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- >You are Anonymous, better known as Anon.
- >And you are a shaking stuttering mess.
- >You had so much nerve in front of the bathroom mirror, but now?
- >Now you can’t even stop your fingers from involuntarily flexing every few heartbeats.
- >According to the other girls, this would turn out perfectly.
- >According to the other girls, she was just as, if not more so into you as you were into her.
- >Then again, you are putting your trust in a antisocial academic genius of a princess with no relationship experience what so ever.
- >An apple farmer so ingrained in farm life that she barely has any points of reference other than that you can use apples a romantic gesture.
- >A pink pony with… Well, a brain tumor or something similar. You will never, nor ever try to understand that pony.
- >A fashionista with such a flair for dramatics and flamboyant romantic gestures that she wouldn’t even fit in at a renaissance fair.
- >And lastly a pegasus with such crippling anxiety problems as to be afraid of the concept of anything else than animals.
- >Seriously. How did Fluttershy even function in society?
- >Nevermind that now. You are about to knock on the cloud door of the most amazing mare in your life.
- >Twilight had hooked you up with enchanted shoes a while back for easy cloudwalking shenanigans whenever you needed it.
- >Apparently much easier to enchant inanimate objects than living flesh.
- >Your own inability to be affected by magic notwithstanding.
- >Well, not true. You can be, it’s just much harder than what’s considered normal.
- >Then again, being the only human in this world of magical ponies and rainbows makes you the very antithesis of normal.
- >Funny that, considering back home you were the very aspect of mediocrity.
- >You shake your head furiously.
- >Now’s not the time to go into idle tangents.
- >You are about to confess your unending affection, nay adoration, nay your undescribable devotion and attraction to the supreme being of your univer…
- >This is why you haven’t knocked yet.
- >You are more liable to fuck this up by the sheer virtue of your spaghetti filled pockets than anything else.
- >You are hopeless in social situations.
- >It’s one of major reasons why you and Rainbow Dash got along so well.
- >She would do most of the talking. You would do most of the listening.
- >And commence with appropriate ooh’ing and aah’ing as was fitting.
- >Easy enough to do, as she courteously kept raising an eyebrow at you when she desired an appreciative response from you.
- >Rainbow was an amazing mare. Funny, athletic, outgoing, including and loyal to a fault.
- >She filled every hole in your personality with just being who she was.
- >She was also far more understanding than most who didn’t know her would give her credit for.
- >She always took great care to not to do or say anything that would make you uncomfortable.
- >You guessed that she learned that from dealing with Fluttershy for so long.
- >Special case and all that.
- >Of course, that wasn’t to say she always did that.
- >Stroke her ego too much, or get between her and Daring doo or the Wonderbolts and you were liable to be bowled over.
- >In the end, it was a personality fault you ended up finding more endearing than irritating.
- >In a strange sense of nostalgia you think back to the first time you met her.
- >Welp, not the first time really. The second time would be more appropriate.
- >The first time you were too busy screaming your bloody lungs raw.
- >Terminal velocity towards and angled mountain side with sharp rocks, unsurprisingly would make any human react in terror.
- >You never did find out how your first time sky jumping had transported you here.
- >Nor could you understand how in the hell you had managed to not strap on your parachute before jumping out of the plane.
- >Sky Jumping 101. Bring a fucking parachute.
- >Oh golly jee teacher, why are we learning that huh? Everybody knows you can’t jump out of an airplane without a parachute.
- >Jesus. You were such a prick at the course too. Guess Karma decided you needed a quick kick in the rear for that comment.
- >Sarcasm was never your strong point.
- >Just like Karma never could seem to measure the appropriate amount of punishment to dish out.
- >Seriously though. Forgetting your parachute? How’s that a fair reprimand?
- >At least Karma can be said to be quick to try to correct her own mistakes.
- >Considering the fact that, if you hadn’t been transported to a magical world of ponies and rainbows.
- >And also considering that Rainbow Dash had been conveniently practicing high maneuver stunts just nearby, going into a dive right as you swooped on by.
- >Screaming at a pitch unhearable to humans, but apparently agonizingly high on the note scale for ponies.
- >You would for all intents and purposes be dead right now.
- >So… Thanks for that Karma. You didn’t dun goof’d as much after all.
- >Long embarrassing story told short.
- >Dash saved your whimpering ass.
- >And was furious at you for being loud, annoying, suicidal and messing up her training.
- >You would later learn that she was coping with the stress and fear of almost not catching you in time by being pissed.
- >You forgave her easily enough when you learned that.
- >Of course, you didn’t know that for the first few weeks you were in Equestria as this land is called.
- >So you were more or less avoiding her like the plague.
- >Which brings you back to the second time you “really” met her.
- >You had of course seen around plenty those first weeks of your stay, but you never talked to her.
- >Twilight put a stop to that real quick.
- >She kept pushing her muzzle where it didn’t belong.
- >No not that way you pervert.
- >The point is. Twilight ended up forcing you and Rainbow Dash to have a sit down and talk.
- Initiate memory sequence!
- …
- Booting memory sequence!
- …
- Start memory sequence?
- …
- For fucks sake brain, it’s time to be useful!
- >AAaaaaaaAAAaAAaaAAH MOTHER FUC-
- No. Wrong memory. We’re going for the second meeting.
- -Always so demanding-
- Your fault for being a lazy useless piece of grey matter.
- -Very well, have at it-
- >Now Anon dear. Dadanon has to go away for a time, so you need to be brave for mommy okay?
- What the fuck brain!? This is not the time, nor the place, nor even the appropriate mood for that memory!
- -Keep being a dick and you’ll see a lot worse than that. After all, we remember when you pissed yourself in front of that girl you liked in fourth grade-
- Okay! Okay I give. Just please. For continuity's sake, can you bring out the right memory sequence?
- -*sigh* Very well. Enjoy it you love besotted imbecile-
- >Twilight Sparkle has just tied you to a chair at the sugarcube corner.
- >Being resistant towards the magical arts doesn’t help shit if the magic is using rope to do it’s dirty work.
- >Kinky…
- >So here you sit.
- >Now from what you could gather from the frothing princess as she was dragging you along the road here, you were to make nice with your savior.
- >Not really much of a problem on your side.
- >You did honestly want to properly thank the rainbow haired pegasus that saved your ass that day.
- >However considering that said pegasus had shouted herself hoarse, and popped a blood vessel in her left eye in pure rage the last time you spoke.
- >You didn’t have high hopes for that.
- >In fact. You were convinced that meeting her again would result in her beating you to death with her bare hooves.
- >Which honestly were closer to clubs than anything else.
- >Add to that, that the mare was pure athletic muscle.
- >You would probably not survive to see the moonrise tonight.
- >Being tied up really only made it so that you couldn’t attempt to run when she got her.
- >That, and you wouldn’t have gotten very far anyway.
- >She was fast.
- >You were not.
- >Not at all actually.
- >Semi tall for a human perhaps, but definitely not a sprinter.
- >You’d be a blood pool in ten seconds flat.
- >Why did that saying make you feel like a thousand indignant voices cursed your name?
- >Nevermind. Death approaches.
- >Or rather, a skyblue rainbow maned mare approaches.
- >In this circumstance you can be excused for messing up the distinction.
- *dingeling*
- >You never thought that the obnoxious door bell of a storefront would be the claxons that heralded your doom.
- >Then again, you never thought you’d ponder the moral implications of being sexually aroused by pony genitalia, proudly displayed in public either.
- >Why did ponies go around naked?
- >Did they really believe the tails covered everything up?
- >No seriously, is there some sort of social faux pas to look at the nether regions?
- >How did one avoid that when one tried to look at a cutie mark?
- >Specially when someone raises their flanks to proudly present said cutie mark
- >It was infuriating.
- >You were not ever supposed to be conflicted by these kinds of things.
- >Getting a human girl was hard enough.
- >Oh jeez. Now both Twilight and my saviour/doom is staring at me.
- >Gotta say something quick. They probably said something a while ago and are waiting for a response.
- >...............
- “Why are you guys always naked?”
- >I smell meat sauce. Is that bolognese?
- >Motherfucker on a pinata stick.
- >Welp, you messed that up right quick.
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