The Laser Pointer

>As you sit at your house with your feet up on the couch, you play with your laser pointer by drawing invisible dicks on the wall.
>A knock is heard on your door, interrupting you from your phalluscrafting.
>You get up and answer it to see Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash.
"Hey girls, what's up?"
>Pinkie bounces up to eye level with you.
>"We just wanted to come hang out with one of our super dooper looperest best friends ever!"
>How she says all of that before touching the ground, you don't know.
>You've learned not to question the Pinkie Pie.
"Alright well come on in then."
>They do and you shut the door once they are inside.
>Rainbow lays on the couch, Fluttershy sits on the chair, and Pinkie goes into your kitchen.
>As you stand there you pull out the laser pointer and aim it at the wall.
>Rainbow's head snaps to the wall as soon as it moves.
>Huh.
>She follows it with her eyes.
>"Fluttershy! Do you see that?!"
>"See what Rainbo-"
>She notices it and watches as you draw circles.
>You lower your hand to your side before Rainbow looks over.
>"You see it too, right Anon?!"
"Yeah what is that?"
>Pinkie comes up out of the fucking trashcan right next to that wall and tries to hit it.
>Quickly you move your hand up and guide it away.
>How the fuck did she even-Oh wait. That's Pinkie.
>Rainbow flies at the wall and you move it to the floor when she dual hoof punches it.
>Pinkie falls over in the trashcan trying to get it with her hooves.
>You move it up onto the couch and Rainbow watches carefully before divebombing onto it.
>When she hits the couch you move the dot to Pinkie's head.
>Rainbow jumps down to get it and headbutts with Pinkie.
>As they stay there dazed, you move it back to the wall.
>Fluttershy flies over slowly and goes up to the dot.
>"U-Um... Hello? My name is Fluttershy. What's yours?"
>You try to contain your laughter as she speaks to a light thinking it's an animal.
>Then you move it a little bit towards her.
>She backs up.
>"I don't mean to offend you."
>You move it back and forwards a little bit more and she flies to the couch.
>"I'M SORRY!"
>Move the dot over to the couch and she scoots back.
>"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
>She continues to scoot back until there is no more room on the couch.
>You follow her with it.
>It comes close to her crotch and she can't take it anymore.
>Her legs shake and she puts her forelegs up to cover her face.
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>She empties her bladder on your couch in pure terror of this dot.
>By now Rainbow has just gotten up and helped Pinkie up as well.
>She flies at the dot and smacks against the soaked with piss couch.
>"AUGH GROSS!"
>She flies up and shakes it off.
>When she notices it there again, you move it up to Fluttershy's vag.
>Then you click it off.
>"OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO!"
>Fluttershy puts her legs back down and then notices Rainbow's horrified expression.
>"W-What?"
>"Fluttershy I need you to relax when I tell you this."
>Fluttershy begins hyperventilating as sweat rolls down her face.
>"I think that it went inside of you."
>"WHAT?!"
>Pinkie comes over.
>"NOP0NY PANIC! I'll do it!"
>"But Pinkie how are you going to-"
>Pinkie brings a hoof up to her mouth and blows on it.
>The other one grows fingers.
>Wat.
>"Don't worry Fluttershy! I'll get this thing out of you!"
>"N-NO WAIT!"
>Pinkie doesn't listen and pushes her fingered hoof onto Fluttershy's marepart.
>The raw amount of insanity you are experiencing would kill the average man.
>But you just can't contain your sides and bend forward putting your hands on your legs laughing your ass off.
>Rainbow flies over angrily.
>"Anon this isn't funny! We could have a serious problem here!"
>You don't respond because you're too busy laughing.
>Pinkie Pie pulls her hoof out of Fluttershy's vagina and looks over.
>"I couldn't find it!"
>Fluttershy is panting and blushing a bit.
>She stops when she notices the other's looks.
>Rainbow takes her by the hoof.
>"We have to get you to the hospital right away! Come on Pinkie!"
>You're now on the ground still laughing as Pinkie helps carry Fluttershy out the door with Rainbow.
>Oh god this is gonna be a fun day.
>Now walking down the street with the pointer in your pocket, you stop at Twilight's tree.
>Time to have some fun.
>You creep over to the window and crack it open.
>Then do a scan of the area around you to see if anyone is watching.
>Nope, no one.
>Sweet.
>Twilight sits inside reading a book and Spike is organizing the shelves.
>You click on the pointer and aim it at Twilight's book.
>Her attention moves from the words to the dot and then you move it to the floor.
>She puts gives the book to Spike with her magic and begins to follow the dot.
>"Spike do you see this?"
>She follows it around for a while before Spike turns around.
>"Whoa what is that?"
>He walks over and bends down to see.
>You shake it and he jumps back in fear.
>Twilight, thinking it somehow pushed him, fires a blast of magic at the dot.
>It was too fast for you to see coming and you don't manage to move it.
>Her face is one of fear when the smoke clears and a smoldering hole is on the floor but the dot remains unscathed.
>She backs up as you drag it closer to her.
>She scoots Spike behind her and then shoots another blast of magic at it.
>You move it to the shelf and she fires there, turning the books there to dust.
>Then quickly move it to her feet and she jumps up higher than you thought was possible for a pony not Pinkie Pie.
>She lands across the room and you point the dot at Spike's belly.
>He is looks at Twilight confused as to why she is staring at him with such terror in her eye.
>"Spike... Spike don't move."
>"IS IT ON ME?!"
>You shake it around and then move it to his forehead.
>"Spike! Calm down! It's on your head and I'm gonna try to get rid of it."
>"How are you gonna do that?!"
>Her horn glows.
>"Just hold still Spike."
>She fires a huge purple beam of magic at Spike.
>You click the pointer off and watch the spectacle.
>When it stops, Spike's spikes are charred and bent all the way back.
>The wall behind him has a huge hole in it from the magic that just blew through it.
>Twilight smiles at Spike, "That did the trick!"
>You point over to her chest and click it on.
>Spike looks as if he's seen a ghost the instant he looks at Twilight's chest.
>"T-Twilight..."
>"Yes Spike?"
>He points to her chest and she looks down.
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!"
>She runs around in circles for a second and then into town screaming at the top of her lungs with Spike close behind her.
>You click it off and fall over laughing.
>God damn it can this day get any better?
>Now that you've composed yourself enough to be walking once again, you head over to Carousel Boutique to see what Rarity's reaction will be.
>You walk up to the door and knock a few times.
>The door opens and Rarity stands there with a smile.
>"Hello Anonymous! How may I help you?"
"Oh I just wanted to come for a visit to see how you were."
>"Aww how sweet of you! Come on inside then."
>You do as told and enter her abode.
>She closes the door behind you and then motions for you to move onto the couch.
>When you sit down you pull out the laser pointer and hold it in your hand behind your body so she cannot see it.
>She sits down next to you and smiles.
>"So how have you been Anonymous?"
"I've been pretty happy today actually."
>You click the laser on and begin moving it slowly.
"How about you Rarity?"
>"Oh well you know me, I always have to-"
>She stops talking and her eyes shift over to the wall.
>You turn around and see the dot now rests just above the window.
>"What in Equestria is this?"
>She stands up and is about to go over there.
>About to get in the line of sight where she can see the pointer.
>You have to do something!
>QUICK!
"NO RARITY!"
>She stops dead in her tracks staring at you.
"That's a flesh eating bug from the Everfree! You don't want to touch that!"
>When you say that you move it a little and she backs away.
>"Get it out get it out get it out!"
>Bingo.
>You move it down the wall and across the floor over to her.
>She tries to run out but you put it on the door before she gets there.
>"Anonymous don't just sit there, help me!"
"How can I help you?!"
>"Kill it!"
>Using your brain to devise a stunning plan, you take off your shoe.
"Alright Rarity! I'm gonna get it!"
>Holding the pointer completely in a fist with your right hand, you walk towards where you are pointing it with the shoe raised high in the other.
>Then when you get close, you turn your hand to move the dot and then your body to make it seem like you're watching it.
>You begin walking over towards Rarity as you move the dot closer to her as well.
>"Anonymoouuuus!"
>She moves past a chest of jewels she has.
>You guide the dot over to the chest and both of you watch it.
"Well at least it's not multiplying."
>"IT CAN MULTIPLY?!"
"Yeah, whenever it reaches any kind of shiny thing it will duplicate nearly billions of times in a second."
>"...Anonymous."
"Yeah?"
>She points to the dot which you are slowly bringing up the chest.
>Before she can speak again, you shine it in the chest of jewels.
>The beam bounces all around them and goes everywhere in the room.
>You look down and see a few on your chest.
>Rarity looks at you and then you fall back on the couch still pointing the laser at the chest.
"AUUUGHHH THEY'RE EATING MEEE! SAVE YOURSELF! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>She runs out of the house screaming and into town.
>You click the pointer off and nearly shit yourself laughing to tears on her couch.
>Jesus fucking Christ this is incredible.
>Why have you not found this out sooner?
>Now whistling a tune as you walk down to Sweet Apple Acres.
>Fuck this has been a fun day so far.
>Hopefully Applejack is just as stupid, if not, more than the other ponies.
>When you make it to the orchard you see Applejack out there bucking trees.
>Instead of trying to talk with her as you point it, you develop a plan to scare the fuck out of her.
>You stay back and click it on, the dot appearing on a tree she is about to buck.
>She is about to turn around and then stops when you move it.
>"What in tarnation?"
>She tries to touch the dot but you move it up.
>She smacks the tree once again trying to get it.
>"C'mere ya little varmint!"
>You bring it up to the leaves and then click it off, making it seem like it went into the tree.
>"What in the hay is that?!"
"I don't know!"
>She turns around shocked by your presence.
>"You saw that too?"
"Yeah! What in the world was that?"
>"Ah was hopin' you knew."
"Nope. But I did see it go up there. Want me to go take a look?"
>"How are ya gonna do that?"
>You jump up and grab a branch.
>Applejack gives a light chuckle, "Ah thought ya told us you weren't a monkey!"
"Ha ha very funny."
>You climb up into the leaves and holy shit is this thick.
>Bet she probably can't even see up here.
>"Didja find it Anon?"
"I think so."
>You begin to do phase two.
"AAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHH!"
>With all your might you shake the tree and a few branches snap.
>"Anon! Anon are ya okay?!"
>Using your feet you take off your shoes and drop them out of the tree.
>Then make a quite loud belch.
>Her voice sounds a little higher and scared, "A-Anon?"
>Just how you like it.
>You click on the pointer and move the dot down the tree.
>Applejack backs up.
>"N-No! You s-stay away from me!"
>She backs up and you point it closer to her.
>"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
>She takes off to a gallop back to the barn and you burst into laughter in the tree.
"Oh my god this is just too great!"
>You click the pointer off and slide back down the tree.
>Then put your shoes back on and head into town.
>Who's next?
>Instead of walking back to town the way you came, you decide to take a detour through the orchard.
>Eventually you reach a tree house inside of which giggling can be heard.
>More victims?
>Peeerrrfect.
>You sneak up the ramp to the house and look inside through the window.
>Pictures of those fillies always trying to find their cutie mark are hung up around the room.
>What did they call themselves again?
>"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER HUGGING HUMANS CUTIEMARK!"
>And now you're on the ground with the three of them on your chest.
>They stop holding on to you and turn back to look at their asses.
>Nothing appears and they frown.
>Applebloom looks down at you.
>"Sorry if we hurtcha. We were just trying to get our cutie marks."
"I see that."
>Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle grab your hands with their mouths and walk back, helping you back onto your feet.
"Thank you. So what's this tree house for?"
>"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CLUBHOUSE!"
>If that happens one more fucking time one of these ponies is gonna be blind in one eye.
"Oh really?"
>Scootaloo grabs your hand with her hoof, "Yeah! Come on inside!"
>She pulls you over to the door and opens it.
>You all walk inside and find that your head just barely brushes against the ceiling.
>Sweetie Belle calls out to you from the other side of the room, "Hey Mr. Anon!"
>You turn to see her patting a spot on the floor there with a smile.
>How could you not say yes to that adorable smile.
>Doing as she wishes, you sit down next to her.
>Scootaloo's wings are buzzing and she looks happy.
>"This is our Cutie Mark Crusaders map of the town!"
>She points to the map that has Rainbow's cloud, the town square, Carousel Boutique, and a lone apple tree.
>"It's a work in progress."
>As she continues to point to things you don't give a fuck about, you begin to devise your plan.
>Plan starting stage one.
>You click on the pointer and shine it on Scootaloo's rump.
>Sweetie Belle jumps up, "SCOOTALOO! YOU GOT YOUR CUTIE MARK!"
>Scootaloo turns to look but you click it off.
>"That's not funny Sweetie Belle! I thought I got my cutie mark in giving tours!"
>"Oh... I'm sorry I could have sworn that I saw it."
>Applebloom adds in, "That's not very nice of ya Sweetie Belle."
>A smirk comes across your face and you click it back on but point it to Applebloom's butt.
>Sweetie Belle gasps.
>The other two look over.
>Scootaloo cocks her head a little bit and groans in annoyance, "What now?"
>"Applebloom! Your cutie mark!"
>Before the other two can look, you turn it off again.
>"OH GOSH DARNIT SWEETIE BELLE!"
>"Yeah stop it, that's totally not cool!"
>She needs to stop hanging out with Rainbow so much.
>The other two then turn away from Sweetie Belle angrily.
>"I'm sorry..."
>"Yeah sure."
>"Ah don't believe ya."
>Damn quick to turn on each other.
>You click the pointer back on and move it to Scootaloo's butt.
>Sweetie Belle looks at it but doesn't say anything.
>Alright it's time to stop fucking around.
>Move the dot to the wall the other two are facing and their attention is drawn to it.
>Sweetie Belle cries out, "That was what I saw!"
>"What in the hay is that thing?"
>"I don't know... But it looks cool! I'm gonna catch it!"
>"Not if Ah don't first!"
>Applebloom and Scootaloo both jump for it, smacking heads in the middle.
>As they sit there dazed, Sweetie Belle jumps up and tries to hit it.
>You move it to the other wall and she falls on Scootaloo and Applebloom.
>The pile of fillies eventually straighten themselves out and look at the red dot.
>Then they huddle together, Scootaloo occasionally looking up to the dot and back.
>After mumbling to each other in a circle, they turn to face the dot which you are moving back and forth across the wall.
>They scream in unison, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DOT CATCHER CUTIE MARKS!"
>Scootaloo flaps her wings as hard as she can and Applebloom throws her.
>To your surprise, Scootaloo glides down to the ground.
>Well maybe it wasn't gliding.
>It actually kind of looked like falling.
>With style.
>She sits up from that tumble rubbing her mouth.
>Sweetie Belle bends down and Applebloom steps onto her back.
>"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS COOL FLIP DOT CATCHING CUTIE MARKS!"
>Wat.
>As the title would state, Sweetie Belle launches Applebloom into the air by throwing her off.
>Applebloom does a flip and faceplants right onto the wall after you move it.
>Sweetie Belle screams, "That's it!"
>You watch as she runs over to the wall and jabs her horn at the dot.
>Just then you click it off and Sweetie pierces the wall with her horn.
>"Help! Scootaloo help!"
>She finally stops rubbing her face and goes over to pull on Sweetie's legs.
>She isn't budging, and you're about to lose your shit laughing.
>When Applebloom gets up, you click the pointer back on and have it pointed right next to Sweetie on the wall.
>Sweetie notices it, "Applebloom, get it!"
>Applebloom rushes over and bucks the almighty hell out of the wall.
>Her hooves go straight through it.
>What the fuck is this made out of, styrofoam?
>You cannot contain your laughter any longer and click off the pointer to laugh.
>"Anon! What's so funny?!"
>If you could speak right now, you'd still laugh at her.
>Eventually you calm yourself enough to stand and you leave the clubhouse as the girls call out for you.
>Fuck that noise, gotta find some more ponies.
>You make it back into town and see Granny Smith walking down the street.
>Click on the pointer and aim it in front of her.
>"Anonymous."
>You turn towards the voice and see Princess Celestia herself standing in front of you.
"Oh h-hey Celestia, what's up?"
>Before you can hide the pointer, she takes it with her magic.
>"I am pretty sure you know 'What is up' Anonymous."
>She points the dot at the ground in a circle.
>"Yeah, that's what we saw!"
>Rainbow comes from behind Celestia.
>Oh shit.
>So does Pinkie helping Fluttershy walk.
>And then Twilight with a charred Spike.
>Also Rarity who glares angrily at you.
>Applejack is here too and she looks ready to charge.
>The CMC come running up, "There he is!"
>Applebloom has some bandages around her back legs and Sweetie Belle has a tiny bandage on her horn.
>They see the pointer Celestia has and you standing there in front of a crowd.
>They join the crowd.
>Well fuck.
"So... Now what?"
>"Anonymous, for terrorizing the town and the elements of harmony, I hereby sentence you to life in prison."
"...son of a bitch."

>It's been a few days since you got here.
>The place isn't that bad for a prison.
>They let you do basically everything you'd be able to do regularly, just have to stay here.
>As you're sitting in your cell with your cup, you drop a rock into it.
>A tiny clink sound is heard and the pony in your cell covers her ears.
>"Damn it Anon, cut that out would ya?"
>A grin stretches across your face.