Swept Away (ch11)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY $30+ PATRONS!

Mahiru is gone and Claudine must find the strength to wait for her, and hope...

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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														Chapter 11. Fire

Mahiru uses every shred of strength she has within her not to look back.

Even long after she's left the cove behind, she can still feel the sting in her eyes that tells of tears. But they don't fall like they do when she's with Claudine - no - instead, the sea dissolves them before they can even really begin.

The liberation of feeling them fall used to shed at least a fraction of the weight of her pain. But now, as she swims deeper and deeper, Mahiru is granted no such mercy.

She can only imagine how much Claudine must be weeping right this very moment.

She can still feel the slightest tingle on her tail fins in the places where Claudine's fingers had brushed against her in an effort to hold her back, to prevent her from leaving like this. Claudine had always been such a gentle and caring girl, so for her to be desperate and heartbroken enough to grab for Mahiru like she had can only speak to just how agonizing her pain was.

Mahiru will never forgive herself for hurting her, for denying Claudine's promise like that. Not until she's found that stone and made her wish - the wish that will let them both be together forever.

She isn't even sure how such a wish might be granted, but her love for Claudine has blinded her to anything short of trying to find a solution. She knows she's hurt her terribly, but she believes it will all have been worth it if she can just somehow find the magic…

But as she swims on and on, scouring the ocean floor for something she isn't even sure she'll recognize, she can't get that last, dismayed look Claudine had given her out of her mind.

/It's all right,/ Mahiru vows. /I'll make it back to her. And we'll make that wish./

She wants to believe she'd die trying to achieve such a goal. But she knows the pain of never knowing what happened to her would eat away at Claudine to the point of complete devastation. Mahiru knows she can't let herself get hurt, or worse, because it would only make her lover suffer infinitely more terribly.

/I'll do it. I'll find that stone and make it back to her. No matter how long it takes. She'll wait for me. I know she will./

And so, Mahiru swims.

For days and nights, in dark waters and rough waters, in dangerous and unfamiliar ones.

And all the while, she never thinks to turn back.

She knows it would never be enough to simply see Claudine a few days a year when her family passed by the cove. It would be far too agonizing. Of course, she would rather stay with her always. But she knows if she ends up dying in the process of seeking that wish, it will all have been for naught, and their story would end in tragedy anyway.

/No… it can't… I won't let it…/

So she swims.

She follows the sea bed from smooth white canvases to brown, muddy landscapes.

She delves deep into trenches where not even a sliver of light shines through.

She ventures close to new lands, risking the nets and hooks of the humans that live there.

She travels for days and nights on end, often forgetting to eat or rest. Her body aches and yearns for recovery, but her mind and heart are set.

She pushes herself to her limits and then beyond them, searching every nook and cranny of the vast ocean, no matter how harrowing the journey.

But every time she feels like she might give out, she remembers Claudine.

Her soft, gentle smile. Her tight, warm embrace. Her patient, loving heart.

And every time, without fail, Mahiru finds herself settling down to rest.

Because she knows she can't let her love become an obsession that drives her over the edge. She won't let herself be foolish and selfish enough to die for Claudine, even if some righteous part of herself believes it might be noble to do so.

But her heart knows it would only destroy the both of them.

Death would mean they would be much more than mere oceans apart. Death would mean the ultimate separation, and the absolute destruction of any hope of ever achieving their dream.

So Mahiru keeps her head as best she can, and brings herself to eat and sleep whenever she can find a safe cave or crevice to do so.

Every time she closes her eyes, Claudine is there.

But every time she opens them, she's gone, and Mahiru is faced with the harsh and lonely reality of what she's chosen.

/But it will all be worth it in the end.../

And so she continues in her search that may very well be endless, a search that takes her countries away and leagues deeper into the sea than she's ever gone before, searching for something she doesn't even know exists at all.

But there is always just a faint thread of hope tugging at her heart.

She thinks of Claudine often, dreams of her, sings her songs, and touches the flowers swaying in her hair. All of the other gifts Claudine had given her had been left at the cove - in Mahiru's secret little treasure trove. All of that seems so far behind her now.

But she keeps going.

For the sake of both hers and Claudine's happiness.

Even if they must be apart now, Mahiru will find a way back to her. With or without a magic stone.

She can only hope it's the former.

Her long and lonely journey continues for many days and many nights. But she is sure to let her love fuel her, not blind her. She eats, rests, thinks of Claudine, and then continues on with a rekindled determination.

But mermaids are social creatures, and the weight of being so terribly alone and scared has begun to take its tole on her. Before she knows it, she finds herself weeping again, the tears being taken instantly by the sea.

It's then she realizes she may have let this fantasy of hers run its course.

It's then she begins to wonder if she should turn back empty-handed.

It's then she begins to realize she could have been spending those last few days with Claudine, and instead she'd left her wearing such a hurt expression.

It's then she begins to realize that perhaps just seeing her a few days in the summer is truly far better than never seeing her again at all.

And it's then - as she hangs her weary head and begins to turn away - when she glimpses the faintest, and most peculiar light, glowing in the deep, deep recesses of the sea.

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The night Mahiru leaves her, Claudine lingers on that cold, windy shoreline for as long as her body can stand to bear. She just keeps hoping - praying - that in just a few more moments, Mahiru will turn around and come back to her.

But she doesn't.

Even after Claudine has waited another hour in the freezing rain, huddled up against one of the boulders and shuddering to no end, Mahiru hasn't returned. The orange streetlights nearby can't even provide much guidance for her with how strong and dark the storm has become.

Claudine clings to the boulder and sobs for a long, long time.

But Mahiru doesn't come back to her. She fears she never will.

Those last three words she'd ever said to her keep replaying in Claudine's mind, and her heart breaks a little more every time.

It takes half her remaining strength to eventually turn away from their secret spot, and the other half to make it back to her apartment, limping and sobbing through cold, deserted streets.

When she does finally make it back, she collapses to her knees in a heap of soaking-wet clothing, shuddering and choking.

"Mahiru… Mahiru…"

Claudine hadn't gotten the chance to say it back, but she just has to hope she's right in believing Mahiru already knows.

It takes her what feels like hours just to be able to lift herself off the floor, let alone shed her clothes and try to warm herself up a little. She doesn't eat, and when she tries to sleep, nothing comes of it but the image of Mahiru swimming away out into the darkness. Claudine curls into her bed, sobbing as her eyes catch sight of the shells and sea glass on her nightstand.

"Please…" she whispers. "Please come back to me safely…"

Before much longer, she loses consciousness, and doesn't regain it until long after daybreak.

Waking is agony, just in knowing that she probably isn't going to see Mahiru again.

There is the slightest, tiniest sliver of hope that perhaps she had turned around after all, and may be on her way back, if she hadn't returned already.

But in the weeks Claudine had been privileged to know Mahiru and fall in love with her, she believes she knows her well enough to understand how powerful her sense of conviction is. She knows Mahiru won't stop until she's found that stone that may not even exist at all. She may spend the rest of her days chasing that unobtainable dream, without so much as even getting to hear Claudine tell her she loves her one last time.

But that is just how deep Mahiru's love for her is, and in all the agony she's been buried beneath, Claudine can actually feel a tiny ray of light in that thought.

But it isn't nearly enough to chase away the suffocating shadows that drag at her heart and shroud her mind.

She finds it hard to move, let alone get out of bed or eat. Not only is she pained by Mahiru's sudden departure and the fear of worrying for her, but it would seem that the hours upon hours of lingering in the frigid rainstorm all night have finally caught up to her.

She feels worse than she had the morning after she'd concussed her head on the rocks and nearly drowned. In fact, she might prefer that agony over this deep and shuddering hole in her heart.

No matter how much she tries to eat or rest that day, nothing ever feels better.

It's when evening comes that her body feels the routined urge to make her way to the beach. And even though Claudine knows it in her heart that Mahiru won't be there, she gets dressed anyway.

She gathers all of the gifts Mahiru had ever given her and places them gently into her bag to take with her. She leaves her empty apartment behind, and wearily steps out into the cloudy evening.

It hadn't stopped raining much since last night's storm, but at the very least it isn't falling so heavily now. Claudine pulls her hood up over her hair and sets her course toward the beach.

The streets are quiet today, but she can still glimpse people inside the shops and restaurants, talking and eating together, smiling and laughing. It drives home all the harder the fact that Claudine is utterly alone in this town - the town she'd run away to in order to make something of herself.

And yet, the only real relationship she'd managed to kindle had been with a girl who lived in the sea.

She should've known better.

She should've known better than to have sought her out again after Mahiru had saved her.

Claudine knows she should have just left it at that and stopped trying to delve into realms beyond where her feet could tread.

Not only had the sole relationship she'd managed to forge here be with a mermaid, but it had been the most irrevocable relationship of all.

To have fallen in love with a mermaid…

Though she'd had no choice in the matter, Claudine really was a fool.

She steps out onto the sand now, which has been soaked and speckled brown by the relentless rainfall. She coughs and shudders as she staggers through the rocks, swaying more than once from the effects of her illness.

When she finally makes it to that little patch of sand, her heart and mind work against her to envision Mahiru's form waiting there for her. But when she blinks it all vanishes.

Claudine wipes the tears from her eyes and drops down into the wet sand. The contents of her bag rattle a little bit, and she opens it to pour them out.

She lines them up - all the little shells and shards of glass, ranging in all different shapes and sizes and colors and textures. As she looks them all over, she recalls each instance when Mahiru had given them to her, and every story she'd told her of where and how she'd found them.

Claudine weeps softly as she recalls her giggly voice which sometimes stuttered in the most adorable way, her lovely tail that ended in the small nick Claudine's own fishing hook had marked her with, her silver eyes like the sea on a cloudy dawn, her warm embraces that had used to feel so timid, but that had grown more honest and joyful over time.

Claudine wants her back. More than anything.

And although she'd told Mahiru it would be better for them to simply see each other briefly in the summers, deep deep in her heart Claudine knows that isn't what either of them truly want.

They both want to be together. Really and truly together.

And she hates to admit it, but if there really was some magical stone that existed that could possibly grant them that wish, Claudine wishes Mahiru will find it and bring it back to her.

But it's terrible and selfish of her, to wish such a dangerous burden on her, even if Mahiru had gone willingly. Claudine wants there to be a wishing stone, but much more than that she wants Mahiru to be safe and come back to her, with or without one.

Everything tears at her from the inside out - the fear, the guilt, the hope.

She should've known better than to let this begin…

But it hadn't exactly been anyone's choice for them to have fallen in love.

She shouldn't be wishing Mahiru to find this stone if it could put her at risk…

But Claudine wants to hold onto hope that there might be some way they could overcome all of this.

And yet, last night may very well have been the last time Claudine might ever have seen her.

She knows that. She knows it, and it's killing her. The thought that Mahiru may have swam out to meet her death for the sake of their star-crossed love.

All of these thoughts and countless others crash through Claudine's mind like an angry sea, even though the one in front of her eyes is mostly still and calm. The sound and scent and chill of rain fills her senses, and her tears fall into the foam of the tide to mix with the salt of the ocean.

She lingers all evening, and well into the night. Only when pitch darkness sets in over the sea does she gather her things and push herself to her feet.

But she leaves behind one small stone that Mahiru had given her - just in case. A sign to show that she's still here; that she's still waiting.

Claudine returns to her apartment and cries herself to sleep until there are no tears left to shed.

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And so, her days continue in misery and a poignant, painful longing.

She doesn't go back to her jobs; she doesn't have the will to do anything other than hope and wait and pray for Mahiru's eventual safe return.

She knows that wallowing in her grief will do her no good, and yet she can't help herself.

Every evening, Claudine returns to their secret place and waits for hours, before leaving behind another shell or stone in the sand.

It continues for days, and then weeks…

Until she has nothing left in her bag.

By now, every single gift Mahiru had ever given her is laid out in a line across the sand.

It's been two weeks now.

They were supposed to have had a few more days together, and then by now Mahiru would have left her and gone back to reunite with her family.

But Claudine isn't even sure if she'll be able to do that anymore. She may never know if Mahiru is all right, simply because she just has no way of knowing other than seeing her again for herself.

But she'll wait. No matter how long it might take.

"I'll wait for you…Mahiru…"

Claudine falls softly onto her back in the sand and closes her eyes as the rain begins to fall down on her.

The sky is drained of its light and color, and the night grows dark and cold.

. . .

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. . .

It burns.

It burns so horribly that Mahiru feels the skin of her hands is starting to sear clean off.

But she doesn't stop.

She pumps her tail with all her might, letting her love for Claudine fuel her more strongly now than ever before.

Because she'd found it.

A small, clear stone of ever-changing color, one that emits a hazy, beautiful glow. Of all the rumors she'd ever heard about such a stone, she knows this has to be the one.

Further proof had been discovered upon touching it, as it had burned her fingers instantly. That had been the confirmation that she'd succeeded. After all, something as powerful as a wish-granting stone could not be so easily obtained, even after such an arduous journey to find it. The one who sought to use its powers must pay some kind of price.

So it burns her.

Every second of every beat of her heart and stroke of her tail.

She'd tried tucking it into her skirts, but it had burned right through them and slipped free. She'd tried lodging it between her scales, but it had charred them to an agonizing degree.

And so she has no choice but to hold it in the firmest grip her hands can manage.

Sometimes, she makes the mistake of looking down, only to see the flesh of her hands has turned bloody and red. Not even the cold waters of the sea can combat the excruciating heat it gives off.

And she doesn't dare to set it down, lest it disappear altogether. Now that she's gotten ahold of it, she isn't going to let go for anything until she's brought it back to the person who she knows is still waiting for her.

So Mahiru swims.

Day in and day out, slowing down only when her body can't possibly go any longer. But even when she's forced to let herself drift for a moment, she never relinquishes her grip on that stone.

She'd hoped that maybe at some point the pain of the burns would become so great that it would simply numb her, but she's granted no such mercy.

It's testing her; testing how badly she wants this wish of hers granted.

And when it comes to the possibility of being able to be with Claudine forever, even the perpetual searing of her flesh doesn't make her waver.

As soon as she's able to, she swims on, through all the unfamiliar waters, past countless beaches and lands and towns, following the ache in her heart that pulls her back toward the one she loves most in this world.

Every second is agony - physical, mental, and emotional.

But she doesn't stop. She's going to be with Claudine forever.

Now that dream is truly within her grasp; if only she'll still have the hands left to grab it with.

She just keeps pushing forward, following her instincts and her heart.

Until at long, long last, she begins to recognize the chasms beneath her, the corals dotting the sea floor, the taste of the water here.

It's the dead of night, and her whole body is on fire from the sting of her burden. But past all of that pain, she can feel it.

This is her sea. These are the waters that will lead her to her cove.

She pumps her limp and aching tail, telling herself just one more time will be enough. Just one more time will bring her to Claudine.

She's getting close. She knows it. She knows it…

She can't go on much longer.

So she conjures up the voice she hasn't used in so long now, and begins to sing Claudine's song. To remind herself of what is waiting for her just a little farther ahead.

But her body has been pushed far past its limits, and the heat of the stone is draining her energy and replacing it all with that excruciating burn. Mahiru feels the very last stroke her tail manages, and then nothing comes after that.

Even when she tries to command her body to move, nothing works.

It's all she can do to pour her remaining strength into her charred fingers to keep hold of the stone. Her eyes fall shut, and the waters around her fade to black.

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Claudine falls into an uneasy sleep there on the beach that night. She hadn't meant to lose consciousness here, but she was just so exhausted she'd had no choice in the matter.

Now, she wakes to find herself waterlogged by a heavy downpour, one that no one could ever have slept through unless they'd been as enervated as she was.

As she pushes herself up, a deep, shuddering blast of thunder cracks over the ocean and shakes her to her core. Lightning strikes far off over the water and lights up the sea in a bright yellow blaze.

But somehow, in spite of her terrible sickness and how weak her body has become, she is struck with an unmistakable urge to move. It's a tugging at her heartstrings, a driving conviction that surely only something as deep and pure as love could breed within her soul.

Someone is calling to her from the distant, heaving horizon.

She gets up. More quickly and surely than she's been able to move since the last time she'd seen her.

"Mahiru…"

She's near. Claudine just knows it. Her heart has never lied to her before - especially not when it came to Mahiru.

Her mind is whirling as quickly as her pulse is now. She needs to go to her, by whatever means necessary.

"Wait for me, Mahiru."

She leaves everything in the sand, and only turns back to crouch down and write a message with her finger. It's more of a promise for herself than anything else. She needs to see it with her own eyes.

Once she's read it over, it hardens her heart.

Claudine wipes her eyes as she stands again. Another blast of thunder jolts her forward, and she begins to run.

Panting and sobbing and drenched with rain, she races across the expanse of the beach, her shoes getting lodged in the lumps of wet sand over and over. At one point she stumbles and skids headlong into the wet desert grains. But she pushes on in spite of the ache in her head and in her veins.

She runs across the entire stretch of the beach, until she comes to the little dock at the far side. The boat rental station is locked and closed-off at this hour of the night, but she pushes through the chains barring her way and rushes out to the edge.

A small row-boat is tied there, being rocked and battered by the waves that are beginning to grow angry in the storm. And it isn't that she's blind to the dangers; she has acknowledged them, but she's simply ignoring them.

Her love for Mahiru isn't an obstacle blocking her better judgement; it is a deep-rooted and unfathomable emotion that ignites her very soul, a flame that keeps her warm in all this downpour. Her love is no burden, and she certainly isn't afraid to risk her life if it means she might somehow save Mahiru's.

So she loosens the rope before stumbling into the rickety, rain-soaked boat, and once she's gotten herself seated, she uses one of the oars to hit the rope until it comes loose altogether.

The ocean heaves beneath her, and Claudine grips the handles of the oars with all her might as she beats the heavy waves and steers herself out toward the place where that thread in her heart is tugging her toward.

"Mahiru…"

Her voice is swallowed up by the crashing of the water around her boat, and the roar of thunder overhead.

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Fire.

Mahiru has seen it before from the safety of the ocean.

She's seen its hungry red flames tearing through forests and cities.

She's felt its raging heat on the winds that had swept its embers out to sea, smelled its sickening, suffocating air.

But she's never felt it before.

Not until now.

She isn't sure how long she blacks out for, but by the time the pain has forced her back away, she's sunk nearly to the bottom of the ocean, dragged down by the weight of her tail. With her eyes blurred by tears and darkness, she tries to make sense of where she is.

She can tell there's a storm raging overhead due to how the waters are swirling, even below the surface. The once-gentle combers of the cove she loves so much are now churning and racing.

She'd been carried a little ways out back to sea in her relapse, but somehow had managed to keep hold of the stone. Now, she uses that pain and that longing to push onward through the final stretch.

Claudine isn't here now at this hour of night, in this storm, but Mahiru will gladly curl up in the shallows and wait for her until morning, even if it meant the stone would burn her to her bones.

/Kuro-chan…/

She's done it. She can finally see her again. They can make their wish and be together now…

Mahiru paddles herself until she can make out the shadows of the rocks below the surface. Now, she lifts her head out of the water, breathing in the cold night air and the scent of the rain. Thunder growls and lightning flashes, and the sounds of rainfall hiss across the sea.

She sets her eyes on that little patch of sand they called their own, able to make out that it's empty even in the darkness.

And she's glad for it. She would rather Claudine be in her bed staying safe and warm through all of this.

She can't even begin to imagine the look on Claudine's face tomorrow when she finds Mahiru has returned. It makes her heart so happy just to think about it.

"I'm back… Kuro-chan…"

By now, the pain in her hands really has gone numb, and as she swims up to the shallows, she checks to ensure the colorful stone is still within her grasp. It crackles like the lightning in the sky, shifting all different hues through the dark water.

As Mahiru gives her tail a few final strokes, a melancholy feeling settles over her heart.

She's done it. Her journey is over. She's made Claudine wait for her long enough. Now it'll be her turn to wait until morning, and then she'll be able to see her once again...

But it's then, after giving herself one final push, that she can finally see the shoreline.

Her heart throbs.

They're all there.

Every single treasure Mahiru had ever brought for her is lined up neatly, telling her just how faithfully Claudine has been waiting for her.

Mahiru swims up closer, clutching the stone in one palm as she uses the other damaged hand to crawl up onto the sand and halfway out of the water.

And then, whatever glimmer of hope and happiness had been beginning to twinkle in her heart is swallowed by a chilled and harrowing abyss.

For there - in front of all the shells and trinkets - a message has been freshly-written in the sand:

/I'll find you. I promise. I love you, too./

And it feels as if the entirety of the ocean slams over her all at once.

A blast of thunder shakes the earth, and a flash of lightning splits the sky.

"Oh, no…"

Mahiru snaps her head around to look out to the far side of the beach, to the little docks where the boats always sit.

One of them is missing.

"Oh, no-"

It's all she can do to keep hold of that burning stone as she wrenches herself out of the sand and back into the water. She dives in and swims as hard as she can with the little strength she has left.

The fire burns her body now, both inside and out.

/Kuro-chan…!/

The thunder comes again. Then the lightning.

Mahiru's only wish now is that she isn't too late.

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A/N: I really hope I could convey that point of their love not 'blinding' them or being an obstacle. They know the dangers and the risks. It's just that they love each other so much they refuse to let anything hinder them. And maybe that's foolish and selfish, but it's love.

"Fire" being the title, both for the burning of the stone, and for the flame of their affections driving them onward...