Yes, We Have No Medicinal Pills

Disillusioned by the corruption and pollution of the big city, I turned my back on modern society and sought a different path in the mountains.

-----

I stood in front of a tall mountain, gazing at a flight of stone steps that connected the bottom and the top.  Rumours had led me to this mountain, rumours of Cultivators who defied the Heavens through techniques that made them more than human.  Now I was here, Great Earthquake Mountain, home of the Great Earthquake Sect.

I stepped forward--

"Halt!"  Unnoticed by me, an old man in the shadow of a tree stood and called out in a loud, clear voice.  Surprised, I turned and humbly bowed, cupping my hands.

"Senior, this one has come to seek the Great Earthquake Sect, in hope of being taken as a disciple!"

"Very good.  Today is the sole day of the month that new disciples are admitted.  Climb these steps, reach the plaza halfway up the mountain by noon and you shall be accepted!  I will send a Voice Transmission, to inform those above to expect you."  So saying, the senior reached into a rough leather bag at his waist and pulled out a smartphone, talking into it in a low voice and sitting down once more.

(--Wait, what?)

For a moment, feeling a hint of confusion, I hestitated.  Then I firmed my shoulders, faced the stone steps and began climbing!

-----

My legs ached.  Sweat was cooling my body and felt sticky whenever I moved.  Around me was a loose group of disciple applicants of all ages and appearances, people like me who arrived in a trickle to enter the Sect.

At this moment, I had eyes for neither them nor my own discomfort.  Noon had come, and one of the Elders of the Sect had descended to meet us on a wooden chair, carried by four of the Sect's official disciples.

"Great Earthquake Body!" "It's the Great Earthquake body!" "I can't believe it, the Great Earthquake Body really exists..!"

Without hearing the low cries around me, I stared at those four disciples, my heart thumping in my chest.  Each was akin to a god, with a sculpted muscular body that I couldn't believe could come from any type of exercise or any lucky combination of genes.  This, I thougt, was someone who stood above the peak of humanity.  This was a Cultivator!

The Elder smiled at our reactions.  "Welcome, new disciples.  All of you have travelled far, in hope and faith, to our Great Earthquake Sect.  You must have faced great fear and doubt.  Well, your time of doubt is at an end.  Disciple!  Demonstrate your power to these applicants!"

A single disciple strode forward, approaching a metal dummy that stood planted in the rocks of the plaza.  He took a stance, then let out a great yell!

"NINEFOLD FIST!"

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

In front of our shocked gazes, the sturdy-looking metal dummy was easily reduced to scrap.  Blood dripped from the disciple's knuckles, but he only smiled with no sign of pain.

(But, 'Ninefold fist' is just punching nine times, huh.)

Quashing the tiny note of disappointment in my heart, I focused my gaze on the beaming Elder as he once again began to speak.

"You have faced human society and found it wanting, but your journey is at an end!  This is the one place which dares to defy the Heavens, while all others cower and bind themselves in weakness and servitude!"  He rose to his feet.  "Only at Great Earthquake Mountain can you throw off your chains!"  He threw out his left arm in a grand gesture.  "Only in the Great Earthquake Sect can you seize your destiny!"  He clenched his fist.  "Only with the Great Earthquake Body can you hold the power to defeat a tiger in one punch!"  He pulled out a syringe from a leather bag at his waist.  "ONLY WITH THE GREAT EARTHQUAKE STEROIDS CAN YOU SURPASS YOUR HUMANITY!"

(Well, f**k.)