its 1 in the morning im in a hotel why am i doing writes

It's okay if you still love her. I just want you to know that.

I know you got a lot of love in that heart of yours, I feel it when you're holdin' me, when you even look at me. It's what makes you so damn good at whatcha do, and it's what makes you so much of a comfort to me. And I know whenever she comes up, there's this ache in your voice like you're just about to break down.

Whenever you talk about her you make her sound downright saintly. I know I'm the last person who might go lookin' at the saint angle too kindly, but the way you make her out to be I woulda liked to have met her. Sounds like she was a sweetheart, kinda like you. I can see why she picked you outta the crowd. Sometimes when I'm alone during the day, I wonder what she was like. Would she have liked me? Us, even?

Wish I could do somethin', anything at all, to make the hurtin' stop like you do. I don't like seein' you hurtin' like this, 'cause the last person who deserves this kinda pain is you. You're a good man, a sweet man. To me, you and Anya deserve nothin' but the world, and I wish I could give that to you. I wish I could grant wishes of my own. I'd give her back to you in a heartbeat.

I know I can't relate, not really. But I think, I truly and really think, that ain't no one who doesn't have someone they miss that much. For me I guess that'd be my momma. I wasn't much more than seven when she died. I sat in that room for three days holdin' her hand while she was in labor. Couldn't see a damn thing by then, but I felt her gettin' weaker by the second. It wasn't the first time I ever really felt helpless, but I think it was the time I felt it the most.

It ain't the same, and I ain't gonna pretend it is. If I did I'd be disrespectin' both you and her. I ain't about disrespect, and especially not you. But lord do I miss her. I dunno if it's as much as you, but I do.

But I guess that ain't really the point, is it? I brought it up, 'cause I just... wanted to tell you it's okay if you still love her a lot, I don't mind. I been thinkin' about it, I guess. I can't replace her, and I know that. Neither of us can be Ruya, and I don't think we can even come close to even tryin' to.

But I can be Midnight, as much trouble as that's worth, and I hope that brings a little light to your life like Roscoe has to mine.