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- Park Smarts
- > In suburban America sprawls a moderately sized town
- > Central Park in the uptown district is packed with people once again
- > Each weekend brings upper and middle class citizens to the hip and upscale locale
- > Expensive restaurants and specialty shops line the vintage looking town center around the large park
- > Green grass and well manicured floral displays mix with the local fauna creating a beautiful walking trail
- > Were it not for the shit stained sidewalk and partially eaten displays the park would be pristine
- > Citizens have complained for weeks but the mayor has finally addressed the issue
- > Elections drawing near and all
- > The local exterminators have all been outbid by a small extermination company
- > Parking his small bus in a nearby parking lot the exterminator begins his work
- > A park PA system is commandeered by the lone worker
- > "Ahm... attention park visitors, extermination will begin on the premises shortly... ah.. please make your way to an exit..."
- > Standing at around six feet the lanky man nervously replaces the microphone and secures the lock box
- > Adjusting his thick spectacles and all blue jumpsuit with cap he returns to the bus
- > After around twenty minutes most park goers have been moved out
- > Barricades of bright orange plastic are set up at each entrance
- > They are secured with duct tape to the ground
- > With chest high brick walls around the remainder of the park the rest is easy
- > Only minutes after all the people are gone fluffies are milling about the park in their stead
- > Nervous mares, stallions, and foals waddle about munching on grass and any knee level foliage
- > The keep a keen ear, and eye out for any humans
- > Well, as keen as a fluffy can be
- > Once the barricades are in place the thin man returns to his bus
- > Stepping in the back he's assaulted by death threats, demands for freedom, and spaghetti among other things
- > "Hello everyone, it's time to get some fluffies for your herd! Good smarties get all the fluffies into their herd!"
- > The stacked pet carriers all shout back in agreement save one small fluffy cowering closest to the man
- > "Fw-fwu-fwuffy nuu wan hewd... hewd guu way... Haff wowstes owies an-AIEEE!"
- > A cattle prod ends his protesting for good
- > The slightly stunned bunch of smarties stare at the unassuming man who simply smiles a large toothy grin
- > "That my smarties, was a bad smartie. He didn't want a herd. You all want herds right?"
- > Unanimous cheers for mares, friends, babies, and special hugs reign
- > The carriers are secured by bungee chords to the wall, and sit upon modified tables bolted to the floor
- > Below the tables sit a small box of empty garbage bags and a tool belt
- > Retrieving the belt which sags around his thin waist secured only by the belt loops in the jumpsuit he smiles
- > One by one the smarties are placed outside the van to the curiosity of onlookers
- > "Hey son, what'er ya adding more fluffers fer? We need ya to git rid of em, not make more of em'"
- > An older gentleman eyes the growing pile of babbling pet carriers with disdain
- > "It'll all be revealed soon"
- > Placing the last two carriers on the sidewalk the scraggly exterminator waves his hands and wiggles his fingers like a whimsical
- > The old man is unimpressed, but sits around for the show anyway
- > Taking two carriers at a time the exterminator releases each smarty with significant spacing
- > Their collars barely visible through thick fluff
- > "Now remember, good smarties can count... to ten!"
- > "Hrmph! Dummy hoomin! Smawty bes smawty! Wuun... twuuuh... uh... sketties? nuu..."
- > Flopping on their bottoms the smarties use each of their weggies to assist them
- > This usually keeps them in place for a good two minutes before they give up
- > Enough time for the jingling jumpsuit wearing man to release another smarty a distance away
- > Soon all thirty of the smarties are wandering around the park
- > Taking out a can of soda the exterminator sits on the brick wall observing
- > Freed from having to keep the smarties in a confined area by the convenient wall
- > "What'er these fluffers gonna do? Ye trained em tah kill fer ya?"
- > Smiling the frizzy man sets his beverage down
- > "Nope."
- > Confused the small crowd continues to watch
- > For around five minutes nothing happens
- > Fluffies all wander around eating, pooping, and fucking like normal
- > Then the smarties encounter the first park fluffies
- > "Fwuffy Smawty! Fwuffy wissen tuu smawty! Join hewd! Get nummies!"
- > The first target is stallion
- > "... Otay!"
- > It begins
- > Before ten minutes is up each smarty has at least five fluffies following
- > Then the mares are encountered
- > "Oou join smawtie hewd! Giff speciaw huggies an nummies! Haff bebbehs! Hewd wuv bebbehs!"
- > "Nuu, fwuffeh nuu wan dummie hewd, wike fwiends, nuu wike du-eee!"
- > The smarties beat, threaten, coerce, and poop obedience into the fluffies
- > Mothers with foals have them slain before them sometimes
- > Some stallion fathers are beaten to death by former friends
- > Most simply capitulate and join the smartie they encounter first
- > In only two hours nearly every fluffie has been dragged out of holes, bushes, burrows, benches, hollows, and flower gardens into one herd or another
- > The crowd watches on, interested but not enthralled
- > "So they're in groups now, what happens to em?"
- > Jumping from his perch on the wall the exterminator smiles wickedly
- > "Now the fun starts"
- > With a full tool belt and only time to kill the exterminator heads out into the park grinning
- > Finding an abandoned foal the exterminator lays him out on the concrete near the large fountain in the center of the park
- > "huuu huuu huuu mistaw! huu huu huu meanie take mummah! *sniff* hewp babbeh?"
- > The hammer strikes a leg before the foal can emit anything else
- > "EEEEEEEEEEE!"
- > Soon smarties in the local area are all rushing to the site
- > "Whew bebbeh? Hewp bebbeh! Join hewd! Giff nummies! Wuv bebbeh!"
- > The first smarty has around twenty fluffies and tries to hug the foal into health
- > Before he can finish a big hug a second smarty shows up
- > "Yuu huwt bebbeh! Hewd! Giff biggest owies!"
- > These two killed over five foals each while forming their herds
- > Now they're willing to kill over a single injured one?
- > Parental instinct kicks in at the strangest times
- > With both herds tearing each other apart the exterminator steps in
- > First checking on his bait, which was unsurprisingly crushed to death in the scrum, he scans the now yelling fluffies for any surviving foals
- > Three are discovered and placed in a Tupperware container for later use
- > Mothers and mares try desperately to open the plastic container while stallions threaten the man
- > "Yuu giff bebbehs back ow smawtie giff owies!"
- > "Nuu! Yuu giff back bebbesh ow smawtie giff owies!"
- > The two smarties are bickering
- > Picking up his smarties the exterminator hog ties them and places the immobile fluffies in a nearby clearing
- > They yell and growl for freedom
- > Giving each fluffy a much needed bath is the first method of extermination
- > And by bath of course I mean the fluffies are held by their tails and dunked into the water for a good ten seconds
- > They gasp for breath instinctively despite being immersed in water and are effectively dead after only a few seconds
- > Their bodies thrash and go limp one by one
- > The soggy corpses are thrown into trash bags
- > Foals continue to whine and soon all fluffies from these herds are dead
- > The whole process is repeated many times that day
- > Sometimes groups of three or more show up
- > Other times only one group
- > Drowning, hammering, neck breaking, ductape to cut off air, ziptie nooses, blowtorch to the skull, metal brush proctological exams
- > The method differs, but the result is the same
- > By days end no fluffy is left alive in the park
- > Save the thirty odd smarties that are still hogtied in the nearby clearing
- > Totally unaware of the demise of their respective herds
- > This method is time consuming, but highly effective
- > Somehow smarties are able to root out nearly any fluffy within their "territory"
- > Which they define arbitrarily as "everything"
- > Releasing so many smarties at once simply speeds up the process which normally takes a week in this sized area
- > Retrieving the pet carriers and replacing his smarties the bus is loaded with garbage bags
- > Carriers face the wall lest they try to bite the bags and catch a whiff of the fresh bodies within
- > Can't have the smarties traumatized
- > As he removes the barricade and contacts the park services the old man speaks to the young exterminator once more
- > "Sonny, that was some show, but... you've got somethin on yer face..."
- > Embarrassed the exterminator touches his cheeks and looks for any fluids
- > The old man smiles and lightly punches his arm
- > "It's a smile aftah such a good day's work!"
- > Indeed, a toothy grin spreads from ear to ear
- > It hasn't disappeared since the fun began earlier in the day
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