Not Getting Released Today - /v/ the Musical 4

"(Not) Getting Released Today"
Lyrics by ValjeanAnon

SOPRANO:
Bless this game,
Bring us to our fate,
Only five years late.
The fans leap up and rejoice,
On their choice of game.

GAMER:
Today is for gaming.
Ico's the first game where I shed a tear.
And then we had Shadow,
Shadow of the Colossus.
Today is for gaming.
The Last Guardian's finally here.

[GAMER: Did you hear me? We finally get to play it!!]

[Two 4-counts]

THE LAST GUARDIAN:
Pardon me is ev'rybody there? Because if ev'rybody's there
I want to thank you all for coming to the launch and
I'd appreciate your going even more
I mean you must have lots of better games to play
And not a word of this to /v/
Remember /v/ you know the board that really wants to play the game
But's gonna make a ton of threads on how I'm never coming out

So I see
That you're all so excited,
But plainly,
You are all uninvited.
Don't tell /v/,
But I'm not getting released today.

SOPRANO:
Bless this game,
Playtested to hell.
Not doing that well.
Still fans ignore, and they pray
To play this game.

GAMER: [Huh? Delayed again??]
GUARDIAN: [That's right. 'Til December. ...Of Twenty-Thirty-Two.]

[Three 4-counts]

GUARDIAN:
Listen, ev'rybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for.
A Trico. What's a Trico? It's a creepy looking pet-thing
That has graphics from oh-nine and fucking AI like a gopher
Which is maybe the most stupid thing I've ever had to say
And then you try to make your character move just a little bit but then he
Tries to jump the cliff which I would do if I had feet.

So stop the download,
I'm not getting released.
Get off the cloud,
I'm not getting released.
Let the hype die,
I'm not getting released.
Play No Man's Sky.
I'm not getting released.
And don't tell /v/,
But I'm not getting released today.

Go. Can't you go?
Why will nobody take the call?
So long,
What's so wrong,
'Bout another month's delay?

If you try
You could buy
Something else. So just uninstall
The thought
Of a lot
Of things to do in thirty days.

Listen ev'rybody I'm afraid you might be deaf
Or do you really only want to see me fail to reach the hype
Of an entire decade's waiting and the weight of all that pressure
From the devs who had forever but just started working on me and I
Tried to rush it out so when the label says December
By November I'll be working on a new excuse to push back so I

Bid you luck,
'Cause I'm not getting released.
Save your fucks,
'Cause I'm not getting released.
Can't you see
That I'm not getting released?
Normies, ree,
Still I'm not getting released.
And don't tell /v/,
But I'm not getting released today.

SOPRANO:
Bless this game,
Stuck inside the pipe.
Sorely over-hyped.
/v/ sees it all fall apart,
And they start to type.

GAMER:
Today is for gaming.
Ico's the first game where I shed a tear.
And then we had Shadow,
Shadow of the Colossus.
Today is for playing
The Last Guardian today!
Yes the best game today...

GUARDIAN:
Go. Can't you go?
E3's show
Was a whole big gaffe.
And now,
Don't know how,
They will pin the blame on me!

Look I'll try
If you die
To apply new controller plans.
But choke
Out your hope.
Save your tears for Half-Life Three!

Look I didn't wanna have to tell you
But I'm just a vaporware to see how far the hype can go
And now I think I'm gonna crash and lose the data and the files
And the codes that all the devs spent years amassing
Even though it should be done now plus the
twenty-seven glitchy bugs
and thirty-seven AI flaws
and forty-seven bad controls
and fifty-seven critics waiting--

GAMER:
Nine years passed.
With this cash,
On this high,
I now buy--

GUARDIAN:
But I'm not getting released.
Still I'm not getting released.
No, I'm not getting released.
Fuck. I'm not getting released.

GAMER:
Let us thank
That the game's getting released today!

GUARDIAN:
--I'm not getting released today!