Bumlier and Whatshisface's Adventure

Calegero was sitting behind the counter of the Ravnica branch of his rare imports emporium, the regular clerk had called in sick and then been mind rotted  for his lack of efficiency so Calegero was stuck waiting on the plane bound customers. One of the pathetic simpering mortals stuck on this poor copy of Mercadia  slinked into the store "Welcome to the Rare Imports Emporium," Calegero said from the small piece of paper underneath the counter, "how may I help you today?"

	"Uh, yeah. I bought this for like a hundred zeni like ten minutes ago," the man put a dagger with the blade wrapped cloth onto the table.

	"Ah yes, the blade of painful suffering," Calegero examined, though he was incensed by the implication that he should remember one so pathetic as the man before him.

	"You said it was a good deal, but the shop across the street had it for twenty five zeni," the man continued with his inane prattle.

	"....That's impossible," he stated plainly, "this is a one of a kind blade," the blade of painful suffering was a one of a kind artifact, turning all of its victim's into horrible flesh eating monsters but he wouldn't disclose that minor detail.

	"No, he sold it to me for twenty five zeni and I want a refund here. You said this was a good deal but he just offered to sell it for twenty five off the bat."

	"I don't give refunds, and there's no way anyone else sold this to you," Calegero responded as he was getting incensed by this waste of mana. "The blade of painful suffering is a one of a kind artifact," he should know as he killed the wizard after the first one was completed.

	The customer was getting angry at this "I want to speak to the manager!"

	"I am the manager!"

	"I want your corporate number," the man shouted, "this isn't how you treat customers!"

	"MIND ROT!" and the man's head exploded as Calegero's spell resolved. Not wanting to dirty his own clothes cleaning up the mess, Calegero  pulled a rug over the body and left the store, locking it up behind himself. Stepping out of the door, he quickly found a crude looking store with a makeshift sign reading 'Bumlier's fine goods and other assorted merchandise.' Calegero burst into the ramshackle store, pushing a random man aside "I demand to speak with the owner of this store!"

	"Why yes," a man replied, a man who appeared to have a donkey's head, was this the work of a drunken biomancer, "welcome to Bumlier's fine goods and other assorted merchandise, I am Bumlier. the strange man thing said.

	"Did you sell this to a man not ten minutes ago?" Calegero held up the dagger of painful suffering.

	"Why yes, would you like to purchase it? Only twenty five Zeni."

	"I would not, it's mine already!"  He slammed down the dagger. "This is a one of a kind artifact."

	"I assure you, I have more of those daggers, take this one for example," Bumlier put the unwrapped dagger into Calegero's hands, "see? Every dagger is an original piece."

	"This does look like mine-" He turned the dagger around in his hands and then realized, "Wait this is mine!"

	"It is not."

	"Yes it is."

	"Nu-uh"

	"Then where did my dagger go if this isn't mine?" Calegero pointed to the empty spot where he rested the dagger before Bumlier handed it to him.

	"I don't know, maybe it's in your pocket."

	"It's not in my pocket," he said with agitation building inside of him, "I'm holding it!"

	"I mean, I'll sell it to you for twenty five zeni."

	"There is nothing to sell, this is MY dagger!" Calegero shouted. "I sold it to that fool and then you tricked him and then I came here and you're trying to trick me into buying my own dagger."

	"But it's not yours," Bumlier said leaning on the counter as he pointed at the nobleman," you just said you sold it to someone else, so that's not your dagger."

	Calegero's fists clenched in rage as he called black mana to himself "Mind Rot!" that seemed to be coming up a lot today

	"Cancel," Bumlier chuckled whilst leaning back.

	"Duress!" Bumlier just pointed to the leyline of sanctity that was laying on display on his counter. "But how, you're not in the right colors!"

	The donkey headed man shrugged "It was in my opening hand."

	"Damn," Calegero snapped his fingers.  "Wait, why did you cancel my mind rot then?

	Bumlier once more shrugged "Wanted to see how much mana you'd waste. So are you gonna buy the dagger on not?"

	"I will not buy it, it's already mine!" With that Calegero moved to walk out .

	"THIEF, HE'S TAKING MY DAGGER!"  and like flies on dirt, an Azorius Hussar put her hand on Calegero's shoulder.

	"You're under arrest," she pushed him back into the shop and before Bumlier could say anything, "I'm booking you too."

	"I did nothing wrong, just like Nissa!" The Noggle objected.

	"I'm booking everyone in this story for three counts. 1 count of excessively silly behavior under the serious proceedings act, 1 count of willingly taking part in a subpar story under the 'Protect the Sensibilities' act, and (this is the clencher I believe) padding out the length of the story with unneeded exposition." The hussar read off the charges to them from a scroll before a Wojek Halberdier shoved himself into the store.

	"Hold it right there," he put his hands in his belt, "I'm Koppas Kom of the Wojek league and I'm bringing you all in."

	"Kom of Sunhome?" Both the Hussar and Bumlier exclaimed.

	"Quiet you!" He smacked the Hussar and then Bumlier, "Now. You have all been brought up on charges of reckless use of meta -humor, citing fictional acts to arrest people under under the 'There are laws the senate hasn't passed yet?'  act, Misrepresenting acts under the 'Act against misrepresenting acts act', and trying to weasel out of writing a proper ending by having the Azorius or Boros show up and arrest everyone-" He looked up from  his scroll just in time for an Azorius Arrester to muscle her way into the shop and pull out a scroll of her own.