not to get to that after you get tipsy" the tiger said, rummaging around her junk until she produced a satchel of some kind, and from there she pulled out a paper bag, and from the paper bag she pulled out the bottle.
There was no etiquette or any other marking on it. Just a clear glass bottle, a twist-cork, and clear liquid in it.
"Cups"
"Oh, right!"

Farai produced three cups, and Raquel poured the stuff in each, half a cup for herself, and barely enough to cover the bottoms for the two others, then closed the cork. Sure enough, it didn't look like the bottle had lost any of its contents.
"To... hmm. What should we call this place?" she wondered.
The Tiger's Den?
"The Tiger's Den?" Craig suggested.
"No"
"Oh, I know! Casa Tigris?" Farais suggested.
"No"
"Pooh Corner?"
"No"
"Junko's?"
"Junko's?"
"You know. You're a Jinko, and there's junk here. Junko. And it's yours. Junko's"
"I like it"
Junko was one of those girls in Victory Gundam, wasn't she? Redhead. Into young boys. Bet Andrea had a thing for her, too...
"Well, here's to Junko's!" Raquel said, lifting her cup and the other two clinked theirs to hers. Then she downed the stuff in one gulp, and the other two followed suit.
OH THAT IS NASTY!
"Hrkhrhgh" Craig coughed.
"Ooohhh, that's strong stuff!" Farai said happily, her face a grimace, but a happy one. She could take it?
"Round two" said Raquel, pouring a second serving of similar proportions.
"I don't know about this" Craig said, his throat afire.
"Oh don't be a pansy-wansy Craigie, you're being rude to our host!"
Oh please. Did she think she could dare him into drinking that nasty, foul stuff?
"Y-you think you can dare me?" he challenged her.
"Of course not. You're a big boy, and you've got free will to choose! But if you choose not to, you're a no-good, wet-eared, yellow-belly chicken! Bwuk-bwuk-bwuuk!"
She even made the chicken wings with her arms when she made those noises.
"Eugh, fine!"
The three lifted their cups for another toast.
"To friends!" Raquel said, and the two joined in.
OH THAT IS STILL NASTY!
"Riiight! Round three!"
Oh no...

Some time passed, cakes were all consumed, and there was much happy chit-chat.

"Ufufufu, hey Cwaigie-waigie, you look like you're not feeling too hot there, ehh?"
"Oh you're no prize P'Orc yourself, F-F-Faraahh-Faraday!"
"Heehehee, hey, Raqi, he juss called me Friday! Like, like in Robinson Crussshoe!"
"You two can't hold yer liquor at all!"
"Oh yeah? Well you're upside down!"
"Try and spit on me then, boyo"
Craig tried. The spit fell down on his face.
"Oh"
"Ahahahaha! You're such a dumb-dumb Cwaigie-waigie!"
"Oh why don't you come down here and, and say it to my face, Night-ear!"
"Night-ear?"
"Knife! Knife-ear!"
"Aww, you don't mean that Cwaigie-waigie, dass rayciss!"
"Augh, c-come on, help me up!"
"Okey-dokey... ooph!"
The last noise was a result of Farai falling down on top of Craig.
"Oopsie-daisy! Ahahaha! Looks like, like you got yourself a fallen angel, ehh?"
"Damn you're heavy..."
"You sayin' I'm fat? I go to a gym you know! A gym!"
"You smell soo niiice~"
"Oooh, do I? Peeerveeert~!"
"Oh no, you two are NOT going to do it there!" Raquel said, shaking her head. But the adolescents didn't hear her.
Farai wasn't just on top of him with most of her weight - only most, some of her was still on the couch - but she was close to him. As in, her hair was tickling his face, and the smell of the salmiac vodka was in his nostrils, mixed in with whatever the scent she had in her hair was. Their noses weren't too far apart.
"Heeeyyy Cwaigie-waigie" she slobbered, saliva dropping on his face.
"Y-yuhuh?"
"Yooouuu stiiiink likeee boooze~!"
"Y-you too..."
"Ah-hah...ahahaha"
"H-hheehe-hehehe..."
"Aww, you're adorable. Let's smooch!"
And then her lips were on his.

Farai felt blood rushing to her cheeks and ears, her nipples getting erect, her crotch moisten. The taste of the salmiac and alcohol was the same in his mouth as it was in hers, but... oooh, he was warm, and wet and icky and so, so lovely to the touch. The front teeth on his lower jaw were a little crooked. His tongue was all slimy and clumsy. His saliva was everywhere. And so was hers. As their lips parted, a strand of spit stayed there, connecting them. When it finally broke, it all fell back down into his mouth, and he swallowed it.
That had been her first kiss. Oh dear. But it was his first kiss too, right? Aww, he was all blushed and flustered and stuff! What a cutie pie. But this sucked. This wasn't cool at all!
"Uhh" he mumbled.
"I think you two should go home" Raquel said, stashing her bottle away.
"Y-yeah" Farai agreed, getting up with some difficulty. What an ass she'd made of herself!
"Uhh, R-Raquel, I..." she began, but the Jinko lifter her hand to silence her.
"Just get dressed and grab your stuff. I'm totally rooting for you, but you kids aren't in a hurry. Keep calm, slow down a little" she said.
What a relief that was!
"You're awesome, you know that?"
"Uh-huh. The wonderful thing about tigers..."
"...is that tigers are wonderful things! Yeah! Ahahaha!"
"Now go home"
"R-right...  hey, giddup Cwaigie-waigie, we need to, to go home, yeah?"
"...ve you..." Craig mumbled.

			***

Craig stumbled back home still in a buzz. Farai had bid farewell to Raquel and said something about stopping by again, and then the tiger had escorted the two of them out of the woods - and for a good reason, Craig had fallen down several times because of all the roots and rocks - and then Farai had gone to her house, Raquel back to hers, and he back to his. He lived the furthers off, and he had trouble making it back. He wasn't so drunk he couldn't stay on his feet on even ground, but he sure as hell wasn't walking straight. Good thing there weren't people around to see him. Again. There was hardly ever anyone out here, he noticed. A quiet, sleepy suburb. So nice...
Back home he stumbled to his room. He knew exactly what had happened between him and Farai. They'd kissed. And she'd taken the initiative. She'd been the one to want it. Hah! How's that! He was a desirable man! He felt like a million dollars, he did!
Adrenaline took over his body, and suddenly he felt the need to do something really, really manly, something that put his manhood to the test! Like lifting one of those heavy drawers Mom had gotten. Those were always a pain to move around, and it was always him and Dad who had to move them. But now? He could lift the damn things up on his own, even if they were full of whatever!
No, wait. His parents were home. He couldn't do anything too impressive while home. And they'd smell the booze on him! No good. He had to get out of the house, sober up, let the stink leave. And do something cool, something like...
Like a jog. That's right! He'd go out for a jog. Yeah! All he needed to do was dig out his tracksuit from, from somewhere. Yeah!
It took a while, but Craig found all he needed, which was the old tracksuit Dad had gotten sometime in the 80's and then passed on to him. What a champ. It was a corny colour though, all deep blue and stuff. Ehh, no big whoop, right?
It was damn hard getting his clothes changed. Like his fingers were working against him, somehow. But he was a man among men! Such adversity would not overcome him. He got his pants on one leg at a time, even if he got the laundry tag on the front and had to start all over again!
Right. Off he went!
"Craig? Where are you off to again?" Mom shouted.
"Jogging!" he managed without even a slur.
"That's nice!"
"Bye"
And then it took him ages to get the laces of his sneakers tied. Damn fingers. Right! Done!

Out the door he went, and did like a gazelle, right into Norwoods, and his leaps and bounds kept him from tripping over. Hah! This wasn't so bad, why did he always avoid running anyway?
Through the patch of forest, over the road and on the dirt road leading into the old running grounds of his father, places he had learned to fear and loathe as the Seven Hills. This road would wind along in the woods, crisscrossing with a couple others, all places people came to walk their dogs or jog or cycle or ski in the winter. It was a comfy area, and these roads stretched out in many directions, and far. Damn, these fine running roads were so close to his place, he really had no excuse for never coming here!
Craig kept going at a brisk pace, feeling the heat, feeling like a million bucks still, he was breathing through his mouth but he wasn't tired. Hah! At this rate he could get like 3600 meters in a Cooper's test! There was only one thing to do for a man like him. The Seven Hills!

The road leading to the Seven Hills was a long, boring stretch, and it was the first trial along this path. The boredom and evenness of it made it feel longer than it was, and keeping up his pace felt like a real drag for Craig. But he was a man among men, his heart ablaze! He could do it. And he would do it!
At the end of this long stretch there was a sharp turn, and a steadily growing inclination that went on for quite a long time, the First Hill. This one was the longest one, with a somewhat gently inclining slope, but after a third you would already feel it. And Craig did. His legs felt it, his sides felt it, his lungs felt it. He slowed down a bit. He might have been a manly man, but he wasn't a marathon runner or a fighting shounen hero. He had to be realistic.
The second third of the First Hill felt like it should really be the end of it, as it was the absolutely steepest bit of it, and the part with the best view over the trees growing beneath the hill if you felt inclined to look behind yourself, and Craig certainly did. He only now noticed how dark it was getting. It was late, wasn't it?
The last third of the hill was a sneaky one, hidden behind a patch of trees as the road turned and remained almost even for a brief few meters, but then it simply kept going up. The actual top was already visible, of course, and that gave some strength to the runner. Dad had once told him that the First Hill was perfect for checking your pace. Many thought highly of themselves as they entered the path of the Seven Hills, and Craig certainly did now. If you could make it to the top without needing to slow down, your pace was perfect. Now Craig of course had to, he had to drop down to almost a walking pace by the time he reached the top. But he didn't have to slow down QUITE to a walking pace, he was still jogging, technically. And that meant he had cleared the First Hill.

The Seven Hills were in a way merciful, as there was a stretch of even ground at the top of the First Hill, and it winded along in the forest without giving even a hint of there being any more, and on this stretch the runner could catch their breath. They could also be lulled into a false sense of security, but Craig wasn't. He was a clever man, an experienced man. He had tried this trial before, and failed. But not this time. He would make it this time. He was determined. And he had kissed a girl today. Yes.
Emerging into an area with some power lines, there was a stretch of a couple hundred meters leading up to the Second Hill. Dad had said this was the place to be at during the summer. He'd said he'd run the Hills with his shirt off to get himself a bit of a tan and then went straight swimming into the lake at the other end. That always sounded really badass to him. Maybe he'd do that next summer.
The closer Craig got to the Second Hill, the more menacing it looked. It was the steepest incline on this route, and the sand and gravel would slip from under your feet as you struggled up it. With a grin Craig took it on, it wasn't a long run, and he didn't slow down as he went up it like a mountain goat, breathing heavily, his side stinging, almost blacking out, but he simply counted his steps and pushed on. Nineteen steps, and on the top he was, almost at the highest point of the route. This was the part where the spirit of the runner was usually challenged the hardest. The runner would be looking at their feet as they scaled the Second Hill, and then, at the top, they would lift their gaze, and see three more ahead. On his first time, this had been where Craig had come to a halt. Now? Now he kept going. Slowly, very slowly, but he kept going.
The Third Hill was not very impressive compared to its predecessors, but it had a small downward inclination leading up to it, and this would goad the runner into picking up their pace right before, which was a mistake. Craig was not fooled, thanks to the past experiences. And up he went, one, two, three, four, five, six, yes, only six steps, and he was on the top of the Third Hill, and only one more separated him from what Dad's GPS had signalled as the highest point of the route, the top of the Fourth Hill.
There were no more thick forests around the road here, only bushes and young, short trees, and some big ol' rocks. One of these had looked a little bit like the skull of a T-Rex on the other side, the side facing away from the road, which Dad had discovered when taking a piss once. He'd added some small, sharp stones as teeth for it. The thing actually had been added as a photo on Google Earth a little while later.
Craig didn't stop to go look at it. He concentrated on breathing, and keeping his legs moving. His right foot was falling asleep while he was running. Was that normal?
The Fourth Hill was there then, very suddenly. It was longer and gentler than the Third. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, nine paces. Okay! He was at the very peak now, like a real man!
He felt like shit though. He saw black dots again, and some heartburn. Heartburn? Hah! His heart WAS ablaze! With love, love and manly power! Oh, he was already descending. A long descent, and a steep one at first. Every time he went down the path toward the Fifth Hill, he looked to the horizon and saw that damn water tower. It looked like a big mushroom, and it was maybe twelve kilometres away from here. Dad told him he'd once gone from here to there and back during the same jog. As if. That would have been more than a bloody marathon! Looking down, the road descended back down below the tree line. Craig had always wondered if doing the Seven Hills in reversed order wouldn't be easier, and he'd discovered that this phase he was now going down on was the hardest to go up.
The Fifth Hill was visible from the top of the Fourth, and it was a hellishly steep one. Maybe not as bad the Second, but after the trip so far? It was plenty. The descent down to the bottom of it led to an even bit that could be crossed in a single bound, going from descent to ascent in one step. Therefore it seemed prudent to make use of what had been so unadvisable before, and pick up the pace during the downward part. This Craig did now, to the increasing protests of his body. He hated this already. But he wasn't feeling the pain he usually did. A small inkling of lucidity entered his mind - what if his pain was just dulled by the drink?
The Fifth Hill was behind him, and the cool embrace of the deep woods closed around him. At least he always associated it with being cool, since it was always a shaded place during the summer. Ah well, this wasn't so bad now, he thought. It would be over soon.
His eyes saw black dots again when he stopped breathing for long enough to swallow the built-up saliva in his mouth. Not good, no doing that anymore.
The Sixth Hill was a little farther from the Fifth than any of the others were from each other, and there was a fork in the road. The left one led down to a camping site by the lakeside, the right one to where he was headed. There came another fork in the road almost immediately, one road leading right to... well, Craig didn't know, he'd never gone there. From what he understood that was the way to reach the water tower. He had no interest in that. The Sixth Hill was a subtle one. The gentlest one. By the time you found the Seventh Hill, you'd already passed the Sixth, barely noticing it. This was a long trip though. Not like the long straight stretch at the beginning, not as boring and unchanging, but still it was a challenge.
A much more prominent descent led Craig down to a crossroads. One road led to the camping site, one to the start of the round, and one up the Seventh Hill. Holy Hell! He was still running! Well, jogging. He hadn't stopped at all. Hah!
Craig picked up the pace, feeling his manliness and love overflow in his heart. So what if he wasn't feeling so hot? HE WAS GOING TO DO IT!
The Seventh Hill led him to a beach. He came here by a different route to swim every summer. This was the first time he'd run all the way here through the Seven Hills. He had done it. He was amazing!
Craig fell on his knees and started throwing up.

It took a while for Craig to get up from the ground. He'd emptied his stomach and his eyes had blacked out, and all his triumph left him. This sucked. This sucked bad.
"Ooohhh, fuck, FUCK!" he managed, then coughed a little. He tasted blood, but at least he hadn't thrown up any.
Never again. He would never, ever do this again. Not just the running, but the drinking. He regretted both immensely. Maybe that was a sign he'd cleared his head, eh?
"Uurgh"
Craig got up, then doubled over. Hands on his thighs, he kept gasping for breath. Oh no. He would have a lot of trouble walking home. But at least he'd been sobered up. After his eyes saw normally again, he began to slowly saunter off toward the parking lot and the sidewalk that would lead him home.
His feet hurt. His legs hurt. His shoulders and biceps and pecs hurt. Why? He hadn't been using those. Had he? Augh. Now he realized he had blisters on the soles of his feet. He'd been running with the wrong kind of socks. He needed a bath. He couldn't get home fast enough, but he could only go so fast.
"Eeeehh~? Is that you Craig?" came a happy, perky voice all of a sudden, and Craig turned to look. Running from another street was none other than Andrea, his face glowing from exertion and the high of running.
Well, shit.

			***

As soon as she'd gotten herself inside the apartment, Farai kicked her boots off, tossed her earmuffs and cap somewhere and fell on face-first on her couch, stuffing her face into one of her soft, frilly pillows and screamed into it.
Why did she have to be such an idiot? She'd made an ass of herself in so many ways, and she was still tipsy and you should have to deal with this kind of guilt until after the buzz was gone! ARGH!
Some first kiss that had been, eh? No romance, no sweet words, no magic in the air, literally or figuratively. None of that, just a drunken stupor and a lecherous skank being all over the first guy she got her hands on. Whoopy-doo! Craig was bound to like her now that he knew she had loose morals while under the influence! Ooh, maybe he was so messed up he wouldn't remember it? Hey, why not? It had been his first time, the stuff was strong... yeah! Tomorrow he'd wake up with a headache, no recollection of this, and then it'd be fine. He'd think of her as a cute, kinky stereotype, but not as a slut or drunk. Ahahaha... aaah, no way would it work out that well, would it?
She got up from the sofa and began to take off her coat. It wasn't just Craig she'd offended, was it? Raquel might not have shown it, but no way was she not upset about it, her getting all over him like she wasn't even there... in her own house, in her housewarming party! Some friend she was, eh?

Farai threw her clothes wherever and got into the shower, turning the water to cold, partially to clear her head, partially as penance.
"HII!"
She'd never been very good with the cold. Cold water was worse than the air. Way worse.
"Brrh" she trembled as she tried to endure the falling drops of what might as well have been Glacies sweat. Did they sweat? She didn't know. The older, quite archaic saying had been about Yuki-Onna juices, but then it turned out that they weren't all that cold. Hmmh. That's right girl, think about other girl's wet cunts, not about the cold! Think about how your nipples are all hard! Damn! They really are! What a lech you are, Farai! You know what happens to girls who get turned on when they're supposed to be feeling bad? They get tittie-twisters!
"Kihyahahhaha!"
That was both at once, you greedy slut! Oh, I know, I'm the worst! Woo-wee this shower is awful! Gotta turn up the he- no. No, you slutbucket! You'll take it! Oh I will!
Letting the shivers shake her body, Farai caressed the goosebumps on her legs.
"Nhhnhhh" she sighed when she slipped her fingers in. It didn't take long for her to realize that wasn't going to cut it. She needed something... but she couldn't just get out of the shower and go for a dildo or a vibe, that'd ruin the mood. She'd have to improvise.
Her hand explored the bottles of shampoo or conditioner and whatnot, finding them all to be of a wrong shape. Square begs wouldn't go in her, no sirree. Oh, here's a round one! Deodorant!
Holding it in her hand, she found it shorter than wider than what she was used to. It would stretch her a little then, but it wouldn't reach too deep. That was fine, right?
Feeling an impish spirit overtake her, Farai removed the cork and let the thing slip in uncovered. A cold, slightly irritating sensation assaulted her on the inside immediately.
"Uuuuh, this was such a stupid ideaaaaahh" she mumbled to herself as she worked the thing to and fro with one hand, undoing the cork on the shampoo with the other. She might as well wash her hair while she was here!
"Kyahaha, aaagh, I got it in my eyeeeesss, uhahahahaaahhnn~"
She must've been a sorry sight, the deodorant burning in her pussy, the shampoo burning in her eyes, the cold water freezing her everywhere else. A woman like her could never be worth a damn to a guy like Craig, could she? He was such a nice guy, building a house for a homeless girl and helping a dumb slut with her math problems, the vertices and stuff... uhh, that was a funny word... what was it about again? Ohh, who cares?

Farai rinsed her hair and leaned on the wall as the water flowed over her, her other hand moving faster and faster, the smell of the deodorant mixing in with her juices reaching her nose.
"A-aaauuugghh!" she was ramming it in and out good now, her position mimicking a girl pinned against the wall and getting fucked from behind.
"G-give it to me Craigie" she whispered, feeling impure the moment the words left her lips. She brought the index and middle fingers of her free hand to her lips. Surely she hadn't just called out his name while... oooh. That was new. She'd never, ever done that before. Too depraved. No way, no way, no way!
"Y-yeah! I said give it to me you slutboy! Fuck... meeehhhhngnhh!" she bit down on her fingers as the movements of the bottle began to get as rough as she could make them. This was better than she'd expected. She knew she was sparkling clean, and yet she felt dirtier than ever before in life. It was a sensation she'd never experienced before, and she'd masturbated in the shower before. This was fine, mighty fine!
"I SAID FUCK ME YOU SLUT! HARDER!" she ordered, and followed her own orders. "AH! GHAH! GHAAAH! Is that the best you can do you needlepricked wanker?! FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"
Shouting felt good. As cheesy as the lines were, getting them out felt good. But not quite as good as his name did.
"CRAIGIE! CRAIG! FUCK ME CRAIG! FUCK ME CRAIG!"
And then she finished.
"KYAAAHHHH! CRAAAAIIIGHHH!"

She fell down on her knees and turned off the shower, pulling the bottle out of herself. What had gotten into her?
Oh she knew. She knew exactly what had gotten into her. She'd gotten a taste of him, and now she was hungry for more.
The embarrassed but happy Dark Elf kept on shivering while she held up the deodorant she had allowed to take the place of her lover.
"We did something special today, you know?" she whispered to it, giving the tip a little kiss before closing the cap. The taste was strong, irritating, and unpleasant. None of it was hers. And she didn't mind one bit.
"But we'll keep this as our little secret, won't we Craig?" she asked, putting the bottle in its place. Of course they would. A gentleman didn't kiss and tell...

				***

"EEEHHH? YOU KISSED HER? FOR REALSIES?" Andrea screamed so loud Craig feared it would alert the entire neighbourhood.
"Yes, for realsies" he said, quietly. "Now tone it down, will you?"
"But this is a big deal! I've never kissed a girl! Except for Roxxie, but sisters don't count, so I'm a kissless virgin! It's unfair man! Totally unfair!"
"What's unfair about it?"
"Well, like, I totally want to and she just got it like that!" Andrea snapped his fingers for emphasis. Something about that statement bugged him...
"Shouldn't you be saying that *I* got it just like that?" Craig asked, snapping his fingers as well.
"Eh? W-what?"
"Well the way you phrased it sounded like you meant you were jealous of her and not me"
A blush spread on Andrea's face, deepening the red already on his cheeks from the jog.
"Ahaha, aah, d-don't be silly man, that's gay as hell!"
"Uh-huh"
"W-what? Don't give me that look! I didn't mean it like that!"
"Sure you didn't"
"I'm not gay, Craig!"
"Never said you were"
"You implied it!"
"That's just your guilt acting up"
Andrea crossed his arms and made a menacing smile.
"Break time is over. We're running back to your house!"
"What? Make me, fag!"
"If you don't agree to it, I won't give you this here gum, and then your breath will smell like booze, and then you'll be in trouble!"
He picked out a wrapper or chewing gum and waved it before him.
"Damn blackmailer"
"It's for your own good you lazy bum! You need to take better care of yourself!"
"Tsk. I'm in great shape, you know? I cleared all Seven Hills!"
Andrea made a doubting face.
"I cleared the Fourth Hill in nine paces!"
"No you didn't"
"Did too! I counted!"
"You're such a dumbass, Craig. Let's take nine paces at a good speed, see how far you get"
"Okay, fine!"
And then they did, with Andrea counting out the paces out loud. And they didn't get far.
"You couldn't make more than a third of that hill like this" he said.
"Uh-huh..."
That was certainly true. But he was sure he'd... oh well. Now he noticed they hadn't stopped. His legs and feet really hurt, but that damn punk was still going.
"H-hey! Stop already!" he said, struggling to keep up.
Andrea looked over his shoulder.
"You don't need to match phase, but you gotta keep moving, That's the deal!"
And with that, he kept going. Craig grumbled under his breath and made like a tortoise with flayed soles on its feet.
Andrea kept going with a spring in his step, moving like a gazelle or a cat or some other graceful creature. If you looked from behind, you might think it was a young girl running, with that slender figure and that firm, perky ass...
Oh fuck no. Craig closed his eyes for a moment and tried to make what he'd just thought not what he'd just thought.
"Stupid, sexy Flanders" he mumbled. Think of Farai's ass, you fool! She's the one you kissed! Aah, there's a nice thought... but all wrong, too. No way would he think dirty thoughts about her. She was such a nice girl, no way should she be treated like that. She seemed so full of friendly demeanour and love and kindness that she probably had pictures of cute Werekittens where he'd had a porn folder. She'd kissed him though. And he'd kind of kissed her back, sort of. Did she actually like him, or was it just because she was drunk? Of course she had to like him, girl like her wouldn't just go for anyone. But what did she see in him?
"Hey, stop spacing off, I know you can do better than that!"
"Hrrgh!" he exclaimed angrily. What was the big idea in interrupting his happy time by forcing him back into reality?
He'd ask her out tomorrow.