World War P

>Day Unavoidable Conflict in Equestria.
>You are Anonymous; unanimously voted in president of the mighty, and prosperous human nation of Anonymousopetamia.
>And today; as you have every day since this nightmare began; you go to war.
>For too long have you stood idly by as the shodden hooves of ponekind tread your dignity into the dirt.
>Too long have you watched and held your tongue as rampant injustice rips through the bordering land of Equestria.
>The hounds of war were kept at bay for as long as possible in the name of peace, but all negotiations with the pastel pones have fallen through.
>The barren stretch of DMZ is all that stands between you, and that dark Kingdom ruled by tyrannous crown.
>Watching through the window of your stronghold with unblinking eye; you spot the enemy approaching your fences.
"HALT OR RISK PAIN OF... STINGINESS."
>The beige earth mare known simply as "The Mayor" (name of a Gotham City crimelord if you've ever heard one) approaches with caution before stopping just outside the barbed wire fence.
>"A-Anonymous; it has been over 3 months since you've made any form of payment for your property. I understand if you've fallen on hard times; I only ask that you come with me so that we can make some arrangements."
>She seeks to occupy your great and powerful country; it's all too clear.
>Having heard enough of her commie talk; you point an airsoft rifle out at her.
>She steps back nervously, but doesn't turn and flee.
>What kind of sick torture must these agents of the crown have been put through to stand unwavering in the face of such welts that sting like a bitch?

>Despite the necessity of using finely honed brutality for the sake of holding your home against the clutches of terrorists; you will give her to the count of three to vacate the area before all hell breaks loose.
>You are a merciful man.
>Time's up.
"TELL THE LAVENDER DEVIL THAT ANONYMOUS SENT YOU!"
>She stares up at you in shock for a moment before the plinks of plastic rounds hitting the fence set her running.
>"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? ST-AAAGH!"
>Slow motion takes over as she yelps in time lapsed baritone; rounds smacking against her retreating flank and sending her tripping into the dirt.
>You keep your rifle trained on her prone body; waiting for any signs of retaliation.
>Her head raises up to look back at you; her teary eyed gaze meeting your own hardened one.
>You feel no joy at the suffering you must inflict on these pones.
>No sense of satisfaction for crushing your enemies with overwhelming force of arms.
>It is simply the way things must be.
>With a sniffle and one final morose look; the elder mare rises and begins limping back towards the town in defeat.
>The battle is yours.
>Raising your rifle over your head, you sound a victorious cry.
"TUSKAN RAIDERS OOOAHAJAJAOOOO"

>Continuing to stare out your window; you wait for the immanent daily supply drop.
>You have an ally behind enemy lines who brings you food every morning.
>She's absolutely unlikable on every conceivable level, but you can't afford to be picky about your friends when the enemy surrounds you on all sides.
>Taking notice of Pankus floating by above and waving down to you with several balloons strapped around her midsection; your eyes narrow.
>This is a no fly zone.
>The rifle raises skywards, and with the sound of rapidly released air compression, the balloons are quickly popped.
>She continues to lazily float by on nothing as she smiles.
>"Hi Nonny!"
Truly; these pones are a frightening race.
>Finally catching sight of Flutters: Operative Codename - Creeping Crybaby (Of course she cried when you told her what her Codename was) approaching the gate to your enclosed front yard; you press a button on the wall to let her in.
>This is where all your rent money went, fancy buttons to do things without having to get up.
>Not to mention that you literally had to invent barbed wire and contract a Diamond Dog metallurgist to create your fence for you.
>As Flutters makes her way through the gate, you immediately close it behind her, and head downstairs to greet your eyes and ears on the outside.
>Opening the door, you look down at the meek little deviant with her saddlebags packed full of food.
"Your work is appreciated as always, Creeping Crybaby."

>She frowns up at you with lowered ears and the pinpricks of tears in the corners of her eyes as she removes the bags.
>"P-please stop calling me that... Please...?"
"No."
>Taking the bag as she scuffs a hoof along the ground sadly, you turn to return to your post.
>"U-uhm, Anon...? I was w-wondering if maybe espionage was your fetish?"
>Fucking...
>Turning back, you find her tying a headband on.
>Once it's secured in place, she looks up at you with a smile as a large exclamation mark appears over her, and a short alarm sound blares out of nowhere.
"...No, but... Ya know what, just no. You can leave now."
>She sorrowfully lowers her head once more and stares at the ground sadly.
>Staring down in confusion at the mare and wondering how the fuck she just punctuated her head; you notice a purple shape approaching in the distance.
>It's the newest tyrant to be forcefully put into power.
>Princess Twilight "The Terror" Sparkle.
>Your eyes widen in fear before you quickly pull Flutters into your house and slam the door shut behind you
>She looks to you questioningly for a moment as you bound up the stairs to your perch before happiness at being allowed into your home takes hold.
"Yaay..."
>She clops her hooves together and floats up the stairs after you.

>Looking out over the desolate front yard converted DMZ; you wait for the Princess to reach your fence.
>Your fingers tremble on the barrel of your airsoft gun in anticipation of the fight to come.
>When she finally reaches the gate, she looks up at you sternly and calls out.
>"Anonymous! You get down here this instant!"
>Shit, she mad.
"Shut up Twilight, you're not my real mom!"
>Her narrow eyes stare you down; as yours do the same.
>"I've had enough of this, Anonymous! Poor Mayor Mare came to me in tears; saying that you shot at her when she was only trying to help you! You go apologize!"
>Tch, apologizing is for the Japs.
>"O-oh my, that's really not very nice, Anon... Maybe you shou-"
"This can all be over as soon as you give in to the demands of this great nation!"
>She facehooves in exasperation as you make another attempt at negotiation.
>Hey, that rhymed.
>"For the last time...! Just because you're the only Human here does not entitle you to free alcohol, now stop being childish and come down here!"
>Bullshit, you're a foreign diplomat!
>You saw it in Family Guy so it must be true!
>"Anon, you r-really should go say you're sorry... Mayor Mare is a very nice pone, and I'm sure sh-"
"I am the goddamn president; and I will be treated with respect! Also, your horn is stupid!"
>That did it.

>A calm look comes over her deeply frowning face before her horn begins to glow with purple energy.
>The same glow overtakes your fence as it begins to crumple in on itself; compacting into a tight barbed ball with the groan of bending metal.
>"A-a-Anon...? I r-really thi-"
"Hey! that shit was expensive!"
>The time for talk is over; the time for shooting prissy alicorns is now.
>Raising your rifle to take aim; you release a barrage of plastic pellets at the Princess beneath as she advances slowly.
>She doesn't blink as each is stopped directly in front of her face; left to float in their own purple auras of magic.
>"Anon p-please just go do-"
>Flutters is cut off by a sound almost like Gatling gun.
>The small plastic balls hurtle upwards at you; showering and ripping through your house with their magic powered velocity.
"OI!"
>The damage to your house only exacerbates your temper as you return fire.
>Flutters crouches beneath you huddled into a trembling ball of terror as the toy bullets whiz over her head.
>Your eyes widen, and you hit the floor to join her as the heavy metal ball tears a hole through your wall and roof with the noise of a roaring cannon.
>You're outgunned.
>Hearing your door slam open down stairs, you frantically look around for anything to aid you in this fight.
>Your eyes hone in on the traumatized pegasus at your side.

>Jumping to your feet; you pick her up and hold her at an arms length with one hand, and point the rifle into her back with the other.
>"A-Anon!? Wh-wh-"
"It's just an act, Creeping Crybaby; I'd never actually harm you."
>You would.
>Just as you turn to face the door to the room; it becomes enveloped in a purple glow and is violently ripped off it's hinges.
>"My horn is what...?"
>Stepping slowly into the room with all the cold fury of hell in her eyes; you stand your ground with the "eep"ing pegasus acting as a shield.
"I've got a hostage, Sparkle... Let's not turn this into something it doesn't need to be..."
>Your eyes nervously glance around the room searching for any way to escape as she takes a single step towards you.
>Stepping back once to keep an equal distance; you begin to sweat as the breeze drifts in from the gaping hole where your window used to be at your back.
>"Do it, filly."
>She doesn't think you have it in you.
>Oh how mistaken she is.
>just as your trembling finger reaches towards the trigger in desperation; another idea crosses your mind.
>Leaning in close to the shaking mare in your grip; you whisper quietly into her ears that are pinned against her skull.
"Fluttershy... Watching an alicorn being beaten down in hoof to hoof combat is my fetish..."

>Her trembling stops instantly; the only movement from her being the headband, and her mane flowing in the breeze.
>She suddenly launches from your grip with an impressive warcry towards the extremely taken aback Princess.
>"RAAAAGH!!!"
>With a startled yelp, she turns to retreat; only to be tackled through the doorway by the speeding yellow bullet.
>As the sounds of enraged yelling, cartoonish thwacks of hoof on flesh, and pained cries come from the mares tumbling down your stairs; you turn and execute a perfect swan dive from your window.
>Reaching the ground and pulling into a combat roll; you limp across the border of what remains of the once great nation of Anonymousopetamia, into enemy territory on your now broken ankle.
>You'll have to crash with Derpy for a while until this blows over, and you can return to reclaim your land.
>The house explodes behind you; probably making you look really badass as you limp away with a stoic expression on your face.
>You hope Derpy made muffins.
>It was a justice for all kind of day.