Broity (Updated: 5/27)

>Rarity sighs as she rests her chin on the bar, circling her hoof around the rim of her glass.
>"Oh, I don't know, Anonymous. I work seven days a week and I pretend it's all fun and games in front of my friends."
"I hear ya, life at the mill is murder. Endless hours, more dust than oxygen in there, and everyone is exactly what you'd expect to be a laborer to be. I should probably be in bed by now but, eh," You loosen the tie around your neck and finish the rest of your glass. "Fuck it."
>"Mm, yes. You fit right in with all those other dirty, gruff stallions then, don't you?"
"Hey."
>You raise your head and give Rarity a menacing look, which she returns with a mischievous smirk.
>At that moment, the bartender hovers around you, glancing at your empty glass.
"Bartender?"
>"Mmm?"
"Another one, on her tab."
>"Righto,"
>As he takes your glass and walks away, you and Rarity chuckle for a few seconds before relaxing once again.
"Speaking of stallions, how did round two with the prince go?"
>Rarity sighs and takes a long sip from her drink.
"That bad?"
>"It went just as you--"
"Just as I told you it would go. I still don't know what you see in that little prick."
>"Good guess."
"Nice. So why do you keep falling head over heels over his type?"
>"Oooh... isn't it every girl's dream to fall in love with a rich, princely stallion who will treat you like her queen?"
"You want to know how many perfect stallions are in this world, Rarity?"
>"Hmph, not enough."
"Precisely, because there are zero. Fuck a rich jerk or fuck a nice kissless, hugless virgin. Or anything inbetween. Find someone you like, thank you," You say as the bartender sets down another drink for you. "Just find someone you like." You take a big gulp of your alcohol. "Of course, you know all of this already. It's easy to fall victim to our vices."
>Glancing back at Rarity, she's wearing an amused look with her cheek resting on a hoof.
"What?"
>"You're far too realistic about everything."
"So?"

>"Don't you have any dreams, Anon? A dream mare or... woman."
"Dreams? I got a million of them? Dream woman? Smart, funny, sexy, witty, clever, creative, rich. You know, absolutely perfect in every way. We went over--"
>"Nope."
"... Hm?"
>"I refuse to believe that's your ideal woman."
"Eh, it's getting a little weird. Topic change."
>"But--"
"TOPIC CHANGE!" The entire bar looks at you. Whatever, fuck 'em. "How's the sister."
>"... Her and her friends are still at the whole cute mark thing. I was the same at their age, but I was never so desperate."
"Huh."
>"Funny enough, she's quite the little singer. I do hope she finds her talent there, as opposed to something else less desirable. Is childhood for a human similar?"
"In a way. It takes ponies about ten years to know what they're going to do for the rest of their lives. For humans, it can take as long as it wants."
>"What do you mean?"
"Well, we're not as lucky as you. Your destiny is set out for you at such a young age. Most humans, myself included, may not ever find it. But, you know, more freedom I guess."
>"Excellent. Now, topic change!"
"What?"
>"TOPIC CHANGE!" The entire bar looks at Rarity this time.
>She covers up her mouth and giggles to herself.
>"O-oops, didn't mean to get so loud. So, who is 'the perfect girl'?"
"Again?"
>"Yes. You know me well enough."
"Damn right. Need to pry into everyone's love life, even if there isn't one to speak of. Goddamn..." You mumble an obscenity into your drink.
>"Absolutely. Now, spill it."
>You pause for a moment, then raise the glass up to her hair.
>"No, NO! Don't you dare!"
>After a couple slaps and a few drops of beer dripping onto your your clothes, you bring the glass back down while trying to hold back laughter.
>"Fine, if you're not going to tell me, I'll just have to guess."
"Shoot."
>"Well, you're too caught up in looks to not want a beautiful mare. Preferably a unicorn. She's smart, funny and hailed as a generous pony."
"I see where this is going."

>"She has an alabaster coat and a gorgeous mane. You constantly eye her with desire, albeit well hidden."
>Now you can feel your face getting hot. Fucking fantastic.
>"On top of all that, you'd love to pay for her drinks tonight."
"Rarity, your analyzation is spot on." You look at her with a stoic expression. "I'm madly in love with Princess Celestia."
>She stares.
>She blinks.
>Then without warning, she bursts out in the loudest fit of laughter you've ever heard from her.
>With a friendly push of alcohol, she falls to the floor with a loud thud.
"Oh shit, you alright?"
-
>Sometime later.
>"--And that suit of yours. How old is it?"
"Few months. You made it, remember?"
>"Eugh, it's hard to imaging that was IN only that long ago. I'll have to completely redo the thing, when I have the time."
"That's fine, you don't need to--"
>"And I'm quite upset at what you've done to those shoes. I didn't expect you to keep them in peak condition but I can't even see the sheen in them anymore."
"Because it's dark?"
>"Ah... oh, mmm... Indeed it is. Regardless, I ask you come in to touch it up soon."
"Might do that. You're already swamped as it is, though."
>"Aaah, but there's nothing more relaxing than exercising my passion for one of my dear friends. Please, I insist."
"'Dear friend'? You're not going soft on me, are you, drinking buddy?" You start lightly flicking her ear with a finger, which she quickly shirks away from.

>"PUH-lease do not call me that. And yes, despite our lack of similarities, you're still a closer friend than most in Ponyville."
"Number one guy-friend, huh?"
>You don't see it, but a light blush creeps across Rarity's face.
>"That's one way to put it, yes. Anyway, I'm afraid this is where we part." Looking down the intersection, you can see Rarity's boutique to the right. Your home is straight ahead.
>You feel her flick her tail across your back leg for the third time tonight before she lets out a tired sigh.
>"Goodnight, Anonymous. I hope we do this again soon."
"Night, Rarity."
>You wait until Rarity is near her property before continuing along the road. Because like, what if there's one of those kind of bad guys roaming around. You gotta be the big man.
>But once it's clear she's safe, you waste no time in returning home.
>You toss nearly all your clothes onto the floor before crawling into bed and trying to fall asleep. It's always tough, nights with Rarity. After these nights, your brain refuses to turn off as it replays the events of the night back at you.
>Yes, brain. Rarity is fun. And cool and smart. Really pretty for a horse, too.
>But it eventually gives in, allowing you blissful sleep.
>Meanwhile, at Rarity's house, she's having the same problem. She remembers the fun stories and the raunchy jokes you've told her over all this time, forcing her lips to twitch into a smile in her half-asleep state.
>Nights like this, they cannot remain outside of each other's dreams. Whether it be whimsically innocent or down right dirty, they both enjoy the time they spend together, even when they're apart.

==

"Yes, you're shallow when it comes to guys. How have you not noticed this?"
>"I am not! You have no proof that--"
"When he told you to buck off, you thought it was a joke upper class ponies make."
>"That's not what I thought at all! I just... pretended it was."
>You and Rarity walk down the empty, sunset lit streets of Ponyville, bickering again.
"Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile at least three other not rich and not incredibly handsome stallions were giving you googley eyes from across the street. You have an uncanny amount of admirers who's feelings you dismiss."
>"Hm, such as your own?"
"Stop that."
>You move to flick her ear, which she gracefully dodges.
>"Tch, I don't even know why I bother. Work is getting somehow busier by the day. I have no time for anything like a relationship. How is the mill working out for you?"
"Quit."
>"You quit?!"
"Yep! I got a new job that isn't so life threatening. Time Turner opened up his own clock shop and he says he needs someone like me in the workshop."
>"I heard a few rumors he was a colt cuddler but a human? I'm shocked."
"One, I'm flattered if that's the case. Two, he was more interested in the dexterity of my fingers."
>You wiggle you fingers a little before returning them to your sides.
>Just then, you see a Pink blue hanging up red and pink decorations all over the city. Walls, overhangs, street lamps and benches. All of it covered in cardboard paper, glitter and glue.
>The menacing pink blur fianlly comes to a stop in front of you. "Hey, guys!"
"Hey."
>"Hello, Pinkie. How have you been?"
>"I've been super duper TERRIFFIC! Hearts and Hopves Day is tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited!"
>Oh, this holiday snuck up on you.
"Hah, got a date you're looking forward to?"
>"Well... erm, no. But, but, everyone ELSE does! And seeing everyone else so happy makes it my sixth favorite holiday! What bout you two? Do you have you special somep0nies to spend time with tomorrow?"
"Nope."
>"Afraid not this year. Again."

>"Hmmmm..." Pinkie ponders for a moment before an idea pops in her head. "Of course you do!"
"What?"
>"What's that, now?"
>Pinkie pulls a red streamer out of no where and chucks it over your heads. It arcs and falls gracefully across your shoulders and Rarity's withers. Pinkie latches on to both ends and ties it into a knot before tightening it, bringing you down and Rarity up. You both meet halfway, squeezed together by Pinkie's magical steel streamer.
>A large piece of pink painted plywood is raised in front of you. A big heart shaped hole in the middle is cut out so you can quite easily see Pinkie with a camera ready to shoot.
>"Smile!"
"What?"
>A flash of light blinds the two of you, putting you in a daze while Pinkie somehow pulls the photo out of the camera. That technology isn't even invented yet...
>"Here ya go!" She shoves the picture into your chest, but Rarity it the first to retrieve it. She hovers it in front of the two of you.
>And it's probably the sappy picture you've ever been a part of.
>You and Rarity look at each other for a moment.
"..."
>"..."
"... Nope!"
>"Absolutely not."
"I'm busy all day. Also, I have to go now."
>"And I have far too much work to do. I must leave as well."
>As you and Rarity leave Pinkie, she shrugs in a 'I gave it a shot' fashion and continues setting up decoration. Until something catches her attention, or rather, a lack of something.
>"Wait a minute... Where did that picture go?!"

>The next day went exactly as you expected it to. A regular day of you doing whatever. A mare and a few stallions asked why you were single today, like it wasn't the rudest fucking thing in the world, but overall pretty normal.
>It isn't until your nightly stroll that something actually catches your interest. Passing some bar you've actually never tried, you spot a somewhat pathetic sight. The bar is packed with several mares and stallions, drinking away the woes of a single life. Eh, boo hoo. But something in there actually manages to anger you.
>Rarity's in there. Something's up. She never drinks in public alone. And she looks depressed, too. She can't really be a part of this group who wallows in loneliness. Her day couldn't have been as normal and boring as yours.
>There's little you have to do to get her attention, being a giant and whatnot. Once she sees you, you gesture for her to come out. Judging by the way she nearly leaps out of her seat, she's looking for any excuse to get out of there.
>After paying her bill, she meets you outside. She looks elated to be out of there.
"Hey, you okay?"
>"I am now. Can we please get far, far away from this place?"
"Sounds good. Have any ideas?"
>"How about my Boutique? Drinking at home is far better than drinking with ponies moping over being single on a day for couples."
"Isn't that what you were doing?"
>She glares at you, mostly because she can't prove you wrong.
--
>Later, in Rarity's boutique, you're sitting on the couch by yourself, sipping on some very expensive tasting champagne while Rarity uncorks a second bottle of the stuff. You insisted that there's no need for her to go through so much good stuff, but, you know, Rarity.
>You hear a loud pop in the other room quickly followed by a short squeal from Rarity. A minute later she comes out of the kitchen with more of the good stuff.
>"Done with another glass, are we?"
>You look down, and indeed you've finished off your, what, sixth glass tonight?

"I keep telling myself not to drink all of your expensive alcohol, but it's too damn good to pass up. I'll take a seventh, please."
>She elicits a short giggle before filling your glass to the rim, then doing the same with her own. She takes her seat next to you on the couch and tries to avoid looking directly at you while sipping on her drink.
>The two of you stay quiet for a while. You indulge all the senses with the smell of vanilla and Rarity's own perfume. The paintings and photos hung on Rarity's lavender walls. The subtle sounds of Rarity's quiet disapproval of the bitterness of her drink and her shifting in her seat.
>But of course, you have to be the one to break the silence.
"You know..." You look at your half full glass. "Too much of our history involves alcohol, you know?"
>"Mm, I do know. After all, all we seem to do is complain to each other about our grievances."
"True, but not always."
>Rarity thinks about it for a moment before smiling.
>"You're right, not always."
>Things fall quiet again before Rarity lets out a chuckle.
>"I still can't believe Pinkie thought we should be each other's special somep0ny's."
"I know, right?"
>"I can't even imagine you'd want to be with a... shallow... vulnerable pony, such as myself."
>You allow yourself a quiet chuckle before actually thinking about it. It hasn't really crossed you mind, but...
"You're right. I've never really wanted to be your special somep0ny."
>You feel Rarity sink into her couch a little, next to you.
"But, thinking about it now... I sure wouldn't mind giving it a shot."
>"What do y--"
>In a stroke of courage, you dare to place your lips upon hers. Not merely a peck, but an intimate, albeit brief kiss.
>Pulling away involves a lot of awkwardness. Your mind and body are now completely out of sync.
"That... came out of nowhere."
>"I... Anonymous,"
"Heh, let's just blame the alcohol on that one."

>"Y-yes... the alcohol." She looks at her own glass before downing the entire thing and refiling it.
>Things return to small talk rather quickly. You pull out all of your favorite jokes and funny stories to hopefully cloud the memory of your fuckup. It seems to do well enough as Rarity seems to be pretending it never happened.
>Quite some time later, you realize just how late it's gotten. Unfortunately, you do have work in the morning.
"Aah, shit. I hate to cut this short, but I really gotta go. I should have been asleep an hour ago."
>"Two hours ago, for me."
"Yeah, but you're your own boss."
>"Very true, I suppose this is goodnight then?"
"It'd say it's been pretty good. Till next time?"
>You rise to your feet, adjust your suit and tie, but a magical grip latches onto your sleeve.
"Something wr--Oh, yeah. I never came in an got that touched up, did I? I can come in Sunday if you're--"
>"Anonymous, I really... really wouldn't mind being your special somep0ny, either."
>Your eyes widen in surprise. You've both been drinking so this could be just a big drunken misunderst--
>Nope. Fuck thinking. She's pulled you in for a kiss. Her velvet lips and hot breath against your face have almost nullified your senses. But when she tries to invade your mouth with her tongue, you bounce back and push yourself away.
"Hold on. I'm... not sure if I'm comfortable with this."
>That horrified look on Rarity's face almost breaks your heart.
"I-I'm not saying it's you. I'm... just worried we're too drunk to think this through."
>Rarity chuckles before pulling you in again. You're resistances are failing you as you fall victim to Rarity's passion. You join in the drunken slapping of tongues after little time until she pulls away from a breath.
>"Even... even if we regret this in the morning, or nothing comes of it aside from a hangover, at least we'll have something else to talk about other than our jobs.
>That night, you and Rarity got no further than the couch. Your drunken passions burned bright into the early morning before returning to a smoldering ember as you two of you slept quietly in each other's embrace.

==
Non-story-canon continuation. Ignore this if you'd like.
==

>The following morning after Hearts and Hooves, you somehow manage to stumble out of bed and waddle your lazy butt halfway across the room before the hangover hits you. To your surprise, it isn’t nearly as bad as you think it should be. Regardless, it sucks.
>The light clinking of plates and silverware distracts you from the woes of a headache and mild tummy rumblies. That’s probably Rarity, and knowing the classy lady she is she might be a little ticked you jumped her last night. Or was it her who jumped you? Man, you think it was 50-50. Still, Rarity can’t be happy about the whole thing.
>You step into the kitchen and lean against the door frame, watching Rarity go about her business in the kitchen. Despite your heavy footsteps and stumbling around, Rarity hasn’t noticed you. You weren’t in any rush to alert her. Afterall, the view is nice.
>Rarity’s butt, if you were being a little too vague. She has a great one. It’s like, really shapely. As in it’s shaped to compliment Rarity’s body, which it does well.
>Rarity sighs.
>”Are you going to keep staring or are you going to wish me a good morning.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and good morning to you too.”
>She flashes a grin at you before returning to the dishes.
>”Terribly sorry about the mess. I suppose I didn’t really care much about cleanliness last night while in that state, but now that I’m sober... yech.”
“Heh. So... we gotta talk about last night.”
>Rarity sets a plate down a little too hard before turning to you.
>”Yes. Yes we do.”
“You wanna go first or--”
>”If you have something to say, I’d prefer you say it first.”
“Oooh, putting me on the spot. Alright, well... last night was pretty cool. And not just the... Ahem,”
>”Sex? Please, Anonymous. Sweetie Belle isn’t here.”
“Right, not just the rabid fucking we did until we both came enough to fill a tub.”
>Rarity purses her lips.
“You know, the whole hanging out thing like we normally do was pretty cool. Having someone to spend yesterday with was something I needed without even knowing it.”
>”... But?”
“But... I don’t know. I don’t think... we should really change our thing. I’m not looking for any kind of relationship and I’m not your type so... you know. Yeah.”
>”That’s... that’s what you needed to tell me?”
“Yeah.”
>”That’s... phew, that’s actually perfect. Because, because I was thinking the exact same thing.”
“Oh?”
>”Yes! Don’t misread me here, last night was wonderful and heavens knows I needed a good rutting.”
“Spread that around, will ya?”
>”Oh my, you’ll become a little too popular with the mares if I were to do that. I’ll keep it to myself.” You elicit a low grumble. “Back to my point, I simply don’t see us being anything more than close friends. I’m quite relieved you feel the same way. It makes everything much easier to break.”
“Yeah, that went smoother than I expected too.”
>”Yes, well... good.”
>Rarity clears her throat before an awkward silence falls between you.
>”Would you... like some breakfast?”
“I’d love some.”

>A few days later.
>You and Rarity are square. The awkwardness is gone and you have returned to your coexistence.
>Today, you’ve finally visited her to get your suits redone. You were stripped almost nude and forced to watch her sit and play with your clothes. You caught her glancing back every few minutes. It only makes sense. She’s forcing you to watch her do something boring and she needs to be sure you’re not bored out of your mind.
>But as she moved onto your pants, panic sets in as you remember forgetting something in them.
>”Hello? What’s this now?”
>Shit!
>Out of the back pocket, she pulls out a single polaroid photo, the one Pinkie took just a few days ago.
>”Oh my...”
“Er, yeah. Pinkie--”
>”This is a cute photo, don’t you think?”
>That wasn’t exactly the reaction you were expecting, but you actually didn’t know what to expect in the first place.
“Yeah, I guess.”
>Rarity titters to herself.
>”Look at us, we were so baffled when Pinkie Pinkie roped us together.” She chuckles to herself a little more. “... May I keep this? I know it’s rude of me to ask but--”
“Yeah go for it. I just brought it to show you anyway.”
>A white lie never hurts. And besides, you don’t really have much attachment to that photo anyway. Why you carried it around is still a bit of a mystery to you but you don’t feel like dwelling on it.
>Rarity sets the photo down on her workbench before turning back to the sewing machine. Within minutes she pulls something entirely new away and holds it up in front of you using her magic.
>”Ta-da~! How do you like it?”
“It’s... did you just make that on the spot?”
>”Of course not, I only needed your dimensions to make sure it fit the same. I’ve been working on this for weeks.”
“Wow... so that’s why you needed my clothes?”
>She peeks from behind the ensemble wearing a sly grin and half-lidded eyes.
“Right. Funny.”
>You get up from your chair and take the suit in your own hands. From a distance it would look the same but the differences are subtle and substantial at the same time.
>”I changed the material of the suit, giving it slightly more appeal to draw attention. the sheen on it is now a little greater than a matte and the stitching is now a little more active. The plastic buttons have been replaced with stainless steel, so have the cufflinks and pants button. There’s plenty more, but none I think you’d care to know.”
“This is great! I mean... wow. It’s a lot softer than my last suit.” You say under your breath as you stroke the collar.
>”Well go ahead now, try it on.”
>It’s on you in seconds. Not often are you so excited to try on new clothes but you try to milk the excitement for Rarity’s sake.
>The top pieces fit perfectly. You don’t think you’ll even have to break them in.
>The pants, however...
“Rarity, I don’t mean to offend but I think the pants are too small.”
>”Too small? No, no. Your leg and waist size hasn’t changed enough for that to be tight.”
“Well... it isn’t really my legs or waist.”
>A blush creeps along your face. Three days ago you were comfortable talking about anything involving your crotch with Rarity but after that, you silently agreed to yourself it’s a taboo subject.
>”Aha, I know exactly what you’re talking about.”
>She trots to your backside and inspects the pants for a moment.
>Before straight up putting a hoof on your ass.
“Ah! Hello back there!?”
>”Oh hush. I did make it tighter to reduce some very inappropriate sagging. It’s not uncomfortable, is it?”
“I... guess? I’m just not used to this. I’ve never been a tight pants guy.”
>”Well you’re going to become one. It looks spectacular on you. Just look at this.”
>She spins around to your front side and points directly at your crotch.
>”Previously, you had a large sag poking forward. Wasted cloth and it looks tacky. Now look at it. A simple, elegant flat surface. Small bulge notwithstanding. Erm... no offense.”
“Some taken.”
>”Buck up, then. I think you look dashing.”
“Well, if you think it looks good, then it looks good. Give me a day or two to get used to this and I’ll get over it.”
>”Excellent. Now did you want to go out for lunch? My afternoon is free and I could use company.”
“Rarity? Some time off? Absurd.”
>”Aha, it’s less about having time off and more about learning how to separate the rush jobs and the others.”
“It’s about time. Anyway, yeah I’d love to. My turn to pay?”
>”Indeed. Ooh, and... hm... your hair.”
“My hair?”
>”It could use some work.” Rarity levitates a brush and comb from somewhere out of your vision and approaches you.
“Rarity, it’s fine.”
>Flashbacks.
>Mom. Early in the morning with that comb.
>Millions died.
>No one else messes with your hair. Only you.
“Seriously, just give them to me and--”
>”Nonsense. It’ll only take a moment.”
“Rarity!” The brush approaches your head and you panic. “No!”
>You slap the brush away and it flies towards Rarity. She ducks just in time, but not without the brush taking a casualty of its own.
>A handful of Rarity’s hair was grasped by the bush as it flew by displacing it all into frizzy mess.
>You begin to laugh but it abruptly stops once you see the expression on Rarity’s face.
“Oh shit.”
>It’s a mixture of anguish, rage, and vengeance. And it’s all directed at you.
>She lifts the brush off the floor before beginning to slowly approach you with every hair styling utensil she can get her magic on.

>An hour later.
>You and Rarity doing some post coitus cuddling in her bed.
>Things are quiet for a while before you have to blurt something out.
“I really didn’t see that coming.”
>”You didn’t? The sexual tension between us was so thick it was nearly tangible... and I didn’t see it coming either.”
>The two of you silently hum in agreed confusion before falling quiet again. Rarity is the one to break it this time. Or rather, Rarity’s stomach grumbling.
“Me too.”
>”What?”
“I’m hungry too. We never got that lunch.”
>”Indeed we did not. Let me gussy up and you can finally do your own hair. Heavens knows if I try, we’ll be stuck here all day.”

==

>You are Anonymous. It has been a few months since you and Rarity have progressed into the 'with benefits' part of your friendship and things have been going smooth. Unfortunately, Sweetie Belle and the rest of the fillies have gotten out of school for the summer and she likes spending far too much time with Rarity, leaving you two little time for anything lewd.
>So, this is day fourteen of your dry spell. So many people and ponies have gone through years of it but such an abrupt stop after frequenting Rarity's bedroom is a little jarring on the senses. Mainly, you just want to get off without touching yourself.
>But you're and adult! You can contain such urges and shove them into the back of your mind with great effort.
>And with all those thoughts tucked away, you dress in some shorts and a white t-shirt before going outside into the heat.
>It's a few minutes past noon, the ponies are enjoying the warm weather and the river running through the town looks more appealing than ever. But it's hot. So the first order of business should be obvious.
>Ice cream.
>A couple bits and a short walk to Sugarcube Corner later, you have a two foot tall vanilla ice cream tower, all covered in a hardened fudge shell.
>Hardly out of the ordinary if you've ever been to a traditional ice cream parlor.
>After that, you wander around Ponyville as you whittle away at your ice cream tower. You catch a few giggle from passing ponies which you can't help but naturally return.
>You finish the comically large ice cream treat after a long while and decide to crash by the river, under a tree.
>The cool grass and the shade of the tree make for an extremely comfortable environment, making it easy to doze off.
>Only a few minutes in, does someone begin calling your name.
"Yeah, yeah," You mumble while rolling into your stomach. "I'm awake. What's up?"
>"Heh, what are you doin' sleeping on an awesome day like this?"
>Oh! You remember that raspy, tomboyish voice.

"Rainbow Dash?" You say through a yawn. "Hey, what's up?"
>You only know Rainbow Dash through association and from what you've heard about the elements.
>"Not much, just saw you hangin' out and wondered what you were up to."
"Not a whole lot, as you can see. What about you?"
>"Me? Oh, uh... y'know, just flying around."
"I hear that."
>A momentary awkward silence falls between the two of you.
>"... Hey! You want to go swimming in the river?!"
"Hmmm... I am pretty relaxed... But," You glance back at the river. "That cool water is awfully seductive. Eh, screw it."
>You push yourself to a sitting position and remove your shirt. You look down at your features and sigh.
>You've gained a few pounds since you quit the mill. If it weren't for Rarity, you'd probably be a bit bigger by now.
>Rainbow Dash flutters up next to you.
>"Uh oh, I know that look."
"Do you?"
>"Yep! This will be your first day of getting back to your old self!"
"Wha--Hey!"
>Rainbow Dash begins your back.
>"Get in that river, mister! Your waistline depends on it!"
>Rainbow Dash is strong but you're twice her size and sitting down. You're not budging.
"Alright, alright. Just quit your pushin'."
>You stand up, making Rainbow Dash fall flat on her face before you wade into the river. The water is cool, but not too cold and only sends a shiver down your spine as it edges past your nethers and shoulders.
>You sit and enjoy the feeling for only a moment before Dash cannonballs right next to you, splashing you with a cold wave of water.
"Tch, ass."
>You splash a load of water on her as her head emerges.
>She looks at you.
>Then a huge grin spreads across her face as she glares at you.
"... No."

>After a legendary splash battle with Dash, she constantly challenged you to races, breath holding contests and an assortment of other competitive trials which you barely kept up with. You're more out of shape than you thought.
>Hours pass quickly and before you know it, the sun beginning to descend. You'd estimate another hour or so until sunset.
"Alright Dash, I'm gonna call it. I look like a prune right now."
>"Yeah, I'm kinda burnt out on swimming too. Whaddya wanna do next?"
"Uh... Next?"
>"Yeah! Hey, you down for a few drinks?"
>Man, these ponies and alcohol.
"Uh... sure. I can't stay too late though. I have work tomorrow."
>"That's cool. C'mon, I know a good place."

>Two hours later, you and Dash are seated in a Sports Bar. The place has okay beer and great food. Dash is already halfway blasted and you're still on your first mug of dark beer.
>"Okay, this time... Lets race!"
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't chug alcohol."
>"But iiiiit's fun!"
"People who chug alcohol are just looking for reasons to avoid talking."
>"Tch, did Rarary tell you that?"
"Yes, actually. Now c'mon, stop drinking for a sec and tell me about yourself."
...
>Another hour later, and you Rainbow Dash are walking out of the bar as Dash is finishing her joke.
>"... And then, and then she said, "That's no frying pan, that's my cutie mark!"
>The two of you bust out laughing.
"Oh man... Best joke I've heard in years!"
>"Hehe, right?!"
>The laughter settles between the two of you after a bit, then you realize it's getting late.
"I hate to do this but I gotta get going."
>"It's cool dude. I should be heading back home too. Some other time?"
"Yeah, totally."
>"Sweet. And thank Rarity for me, would ya?"
"Sure... What for?"
>"She just told me that you would make a great friend for me, or something. I don't really know what she meant at first but I can see you're a pretty cool guy. Anyway, later!"
>Without another word, Rainbow Dash flies off into the night, leaving you with one worrying question.
>Is... Rarity trying to pimp you off to her friends?


>Two days later.
>Dash approached you during your lunch break just to chat. You're sitting outside the library, reading a magazine while munching on a cheese and lettuce sandwich.
>"So, hey! A bunch of us are playing hoofball today. Wanna play?"
"Sure. What time?"
>"Around four."
"Alright. I won't be able to make it until five so go ahead an get started without me."
>"Awesome. And don't you dare skip out! We gotta bust your rump into shape!"
"Heh, for what?"
>"Oh... You know, just in general. To be healthy and happy and stuff."
"Makes sense."
>Bullshit. Rarity led her to you so you could totally get down with the Dash. But Rainbow Dash won't let a drop of cum inside her unless its from a ripped stallion.
>Stupid Rainbow Dash. Stupid Rarity.
>Oh, speak of the devil. Rarity trots on by with her nose to the clouds, followed by a muscular unicorn stallion with a chin larger than Trixie's ego.
>"Hey, Rare. Ooh, who's the stud?"
>"Ah! Hello, Rainbow Dash." She says, completely ignoring you. "This is just my new... Friend. Pierre."
>"Nice. Pleasure to meet ya, Pierre."
>"Mmm, the pleasure is all mine, Miss Dash."
>His voice is smooth as silk and sensual beyond words.
>Fucking faggot.
>Pierre and Rainbow Dash stare into each other's eyes for a few moments before Rarity clears her throat to get Pierre's attention.
>He snaps his head and Rarity's direction before trotting to her side.
>"Anyway, if you need us, we'll be at my boutique. Alone. All night. Mhmm. Yes, good bye, Rainbow Dash."
>"Yes, goodbye my Sweet Little Dashie and... Surprisingly handsome human."
>"S-see ya..."
>See ya, fucker.
>You wait until the two of them walk away before lightly pounding the table.
"What the fuck was Rarity's problem?"
>"Yeah she kinda ignored you. What's up with that. And you know what else?"
"What?"
>"How did Rarity score a guy like that?! Did you see him?"
"I missed him behind his chin."
>"Ugh, he was like, perfect."

>"And it kinda ticks me off that Rarity can get any stallion she wants. Why is that? It's so dumb."
>Dash's words aren't helping the dilemma in your head. What WAS up with Rarity? She was being a total cunt, man.
>God damnit, you don't have time to think about this.
"I'd love to stay and chat, Dash but I need to get back to work."
>"Alright. Later, dude."
"Peace."

>Later that day.
>It's getting late and the hoofball game is coming to a close. You worked up quite a sweat as a grin reminder you haven't ran in a while. Damnit, Dash.
>You honestly wanted to skip out on it just to confront Rarity about today but you're still kind of fucking mad about her attitude earlier. But now that your mind has cleared up a bit, the curiosity is stronger.
>Once everyone has dispersed, Rainbow Dash approaches you.
>"Phew, you did pretty good out there. I didn't think a pony could stop you but when you knocked that griffon on its butt! Phew, awesome."
"Yeah... Thanks."
>"Hey, something wrong?"
"Eeeh, the Rarity situation is still kinda pissing me off. I was thinking about going over there and seeing what's up."
>"Sweet, I'm down."
"Hm?"
>"Yeah! It sounds like my friends are having troubles and I wanna help."
"That's... Yeah. Lets go visit Rarity and her 'friend'."

>You're now sneaking in the bushes outside Rarity's house. You expected Dash to question it but she dived in rift after you.
>You remain completely still and hold your ear close to the widow where you can hear voice inside. You can faintly make out the clinking of glasses while they laugh and talk. That bitch! Drinking with a different guy. That's your thing!
>"Ah, Miss Charity," You can make out most words.
>"Rarity, dear."
>"Y-yes. Miss Rarity. You look positively immaculate tonight."
"Asshole." You whisper.
>"Yeah. Rarity is such a tramp. Sheesh."
>Where'd that come from?"

>"Mmm, and your alabaster coat... Eeeugh. Sorry, dear. It's a little cold down here. Perhaps we could take this wine elsewhere. Perhaps... the bedroom."
>Fifty fucking red flags go up in your head. Hell no.
"You hear that, Dash?"
>"Yeah! Rarity just met this guy and is trying to get him in bed!"
"Sure. I've got an idea. Do you know where Sweetie Belle is?"
>"Scoots told me she and the gang were having a sleepover at Appleblooms."
"Perfect. Get her, put her in the tree by the river where we swam a couple days ago then tell her to follow your lead. Then you need to follow my lead."
>"Uhhh..."
"We have to hurry!"
>"Right! On it!"
>Dash beckoned nothing more than a rainbow streak heading towards Sweet Apple Acres. You'll give her a few minutes before you set your plan in action. For now, you start listening inside again.
>"Tsk, Pierre! Stop being silly."
>"O-oh... Of course. Here... have more wine."
>Rarity giggles some more, pushing you closer to the edge.
>Pierre spends a couple more minutes tossing out cheesy compliments in an attempt to sleep with your friends before you decide to set your plan into action.
>You spring out of the bushes and begin rapidly knocking on the door.
"Rarity! Rarity!"
>It takes a minute but a disgruntled Rarity opens the door.
>"Oh, Anonymous. I didn't think you'd ever be knocking on my door since--"
"Trouble!"
>"W--"
"Sweetie Belle is in trouble!"
>Her eyes go wide with worry and her ear perk up.
>"Where?! Where is she?"
"The river! This way!"
>You sprint off towards the river with Rarity in pursuit. Pierre, the little bitch, decides to follow while whining the entire way.

>A few minutes later.
>"I still don't know why I'm in this tree."
>Rainbow Dash shrugs.
>"Neither do I. Just follow Anon's lead when you see him, alright."
>"Fiiine. I hope he shows up soon. This is boring."
>And then here you come, yelling and running like an idiot with Rarity in tow.
>Both Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle notice you and exchange glances before faking distress.
>Rarity sees through the facade instantly and slows her pace and adopts a confused look. Pierre soon comes stumbling in from behind before collapsing on the grass.
"Look! Sweetie Belle is stuck in a tree!"
>Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle all give you sideways looks.
"... And I was hoping we could use your magic to--"
>"Eeeh... Stop, please. Rainbow Dash, could you be a dear and get my sister out of the tree?"
>"Uh... sure?"
>Rainbow Dash gently lowers Sweetie Belle from the tree before rushing over to Pierre.
>"Whoa buddy, that wasn't much of a run. Don't tell me you didn't have to work for those looks."
>While Rainbow Dash nurses romeo over there, you keep close to Rarity for reasons you're not sure of.
>"Anonymous, could you be a dear and help me walk Sweetie Belle back to Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Uh... sure?"

>Sweetie Belle gives both you and Rarity a hug before skipping back to her confused friends to tell them about her weird night.
>So then it's just you and Rarity. The both of you remain quiet until you get halfway through town. Being you, you're the first to blurt something out.
"So, what the fuck is going on with us today? I pulled the wackiest, dumbest stunt a man like me could pull and you act like a total cunt for no god damn reason."
>Rarity just stares at you past her thick, curled hair.
"What?"
>"Every time I think you cannot be more vulgar, you go ahead and surprise me again and again."
"Yeah, well, I'm kinda pissed off at multiple things right now so... yeah!"
>"Well why don't you tell me why you did this silly stunt, hm?"
"Why don't you tell me why you were being such a bitch?"
>"I asked you first. And take a breath, dear."
"Fine... shit, fine. I guess I saw you all over your new fuckbud--... your new friend and you were being... screw it, you were being a huge bitch today and I got pretty upset. And when I went to your house earlier I heard you drinking with him and... I dunno. That's kind of... our thing."
>Rarity sighs and shakes her head.
>"So you were jealous of him?"
"Don't you word it like that."
>"But you were. It's good to know my 'bitch' skills are still intact."
"I bet you're soooo proud."
>"That was sarcasm, Anonymous. Regardless, I'm a little frustrated that you would call 'drinking' our thing when you're so keen on doing it with Rainbow Dash."
>You think for a few seconds and realize something. You're being a pretty huge hypocrite right now.
>"Oh yes, I saw you and Rainbow Dash yucking it up in that run down bar. I told myself, 'they're just in there having a little fun' but you know what, Anon?! I was jealous! I was so incredibly jealous and I hate myself for it! I WANT to be angry but I CAN'T be angry at you because I would HAVE to be angry with myself, as well! Ugh!"
>'It was just a few drinks', would be the response to come out of your mouth but who's to say it wasn't the same in Rarity's case.
>God damnit.
"... We're shitty friends, Rarity."
>"I suppose we are. Will you let it tear us apart?"
"Nah. You?"
>"Of course not. We just can't let silly things like this get in the way of our friendship."
"Yeah, guess drinking can't really be our thing. It's a little unfair to our other friends."
>"Mhmm."
"Besides, don't we have a new thing?"
>You and Rarity exchange glances and dancing eyebrows before meeting halfway into a sloppy kiss. Rarity is quick to break it off.
>"Er... shouldn't we take this to the boutique?"
"Oh, come on."
>You go in for another kiss and push her onto her back in the middle of the dirt road. She's somehow going along with it.
"What if I want to fuck things up a little more? Make you wake up in a dried puddle of your own juices off to the side of the road?"
>"Please, this is my only night away from Sweetie Belle. I REALLY need you to 'fuck' things up, if you catch my drift."
"Don't make puns while I work."
>Rarity chuckles to herself.
>"Fine, take me in public if you wish. Just find a grassy hill for me, would you?"
>You quietly sigh and get off Rarity.
"As you wish, my queen!"
>you scoop the giggling Rarity up and whisked her off to the closest hill you knew of.
>Then you FUCKED under the stars.

==

>You are Rarity
>It's a lovely Sunday morning in mid Autumn. You're sitting at a cute little tea parlor, sipping upon their most expensive brew. It's hardly worth the price but sometimes, you just like to spend money you don't need to so you can feel like you're indulging.
>Tis the season, and you're sporting a muted rustic orange scarf to celebrate.
>Oh, how you love Autumn. It's second only to Spring. The trees are changing, ponies are putting on light clothing to stay comfortable, hoofball is in season, which you can thank Anonymous for making it a guilty pleasure of yours, and the pace of Ponyville seems to slow down. Work may be busier for you, but your time off is ever more relaxing.
>You smile, nod, or wave to the ponies passing by. Such is why you prefer living in Ponyville. You know almost everyone by their names, and that's a luxury you'd lose if you moved to Canterot.
>A good friend of yours, Applejack, happens to pass by and give you a small wave. She looks a little strained, Moreso than normal when carrying around thick saddlebags of Apples.
>Wishing to relieve her tension, you decide to call her over.
"Applejack, dear! Why don't you come over? You look like you could unwind."
>"Sorry, Rarity!" She says through panting. "I gotta keep focused this week. Can't really afford to get distracted."
"Oh, puh-lease! It's on me, of course. I'll even buy you a croissant~"
>Applejack looks nervously between her saddlebags and you, before signing and trotting over to the table.
>"Fine, fine. You know how much I love my crescent bread."
"Ahem, it's 'croissant', Applejack."
>"I know, it's just fancy speak for crescent!"
"Actually, it's from Gryphonia, and the name is meant to resemble--"
>"Rarity, I don' care. I'm here for some tea and crescent bread. Nothin more."
"My, my. Someone is on edge. What's the matter?"

>Applejack sighs and slides into the chair across from you. The shade from both the table's umbrella and Applejack's setson obscure her face.
>She leans forward, looks around to make sure no one is listening, then quietly says,
>"I'm in heat."
"Oh!" You unintentionally squeak out.
>Applejack lowers her hat some more and ducks down while you look to see if anyone is looking your way. After making sure the coast is clear, you dial your voice down to a whisper.
"This time of the year? Aren't you more of a... winter-spring kind of pony?"
>"I am. And I can't say I like this. The Fall season is when we do all of our preppin' for the winter, and I'm all over town, sellin' what I can and doing everythin' possible to make sure we have enough bits before the first snowfall. I can't afford to be cooped up inside my bedroom this week."
"Tsk, I'm sorry."
>"Nyeeh, not your fault. Jus' happens. Promise you won't tell no one?"
"Of course not. Now, I promised you some tea and croissants, didn't I?"

>You hail the one of two waitresses and quickly order a small ate of croissants, a small cup of tea for Applejack and a refill of your own.
>She quickly returns with your orders and disappears back inside to help other customers. The outside tables have been cleared in between that time so you and Applejack are able to talk more freely.
"Yes, yes. So what is your big brother up to, now? He seems..."
>Applejack is no longer paying attention. She has her eyes locked on to a passing stallion. He's not very tidy looking, to put it gently.
>He's also drunk from the looks of it.
>You'd make a quip about Applejack's standards, but you remember your second estrus season. Finding you in that bush before anything happened was the best thing your mother ever did.
"Ahem, Applejack?"
>She continues to ignore you.
"... Sweet Celestia, is that Sylvester Stapone?!"
>Applejack cranks her head in your direction only to find an irritated you.
>She realizes what she was doing, sighs, and lays her head on the table.
>"Dangit, Rare. How do ya do it?"
"Do what, dear?"
>"Get stallions in bed with ya?"
"W-what do you mean?"
>"C'mon... Really? Everyone in your neighborhood hears it. You know how fast word travels around here, too."
>Now it's your turn to obscure yourself. Except with I hat, you can only cover your face with your hair.
>"So I gotta ask... Who's your new boyfriend?"
"He's not... my boyfriend." You mutter while sinking further into your seat.
>"Rarity, are you telling me you found some stallion to have some NSA ruttin' with?"
"No! He's... A friend."
>"A fr--"
"Andalsonotastallion."
>Applejack stares at you for a moment.
>"... Gryphon."
"No."
>"Minotaur?"
"Absolutely not."
>"Dont tell me it's a goat."
"Goodness, no."
>"Applejack ponders, gives you a suspicious stare, and slowly mutters,
>"A mare."
"Applejack, I think we both know better than that."
>"Then it has to be Anonymous."
"How did you know?!"

>"I wanna say I'm surprised, but I ain't. The two of ya have such chemistry, y'all would be good with each other."
"But--"
>"That's right. You 'n him aren't technically a thing."
"Y-yes. We're merely friends."
>"With benefits."
"And he is a dear friend--"
>"With benefits."
"Stop that. Him and I were already close. One night we..." You shrug, looking for the right words. "Took the plunge. The next morning, we didn't feel like our friendship had changed any. We merely worked out some stress. And as it turns out, both of our lives are awfully stressful. All we did was take advantage of our bodies' biology to make our days easier and more exciting. Is that so wrong?"
>"He must be pretty dang good."
"Aha... Applejack, I think it's time we changed subjects."
>"I mean, if Prince Blueblood couldn't impress ya, your standards must be sky high."
"Once again, Anonymous is not my boyfriend."
>"Maybe, but you've been off the market ever since the two of ya started."
"Th-that's not true."
>"Suuuure. So, you gonna tell me more about it or not?"
"While you're in heat? Of course not. If you're so desperate to find out, read some of those biology notes Twilight wrote when he... he..."
>In the blink of an eye, Applejack has vanished, leaving you with half a croissant and a full cup of tea.
"Oh dear..."

>Late-morning.
>You do what you can to take your mind off everything and focus on work but it seems impossible for the time being. As soon as you get over your worry for Applejack, you begin thinking about Anonymous. It’s only been two days since your last go at it, but you’re already craving more. You fear this is becoming more and more of a staple in your friendship, rather than a perk.
>Just look at you now, can’t focus on actual work, so you made yourself a sultry outfit for Nightmare Night. His eyes only.
>You sigh, drop the leather outfit and bring a hoof to your head. This whole mess is giving you a headache.
>To make matters worse, the bell at the front door rings. The sound it makes your head hurt even worse. But, a customer is a customer!
>You trot downstairs with a slightly forced smile while humming a tune, only to find Applejack at the bottom of the stairs, hiding a heavy blush under the setson covering her snout. You stop yourself a few steps above her.
“... Hello… Applejack. Can I help you with something?”
>”I need him.” She blurts into her hat. “I need him today. Now.”
“Ap--... Applejack, think about what you’re asking me.”
>”I did. He’s not your boyfriend so it shouldn’t be a problem. Right?”
>Wrong.

“I’m reeeeally not comfortable with… sharing partners, if you catch my drift.”
>”He isn’t your partner, though. Just your friend, right? So, how do I get him to rut me?”
“I’m not going to tell you, Applejack. I think you need to lea--”
>”I’ll tell everyone!”
>There’s an uncomfortable pause for the two of you. You’re trying your best to read Applejack properly. This isn’t something a rational Applejack would do, but a panicky, desperate Applejack? Absolutely.
“No you won’t.”
>”Yes I will! I’ll… start with Twilight! Then I’ll tell Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and Mayor Mare and Big Mac and the Princesses and everyone else!”
“Not Big Mac!”
>”Especially Big Mac! Unless… you tell me!”
>Okay, Rarity. Don’t panic.
>This can work. You can make this work.
>You just need to talk to Anonymous.
>But there’s no way Applejack will let you leave, alone.
>... And you don’t need to.
“F-fine! Not only will I tell you how to bed him, but I’ll lead you right to him!”
>”Really! Aww, shucks, Rare!” She places her hat back on top of her head. “Thanks a ton. This’ll help with my problem a ton!”
“Only for you, Applejack.” You say through your teeth as you sport a giant, fake smile.
>You step back down to the bottom floor and Applejack pulls you in for a quick hug. Just one whiff of her reveals much. Sweat. She probably showered in the morning but she simply can’t keep her perspiration under control. And you smell something earthy. Like.. a tree. Ah, bark, most likely. You haven’t met a mare who hasn’t rubbed up against a tree at least once.
>As she pulls away, you slap the fake smile back on your face and lead Applejack towards Anonymous’ house. The very thought of your ‘idea’ sends shivers down your spine. You’ll be putting a lot of faith in Anonymous for this to work. But if you have to rely on anyone, it would have to be him.

>Only a few minutes later do you find yourself at Anonymous’ home. You can hear faint music playing from his home, coupled with light stepping on his wooden floor.
>Is he… dancing?
>You’re going to exploit that, someday.
>You look back to Applejack and quietly clear your throat. She gets the message easily and takes several strides backwards. After she’s at a reasonable distance, you turn back to the door and give it three hard knocks.
>Anonymous can be heard cursing and scrambling before the music is shut off. A moment later he opens his door, wearing no more than shorts and an undershirt. Beads of sweat can be seen dripping down his forehead and lightly glazed over his shoulders. And that smell…
>Let’s not bite out lip off, Rarity.
>”Hey… Rarity. S’cuse me, just uh… phew, just exercising.”
“Dancing? That was a lovely song.”
>”Yeah, yeah. So, what’s up?”
“I have…” You glance back at Applejack. “A problem.”
>”Uh oh, something wrong?”
>You try your very best to say it as subtly as possible, but absolutely nothing comes to mind.
>So instead, you shove Anony out of the way and dart inside shortly before locking the door behind you. Only a second later do both you and Anon hear pounding at the door.
>”Rarity, you promised!”
“I-I’m negotiating!”
>”Negotiate fast!”
>”What’s she talking about?”
“Anonymous,” You look to your bipedal friend. “I’m… ahaha, how do I say this? Uhm… She, she knows.”
>”She knows? About wh--Oh!” He snaps his fingers. “She knows!”
>He gives you a blank stare for a few seconds before flaring out his hands and saying, "So?"

“S--... SO?! Anonymous, do you not realize that this could--”
>”Half of my friends down at the bar already know, anyway.”
“Bu--But… A-Anonymous, aha… you’re joking, right?”
>”No, it’s cool. In fact, I got a bunch of free drinks for taming the untamable be--”
>You catch what he started, and only for a moment does everything else become irrelevant.
“For WHAT?”
>”Nothing. Guy thing. You wouldn’t get it. So, we gotta shut Applejack up. Let’s not get distracted. What’s your plan?”
>Ah, yes. Your plan.
“I don’t have one.”
>”Oh.”
“I don’t have one! Anonymous, what are we going to do?!”
>”Calm down. Shit, Rarity… What does she want?”
>Your stomach turns at the thought of Applejack getting what she wants.
“She, she’s in heat, Anonymous.” You whisper.
>You can see the cogs turning in his head for a second before he purses his lips and nods.
>”Alright.”
“... Alright? Alright what?!”
>”Are you saying you want me to have sex with her?”
“No, SHE wants to have sex with you! I want no such thing to happen.”
>”But you don’t want her to tell everyone about us?”
“Correct.”
>”Well… then maybe I should just sleep with her. I, I really don’t have a problem with it.”
“But that’s gross! Swapping partners is dirty and I refuse to be with someone so promiscuous!”
>”Then I won’t have sex with her.”
“But then she’ll tell everyone!”
>”... Do you see the problem? You can’t have both.”
>You sigh and walk away a few steps. You can’t think right now, this is far too stressful.
>”I have condoms, if cleanliness is an issue... Give me five minutes with her and your problem will be solved.”
“Anon, please. I can’t think with you talking to me, right now.”
>He rolls his eyes, opens the door, and leads Applejack into his room.
>”I’ll be right back~”
“Anon, just… ugh.”
>You hear the door close, and only when you hear Applejack’s voice from behind his bedroom door do you process everything that just happened behind your back.
“A-Anonymous?”

>You gallop to the door and get ready to pound the door down, but you can clearly hear they’re already at it. You can hear Applejack, at least. You’re conflicted. You shouldn’t feel like this. It occurs to you how absurd this all is. Your friend is in need of something. Another friend has the capability to give your former friend said something. They ‘exchange goods’ and part ways. This shouldn’t be so difficult.
>But it is. It feels like a small weight is being dropped in your chest for everyone second Anonymous is in there with Applejack.
>Defeated, you shirk away from the door and slowly make your way to Anonymous’ couch.
>Thirty-one days after you first consummated with him, he ravished you like a beastly sex god. You shouldn’t remember things like that, but you do. Down to the last detail.
>It’s YOUR memory. It’s YOUR experience! Applejack shouldn’t have what’s yours! Is that selfish? Of course it is, just thinking the words over again makes you feel uncomfortable.
>But you can’t shake that feeling. That feeling that you’ve just been robbed. Sweet Celestia, this isn’t what you wanted. It might be time to break things off with Anonym--
>”Done.”
“Bwwaahhh!”
>You nearly leap out of your skin at the sound of his voice.
“A-Anonymous! Aren’t you supposed to be… be… you’re done?”
>He shrugs and looks at you like you should know.
>”Yeah, she popped like a fuckin’ cork in under two minutes.”
“... And… she doesn’t want more?”
>”I didn’t ask.”
“What about you?”
>He sighs and averts his gaze. He has to rub his neck before he can look at you again.
>”It felt… not right, you know?”
>You give him a questioning glare to press him further.
>”Look, it’s not like I didn’t have reservation about this either. I tried to forget about ‘em and do what ‘needed’ to be done, according to you. And I did, but it really sucked thinking about you sitting out here, alone.”

>You can feel your playful side come out when he lowers his guard.
“So what you’re saying is… is that while you were in bed, you couldn’t stop thinking about me?”
>He adopts a grin. himself.
>”Sure sounds like it. Care to say anything about it?”
“Ooh, I have a lot to say. First… come closer…”
>He wanders around the couch, revealing his full nude form. He’s already lost his stiffness, but that isn’t much of an issue.
>He plops his nude form next to you and rests one of his legs upon another, obscuring his genetailia.
“Good, now close your eyes.”
>He chuckles before shutting his eyes tight. You raise a hoof and ready it to smack him. But, taking a second look at him, you silently let out a short laugh and lazily tap him on the head with your hoof. Still being something solid against his skull, he quietly yelps and rubs the spot you hit him.
>”Why’d you do that? I said I was sorry.”
>You leap into his chest and rest your flank in his lap, still wearing that smirk of yours.
“Because you’re going to have to apologize to me in a different way.”

>For the rest of the afternoon, it’s a repeat of your first night together. You only take breaks from locking lips and bumping uglies to pour yourselves drinks.
>And the entire time, Applejack watches from Anonymous’ bed, feverishly masturbating.

==

>You are Rarity.
>Tuesday morning, thirty minutes before you open your Boutique for work. You’re getting ready for the day with an invigorating breakfast. Boiled cabbage and carrots, sprinkled with salt and parsley. And a side of gluten free toast with strawberry jam spread on top.
>You gently sigh to yourself and plop your rump onto the chair and take one more whiff of the food you’ve prepared. Just then, you hear someone come through your front door without knocking.
>You grunt in disappointment, and your disappointment grows exponentally once you see that it’s your mother, but you slap on a smile nonetheless.
>”Raaaaarityyy!”
“Mother!”
>You leap off your seat and meet her halfway for a tight hug. You quickly break it and offer her a seat across from you.
>”It’s been too long. How ya been, how’s the business?”
“Fantastic! Never been better!”
>”Oooh yeah,” She steals your toast. “I bet. From what I hear about your boyfriend?” She takes a large bite of your toast. “Mmmm, mm! Good toast, dear.”
“B-buh, b-b-boy, boy, did you say,”
>”Yeah! Everyone knows you ‘n the human are a thing! Beauty and, uh, the beast! Is he as nice as I hear he was?”
“Boyfriend! Not my boyfriend! Where, he is not my boyfriend! Mother, where did you hear that?!”
>”Oh, you know! Down the grapevine. I’m sure half of Ponyville knows by now! Too bad it ain’t true, eh?”
>This is bad. This is terrible.
>Rarity, it’s time to activate full damage control mode.

“Applejack!”
>You galloped straight to Sweet Apple Acres once your mother left. Forget opening this morning, you have to contain this before it gets too out of control and you’re going to cut it off straight at the head.
>You’re pounding on her house door and shouting her name in hopes she’ll hear you.
>But no luck.
>That’s right, she must be in the fields!
>Oh, but they’re far too vast for you to search! You’re doomed! Forever forced to live with the fact that everyone knows you’re… you’re…
>An apefucker!
>Gah! You HATE Anonymous’ name he uses for you in bed! How does it turn you on?!
>Oooohhh, that last thing you need now is dirty thoughts!
>”Rarity?”
“One moment, Applejack.”
>All of the dirty things you did are flooding back into your mind. The night at the park, the afternoon behind the diner, Twilight’s bathroom, in the bushes off the trail in Whitetail Woods, Fluttershy’s bathroom. Goodness, thinking about these is getting you going SO hard!
>You, you might have to visit Anonymous to relieve some of the pent up stress.
>”Rarity, you okay there?”
“Applejack, pl—“
>Applejack.
“Applejack?”
>”Yeah, huh.”
>Wait. You’re angry at Applejack.
“Applejack!”
>”What? Something wrong?”
“Yes something is wrong! According to my mother, everyone knows Anonymous and I are… together! And you told everyone!”
>Applejack narrows her eyes and cocks her head.
>”I didn’ tell a soul. Everythin’ that happened that day stayed between me, myself ‘n I.”
“Oh, well, I guess the information just leaked itself then, hm?”
>”… Anonymous might have—“
“Unthinkable! He knows what will happen if everyone finds out about him and I!”
>”… What would happen?”
>You focus on her again and attempt to find the right words.
“… It’s far too complicated to explain! I must continue searching for whoever spread the word!”
>”Good luck, now. I guess…”

>Several hours later.
>No leads. Several dead ends. Many ponies passing by saying they wanted you to open the Boutique today.
>You’re more or less staggering through town, looking for an answer.
>And something sneaks up on you. Not an answer, but Twilight Sparkle herself.
>”Hello, Rarity!”
“Twilight!” You spin on your heel. “You seem to be well informed. C-could you perhaps help me?”
>”Are you alright? You look a little exhausted.”
“I’m not alright! Look… Have you heard about… Anonymous and I?”
>A small blush creeps across Twilight’s face.
>”I… Congratulations, Rarity. I had no idea you and Anonymous were so close until a few weeks ago.”
“W-… WEEKS?!”
>”Yes. I know the two of you wanted to keep it secret so I didn’t tell anyone, but I think ponies are starting to find out.”
“We’re… not a couple…”
>”You’re not? That’s not what Fluttershy—“
“Fluttershy?!”
>”She was the first to tell me! I began hearing it everywhere!”
“Celestia… Heavens…”
>You fall to your rump and rub the spot under your horn.
“This is out of control.”
>”How did the rumor spread so quickly?”
“I don’t know. Anonymous and I are only friends.”
>”Just friends? Like… and some more?”
“More? What do you mean, Twilight?”
>”Everyone thinks you two are in a relationship, but everyone KNOWS what the two of you do when you’re alone.”
“… Oh no.”

>”It’s not so bad, Rarity. If anything, you’re just a little… loud.”
“You’re making it worse!”
>”I mean, how did you think I’d miss you howling from my bathroom? Rarity, I don’t have a problem with what you’re doing but you cannot think the two of you can leave a trail and not have someone figure this out.”
“Twilight…”
>”I’m sorry but…  if it’s such an issue then why don’t you talk to Anonymous about it?”
“Talk to… yes! We must control these false rumors, together!”
--
>You make your way to Anonymous’ as quickly as possible. All this running today has left you a little woozy.
>You raise a hoof to knock on the door and you hear something familiar.
>Music and the light sounds of stomping against his hardwood floor.
>It’s these cute, little things that make Anonymous as appealing as he is.
>You take a deep breath and knock on his door. Much like last time, you hear a little stumbling and the music turn off before he comes to the door.
>He opens it, smiles briefly before it falters.
>”Hey, you alright?”
“You’re… dancing again. What could you be getting ready for?”
>”I’m going to win to senior prom dance competition. So, wanna come in?”
>You titter at his joke. His humor always cheers you up and you could really use it right now.
“I’d love to, but we must discuss something first.”
>You look around to make sure no one is eavesdropping. You’d love to go inside, but if anyone saw, the rumor would only be further perpetuated.

“… I think everyone knows.”
>”Knows what?”
“What we… do.”
>His eyes widen and lips purse. He crosses his arms shrugs a little.
>”Alright. Um… is it bad?”
>You’re admittedly off put by his question. He should know, right?
“Obviously… they can’t know.”
>”Why?”
“Be—… Because… it’s important we don’t… be openly mocked.”
>He makes a counter point but you lose focus as you stumble again. You’ve been running yourself ragged all day and it’s really catching up with you.
>”Rarity, are you feeling alright?”
“I’m fine, fine. A little tired is all.”
>”And hungry?”
“How did you know?”
>”Alright, it’s settled. You’re staying for dinner.”
“As long as you’re not making squash soup.”
>”That was my first and last time.” He stares down at your tired form before sighing.
>He bends over and scoops you up in his arms with little warning. You have little room to complain however, as you do enjoy his warmth.
>He sets you down on his couch, gives your ear a little scratch and retreats into the kitchen where you can hear something sizzling on a gridle.
>”I was already cooking when you arrived so I can’t really change, sorry.”
“It’s quite alright, dear. What are you making?”
>”It’s, uh, a human dish called a fajita.”
“Fa…jita?”
>”Yeah, Mexican dish with a bunch of grilled meat and sautéed vegetables. Obviously there’s no meat, but it still tastes pretty good. Anyway, when it’s all cooked you wrap it in a soft tortilla shell ‘n eat it.”
“What are you putting it it?”
>”Bell peppers and onions to start, then I put some chopped squash and zucchini in it with some salt and pepper to give it more filling. Doesn’t change to flavor much so I’m happy.”
“Mmm,” You sink into the couch a little further. “Sounds lovely.”

>He soon brings two plates to the coffee table in front of you and takes a seat next to you. He wastes no time in wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. The smell of his cooking, the warmth of his body and the sound of his heartbeat are all very soothing.
>You succumb to a yawn and wrap your hooves around Anonymous before levitating your plate into his lap. The dish itself looks decent enough, but the exotic smell of it is driving you wild. You follow Anonymous’ example and wrap it up tight before taking a bite out of it. The taste is a little more bland that you had expected, but it’s delicious nonetheless.
“Thank you, this is wonderful.”
>He quietly sighs and sets his plate down.
>He falls silent and gently strokes his fingers through your mane while you’re slowly lulled to sleep.
>”Don’t worry about what people are saying, Rarity.”
“Hm, huh?”
>”It doesn’t matter what they think. All it means is that maybe we should try being a little quieter.”
“Mmm, perhaps.”
>”By we, I mean you.”
“Oh, hush.” You paw at his chest and hug him a little closer. “I solely have you to blame. You and your… charm.”
>”That’s a new name for it.”
“Shall we add it to the collection?”
>”Sure. Another drop in the bucket, I suppose.”
>This is going places, as it always does. The two of you, alone. Talking, the sun setting, passions growing once more. You figure you’d waste no more time and get things started.

>Only, when you lay a hoof on his thigh, he seems to jump as if he were startled.
>”Hey, um, you know about that… thing coming up? This winter?”
“Hm?”
>”In the Canterlot Castle?”
“The Winter Ball? But of course! I can’t tell you how excited I am to go this year.”
>”Getting ready already?”
“I have six dresses already made and I can’t decide on which one. And all the hairstyles I’m thinking of!”
>”Yeah, yeah. I got an invitation too. From… Rainbow Dash.”
>Wait. Oh gosh. You did get two invitations and you completely forgot about the other!
>And you bet Anonymous was expecting you to give him one!  Oh, shoot! Why did you have to give it to that Apple who owns thousands of acres in Western Equestria? Old habits, etcetera.
>”It’ll, it’ll be fun. And I’ll need a new suit before then.” His small talk is an obvious distraction from the obvious elephant in the room. That way his right hand is tense and rubbing itself gives it away.
“Of course. And you’re right. It will be great. I’ve always wanted to take you to Canterlot, show you my side of the life there.”
>”Yeah. It’ll be great, just the two of us.”
>You hum softly and dig your nose into his side. Once more you’re nearly asleep when he pipes up to say something.
>”So, I may or may not have run into some thirty-year-old red wine and—“
“Get it.”
>”Hell yeah.”

==
>You are Anonymous. It's now late into the year, and winter has fallen upon Equestria. Tonight is the night of the Winter Ball in Canterlot. A train of several finely dressed ponies, Spike and you were all aboard. As soon as you all got off the train, dozens of carriages were waiting to take you all to the palace. Since Rainbow Dash gave you her spare invite, you were forced into riding with her. Not that that's a problem, but that also means Rarity is riding with that creepy uncle of Applejack's. But Rarity is a strong girl, she can take care of herself.
>So while Rarity is riding with a rich guy who stinks of apples and farts, you're chilling with Rainbow Dash, who actually looks quite pretty tonight.
>Due to a lack of conversation topic, you just pass the time by drumming on your knees and singing under your breath. Of course, Rainbow Dash has to stop that at one point.
>"Hey, sorry you got stuck in here with me."
"What? Oh, no. We haven't really hung out in a while."
>"Yeah, you and Rarity are always all over each other."
"I keep forgetting literally every knows that. Hm, well speaking of, how're you and Pierre doing?"
>"Separated." She states flatly.
"Oh shit. What happened?"
>"His looks were the only thing he had going for him. He always wanted something superficial or sexual. Like, can I just get a guy who wants to hang out and maybe go for a run, or something?"
"Running sucks. It's like, worse than giving birth."
>Rainbow Dash playfully punches you in the shoulder.
"Hey!"
>"Hah, shut up, dude."
>You and Dash chuckle for a little bit before settling down.
>"So, what about you and Rarity? Everything going well there?"
"You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting a little tired of sex."
>"What?"
"Yeah, it's like it's losing it's spark."
>"No, no! I don't want to hear about that! Gross... I'm curious about your relationship."
>You give her a bewildered looks, which she quickly returns.
"You do know we're not in a relationship, right?"
>Her confusion only deepens.
"Rarity and I are just fuck-buddies."
>"... Nuh-uh."
"Yeah! Did someone tell you otherwise?"
>"... No, but everyone just assumed--"
"Everyone? Well, shit. I guess I'd better go out and put flyers all over Ponyville so everyone knows."
>"Minus the sarcasm, you said you miss the passion?"
"... I guess. I--"
>You're cut off as the carriage jerks to a stop.
"Fianlly! I'll tell you about it later, Dash."
>You hope out of the little wagon and stretch your legs. Man that thing was cramped.
>You check your outfit again only to see that there are no flaws. Man, unfolds perfectly too. Stupid white unicorn know what she's doing.
>Rainbow Dash hops out behind you and takes her place at your side. In almost military fashion, you, and everyone else exiting the wagon marches towards the large, gold and white Ballhouse where you can already hear an orchestra playing soothing music.
>You catch Rarity out of the corner of your eye to the left with that piss-yellow pony next to her. You can see her eyes fixated on you, but her expression is hard to read without directly looking at her.
>And you don't want to. If she's uncomfortable, she deserves it for inviting that guy instead of you. Revenge is sweet!
>But seriously, you're pretty ticked off about that and you're going to spike her tea with laxatives someday soon.
>As you enter the ballroom, the temperature thankfully dramatically increases, but you're also nearly blinded by the shimmering white lights hanging from the ceiling and walls. Your eyes quickly adjust to the light, and you're dazzled when the lights show off some beautiful visuals of standstill snow in the sky. The sixteen or so pony strong orchestra plays on the other side of the room while tables line the sides of the room. Ponies are just now getting settled in, with dinner coming first before everyone starts dancing.
>Rainbow Dash quickly splits off after saying a goodbye and joins her friends at another table.
>You go searching for Rarity, only to find her chatting with that Apple stallion with quite a sultry expression on her face. The guy is just chatting away at her while she seems to listen intently while staring at him with half-lidded eyes.
>...
>You know what, you think it's time for a drink.

>You are Rarity.
>And this stallion is BORING!
>It takes every ounce of patience you have to keep this smile up, but your eyes deceive you as you cannot even keep them wide open. Every moment you try to find to get a word in, he just keeps going. It's never ending with him.
>Finally, he has to take a breath. Now you strike!
"Would you excuse me? I see a few friends I'd love to say hi to."
>"Sure thing, darlin'. I oughta come with."
"No! No, not necessary. I'll be right back!"
>"Nonsense. A gentlecolt always escorts his lady 'round. Couldn' stop me if ya put a knife to my throat, I'll tell you what."
>You emit a small noise of discontent but your 'date' chooses to ignore it as he saunters up to you and pulls you in with a hoof.
>"Now I KNOW you're good friends with my darlin' niece. Why don' we visit her first?"
>You refuse to suppress a groan.
>He pulls you off to Applejack's table where you made your discomfort clearly visible to everyone looking at you. The big buffoon next to you seems to be the only one in this whole castle who has yet to take notice.
>After a tremendous amount of effort and the assistance of Applejack, you manage you break away from the Apples.
>Your date, whatever his name was, continues to talk to them despite being halfway across the room. He finally diverts his attention away from them when Pinkie Pie bounces up to you to talk your ears off. Another half an hour, dead and gone...
>You bump into Fluttershy and Twilight too, but no luck on finding Anonymous. Soon enough, you find Rainbow Dash trying her best to linger with the Wonderbolts, only occasionally getting a word in their conversations.
>You approach her from behind with your date annoyingly on your tail, and catch her attention by clearing your throat.
"Ah-hem..."
>"Hm?" Dash looks back at you. "Oh hey, Rarity. What's up?"
"Nothing so far. D-"
>"Who's this?" She points to your date.
"He's... um..."
>His name escapes you. You have been paying little to no attention him this entire time but you even forgot his name? For shame, Rarity.
>"Uncle Apple!" He blurts out. "Nice to meet ya."
>"Nice to meet you too! I'm Rainbow Dash."
>"Oh-ho, yes! I'm well aware of who you are, miss Element of Loyalty. Say, from what I hear you're a pretty dang fast pegasus, there."
>"That's right! Fastest pegasus, actually!"
>"Well I'll be, that's a heck of a title to live up to. An' I know you're probably busy all the time, but I've been lookin' for a pony fast enough to deliver parcels across all over North-Eastern Equest--"
"I see you two are busy, but could I ask her a quick question?"

>"Shoot."
"Rainbow Dash, have you seen Anonymous anywhere? You came in with him so surely you have some idea."
>"Not a clue." Drat. "We split after we came inside. Knowing him, he's probably at the bar."
"I didn't see him there when I passed by but perhaps he was in the restroom at the time..."
>"Anyways," Uncle Apple butts in. "I could pay you well for a job well done and-"
"Could you both excuse me? I have to use the powder room."
>Yes, the ultimate escape mechanism! As nice as this gentlecolt is, he's-
>"Hold on just a sec, dear. Lemme finish up an' I'll escort ya."
>You wish you were dead. Or him. Definitely him.
--
>Almost fifteen minutes later, you're trapped inside the mare's bathroom. You've done your business and reapplied makeup twice.
>And he's just SITTING out there, talking to you through the door. The... oooh, words don't describe how you're feeling! But FURY and HATRED come awfully close.
>You take a couple, or ten, deep breaths to help ease those feelings and check your hair for the fifth time. It's fine. Beautiful, honestly. But it still doesn't help you escape from--
>"You alright in here, darlin'?"
>HewwhoowhoWHAT!
"What are you doing!? This is the ladies' room, you can't be in here!"
>"Well you were just ein' quiet an'--"
"No! It doesn't matter! This is a private..." You grunt and slap a hoof against your face. "Darling... please understand when I say you're a fine gentlecolt but,"
>"Why thank ya! My mother raised me proper and taught me to treat a lady with the utmost respect and--"
"But you need to learn when to stop talking!"
>The stallion in front of you goes rigid.
"I apologize for my outburst, but I feel smothered right now and I'd like a little bit of time to visit some other ponies I know."
>He emits a weak, "Mmhm..."
"And I'm sure you have plenty of ponies you're dying to catch up with. So... erm..."
>He's starting look worried.
"Could we take this outside the powder room?"
>He nods and follows you out. Only a few steps later you turn to him again.
"Now, I'm going to try to find someone and it may take some time. I'll meet up with later tonight, is that fine."
>He looks away in an overdramatic fashion is mutters, "Sure..."
"... Good."
>"I'm so lonely..."
"What?"
>"Nothin'."

>Getting rid of that blubbering fool was more difficult than you had imagined, but you eventually lost him in the crowd.
>You'd ask ponies if they've seen a human around, and those who didn't know what a human was, you would ask if they've seen a very tall ape-like creature.
>It turns out he was at the bar for a little while but he quickly retreated upstairs. Therein lies another problem. There's ten ways to get upstairs and several floors in this castle. He could be anywhere!
>Most paths upstairs are guarded, so you take the nearest available one and climb up to what already feels like a labyrinth. You're in an enormous marble hallway with little decor. The noise from downstairs can hardly be heard and aside the from that, all you can hear are your loud hoofsteps. You come across several other hallways branching off that give you little clue as to where Anonymous may be. You eventually come across a slightly open door with some hushed words coming through, but a quick peek reveals Blueblood talking up a mare. You internally groaned and silently left before you captured his attention.
>Further along,  you finally come to a more familiar hallway. It's the grand hall that leads directly to the throne room. There's still no sign of Anonymous, but you press forward. As you get closer to the closed throne room doors, you hear echoing conversations from the other side. Most likely the Princesses having a more private affair with political figures and Canterlot's elite.
>So it would be completely rude of you to interject.
>...
>But they wouldn't notice if you took a little peek, would they?
>You soften your steps as you approach the door. The muffled conversations from behind the door speak with weight. And value. Just the words they're speaking in there is worth more than your yearly income.
>The doors are ever so slightly cracked open, maybe you could just squeeze in there a little bit.
>Mmmph, hmm, aha! Success!
>With your head poking through, you see exactly what you envisioned. Regal types chatting about, sipping expensive wine in expensive outfits, ignoring their spouses with expensive taste. The princesses are here, too. Celestia is sitting on her throne quietly and Luna looks drunk while accosting a pony ducking under the punch table and your sight.
>He immediately stands up with a cup he--Sweet Celestia, it's Anonymous! How did he get in here?! And why is LUNA all over him? The nerve of the both of them!

>You are Anonymous. You've ended up here through aimless wandering and when the Princess found you wandering the halls, she was drunkenly happy to accept you into this high class party. It really isn't your thing but at least you could say you've been here.
>Of course, not all was perfect. You got many sideways looks and while Celestia was kind enough, it seems she was pretty clear in her look that you don't belong at this party. You attempted to slink into the shadows and make an escape. Luna has made that especially hard, as she seems utterly fascinated by you. Like right now, she's leaning over a table to get in your face and giggle at nothing.
>"What, what are you doing down there? Don't tell me you're... hiding!"
"What? No way. I'd never do that."
>"Good, because you don't have to be ashamed to be yourself. It's okay." She gives you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
"Right... Oh!"
>"Ahem!" Celestia has snuck up behind Luna and she doesn't look happy. "Dear sister, how are we feeling tonight?"
>"Great! I feel like I can take over the world!"
>Celestia cocks an eyebrow, then glaces at you.
>"Sir Anonymous, could you please do me the favor of escorting my sister to her bedchamber? I believe she's... partied out."
"Uh, yeah. Of course, princess."
>Thank god and fuck you. Escape comes at a price.
>You sigh as Celestia trots away, then look to a grinning, smarmy looking Luna.
"Alright, you heard her."
>"It's been many millennia since my sister got me an escort."
"Time to go."
>"What a birthday that was. See, she was sooooo worried that I'd never find a nice... a nice boyfriend."
>Fuck me. Is she really going to go into detail?
>You finally get Luna out the door, where she makes it clear she isn't going to stop.
>"Wow, this hallway is so EMPTY!" She is correct, as are her echoes. "Anyway, so my dear sister, she went out into the streets and BOUGHT a minotaur! Can you believe it?! So when she brought it... to me, I got reeeeeally mad! So I left the castle! You wanna know what I did? Do ya? Do ya?"
>She leans in, halting your slow progression and almost toppling you over.
>"I went down to Canterlot, g-got drunk and bought six more minotaurs! Oh my, what a way to lose one's virginity!"
"Fucking..."
>"Yes! Lots of that."
>This is going to be a long walk. And Luna's awkward trotting isn't making it easier. It's almost as if you hear her have 8 hooves or something.
>"Shall we discuss your first?"
"No."
>"Or perhaps the messy ordeal that was losing my anal virginity?"
"Hell no."

>As time goes on, it seems Luna is trotting along slower and slower and her words become more grotesque. You'd think with her admittance of lack of sexual experience, she'd run out of stories. She managed to find something to talk about in the various liquids she secretes, in and out of bed.
>"This... one night, I didn't shower after covering my bed in--"
"Princess, stop. We're almost to your room and I'd love if we could not talk about your vagina for two fucking minutes."
>She leers at you, in a very drunken, almost crosseyed manner.
>"F-fine. Shall we talk about your relations with the Diamond pony then? The Element of Giving Things Away." She snorts. "Giving it all away to you!"
>You sigh and try to ignore the new topic. You'd like to know where she heard that, but the ability to explore other's dreams makes you privy to the information.
>"Oh, suddenly he, he doesn't want to talk!"
"I never wanted to fucking talk about any of this!"
>"Very well. Shall we ask your friend then?"
>Luna literally falls on you, almost causing you to topple over. She arches her neck backwards and calls out, "You can come out, dear Rarity! We would very much appreciate if you'd join us!"
>You hear a short squeal, and an uncomfortable silence before Rarity reveals herself behind one of the pillars along the hallway.
"Oh shit. What are you doing here?"
>She looks very embarrassed and refuses to look the two of you in the eye, but your question turned that off and only made her angry.
>"I could ask you the same? I had no idea you and The Princess were so close to discuss those... things, with each other!"
>"Dear Rarity, this is no time to be accusatory, for I have a question for you!"
>Rarity reverts back to a shy demeanor.
>"Y-yes, Princess Luna, what is it?"
>"Is the sex as good as it is in your dreams?"
>"Um... Uh... Anon?"
>You actually want to know this yourself. You could use an ego boost right now.
"Is it?"
>"Anonymous!"
"The Princess asked you a question."
>Rarity opens her mouth to yell, but quickly bites her tongue to search for a more calm answer. In an instant, her expression took a pleasant demeanor.
>"Why, Princess Luna. Why would one dream of something that isn't as good as the real thing."
>"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! HOW DOES ONE RECOVER FROM SUCH AN INSULT!" Luna screams into your ear.
"God fucking... Luna, let's go. Rarity, I'll see you back in the ball room."
>"Absolutely not!" Rarity trots up to Luna and helps her stand up. "You're simply too incapable of handing this..." Rarity has a hard time swallowing the next words, but manages to do so. "The princess. I will accompany you to her room, then we can... talk." There's a sinister tone at the end that you pick up. One that you really don't like.
>Luna tries to get a word in, but Rarity finds a topic and manages to disrupt the princess by constantly talking about it. It's not long until you climb the stairs that lead to the room dividing the two princesses rooms. They are easily discernible from each other, one door depicting light and the other, dark. Luna's was obvious.
>You two led her into her room, and just dumped her onto the floor and closed the door. You are both done with that shit.
>So you and Rarity stand outside Luna's door. She looks expectant of you. You just return a tired look.
>"So, what exactly were you planning on doing with Luna once you reached her room."
"Probably not what you're thinking."
>"Really? And all that chit chat about god knows what goes on in that room, hm?"
"You seem upset for being around someone else of the opposite gender. How dare I."
>"Hmph! This is different. However, they are equally painful."
"And how's that?"
>"Uncle Apple. Now that I compare the two, I think I'd rather tote a drunk, horny princess to bed."
"Aaaaaaamen." You let out a somewhat disappointed sigh. It hasn't been a great night. A far cry from 'The Best Night Ever'. "Fuck it, wanna go grab a drink?"
>"Desperately."
>The two of you head back towards the stairs.
"Buy first round and I'll forgive you for giving that extra ticket to someone else."
>"Tsk, fi--" Rarity stops by Celestia's door. "Hmmm..."
"What is it?"
>Rarity's lips crack into a sly grin and stares at your lower half.
>"Or perhaps something else?"
>You know that tone all too well.
"Rarity... In the castle? You know there's a good chance we'll--Wait, what're you doing?"
>She snickers while trotting towards Celestia's door. She places a hoof on it and gives you an inviting look.
"We can't... I mean..."
>Oh but you could. It would be so wrong and it's the princesses' room! Imagine how pure that room is! How radiant, how innocent.
>You cannot!
>Then, Rarity's magic pulls on your belt, drawing you into the room.
>But you must!

>Roughly over an hour later, you and Rarity are descending the staircase into the main ballroom. For once, you're the one being too meticulous about your appearance while Rarity is wearing that smug grin.
"My suit still looks good, right? I bet I got a bunch of wrinkles I can't see from the princess leaning on me."
>"I told you to fold your clothes after you took them off."
"I did. A little."
>"They look fine, anyway. You look devilishly handsome in them."
"Tch, yeah right."
>You come to the bottom of the stairs, still adjusting your tie, and look out to the dance floor. It looks like it was cleared about a minute ago, and ponies in couples are shuffling towards the middle. As they get close, slow dance music begins to play.
>You look down at Rarity hopefully, while she looks up expectantly.
"Ahem... you know, I normally embarrass myself on the dance floor in hopes of getting laid. But since we already did the deed--"
>"We have the wagon ride back, don't we? Now, get on that dance floor!"
>Rarity pushes you onto the dance floor, both of you giggling all the way.
>She finally stops around the center. She seems bursting at the seams with excitement, then realizes something. The ponies around the two of you have their necks entwined in dance. She realizes this might be an issue.
>But lucky for her, you already thought of that!
"Come on, stand up and lean on me."
>She does as you ask, and you position one off on your shoulder, and place the other in your hand. You also wrap your free hand around the small of her back, or wherever the pony equivalent of that is.
"Good, now start moving around. Just follow me."
>She immediately stumbles into you, but props herself back up.
>It takes a little time but she eventually gets the hang of it. It's not like it's hard anyway.
>"Oh, Anon!" She giggles. "Is this the dancing you've been practicing behind closed doors!"
"No! That's got more groove to it."
>She titters then rolls her eyes.
>"Well, I am quite enjoying this. You're a marvelous dancer, you know?"
>You feel the heat build in your face and the butterflies in your stomach. Heck, you can't even look her in the eye.
"Yeah, I know."
>Rarity starts her giggling again. And while you're not looking, she sneaks in a quick peck on the lips.
>It doesn't help the feelings you have in your gut. And that ain't necessarily a bad thing.
>You meet your gaze with Rarity again and just... stare. Comfortably.
>It sounds weird to say and it's weird Rarity is doing the exactly same thing. It's a really unusual feeling, but you like it. Like, you two are the only ones here, and you don't need anyone else to have a good time.
>Unfortunately, a tapping on your knee interrupts you.
>You look down and notice the stallion Rarity came with. And he looks mad.
>"Ahem! That is my mare you are dancing with!" He looks to Rarity and extends a hoof. "M'lady... may I have this dance?"
>You and Rarity stare at him for a moment. Then use your foot to push him over.
"Man, get the fuck out of here."
>He pouts and stomps away like a big loser. You and Rarity dance until you two are ready to drop.
>What an interesting night.