Starlight (ch3)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY HIGHER-PLEDGING PATRONS!!

Okay so I know all of these little oneshots are gonna start to have this reoccuring theme of Hikari crying a lot, but listen... This chapter's content is actually based off canon events and confirmations. So there. Shhh...

Takes place after episode 8.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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															Chapter 3.

Karen races back through the building the instant her Audition is over. She'd won against Claudine, but she has a bad feeling.

She knows Hikari had had an Audition tonight as well. Hikari hadn't specifically told her, but Karen knew.

And since Karen herself had won her own Audition, she has a sinking feeling about what her nervousness might be about.

As she rushes off toward the dorms, her stomach begins to twist.

/No... she can't have lost... Hikari-chan's come so far! She's worked so hard! If she loses now she'll break.../

She quickens her pace in desperation, skidding around the next corner and dashing up the staircase. Every hallway is quiet and empty at this hour, and she does her best not to make unnecessary noise.

At long last her dorm room is in sight. Karen skids to a halt and scrambles in her skirt pocket for her key, jostles it in, and pushes through.

"Hikari-chan!"

But the room is dark and the floor between hers and Mahiru's bed is empty. Mahiru herself is curled up beneath her blankets with ear buds in to help keep herself asleep, so Karen is at least grateful she hadn't woken her. But the fact that Hikari is nowhere to be found worries her even more.

/Is she still back at the Auditions? Is she still fighting?/

She's at a loss. Her mind can't help but wander to the worst possible places: Hikari, defeated in her Audition, crumpled to the ground, hurt and crying...

Karen feels a sting behind her eyes just from the thought of it.

Part of her wants to go back and look for her again. But upon her initial search through the building and stages, she hadn't found any signs of her.

/She'll be back... She has to be.../

Uneasily, Karen treads into the room and lets the door close behind. She wanders to her drawer for a loose t-shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in, then retreats into the bathroom. She knows she won't be able to sleep until Hikari returns, so she hopes a quick shower will help take her mind off of things.

On the contrary, it only makes her worry more. What if Hikari comes back to the room while she's showering, gathers her things, and leaves the Academy for good?

Karen barely even rinses the shampoo from her hair before she shuts off the water, grabs a towel and steps out, drying off frantically before putting her clothes on.

"No, no... Hikari-chan, please don't go!" She hurries to the door and bursts back into the main room. "Hikari-chan!"

But once again she's met with the same quiet room. Mahiru is still sleeping easily in her bed, and none of Hikari's things have been removed.

Karen lets out a heavy sigh in an effort to calm herself down. She dries her hair, tosses her towel into the hamper, and limps back to her bed to slump down.

Laying on her back, she stares up at the ceiling with no intentions of closing her eyes or sleeping. She couldn't even if she wanted to. She's way too anxious.

She clamps her hands together and squeezes them in prayer for Hikari to come back soon.

It feels like hours. It might've been. She doesn't keep track. But after a long long time, the doorknob finally clicks. Karen jolts up from bed.

"Hikari-chan?"

And Hikari's standing there looking the same as ever, dressed in her uniform, expression unreadable. She casts Karen a curious glance.

"What are you still doing up?"

And at first Karen is confused. Her intuition has never failed her before - not in a situation like this when she'd really believed something was wrong.

But upon further inspection, she can tell it hasn't failed her this time either.

Hikari's uniform isn't as pristine as it usually is. It's ruffled, the top button of her blazer was never fastened, her skirt is sideways - all as if put on half-heartedly. Her hair is slightly frazzled and loose down her back.

But what Karen notices right away is that there's no sparkling hair pin.

Her feeling of unease flares up anew. Karen tears the covers off herself and rushes to the doorway to meet her.

"Hikari-chan! Are you okay?"

She hates that she's been apart from her all those years. Not only because she'd missed her so terribly, but also because she'd been denied the opportunity to keep up in reading her.

She used to be able to tell exactly what Hikari was feeling. But now Karen can't read her at all.

Hikari doesn't flinch, doesn't shrug, doesn't even blink.

"I'm tired. I want to get changed."

Hikari brushes past her and the door closes, leaving the room in darkness once again. Karen whirls around and watches her friend go to her drawers, pawing through only with her left hand.

That's when Karen notices Hikari's right hand has been balled into a fist all this time. Karen swallows.

"Hikari-chan-"

But Hikari ignores her, taking her clothes and heading for the bathroom.

"You should get some rest, Karen."

Hikari opens the door and slips inside.

But not before Karen hears a slight sound, that of something falling onto the carpet.

When she looks down she finds Hikari's hair pin. When she picks it up, she finds the tips of the star speckled with red. Karen's heart jumps.

"Hikari-chan!"

But a defiant hiss of water drowns her out. She knows Hikari still hears her, but simply chooses to ignore.

But Karen is nothing if not stubborn.

She clutches Hikari's hair pin in both hands as she plants herself defiantly on the other side of the door.

And waits. Like a hound set on a target, she waits until the water turns off.

The quieter moments that follow are littered with sighs and slight moans from Hikari. Finally, the knob turns and she steps out in her nightgown.

Karen is ready, rooted to the spot, right in her face.

Startled, Hikari gasps.

"Karen? You're still-"

"Give me your hand."

"Eh?" Hikari glances down to find Karen holding one hand out expectantly. The other is holding onto the hair pin. Hikari takes a step back and suddenly can't look her in the eye. "Karen, please. Let's just go to bed-"

"Give me your hand, Hikari-chan." Her voice is still firm, but not angry. It's more upset and concerned than anything.

With another sigh, Hikari gives in and lifts her right hand. Karen takes it in her own, gently turning it palm-up.

There are red marks and faint cuts engraved in the skin, and she can tell great effort had been put in to try and wash them away.

As Karen inspects the small injuries, she can feel as Hikari's hand begins to tremble. When she looks up, she can't find her eyes.

"Hikari-chan... what happened? Did you lose your Audition...?" She hates to potentially rub salt in the wound, but she needs to know.

Hikari draws in a shaky breath, bangs covering her eyes.

"No. I won."

"Then why are you in so much pain?"

Hikari can't give an answer.

Karen feels a little better in knowing Hikari had won her battle, but there is still clearly a war raging in her heart.

Keeping her hand on Hikari's, Karen leads her across the room. She places the hair pin on the dresser as she passes, then puts her free hand around Hikari's back. It's only a short walk from the bathroom to the bed, but in that distance alone Karen can tell Hikari is off-balance.

With no intentions of letting her sleep on the floor tonight, Karen brings Hikari to her own bed and sits beside her. Keeping one hand at the small of her back, Karen rubs soft circles over her nightgown. With her other hand, she traces her fingers gently over the redness in Hikari's palm.

Hikari's posture is slouched, and her hair is still blocking her eyes.

It's breaking Karen's heart. It's killing her.

She waits, giving Hikari all the time she needs.

But after several minutes, it's clear Hikari will stay silent all night if Karen lets her. So she has to prompt her in a whisper.

"Hikari-chan? Please talk to me. What's wrong?"

She can't think of anything that would have made her grip the hair pin hard enough to draw blood, except losing her Audition. And Hikari had said she'd won.

/So then what happened...?/

Karen waits a moment longer, continuing her ministrations on Hikari's hand and back, playing through the ends of her silky hair. Karen inches closer, until she's pressed right up against Hikari's side, letting her lean onto her. She feels her start to shake before she hears the hiccups in her voice.

"I just... I can't..."

And then the flash of silver falling down into her lap. Karen tenses.

"Hikari-chan?!"

She reaches out to tuck the bangs and hair out of her face, finally revealing her eyes and the tears brimming in them.

Karen can't remember the last time she'd seen Hikari cry – if ever. It spirals her into a panic.

"Hikari-chan? Wh-What's the matter? Are you hurt somewhere?"

Frantically, she tries to look her over, as if expecting to see open wounds she'd somehow missed before.

But there's nothing. At least, not on the outside.

Hikari lifts her left hand to her chest and clutches her nightgown, shaking her head. Her voice is meek.

"The Auditions, Karen... I can't..." She doesn't get out any more than that.

Karen feels like she wants to cry too. She pulls Hikari into a hug and squeezes her.

"Then don't," she murmurs. "Hikari-chan, if the Auditions are too much, then just stop! You can't stress yourself out this much! You can't hurt yourself like this!"

Karen can hear her voice still hiccuping, feel her shoulders jolting. Then, another shake of her head.

"That's not... what I mean... I can handle the fighting. I just..." She tapers off once again.

Karen's still at a loss. She can make some sense out of what's going on, but not completely. When she lets her eyes wander to the nightstand, she finds it's past 2AM. She gives Hikari another squeeze.

"Hikari-chan, lie down. You need to rest."

Karen moves the blankets aside and helps Hikari draw her sore legs up onto the mattress. With a gentle push, Karen coaxes her down onto her back.

And looking down at her like this – disheveled and tired and in tears – really makes Karen feel like her heart has shattered as much as Hikari's must have.

She pulls the covers up over them both as she lies down beside Hikari, keeping an arm across her stomach as she props herself on her elbow, making sure Hikari has most of the pillow for herself. Hikari immediately turns her face away and burrows into the blankets. Karen sidles closer.

"It's okay, Hikari-chan. Take your time. Tell me when you're ready. I'll be here."

She hugs her as best she can like this, prepared to stay awake all night if she has to.

But to her surprise, Hikari turns back around to face her. Wrapping both arms around Karen in a vice-grip, she chooses to hide her face in Karen's collar instead.

"I can't..." she whispers. "Karen, I can't do it..."

"What is it?" Karen hugs her tightly. "You keep saying you can't, Hikari-chan. What is it you can't do? If not the Auditions, then what...?"

Another beat of silence. She can still feel Hikari jolting from the sobs. Her voice finally comes again, and it's muffled and scared.

"I can't win."

Karen can feel the weight of her words. But she doesn't understand.

"Of course you can win, Hikari-chan. We both can, right? I'm sure of it. We can win together-"

"But what if we can't?!" Hikari yanks herself away and glares up into Karen's eyes, with torment and tears swirling in her own. "What if we can't win together, Karen? What if I have to fight you? I can't take away your shine. I'd never forgive myself..."

"Wh-What do you mean? I'm not sure I get it..." Karen blinks, but Hikari's serious eyes don't waver. Karen gives a small smile to try and soothe her. "No one could ever take away my shine as a Stage Girl. Not even you, Hikari-chan."

Another set of tears slips down Hikari's face.

"You don't know that... What if-" She chokes. "What if that giraffe... what if he can really take it? What if he steals everything from you and gives it to someone else? What if I help him do it? What if I can't-"

She stops. Not because she wants to. But because Karen makes her.

Softly. Gently.

Karen kisses her lips, quieting all of the terrified words Hikari was about to breathe. She dissolves them all with her lips, washes them away like starlight cleansing nightmares.

She hugs her tight, cradling the back of Hikari's head and pulling her in by her waist. She kisses her until she can feel the tension drain from her stiff shaking shoulders.

Hikari doesn't try to push her away. In fact, she hugs her more tightly.

Karen only pulls back to let her catch her breath, which has become choppy and thick.

"Karen..."

"It's okay." Karen kisses her forehead. "We made a promise, remember? Or... no, I guess it wasn't just that, right? It was fate."

"But... Karen-"

"Even if something like that happens," Karen murmurs. "Even if the giraffe tricks us. Even if somehow all of my shine gets taken from me... No matter what happens to Stage Girl Karen..." She smiles. "It'll never change how Normal Karen feels about you, Hikari-chan."

And she means it. With all her heart.

She feels a little guilty about throwing this at Hikari seemingly out of the blue.

But as she watches, the confusion and pain in Hikari's eyes begin to fade like shadows in face of Karen's light. Her radiance. Her shine.

"Karen..." Hikari reaches up for her again and pulls her in, crying into her shoulder. "Thank you... Thank you..."

Karen gladly pulls her close and kisses her again. Hikari kisses back, if only a little. It's all she can manage – for now.

But Hikari has shown her love for Karen in plenty of other different ways. Like how she would grip her hair pin tightly enough to draw blood at the mere thought of potentially having to take Karen's shine from her.

She's been suffering with these thoughts all this time. Alone.

Karen just wants her to know that she's here for her now. Better late than never.

She holds Hikari for a while longer, until her wounded heart has begun to calm itself. Karen finds Hikari's injured hand and draws it to her mouth, pressing her lips into the creases, then up to the pulse in her wrist.

Eventually, Hikari's breathing slows in slumber. Karen brushes away the last of her tears and places a couple more kisses on her cheeks, forehead, and mouth.

Hikari has been dealing with so much for so long, all by herself, when Karen had had Mahiru and all the others. She wants to make a new promise now.

"Hikari-chan..." She loops her pinkie finger with her best friend's. "I promise I'll always be with you from now on. No matter what. I'll protect you, too. Like you did for me."

She kisses her one last time.

Then, she pulls Hikari close, shielding her in a soft embrace and wrapping her in warmth and love.

She meant everything she'd said tonight.

Even if everything is taken from her – her shine, her fate with Hikari, her ability to become a Stage Girl – there's one thing she'll never relinquish.

And she holds her close tonight until the stars becomes sunlight.

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A/N: Episode 8 killed me and then revived me and then killed me again. Gosh darn it, why didn't Karen and Hikari get to interact at all in present time? That's all I want. Also kisses.