NiE

>Day Freeballing in Equestria.
>The bright sun above shines down onto your glorious tanned form as you do your morning exercises.
"One, two, three, work that shit, work it."
>Bending at the waist, you alternate reaching each hand down to it's opposite foot before rising and repeating the action.
>You can feel the cool breeze rolling over your sweaty body with each movement you take, as the soft beams of light illuminate your visage.
>It's like Celestia and the wind itself are gently kissing your nuts.
>Damnit this is refreshing.
"Fuck yeah, you hear that, bro? That's the sound of how sexy I am in dynamic stereo."
>It may actually be the sound of your balls slapping against your thighs.
>Truly, nude is the way to go, these pones have the right idea.
"Twist, twist, twi-"
>A feeling of hot breath washes over your bare ass as you bend, causing you to freeze in place.
>Grimacing in disgust, you slowly turn to see Fluttershy with her muzzle nearly rubbing against your taint.
>"H-hello..."
>She inhales so deeply that she's probably staining the back of her throat brown.
>"Anon..."
>This dirty bitch.

"Fluttershy... What the hell is wrong with you?"
>Raising back to your full height, you shake your head and remind yourself not to let her breathe on you for the rest of the day.
>"N-nothing... That's not nice, mister. I'm just enjoying your alluring s-scent."
>Or ever again, if that's the kind of scent she finds enjoyable.
>As a matter of fact, you think you'll just work on a way to prevent her from breathing at all anymore.
"Ass is ass, go huff some other dudes."
>"Oh, but no... Ass... Is as nice as yours..."
>She pauses with a blush at the word ass, having learned from you that it was a human swear.
>Because that's far more embarrassing than sniffing someones A-hole in public.
>Heading back inside for a shower, you see her follow you out of the corner of your eye.
"Oi."
>She glances around as if looking for who you were talking to, before pointing a hoof to her chest.
>"M-me?"
>Who else would blatantly enter another persons home without permission, numbnuts?
"...Yes, you. Why are you in my house?"
>Smiling up at you with a tilted head, she answers simply as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
>"I uhm... L-like your house."
>...
>Yeah, it's a pretty sweet house, a total bro pad.

"Alright, fair enough. Sit your ass down and don't touch anything. If I catch you peeking in while I'm showering, I'll drop kick you through the window."
>Have to stay modest, after all.
>"Are you sure you don't need any h-hel-"
"And then I'll follow you outside and teabag your unconscious body."
>A confused look greets you for your efforts, they probably don't have that here.
>"W-what kind of tea...?"
>If they did, she'd probably like it.
>Leaving her to stew in her thoughts of why you would put teabags on unconscious body, you make your way to the bathroom for a quick rinse.
>Saving an immense amount of time by not having to disrobe, you step under the shower head.
>Seriously, you could probably start up a charity drive, or open an orphanage with all the time you save by being constantly naked.
>You'll probably just use it to masturbate later.
>Not to dicks, bro, that'd be totally gay, you love the bagina.
"Billy Jean is not my lover~ She's just a girl, who says that IIII am the one, but the kiiid is not my son..."
>As the hot water cascades over you, the door is violently thrown open, causing you to shriek like a nancy and cover yourself with the shower curtain.
>"WHERE IS THAT H-HUSSY!? YOU'RE MY M-MANifthat'salrightwithyou..."
>Staring blankly for almost a full minute, the sound of flowing water is the only noise to be heard.

>Beginning your trek into town to visit the library, you leave Fluttershy lying on the ground outside of your house covered in glass.
>No, you don't teabag her, that would be cruel.
>But you do make a mental note to pick up some cardboard to cover the gaping hole in your window.
>The breeze ruffles your chest hair as you walk, but at the same time causes you to shrink in on yourself down there.
"Fuck you, it's chilly, it doesn't always look like that."
>You aren't sure who you're being so defensive towards.
>Though a glance to the side at a slightly disturbed looking Roseluck gives you your answer.
"Shut the fuck up, Roseluck."
>Her ears lower as she looks around worriedly.
>"I-I didn't say anyt-"
"STOP OBJECTIFYING ME"
>With a squeal she runs off, abandoning her stand.
>These pones, man, no work ethic.
>Continuing on your way, you catch sight of Snowflake making muscle poses in the middle of the road.
>Fuck yes, this is what you live for.
>Running up to him, you flex and pose along side the roided out pegasus.
>"YEAAAH!!!"
"YEAAAH!!!"
>"YEAAAH"
"YEAAAH!!!"

>The stream of passerbys simply walk around you and continue on their way.
>It's nothing out of the ordinary, your tightly clenched ass muscles and pecs are a day to day thing in this village.
>Finally having had enough, you break from your last pose and hold out a fist to Snow.
"Hey, bro. Them gains are lookin good, the tiny wings really put that shit into perspective."
>Returning the gesture, he fist bumps you while blushing for some reason.
>Probably just warm, even though it's totally chilly outside, bro.
>Your dick's just cold, that's all.
>"Y-you too... Hey bro, you want to head into that alley there for a quick brojob?"
>What the fuck did he just fucking say to you?
"No I don't want a fucking blowjob, what're you, a faggot?"
>Looking at him in in pure disgust, he seems offended for a moment before a look of realization crosses his features.
>"No dude, not a blowjob, that'd be totally gay. A, brojob. Just helpin a bro out, ya know?"
>Oh.
"Oh yeah man, just thought you turned fruity on me for a second, shit."
>He chuckles as you both begin to head towards the alley in question.
>"Heh, no way, bro. I love the bagina."
"Baginas are the best."

>20 seconds later sees you feeling a bit lighter as the two of you are walking back out of the alley.
>Most guys spend a good 10-20 minutes just getting their cumbersome pants off, but you streamlined that shit.
>That's just the way you live your life, hard, fast, and nude.
"Thanks for the brojob, bro."
>Walking off into opposite directions, he waves a hoof back at you.
>"Any time, bro."
>What a bro.
>After finding a bathroom to sink wash your junk, you continue on towards the library.
>You like looking up dirty words in the dictionary there, like bagina.
>The pones avoid you like the plague as you walk, the result of one to many crotch to face collisions.
>It's not your fault that they're at the perfect height to behold your glory.
>That's just evolution, nature wanted them to be at eye level with the goods you're packing.
>Kicking open the door to the library as you usually do to announce your presence, you hear a pained sigh from within.
>"Anonymous, will you PLEASE stop doing that?"
>Heh, why?
"It's not like this is a private residence, I'm not as bad as Fluttershy."
>The purple alicorn sits inside demurely reading some science junk as always, with hoof to face in annoyance at your antics.

"Hell, at least I use the door."
>As you say this, you direct a wry smirk at Rainbow Dash who's laying across the floor and reading what is more than likely Daring Doo.
>"Hey! I don't do it on purpose, that window is just a magnet for awesome!"
>Snickering as you walk towards the crash prone pegasus, you sit cross legged on the floor beside her.
>There are chairs available, but something about the grains of a hardwood floor on your ass is just the best.
>"So shall I fetch the dictionary as usual Anonymous...?"
>She knows what's up.
"Yuuup, think I'll check out labia today."
>The sound of small feet coming down the stairs alerts you to Spikes' presence as Rainbow bites a hoof trying not to laugh.
>"What's a labia?"
>The dictionary is launched at your face before you can respond, silencing you with it's weight.
>"N-nothing that you need to worry about!"
>The pegasus at your side bursts into earnest laughter as you recover and sit back up.
>Laying the book across your lap, you begin to flip through it quickly to the L's.
>"Anonymous... Please use this, I found a hair stuck to the cover last time..."
>Levitating a cloth over to you, she cringes at the thought before returning to her reading.
"Yeah, yeah. And you instantly assume it was me? You're all covered in it, but it had to be pubes..."

>After lifting the book and laying the cloth across your crotch, you continue doing gods work.
>Heh, labia.
>Catching the eye of your Rainbro, you both grin as you silently wave Spike over.
>He notices and shiftily glances around before walking towards you stealthily.
>Almost reaching you, Twilight lifts her head from her book once more in some kind of freaky pervert seeking ESP.
>"ANONYMOUS!"
"Fucking fine, mom..."
>Spike gets a huffy look as he grabs the book from you, but it is quickly levitated out of his reach.
>"Darn it, Twilight! I want to know!"
>As he leaps with all he's got in an effort to reach the answer, the door slams open once more.
>"There you are, I have been looking simply everywhere for you!"
>Fuck.
>Rarity trots through the door levitating several outfits that look to be in your shape, judging from the Adonis like cuts.
>She absolutely lost her shit when you refused to allow her to make clothes for you, and she's been harassing you about it ever since.
>You need to bail.
>"Rarity, what's a labia?"
>She freezes in her tracks with wide eyes at the question from the baby dragon.
>"I... Excuse me...?"
"No one expects the divine cloth of penis benediction!"
>Launching from your seated position as she's distracted by the kids borderline sexual harassment, you throw your crotch rag over her head before booking it through the door.

>"Ew. EW EW EWWWW! YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"
>It didn't buy you as much time as you'd hoped, but you got a decent head start.
"NO FUCK YOU, I'M NAKED AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME!"
>Pones gasp in what is most likely shock and reverence as you sprint through the street with your junk flopping in the wind.
>Or it would be if it weren't so fucking cold, you're just chilly, bro.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP ROSELUCK, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!"
>The mare that looks like she'd just calmed her crying bursts into fresh tears as she runs back into the house she had exited the moment before.
"HAH, SUCK ON THIS RARA!"
>Ripping a heinous protein fueled fart as you run, you glance back to see it hovering in the air like a noxious cloud mine.
>"I WILL SEE YOU WEARING MY FABULOUS DESIGN ONE WA-aaaugh..."
>As soon as she steps through it, she drops like a marionette with it's strings cut, tumbling to a stop to lie unmoving in the dirt, possibly dead.
>Laughing over your shoulder as you run on, you don't notice the wide eyed filly in front of you until it's too late.
"AHAHAHohfuck"
>Tripping into a mass of furry limbs and glorious bronze skin, you feel a warm sensation around your member.
"Faaack..."
>Once your eyes stop spinning and you get your bearings back, you look down to see a visibly terrified Applebloom with your dick in her mouth.
"...So. You want to get some breakfast or something?"
>She bites you.

>"Anonymous the human, we, the pones of Poneville, charge you with unlawful and deviant sexual contact with a foal. How do you plea?"
>Looking around the courtroom in a panic, you lock gazes with the traumatized eyes of the yellow filly.
"Don't do this to me, man... Tell them it was just a brojob, COME ON MAN!"
>Her family wraps her in an embrace as she begins to cry, shooting you accusatory looks.
>"Guards, please have him escorted to the dungeons."
>You can't survive in there, you're too pretty.
"SHE WAS JUST BEING A GOOD BRO, BROS BROW BROS ALL THE TIME!"
>As the guards drag you from the room screaming wildly about brojobs, you finally come to regret your nudist lifestyle.
>It was a day that you should have worn pants.