Miscast - Chapter 7

>Day 9 in Equestria

"3...2...1...HIYA!!!"
>You bust out a straight kick that would knock someone's teeth out.
>Unfortunately all this killing machine energy is taken out on a tree.
>Your heel collides with the bark, shaking the tree to it's core.
>Apples fall from the tree and land nicely in the baskets you have laid out.
>Another perfectly bucked tree.
>Well, almost.
>A few apples remain dangling.
>You climb the tree to get the stragglers.
>"Anon, you climbing trees again?"
>Peeking out of the leaves, you see Applebloom, AJ's little sister, staring up at you.
>"You know how weird that looks."
>You sit on a branch, apple in hand.
"You're just mad you can't."
>She ruffles her brow.
>"Yeah, huh! Mah friends and I have a whole HOUSE up in a tree!"
"Oh really?"
>"Yeah, and it's better than that BARN you sleep in!"
>Little girl wants to play, eh?
"That's actually really cool!"
>"And ano-"
>Got her.
>"Ya think so?"
"Yeah! You guys built it yourselves?"
>"Uh huh!"
"I'm surprised that didn't give you your cutie ma-ohh..."
>Critial hit, 200% damage.
>"..."
>Your comfy branch starts violently shaking.
>Applebloom is pounding at the base of the tree.
>"GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN KICK YER SORRY FLANK!"
>You laugh so hard you almost choke on your apple.

>"APPLEBLOOM!"
>Busted.
>"Applejack! He made fun of me for not having a cutie mark!"
>You can feel the sting from AJ's glare.
>Jumping down from the branch, you land next to Applebloom.
"Well she said I was weird!"
>"Well you ARE weird!"
"No, YOU'RE weird!"
>"ARE NOT!"
"Are too~"
>This is too much fun.
>After a few more seconds of back and forth...
>"Enough you two!"
>You and Applebloom stop arguing.
>"Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are here to see you."
>Applebloom happily trots off, not before playfully sticking her tongue out at you.
>You send that shit right back, no little girl gets the last laugh!
>"And Anon, you should know better than to make fun of my sister."
"But she started it!"
>"Ah ah! No excuses."
>Psh. Stupid Applebloom.
>"Besides, she's right. Climbing trees is a bit weird."
"You're. Just. Jealous."

>You walk into the barn after a long day.
>It didn't feel long, though.
>These past few days, you've been really letting your personality out.
>All the p0nies got over the shock of whatever the heck you are.
>Well, all the p0nies you've met at least.
>The p0nies in town were warned that a human existed, and were told not to freak out.
>You haven't exactly been to town though.
>Spending all your time on the farm was fine with you.
>When not gathering apples, Granny was more than happy to have you babysit little Applebloom.
>Who of course thought you were a monster at first.
>She warmed up to ya, though, and now you two get along famously!
>You were always good with little kids.
>The stagnant feeling from being cooped up in Twilight's library is returning, however.
>While the orchard is spacious, you still feel trapped.
>Applejack and Applebloom chat with you constantly.
>You haven't seen Big Mac since you met him a few nights ago.
>At all.
>Granny Smith still thinks you're a p0ny out to court her granddaugher, boy that going to be heartbreaking later.
>You haven't seen the other p0nies in a few days though.
>Maybe the shock of you being here wore off for them too.
>Now that you aren't an oddity, they don't need to see ya.
>WOW, that's depressing, snap the fuck out of it.
>At least you haven't seen Pinkie.
>Fucking weirdo.

>Just as you lay on the world's comfiest pile of hay, you hear a knock.
>Sweet, a visitor!
>You get up, making sure you're still decent, walk to the door.
>Opening it up, you see a pair of yellow eyes floating in front of you.
>Staring at you...
>...and the wall behind you.
>"I BRRRFGHT YFF AF LFFDRR!"
>The gray p0ny tries to say something, but there's an envelope in it's mouth.
>You graciously relieve it of it's burden.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
>"I saaaaaaaid, I brought you a letter!"
>...
"Oh, thanks!"
>"Bye bye, hoo-men!"
>She flies away in an awkward arc.
>Something about that p0ny.
>She seems...
>Silly?
>Clumsy?
>Ahh, you'll think of something fitting later.
>For now, YOU HAVE MAIL!
>First time since being here that anyone's sent you mail.
>Well, to be honest, only bill collectors sent you mail before...
>Oh well, you tear that baby open and...
>It's gibberish.

>Well no fucking shit you don't know how to read their writing.
>It's damned lucky you even speak the same language as them!
>The thrill of recieving mail has quickly dissapated.
>Maybe you can get Applejack to read this for ya.
>You check the pile of borderline cosplay outfits, and manage to pull out more normal clothes.
>A black button-down, with straight black pants.
>You put a skip in your step as you go inside to have your mail read.
>Applejack is sitting in the parlor.
>"Oh hey, Anon. Whatcha need?"
"Well, I got a letter, but I have no idea how to read your language."
>"Ah gotcha. Give 'er here."
>You give AJ the letter.
>"Anon, tired of being cooped up in that musty barn? Come chill with the...*sigh*...most awesomest, radicalest mare in P0nyville."
>Must be from Rainbow Dash.
"Does it say where to meet her?"
>"...nope. It ends at 'radicalest mare in P0nyville'."
>Odd.
"Well, that doesn't help much. Thanks anyway, AJ!"
>"Ain't no thang, sugarcube."
>You make your way out of the house and towards your barn.
>Peculiarly, a blue p0ny is crouched in front of your door.

>"Hehehe...he's sure to have gotten my letter by now..."
>She chuckles to herself.
>"He's gonna get it good!"
>She's rearing back, ready to tackle the next thing to step through that barn door.
>Which would normally be you.
>Man, you are a master of circumstance.
>Carefully sneaking behind her, you lean in close...
>Closer...
>CLOSER...
>Until you're right next to her ear...
>Take a deep breath...
"WHATCHA DOING?!?"
>"AAAAHH!!!"
>Congratulations, you've committed your first p0ny murder!
>No wait, she's still breathing.
>Pretty sure her heart stopped though.
>Do p0nies even have heart?
>Shit that's cold, man.
>Back to the p0ny in a shock coma on the ground.
>You stand over her.
"Yo Rainbow Dash...y'alright?"
>"WHY...WOULD...YOU...DO...THAT..."
>She's scared shitless.
>Mission accomplished, 10 points to Anon house.
"I dunno, there was this scary p0ny stalking outside my barn, and I wanted to check."
>"Oh, you heard me?"
>That's not Rainbow.

>You turn around to a nearby bush.
>You're fairly certain that bush isn't there normally.
>Pinkie sticks her head out.
>"HI!"
>Fucking. Pinkie. Pie.
"And just HOW LONG have you been there?"
>"Doesn't matter!"
>OF COURSE IT MATTERS!
>"C'mon Flutters, we haven't eaten all day!"
>Pinkie Pie picks up the bush, and starts carrying it away.
>Where she was, a Fluttershy remains.
>"....eeeeee...."
>With a small squeak, she runs after Pinkie.
>...
>Fucking stalker extorting p0ny, you swear.
>Bet she roped Fluttershy into joining her.
>In any case, you have a Rainbow to attend to.
"So, what were we gonna do tonight?"
>Rainbow gets over the shellshock from your grand entrance and starts flying happily.
>"You seem like a dude who can handle his drink."
"What, you mean alcohol?"
>You haven't had more than a beer or two at one time.
"Of course."
>Lying fuck.
>"Good, then we're going out toni~ght!"
>You have a sinking feeling this is going to go wrong FAST.

>You walk alongside a flying Rainbow Dash.
>Some p0nies walking around at this time o' night give you some odd looks...
>Others point, like children asking their parents what you are.
>Feels bad man.
"So, what possessed ya to come get me?"
>"Listen, I've know Applejack for a while. I'm not letting you get bent out of shape due to all that farm-work."
>What a bro.
"All work and no play makes Anon a dull human?"
>"You got it, friend. And tonight, we're gonna PLAY!"
>Awesome. Though you have no clue what she's taking you to.
>"HERE WE ARE!"
>You look ahead of you. It looks like a...
>Bar.
>Nothing more, nothing less.
>Ah well, what were you expecting?
>Some super magical p0ny activity?
>...maybe.
>What a wuss.
>Fuck off.
>"I'll meet ya inside!"
>Rainbow dashes towards the bar, flying in the doorway and out of sight.
>Better follow her in-
>"Hey, human..."

>You turn around and look down.
>Hey, it's that turquoise pony that saw you before!
>And it's absolutely terrified.
>"H-hello..."
>My god it's shaking.
>This isn't embarassment or shyness.
>This is true fear.
"Hey."
>Your word makes it tremble.
>"I j-just wanted to apologize for the other day..."
>Ain't that thoughtful.
"Oh, no problem. I understand where you were coming from."
>"Heh, yeah...it won't happen again, I swear!"
>Better not.
"Great!"
>You give her an approving thumbs up.
>She just stares at your hand, mesmerized.
>That's right, they wouldn't know what a thumbs up is.
>You quickly put it down.
>She's still just staring at your hand.
>Like it's fucking laser guided staring.
>Getting creepy.
"Well, uh, it was nice to talk with you."
>She snaps out of it.
>"Oh..yeah! Yeah it was! I'll, uh, see you around?"
>She awkwardly shuffles her hooves for a moment, then runs off.
>These p0nies and their awkward tendencies.
>Maybe it's a species thing.
>You shrug it off and walk into the establishment.

>Holy fuck is it ever a bar.
>You walk in and the smell of alcohol wafts by.
>P0nies, of all colors, races, sizes, sitting at tables.
>Some are gambling, some are watching the on-stage entertainment.
>How the fuck are they holding those cards?
>They aren't even unicorns.
>Whaddafuck.
>You decide it might be best if you left...
>"Hey Anon! Ya made it!"
>Oh fuck Rainbow saw you.
>And with that, every head in the place turns towards you.
>Rainbow what the flying fuck.
>Suddenly, from the center of the crowd, a large figure rises.
>Largest p0ny you've ever seen.
>Well, almost. Big Mac is about that bi-
>Oh fuck it's Big Mac.
>He walks at you from his table of mares.
>What a pimp.
>He stands in front of you, tall and strong.
>He's eye level with you without trying.
>For a p0ny, that's pretty fucking big.
>You look at him silently.
>He just stares back.
>What the fuck did you get into.

>He holds up his hoof.
>Oh man. OH MAN.
>You've been preparing for this your whole life.
>You ball your fingers into a concentrated fist of courage and resolve.
>Hand and hoof collide into a brofist that may have very well shook the foundation of the entire bar.
>He puts his hoof down, satisfied with the level of bro-itude, and turns back to the bar.
>...
"..."
>"Eeyup."
>The bar explodes into fanfare, and you're welcomed down to a table with Rainbow.
>"Welcome to P0nyville, Anon."
>She slides you a cider.
>You lift the glass, raising it to them all.
>"Cheers!"