PiE - Rarity's Diary

Day 12
>Dear Diary
>Hello, Diary.  This is Rarity again telling you that I still miss Opalescence.
>Mommy's coming home one day, sweetie.  Be brave.
>As you know diary, I have certain refined tastes.
>And such refined tastes are rather expensive.
>That is the reason why I devote my time on keeping tabs on his finances, so I could scrounge up some money for the finer things in life for the both of us. (Seriously, how hard is it to make a budget and stick with it?)
>And maybe give Dougie a little present with the money I've saved.
>After Douglas cooked breakfast (he really hates being called Douglas by the way), we went off to get more groceries.
>But I digress; the place that he sent me to was 'Bargain Bill's'
>When I first saw the name, I thought "Rarity, prepare yourself.  This will definitely not be fun."
>The first thing that I saw when entering the store was the hideous design.
>White streak-filled tiles.  Gaudy yellow walls.  White hideous popcorn style ceilings.
>I certainly hope that it doesn't rub off on me!
>Douglas ignored all the signs of this train wreck.
>what he said to me was, "Rarity, look at this.  Cucumbers for a dollar, what a steal."
>It was about there that I had realized that I had made a mistake.
>For Douglas' limited budget to stretch further, I was the one who suggested this whole endeavor.
>So I had to endure, diary.  Despite the zombie-like lower class ruffians staring at me.
>One child tried to pet me with his fingers sticky with... something.
>I would never allow Sweetie Belle to get so dirty.
[Tear drops litter the last two sentences]
>We went home, The End, I'm never going there again.
>Goodbye Diary, I need some alone time right now.

Day 14
>Dear Diary,
>This is Rarity.  Why does noone appreciate me?
>Douglas asked me to fix his tattered old biker jacket.
>Let me tell you diary...
>IT WAS HIDEOUS
"Just make it not-ratty on the sleeves", he said
>I never heard such laziness in creativity.
>He didn't ask for a redesign.
>Not even for a touch-up.
"I don't want you to frilly it up with lace."
>As if a piece of lace would dare to approach such a thing, much less touch it.
>So, I did what he asked and instead of thanks, he just walks off with it.
>I almost left his house out of anger.
>Well, he did say thanks.
>But it was just six letters to him; a mere catch-phrase.
>I will teach him the proper way to say 'Thank you, Rarity'.
>Befitting of a gentleman.
>He can consider that payment for taking me in.
>And then I will be free.
>Free.
>Oh, diary.
>What shall I do when I'm free?
>I shall have to stay a while, to learn human customs.
>Douglas took me in, so he must be my lens to see society.
>Even if that lens is a tad dirty.

Day 17
>It has been quite the while, dear Diary.
>I have some amazing news!
>Douglas has finally listened to me!
>When I set out the table, he finally used the ice cream fork for, wait for it...
>ICE CREAM!
>He said, and these are his exact words,
"This spork ain't too bad.  Better than them plastic ones."
>And just when I thought I made a breakthrough, he used the 'spork' for his second TV dinner.
>Baby step, Rarity.  Baby steps.

Brain, it's Doogie.
This spork thing that Rarity pony gave me is awesome.
I love it.
Me and the guys are getting a barbeque together tomorrow, and I was wondering something.
This fork here doesn't have long prongs.
Not long enough to stick it in a pork sausage.
But I have a grinder and a few spare minutes.
Make the prongs longer and maybe put a bit of chrome on it.
She might even think I'm a handyman.
Maybe then she'd stop nagging me about acting more lah dee dah.

Day 20
>Douglas had quite a surprise for me.
>All morning he hinted that we were going out somewhere.
>He told me to make a disguise for being on the go.
>Thankfully, I had saved up some money and bought a sowing machine just for this circumstance.
>For the time taken, I have created a suitable autumn dress.
>It is light, billowy, and perfect for my human disguise.
>For once, Applejack is right.  Form has to follow function.
>I'd hate to think what anyone would do to me if they found out my existence.
>This is not the movies, dear diary.
>A rousing, heartfelt speech will not be enough to sway anyone's judgement of selling me out to some scientist.

>Oh, I forgot.  The one thing I had forgotten is my shoes.
>I can't see myself walking much on my hind hooves.
>Illusion will have to be my friend here.
>I shall have to lean on something for balance and pretend to have a bad back.
>High heels would be perfect for me, with a modified arch to make room for my hoof.
>But if I had a bad back, why would I wear heels in the first place?
>Diary, you should not ask such things.
>Function might sometimes determine form.
>But one must not be a slave to it.
>A reference is as follows on the picture I have encased in these pages.
>Hooves are hard to work around, but I must embrace the challenge.

>I must go Diary.  Douglas is calling, and I wonder what the surprise may be.

Day 20 (evening)
>Diary, today I felt what it was like to have the whole world rotate around you.
>Douglas showed me the surprise today.
>I was shocked at how dirty he had become.
>He said it was unavoidable, but how much grease does it take to attach a sidecar? (Other than the elbow kind Applejack was always talking about)
>"Douggie,"  I said, "is this the surprise?"
"Yeah.  So, do you like it?  I spent all afternoon attaching it."
>To say the least, I was not amused.
>I designed the perfect dress for what?  A joyride out on a smoky old bike?
>So, in order to not seem rude, I accepted his offer for a ride.
>A lady must pick her battles.
>We were about to drive out when one of Douglas' neighbours came over to ask some questions.
>Luckily, with my scarf, shoes, gloves, and dress, I was too beautiful for him to keep his eyes off for long.
>Douglas told me afterwards to not speak to the snitch.
>I ask of you, diary.
>Did I get along with the wrong human?
>Is Douglas one of those bikers?  The ruffians that you see in the news?
>He seems nice enough.
>Douglas took me in when I was lost and scared.
>If he was the bad kind, why would he save me?
>I'm afraid I don't know..
>I will describe my trip tomorrow.  I must sleep for now.
>Good night.

Day 21
>Good morning, diary.  It's Rarity.
>Last night, when I slept, I had a horrid nightmare.
>I dreamt of flying into the air only for me to slowly sink down into a bottomless lake.
>When I woke up, I decided to confide into you, diary, to calm my frightened mind.
>All I had asked was a night out.  Someplace nice and luxurious.
>Instead, earlier last evening, Douglas took me for a motorcycle ride.
>It was so frightening when he did a turn.  My seat flew into the air, and I felt like I was going to fall over.
>Douglas was so reckless.
>How dare he do that on purpose on an unsuspecting lady like me?
>After that event, he took me to some shoddy diner for some burgers and fries.
>I appreciate the thought, but why??
>So then we got talking.
>It turns out, his old man used to do the same thing when he was young.
>The same road, the same sidecar, and the same diner.
>On one hand, it was sweet.
>On the other, what made him think that it was endearing?
>Does he not know who I am?
>Rarity.  Fashionista.  Stunning beauty.  Donor for underfunded government services (that one shall be our secret).
>I don't see road hog anywhere in my description?  Do you diary?
>Yet it was Douglas' fine idea to show me.
>Is this vengence for trying to show him some manners?
>Hopefully not.
>I bid you adieu.

Day 22
"Could you get me the salad fork, Rarity?"
>Finally, Douglas started acting like a real man.
>Do you know what this means, diary?
>It means that my plan is working.
>Every time I put out a new course to our meals, I change our utensils with the appropriate one for our current course.
>Then I would not so subtly get my point across by saying, "Would you place the pastry fork back into the washing machine."
>He wouldn't do it, saying that [spoiler][/spoiler] "It's a woman's job." [spoiler][/spoiler]
>But that's not the point.
>When he wanted to eat pickles out of the jar, I would grab the pickle fork.
>If he ate a cooked lobster, and wanted the meat from the claws, the crab fork would be right at his side.
>And each time I did, he would thank me.
>His mouth would be stuffed full with food, but he's learning the habit of good manners, even if the execution is off.
>You might think that I'm spoiling him.
>That is not the case.  The best teaching comes from a student who doesn't even realize that he's learning.
>Cheerliee said that one time when I was talking to her about Sweetie Belle's performance.
>It's times like this that I miss Sweetie Belle so much.
>Why did I yell at her?
>I didn't want her to be an average student; I wanted what was best for her.
>And now, she might be gone forever.
>She must think that I'm a terrible sister.
[Rarity scratches out the last line, three more words lay below before the entry ends.]
>I must persevere.

Day 23
>Douglas' poker friends came down again.
>Never ever have I have been nearby so many chauvinistic people in my entire life!
>Naturally, one of them was walking around the rooms looking for the beer fridge.
>He didn’t even ask, “Please, may I be excused.  If you wouldn’t mind, may I ask for a beer?”
>”Why yes.  Do you want to give me directions?”
>”Please.  I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome by snooping all throughout the house just to find one little beverage.”
>I barely had enough time to put on my human disguise before he found me.
>And when I was invited down at the living room, Douglas had to make up some story about how I was his…
>… Filipino mail order bride.
>For shame.
>It was so embarrassing to pretend to 'speakey no eenglish.'
>You would never guess what one of them said afterwards.
"So that there's why she's short and gots so many clothes."
>Rednecks.  All of them.  I want to hit one with a grammar book just so I could knock some culture into them.
>If only Applejack was here to speak their language.  Maybe then, those rednecks wouldn’t try to force me to serve them beer.
>Of course, I told them to get it themselves.
>It was so infuriating, diary.
>I do not belong in the kitchen, only to be forgotten.
>Even if this could reveal myself, I will take my rightful place in the spotlight.
>Douglas did ramp up on the manners though.  With his friends nearby no less.
>Even if it was to make up for his embarrassing behaviour, I am so proud of him.
>It almost seems like things are working too well.
>Look at me, diary.  Just when things are going perfect on teaching him some manners, I still feel like I'm doing something wrong...

Day 25
>My little pony.
>This is apparently a thing.
>Did Douglas think that he was protecting me?  When Rarity decides to do some sleuthing, she gets it done right.
>Now that I think of it, about the two that he scared off when we first met.
>They wore pony shirts.
>At the time, I thought that I was still in Equestria, so it didn't stick in my mind.
>Oh, diary.  Why didn't I see the signs?
>The stores that Douglas kept me from entering.
>The fact that certain television channels were blocked.
>The reasoning behind wearing disguise after disguise.
>At first, I thought fame and fortune would follow, but when we went home to talk, Douglas told me about how the world would treat me.
>Bronys would be the more immediate threat according to him.
>Douglas apologized repeatedly, saying that he wanted to keep me safe.
>But most importantly, he wanted me to keep me from some having some form of existential crisis.
>It took some time to reassure him, telling him that I felt perfectly real, that this is impossible.
>I exist, and so does everypony else back in Equestria.
>Would my memories lie to me?

Day 27
>This is a day of firsts, diary.
>My first talk with a little human.  And my first brony.
>I was disguised as a human while Douglas was taking me out for some fresh air.
>There was too many mosquitoes for my liking though.  They attacked like tiny vultures.
>Ponyville never had many mosquitoes for some reason.
>It was all I could do to hold them back with my magic.
>Outside of the dollar store (yes, it is a thing that humans have) that Douglas entered for some cheap food came a little girl.
"Pony!" >she cried.  Her parents assured me that I was just a weird human, but the little girl insisted.
>I'm sorry.  I'm just a human like you."
>Ugh.  This isn't me normally.  How could I be so obvious about it.
"My name is Ellie.  I always wanted a pony since forever, but my parents are poor, and-"
"Ellie!  Quit harassing the poor latino lady."
>Then her father says something like "Ego deprecarentur" as my memory serves.
>Maybe it's an Earth custom.  If that is the case, I must seem rude to not respond back!
>After her parents dragged her off, another more taller and thinner person came behind me and started sniffing my perfume.
>I felt something soft on my back as its gangly hand stroked my mane and I felt like lightning went down my spine!
>I will never forget those words.  [spoiler] [/spoiler] "Hello, Rarity."
>Such simple words.
>But I know female lust when I hear it.
>Douglas saw I was in distress, and like a shining knight, he saved me again from HER.
>After removing me from that brony, we rode off to the safety of our home.
>Home.
[RARITY DREW A PICTURE OF SWEETIE BELLE]
>Thankfully, the rest of the evening was uneventful and I am writing here to tell you my tale.  Lucky you.
>Tomorrow is a good day to stay home.

Day 28
[Rarity drew all her friends (the elements of harmony) posing against sweet apple acres.  The detail is vague, but certain features like Macintosh's yolk and what Rarity was wearing were disproportionately given more detail]

Day 29
[Several sketches of her friends and family in elaborate dresses span several pages.  All drawn ponies were wearing designs suited for their personality]

Day 30
[More drawings of friends and family in dresses, with tears and coffee stains leaking down to the next few pages]

Day 31
>Dear Diary,
>I apologize for losing my sense of self there.
>Douglas was very concerned with my well being over the last few days, and asked for me to relax for a bit.
>He even invited me to his garage, where he explained to me how his motorcycle worked.
>To think of such a thing working on liquid magic shows how inventive these humans can be.
>I just wish this liquid magic would look more fashionable and a bit less drab.
>Black may go with everything, but I couldn't stand it getting on my clothes or my coat.

>Now that things have calmed down for a bit (and I have learned a few things about how the humans make things), I have decided to resume my search for a way away from Earth.
>I asked Douglas if he could help me out.
>He told me he had two things to say:
1. "My name is Doug, not Douglas or Douggie."
2. "Sure, we can do it after work.  But you're going as a human."
>Naturally, I had to filter out the curse words as always.
>Such a nice man, but that mouth doesn't suit him.

>Speaking of which, I needed to revive my wardrobe a bit.
>I couldn't expect anypony to wear the same thing for each of their outings.  Why would I expect the same?
>Also, I plan to give Douglas a surprise when he comes back, with or without me.  It will be laid on the kitchen table.
>Personally this must be one of my best work yet.
>And since frilly clothes are out of fashion (I was so uninformed! How 1800's!), I made him a better one.

>Just because I'm here, doesn't mean that I can't be fabulous in some fashion.
>I might not be able to bring the hay to the table yet, but I just require a few more days and some odds and ends.

>Good night, diary.  Bon courage!

Day 32

>For the first time in a while, I think I actually enjoyed myself.
>As much as I wanted to work on my tanline, or to use my magic, I could do neither.
>I still appreciated the attention I got with my new ensemble.
"How did you get such good clothes for so cheap?"
"This fabric is just devine."
>Once again, it was as if all attention was focused on me.
>It was glorious.
>Douglas spent most of his time playing frisbee with a few of his friends and their dogs.
>He kept to his friends with this fart jokes and ugh...
>rolling on the ground with the dogs.
>There is still much work to do bringing some culture to this man.
>Still, I remember he always kept an eye on me, Diary.
>If he thought I didn't notice, he was sorely mistaken.
>My whole job requires me to pay attention to the small details
>I can take care of myself.  That one hiccup from a few days ago was just that.

>How did I get distracted?
>As I was saying, all attention was focused on me.
>My grace and poise transcended my disguise and revealed my true self to these women of obvious good taste.
>They were in awe, and my wardrobe sealed the deal.
>Looks like I'll have a few customers for the first rounds of my custom fashions.
>Sadly, we parted ways after some small talk
>The ladies went back to their more classy husbands while Douglas and his friends gawked, single and alone.
>A little hint: If you boys would care more for appearance and manners, you might get someone out of your league.
>In fact, I suggested a few things they could do to improve their appearance.
>It went just as well as you'd expect, Diary.
>One of them farted at me.
>Oh the disgust.  The shame.
>The stench.