Viscant's Fleshlight Review

If you don't know what a fleshlight is, it isn't too late to turn back now. I wasn't able to find the original thread cause it's hella old but luckily others have preserved Viscant's legendary thread.

Originally Posted by Viscant on shoryuken.com
So, as some of you know, I've sworn off women for the rest of the year. Until Jan 1, 2006 I have resolved not to start a relationship or have sex with a woman. It's kind of a long story, but it involves a bet and a lot of strange feelings.
But you know...a man has needs. Especially this man. So I decided to try the Fleshlight. And not just any fleshlight, but the fleshlight STU (stamina training unit). Don't get me wrong! I am much man. And any woman who can't cum after Napoleon invades her great white north, or after 90 seconds of riding my white lightning...well, she's probably a dyke. But regardless, I want to be the best I can be. And that's why I ordered this. When I go back to women, I will be the greatest lover of all time.

Shipping:
I was slightly dissatisfied with the shipping process. I ordered it on October 6th, and I got it this morning, the morning of the 20th. So that was about a week longer than I expected. Definite demerits for that.
Otherwise the shipping was a plus. It came FedEx so no chance of someone else getting my precious. The packaging was non descript, just a brown box from ILF, inc. There's nothing screaming out "HEY YOU JUST BOUGHT A SEX TOY! EVERYONE COME LOOK AT THE PERVERT!" Not like I care because I have no shame and don't talk to my neighbor, but it's a nice touch. Nobody knows what's in this box but me.

Apperance:
The appearance is pretty normal. You can choose 4 different appearances, pussy, ass, mouth or just a slit. I got the pussy version. The mouth version looks distinctly like a guy's mouth. That's pretty gay and I'm not down with that. But yeah, the appearance looks pretty normal, kind of like a loose "outie" vagina. It even comes complete with a clit.
The outside casing is bigger than I expected. I mean, I guess to accomodate for all sizes. The narrowest part at the very end is 2.5" and it's 9.5" tip to tip, so with the roundness of the insert, if you're packing 10" you should still be able to bury to the hilt and not bottom out. So it pretty much fits all sizes and stays relatively tight even for normal guys.

Feel:
Wow. It feels like heaven. After I was done the first time I looked at my left hand and in my best Vince McMahon voice yelled out "YOOOOOOOURE FIIIIIIIIRED!!!" I don't think I can go back to jackin it the old way again. I've tried many forms of jacking it, including most of the variants at www.jackinworld.com . This is by far superior to anything I'd tried before.
You can vary the feel in a few ways. If you soak the insert in hot water or use a heating pad to heat it up you get that hot human feel to it. Also by screwing on the end cap differently you can vary how tight it is. The first time I tried it, I had the cap screwed on tightly. Even using plenty of lube it was so tight it felt like it was forcing me out. I was thinking "so this is what it must feel like to rape someone!" I'm not that big overall, slightly longer than the average guy and average to slightly thinner than average, so yeah. The second time I started with the cap screwed off and even though it was tight it had a looseness towards the later stages of penetration. Imagine like fucking a fat chick, except a virgin fat chick. That's kind of how it felt with the cap screwed off. During my second usage I put the cap on a bit and tightened it and you could feel the grip on the cock tightening. It was mind-blowing.

Cleanup:
Really the only downside to it, although it's not that much work really. Just washing it out is common sense, but you might want to put a little cornstarch on it to keep the bounciness of the skin. Rubbing alcohol is recommended but it doesn't seem that necessary to me. It's mostly for disinfectant purposes I think, but since my semen is nectar of the gods anyways, I don't think it really applies to me.

Overall:
I would definitely recommend it. Probably the best masturbatory experience I've ever had and it was better than over half of the girls I've had sex with. And also after you're done you can roll over and go to sleep and not have to hear "oh Jay, you're the king, baby" or "oh Jay you took me to heaven" or "oh Jay, that was so good I won't even press charges". Why do I wanna hear that shit when I just wanna to go to sleep, right?

I give it two cocks up. If you've got the cash lying around, GO FOR IT!

--Jay Snyder
Viscant@aol.com