“Just a story?” asked Ulb rhetorically.

Alb replied with a question of his own “Come now, how the hell were we to know?”

“Well it's your fucking fault for pissing off the whoreson”

The two goblins were bickering, as always. Alb and Ulb – the two goblins from the hamlet in the fields. They were by an old birch tree, sitting down and watching the small fire dancing before them.

Alb was trying to justify himself “It was for a bet, how could I refuse? The lads bet me to do it!”

“If I told you to shit yourself, would you do that?” asked Ulb

“How much are you willing to wager?”

“Fuck off”

Their argument wasn't unsurprising. Alb had caused a big stink, and this wasn't because he had taken up a bet like Ulbs in the past.

“You always do this sort of thing. We were told not to go over to the cave, and yet you went. Only reason I'm helping you now is because you're my friend” Ulb was glaring at Alb angrily, watching him poke a fire with a stick with intent curiosity.” Remember that curiosity killed the cat, as old gran would say.”

Alb was only half listening as he played with the embers “Ah yes, but I love to poke around. Curiosity could be my death, but I'll know things nobody in the tribe has ever known before.”

“Sure, but the oldest are the wisest, and incidentally the cautious” replied Ulb. “It's why I fish, you just sit there waiting for the fish to hook on. Fishermen live long”. They had been sitting there a while, and Ulb was passing the time by carving fishhooks out of bone and antler.

At that moment, Albs poking caused a log to topple over and release a spray of embers and sparks, nearly burning Ulb.

Ulb got up and shouted “Fuck! Watch what you're doing! I'll go and leave you be!”

“But you won't get to see my master plan in action.” He patted a sheep sitting next to him, which momentarily stopped chewing to look at the two friends with a puzzled expression.

“Fuck your plan, you're a careless lout and I want no more part of this!”

Alb sat there looking innocently at Ulb as he spoke “Oh? Ok.” These words were enough to cause his friend to get up and stomp off back home in anger.

“Stupid arse! First he awakens a dragon in a cave because he thinks it was a made up story, and now he thinks that he can fix it?” Ulb was still patting his woollen clothes down (the same ones his friend made and mended for him as goodwill) when he heard a fearsome roar bellowing outwards. It rolled over the fields of rye, past the standing stones, through the trees, and into the houses of the villagers. At once there was a cry.

“The dragon! He has come for us again!”

Immediately the people ran out from their homes, grabbing their few possessions and making for the hidey holes they had dug or for the trees where they could hide. Even the chieftain was helpless against this monster – nobody could appease this beast.

Ulb was much afeared, but he heard Alb shouting and was immediately driven to rescue his friend. He ran back up towards the cave where he heard the commotion going on.

He bellowed loudly as he ran “Alb, where are you?”

“Here!” shouted back Alb from behind a rock. The sheep was tied to a stake nearby, bleating loudly and trying to get away. Ulb dashed over just as the dragon turned his gaze upon the both of them. The dragon then got up on his hind legs, spread his wings, and shouted out loudly:

“Why have you brought me a sheep little goblin?”

“It is a gift! So that you forgive us!” shouted back Alb

The dragons eyes grew red and he advanced closer to Alb and Ulb. “Dare you seek to trick me? This seems like a ruse, you will have put sulphur in its wool so that it may poison me!”

Alb peaked his head out from behind a rock “No, it is but a gift!”

“Then I have a gift for you too little one!” shouted the dragon. He opened his mouth wide and breathed in deeply as he prepared to blast them with fire.

Ulb sat there quivering, but Alb thought that he might as well throw something that would distract the beast. Alb was quick thinking, and grabbed the bag of fishhooks from Ulb and lobbed it into the dragons mouth. Immediately the confused beast tried to spit it out, but they all came out of the bag and got stuck in the gums and throat.

“Little shits! Fucks! Whoresons! Bastards! Cunts!” screamed the dragon. He was in such agony that he clawed at his mouth and throat in desperation before dashing for the river. Throwing his mouth into the water he began gulping greedily and trying to wash the fishhooks out. This didn't help, and the fishhooks tore away inside his body. Blood poured out and soon the dragon began to choke.

Alb and Ulb rushed down to the bank of the river, where they were joined by the other villagers as they watched the beast slowly choke to death and the river run red with blood. Everybody stood there for a long time before the beasts gurgling stopped and it expired. For his cleverness, Alb become the leader of his tribe. Of course it's difficult to say for sure if this all really happened or not - it's just a story after all.