[color=Thistle]"Well, well, well. Here I am again in Total Distortion Wrestling, trying to get by. Suffered a loss - at the hands of Clark Walker - but I digress; he is as useless as Laura Brennan is in general. I have three opponents to fight against but, like, I don't need to promo on any of them. I said that one thing about Laura Brennan and that's all I needed to say about my three opponents. Instead I'll give you three words about why I'm the best here in TDW and then I will tell you why I am that word, okay?"[/color]

[i]Harley makes a "one" with his hand and shows that one to the camera.[/i]

[color=Thistle]"Technical - I am the best technical wrestler on the roster. Ya got your Clark Walkers, ya got your Laura Brennans, ya got your Gabriel Whites, and ya got your Sir Dan Danielson The Thirds; well, fuck them. The thing you need to talk about is Harley Vincent, and why? I will literally break all of your arms, twist all your ankles, snap all your necks, and break your spines. Now if you don't agree that I'm the best technical wrestler here then you can fuck off. I have credentials from all over that show why I am the best here. I got you all on a list of how I can break you and I use that list to prove why I am the best. I study your tapes, I watch you closely to observe how I can fuck up your body parts. Now, onto my next point."[/color]

[i]Harley makes a two with his hand and shows that two to the camera.[/i]

[color=Thistle]"Brawling - Listen here, I brawl a lot, whether it's protecting my beautiful girlfriend, someone is making me mad at the bar, and or someone is just making me mad, I have to keep a dude in check. I have to keep the TDW Roster in check. They're all a bunch of bitches. Richard Fountain is a bitch and Terry Atkins is a bitch. Panther Mask II is also a bitch who I can overcome. Seems I lied, I said I wasn't going to talk about the people in this match, but I did and I will say it again: Panther Mask II is a bitch. He may have a mask, but I have my fists and I will break my fists over his stupid fucking head. Listen to me: I WILL BREAK MY FISTS OVER YOUR STUPID FUCKING HEAD, YOU TONY THE TIGER LOOKING TWAT!"[/color]

[i]Harley makes a three, shakes his head, slaps his hand, and does the three at the camera all up-close like.[/i]

[color=Thistle]"Complete Package - I am beautiful, I can technical wrestle, I can brawl, I can politic, I can fuck, I know my punk records, and that is why I am 100% keen on winning this match. My three opponents are gutter trash, they're oogles compared to me, the king of holds, that young punk kid, and I am the Jerry Springer DVD with all of the best fights on it. I am the complete package. I know how to do everything a young punk man can do. I got this on lock. I know I can do it. I'm not trying to even bury my opponents, like, I could get eliminated at any time, but I just know that I can overcome all of these people. I can fucking DO IT."[/color]

[i]Harley shoves the camera over, pulls his pants down, and proceeds to piss on the camera. As the the camera is getting a golden shower Harley snickers and laughs out loud.[/i]

[color=Thistle]"FUCK JADE ANDERSON!"[/color]