The best one I've ever encountered:
>Working in ER
>Some bitchy mother with fake cans and a spray tan runs into waiting room with her 3rd grade son
>Goes straight to front of line (cutting in front of people who are obviously more in need of care than her
>I listen in because I know that dis gon be gud
>"My son has stomach ulcers"
>wat
>receptionist: "How do you know this? Has he been to another office?"
>"No, he said his stomach hurts and he's super stressed so it's obviously ulcers"
>obviously
>Walk up to lady and ask her what I can do for her
>"Give my son medicine for stomach ulcers"
>I ask to check to make sure her diagnosis is correct
>Scowls and says fine
>Kid is not vomiting blood or in any visible pain, so I pretty much immediately rule out ulcers
>Ask kid if he is missing school
>yes
>are you missing anything important?
>no
>ask for the name of his teacher and school
>I call them
>mother asks what I'm doing
>Tell her I'm asking if there are any diseases going around >I'm not actually asking that
>Lady picks up the phone
>"Hi, this is Dr. Dawinnamon, and I was wondering if this kid is just trying to get out of doing homework or something"
>*note* I have removed myself from the exam room so they can't hear me >"Well, we have a spelling test today, which the kids have been preparing for for the last few days"
>Could you give me a list of a few of those words?
>Yes of course
>Go to kid
>ask him to spell some of the words
>Can't spell a single one
>Tell his mother he is just skipping out of a spelling test.
>MFW she calls me a dumbass for giving the wrong diagnosis
>MFW she leaves to go to another clinic
>That was a fun day