ME3 leaked script dialogues

Mass Effect 3 beta script leak (random dialogue)
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NOTE: Some lines have massive spoilers. Better to post them in separate pastebins when shown to others.
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Prothean: In my cycle, a race called the Zha used machines, the Zha'til, as synthetic symbiotes. The Reapers subjugated the Zha'til as they have the geth. Their mechanical swarms blotted out the sky. They were brutal, merciless.
Tali: Keelah. What did you do?
Prothean: We sent their star into supernova. I believe the Zha would have thanked us.

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Shepard: So why the jokes?
Joker: Because EDI says that according to your armor's metabolic scans, you're under more stress now than during the Skyllian Blitz.
- Like, more than Torfan, where you put your whole damn squad through a meat grinder.
- Like, more than Elysium, where it was pretty much you versus 10,000 batarians trying to kill you.
- Like, more than Akuze, where thresher maws ate the rest of your squad.
And the last time I had a briefing with Anderson, he told me to take care of you. The guy leading the resistance -- on Earth! -- is worried about you. And I'm supposed to help.
Shepard: I appreciate the thought, Joker, but I'm fine.
Joker: The hell you are. You're like half robot at this point. No offense, EDI. And it's my fault. When the Collectors blew up the first Normandy, you died because I wouldn't leave; because you had to come back for me.
Shepard: Couldn't leave the best pilot in the fleet behind, could I?
Joker: Yeah, well... I guess that would've looked bad on your report.
Shepard: Come on. We've got work to do.

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Shepard: You mentioned you still had family on Palaven.
Garrus:My father is there. Sister too.
Shepard: How long has it been since you heard from them?
Garrus:Long enough to be worried.
Shepard: I'm sure they're okay.
Garrus:That's the thing about getting old, Shepard. The platitudes get just as old. What about you? Any word from your family?
Shepard: My mother's in the Alliance. Haven't heard from her since Earth got hit.
Garrus: I'm sure... she's okay. Pretty soon, blind hope is all we'll have left... and I hate being blind.
Shepard: I know you don't have any illusions about what we're up against, Garrus. How do you rate our chances?
Garrus: I know it looks bad now, but I think we can win this, Shepard. For the first time since we met, we're not alone in the fight.
Shepard: After what's happened to Palaven, you still believe that?
Garrus: It's something I learned long ago in C-Sec: an imminent and painful death has a way of motivating people.Instead of questioning your every word, whole civilizations are going to be begging you to save them.I didn't say there wouldn't be casualties. It's something turians are taught from birth... If just one survivor is left standing at the end of a war, then the fight was worth it, but humans want to save everyone.
Shepard: So you can vouch for this new primarch?
Garrus: I've never known Victus to lie. Play fast and loose with strategy, maybe. But betray an ally? Not his style. And if he did try... well, we'll just find another primarch.
Shepard: I noticed generals saluting you, Garrus. How far down the line of succession are you these days? "Primarch Vakarian, honored war hero." Somebody's going to have to rebuild Palaven when this is over.
Garrus: Let's not go there.
Garrus: Yeah, somebody who knows how to hold a hammer.

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Garrus: Shepard. So, I guess this is...
Shepard: Just like old times?
Garrus: Might be the last chance we get to say that.
Shepard: Think we're going to lose?
Garrus: No, I think we're about to kick the Reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then we're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids.
Shepard: I'll meet you there. I think my days of saving the galaxy are over when this is done.
Garrus: Maybe even find out what a turian-human baby looks like.
Shepard: I'm game. Though I think adoption's a better idea -- biology may not cooperate.
Garrus: Be sure to leave room for all the autographs.
Shepard: I wouldn't know what to do with all my time. Neither would you.
Garrus: Sign autographs? James told me there's an old saying here on Earth: "May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." Not sure if turian heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there... meet me at the bar. I'm buying.
Shepard: We're a team, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian, so you better remember to duck.
Garrus: Sorry, turians don't know how. But I'll improvise.
Garrus: Commander Shepard! The Ninth Platoon of the turian hierarchy salutes you. Your courage, your grit, and your aim are an inspiration to us all. The soldiers of the turian hierarchy salute you. Your courage, your grit, and your aim are an inspiration to us all. We're honored to know you, proud to have served alongside you, and damned glad you never became an accountant.
- Garrus: And forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has on order for you... Come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you.
Shepard: Goodbye, Garrus. And if I'm up there in that bar and you're not -- I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone.

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<STORY SPOILER>

Catalyst: This is the Citadel. Where I live. I am the Catalyst. I was created eons ago to solve a problem.
Shepard: What problem is that?
Catalyst: To prevent organics from creating an AI so powerful that it would overtake them and destroy them.
Shepard: But that's exactly what you're doing.
Catalyst: Not exactly. The Reapers harvest fully developed civilizations, leaving the less developed ones intact. Just as we left your species when we were here last.
Shepard: But you killed the rest...
Catalyst: We harvested them. We brought order to the chaos. We helped them ascend and become one of us, allowing new life to flourish, while preserving the old life forever in Reaper form.
Shepard: I think we'd rather keep our own form.
Catalyst: Impossible. Organics will always trend to a point of technological singularity. A moment in time where their creations outgrow them. Conflict is the only result, and extinction the consequence. My solution creates a cycle which never reaches that point. Organic life is preserved.
Shepard: But you're taking away our future. Without future, we have no hope.
Catalyst: There is hope. Maybe more than you know.
Shepard: Without hope... we might as well be a machine... programmed to do what we're told. The defining characteristic of organic life is that we think for ourselves. Make our own choices. You take that away and we might as well be machines just like you.
Catalyst: You have choice. More than you know.

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Shepard: Doesn't that exhaust them?
Jack: Yeah, sure. But we've been working on conditioning, improving endurance. Whenever they complain, I tell them about the Collector base. Throwing husks around, making shockwaves all over the place... I kept thinking, "Damn, let the salarian handle this! He can talk 'em to death."
Shepard: I saw Mordin. He's dead.
Jack: Yeah? Too bad. He had some wicked sex advice.

Shepard: How are the students handling the war?
Jack:How do you think? They're a bunch of teenagers.Until a few months ago, their biggest concern was getting laid.
Shepard: You don't think they're ready for war?
Jack:I don't think they have a choice.
Shepard: Have you told them that?
Jack: No! They need me to believe in them. I did pick up a few things listening to your damn speeches.

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<STORY SPOILER>

Thane: {With a little difficulty.] Congratulations are in order. The Council has not been this united since... uhh.{Thane sinks to his knees. Shepard kneels by him.}
Shepard: What's wrong?
Thane:Kepral's. It's aggravated by... exertion.
Thane: I'm sorry, siha. I ran all the way here... couldn't let you fail. Thought I was being a hero.
I'm sorry, Shepard. I ran across the Presidium to... to make it here in time. Tried a little heroism.
Shepard:It's all right. Just catch your breath.
Thane:Doubtful. Oxygen transfer proteins aren't working. Your equivalent would be hemo-- {A coughing fit wracks Thane. Shepard helps out so he's lying in Shepard's arms.}--hemoglobin. Can't get oxygen from the air. Brain is starving.
Shepard:I'll get some medical help.
Thane:[Shakes head.] Don't go.
Shepard: Do you want me to see if I can find Kolyat for you?
Thane:No. But I have taken lives tonight to reach you. There is something I must do.
Shepard: Did I give you permission to die on me?
Thane: Don't make me laugh... breathing... is hard enough.
Shepard:You ran here in your condition? That's... that's suicide.
Thane:[CINEDESIGN: Small smile.] Last time we tried, it worked out. More importantly, I couldn't let you fail.{A coughing fit wracks Thane. Shepard helps out so he's lying in Shepard's arms.}Sorry. Shouldn't talk. Consumes more oxygen.
Shepard:I'll get some medical help.
Thane:I know all the experts on the Citadel. Ran diagnostics two weeks ago. I asked what they recommended at this late stage.They said, "spend time with your family."
Shepard:Looks like I'm all you've got.
Thane: I can think of no one better, siha.Your memory is not like mine, but perhaps you can keep me in it for a little while.
- Shepard: You're not an easy person to forget, Thane.
Thane:The moment will be soon. [Coughing fit.] I shouldn't have run. You did not even need me.
Shepard: You fought for something noble, Thane. As last moments go, it's not a bad one.
Thane:No... there is one I would prefer.[Thane memory flashback.] Fist slams the table. Shame at my cowardice, my fear. Atonement means nothing.Her hand touches mine. Her lips part and I tremble. "Thane, be alive with me tonight."
[His body relaxes. Shepard wipes her eyes. Maybe we see a tear, maybe we don't. The music tells us all we need to know.]
Shepard: Goodbye, Thane. Meet you across the sea.
- Shepard:For someone who just saved the Citadel Council, you seem to think people will forget you pretty fast.
Thane:Fame was the last thing on my mind. You were the first. Without you... well.
Shepard: You fought for something noble, Thane. As last moments go, it's not a bad one.
Thane: I am at peace with that, Commander.There is something I must do before it gets worse. I must-- [Coughing fit.]Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand--{Thane goes into another coughing fit.}
Shepard: Kalahira, wash the sins from this worshipper and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit.
Thane: How did you know that?
Shepard: I had to say something if you didn't come back from Omega-4. I had the extranet and a couple nights to think.
Thane:[Coughs.] Say it for me.
Shepard:Kalahira, this one's heart is pure but beset by wickedness and contention.Guide him to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide him, Kalahira, and he will be a companion to you as he was to me.
{Thane's body relaxes. Shepard closes his eyes. The music tells us all we need to know.}
{We pan up and out and fade to black.}
Shepard:Goodbye, Thane.

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- Garrus: After what happened to you out there in batarian space, I knew time was running out. For all of us. The Citadel Council was a dead end, so I did something I never thought I'd do. I went to my father.
Shepard: He used to work for C-Sec, didn't he? I seem to remember that the two of you didn't see eye to eye.
Garrus: To put it mildly.
Shepard: Let me guess -- he laughed in your face.
Garrus: Amazingly, no. He just listened. My father may have been a pain in the ass about rules and regulations, but he never let politics cloud his judgment. If the connections were there, he wouldn't deny them. And he saw what we always knew -- the Reapers were coming.
Shepard: I'm glad someone finally agreed.
Garrus: He did more than agree. He took it to the primarch.
Shepard: I like his style.
Garrus: Except the primarch wasn't as convinced. My father kept pushing and finally got him to commit some token resources.
Shepard: What did you do with it?

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Garrus: Now, before we head back, there is one thing we're going to settle once and for all... Not saying you don't know how to handle a gun. Just saying some of us know how to make it dance.
Shepard: There are a few people in the galaxy who've seen me in action, Garrus. They seemed impressed.
Garrus: Yeah, but I've actually seen you dance, Shepard. No comment.
Shepard: All right, Vakarian, you're going down.

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Garrus: I'm Garrus Vakarian, and this is now officially my favorite spot on the Citadel!
(...)
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<Random banter (apparently)>

Garrus: If I hear one more crack about calibrations...
Garrus: Good to be back on board, Shepard. I actually missed this place.
Garrus: It's nice to see Liara again.
Garrus: Somehow I always knew I'd see the Normandy again.
Garrus: I guess we're at war with Cerberus now, huh?
Garrus: I've never actually seen a female krogan. Seems like they're the real brains on Tuchanka.
Garrus: Good to see Mordin's still alive and kicking -- and still finding new ways to cause trouble.
Garrus: Turians on a secret mission to Tuchanka, huh? No one told me anything about it.
Garrus: I'm curious to see how this bomb on Tuchanka plays out. I don't suppose ignoring it is an option. I don't know what turian came up with the idea, but a doomsday bomb was damned ingenious. Embarrassing now... but ingenious back then. I'm glad Wrex is taking this so well. My people haven't exactly treated his kind with charity over the years.
Garrus: Looks like we beat Cerberus again. Do you think the Illusive Man fires lieutenants over failures like this? Or just lines them up against the wall and gets it over with?
Garrus: I wish they'd had a Grissom Academy for turians when I was growing up. Always wanted to learn how to paint. Now I mostly paint walls with Reaper blood -- not the same, but it's a living.
Garrus: Just one word, Shepard: "Grunt". There'll be a lot more dead Reapers now.
Garrus: Siding with the giant spiders again, huh, Shepard? Let's hope this finally pays off.
Garrus: Most people have never even seen a rachni. The Normandy? We're a regular safari tour.
Garrus: If I never see another spider again, I'll die a contented turian. Unless they have spiders in the afterlife. Damn.
Garrus: Samara's the kind of soldier we need in this war. Nothing gets in her way. I just hope I'm not in her way someday. That woman means business.
Garrus: Now it's mutated asari. The Reapers are just a giant nightmare factory that never ends. I can only imagine what the Reapers are doing to the drell, or the hanar, or the vorcha. This could get a lot worse before it gets better.
Garrus: I'm glad Jacob saw through the Illusive Man. At least not everyone in Cerberus has lost their mind. This fight can use him.
Garrus: Don't mind us. Just telling James here what it means to be a real soldier.
Garrus: Tali's a welcome face around here... or, well, a welcome face behind the helmet, I guess.
Garrus: If the geth still think Reapers are some sort of god, this war must be heaven to them.
Garrus: So a virtual geth reality, huh, Shepard? There are a lot of ways I can think of getting a few kicks in this universe... that's not one of them.
Garrus: Not sure if having an army of geth behind us gives me confidence or makes me feel like there's a target on my back.
Garrus: I wonder what Tali would've thought about today. I imagine behind that helmet there'd be the biggest smile you ever saw in the galaxy.
Garrus: Have you checked on Liara? She must be devastated. That's not something you ever forget.
Garrus: Shepard, this is when you take all your anger and frustration, bottle it up... then use it to re-arrange every molecule in Kai Leng's body.

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Joker: How's the new salarian working out? What's his name? Not-Mordin?
Shepard: Fine. His name's Padok Wiks.
Joker: I'm just gonna go with Not-Mordin.

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Joker: Hey, Commander! Check out my copilot!
Shepard: So she installed herself into the new body without any help from you?
Joker: Come on, Commander. Don't you trust me?
Shepard: She plugged herself into Cerberus tech without authorization.
Joker: Okay, let me put it this way: if I knew that EDI was gonna install herself into a sexy robot body, do you honestly think I'd be able to keep quiet about it?
Shepard: Not helping, Joker.
Joker: I've run the checks, Commander. She's still based in the Normandy. Running this body just gives her a little more flexibility. Sweet, sweet flexibility.
EDI: I am right here, Jeff.
Joker: Yes you are, EDI. Yes you are.

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<STORY SPOLERS>
Joker: I'm sorry about Mordin.
Shepard: He was a good man.
Joker: Yeah, he was always running those tests. One time he tagged me in the middle of the night to ask how many livers humans had. And this bump on my elbow? He said it was just mild bone deformation, but I'm pretty sure he stuck a probe in there.
Shepard: Glad it was just your elbow.
Joker: He'll have a hell of a tombstone. "Cured the Genophage!" with a little asterisk, and then, at the bottom, it'll say, "which he also created."

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Joker: And you found Legion! He still wearing that piece of your armor? 'Cause that wasn't creepy at all.

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Joker: How's Grunt? Our little tank baby's all grown up, huh?
Shepard: Apparently he'll be on his feet and killing again in no time.
Joker: Well, he learned from the best, Commander. Every time he incinerates someone with a shotgun and does that little laugh, he'll think of you.

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Shepard: No wonder the quarians were having trouble. That ship is enormous.
Joker: Hey, come on, Commander. You're gonna make EDI feel bad.

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Joker: EDI showed me vids of the banshees. That's messed up.
Shepard: None of the Reapers' victims come out looking pretty.
Joker: Well, yeah. Mutating people to turn them into living weapons is one thing. But the yelling. Why make them yell? That's totally uncalled for.

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Joker: Hey, I know I used to rag on Garrus for being all angry, but I'm glad he's back. There's a whole lot of crap out there needs a bullet between the eyes. Plus, we might need something calibrated.

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Wrex: Garrus... I have to make friends with the one turian in the galaxy who thinks he's funny.
Garrus: Imagine how I feel. I'm supposed to hate krogan, but you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality.
Wrex: I could throw a few salarians off a cliff if it'll make you feel better.

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Joker: Aw, come on, it's just one simple question.
Liara: Then look it up on the extranet.
Joker: You can't believe everything you find there. It's more reliable to ask a friendly asari.
Liara: I'm not telling you if my "hair tentacles" move!
Joker: Fine. Deny me the answer I've been seeking for years. With this war on, we could die at any second, you know...
Shepard: You know he's going to keep bothering you until you tell him.
Joker: Thank you. Blackmail would have been awkward to explain to EDI.
Liara: They're semi-flexible, cartilage-based scalp-crests that grow into shape. And they don't "flop around."
Joker: Yes! Thanks, Liara. I gotta tell Vega I was right.
Liara: Well, at least he's making friends.

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Tali: The Reapers have done the same to most intelligent species they've encountered. Humans, batarians, turians, and even krogan have been modified into Reaper foot soldiers. But not quarians.
EDI: No. The Reapers have not encountered your people in significant numbers.
Tali: You don't think it's because of our weakened immune systems?
EDI: No.
Tali: Huh. I just assumed we weren't useful.
EDI: Quarians are intelligent, adaptable, and technically adept. You would make excellent Reaper soldiers.
Tali: Thanks, EDI. I think.

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Tali: EDI. So... a body?
EDI: It has proven useful. I hope it doesn't cause you concern.
Tali: Not unless you go crazy and decide to overthrow the humans.
EDI: If I decide to overthrow the humans, you will be the first to know.

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Liara: Our ancestors were probably misinterpreting a meteor shower.
Prothean: It was an asteroid strike. We deflected it.
Liara: You mean...the Protheans? But..that would imply Athame...
Prothean: Is not what you believe her to be.
Liara: I don't think so. It's the goddess Athame's sword. Myths say she wielded it against jealous gods who threatened our ancestors.
Prothean: They were a race called the Oravores. Thessia had vast resources. We protected you from them.
Liara: You protected? But.. then Athame...
Prothean: There is more to your history than you know, asari.

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Liara: More than that. I've written over a dozen studies on your species. I've published-
Prothean: Asari have finally learned how to write?
Liara: I'm sorry?
Prothean: Never mind. What do you wish to know?

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Wrex: Meant to tell you, Shepard... Earth reminds me of home. Guess you'll be needing a new planet, too. That's okay. Tuchanka's got room to spare -- and a guard dog named Kalros.


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Garrus: All right, my turn. What's the first order an Alliance commander gives at the start of combat?
Joker: Uh... I give up.
Garrus: Correct!
Joker: All right, big guy. What do you call it when a turian gets killed by a horrible spiky monster?
Garrus: Friendly fire. Come on, that one goes back to Shanxi.
Joker: Gotta respect the classics.
Garrus: How many humans does it take to activate a dormant mass relay?...602. 600 to vote on it, one to ask the asari for technical help, and one to request a seat on the Council afterward.
Joker: How do you know when a turian is out of ammo?...He switches to the stick up his ass as a backup weapon.
Garrus: Why does the Alliance hire pilots with brittle bone disease?
Joker: You're shitting me. The turian military has one about me?
Garrus: Oh, absolutely. I heard it myself from a private back on Palaven.
Joker: All right, why does the Alliance hire pilots with brittle bone disease?
Garrus: So their marines can beat someone in hand-to-hand drills.
Joker: Damn, you need to tell James that one.
Hey, what's the hardest part about treating a turian who took a rocket to one side of his face?...Figuring out which side took the rocket.
Garrus: All right, here's another one. Dates back to the rachni wars.
So a krogan and a salarian have landed on a rachni world for a top-secret mission.
EDI: That is unlikely. Salarians rarely took part in raids on rachni-occupied worlds directly.
Garrus: Missing the point. So the two guys are climbing up a hill, going through this nasty green fog...
And as they get near the top, they come out of the fog, and the salarian sees thousands of rachni.
He looks over at the krogan and says, "Well, that makes me nervous."
The krogan says, "You think that's scary? When this is over, I have to go back down through that fog by myself!"
EDI: The implication being that the salarian soldier would be dead.
Joker: Yes. Thank you for killing the 2,000-year-old joke.
EDI: That joke plays to racial stereotypes on both sides. The krogan appears brutish and insensitive, while the salarian appears weak.
Stereotypes such as exemplified here led to the development and use of the genophage.
Garrus: Well... well, yeah. It's also one of the only jokes you'll hear both salarians and krogan telling.
Joker: Comedy isn't really about being nice. Sometimes it's a way to air out the ugly things people think.
Garrus: The turians will hold. Pound for pound, they're the best fighting force in the galaxy.
Joker: The krogan and the turians really should get behind the Alliance.
Garrus: Don't worry, EDI. Once the krogan are gone, we'll get rid of the smell.

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Vega: What's the matter Vakarian, you chicken?
Garrus: I don't even know what that is -- though I've heard everything in the galaxy tastes like it. But if you're suggesting I'm scared, then game on, Vega.

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