ver1

here i am, far away
a living ghost, every day
locked away, beneath debris
so i won't spread this disease
the world outside can burn in flames
but in my box i'll feel the same
it's meaningless to rearrange
the world is new, yet nothing's changed

At first, they were a bit hard to see at such distance.  But gradually I gained the courage to get closer, and also recognized them better after seeing them so many times.  Almost every day, I would set out looking for them.  I would not find them often, but it was enough to satisfy me for the time.

Human nature is greedy and never inclined to be satisfied.  The more we acquire, the more we will desire.  I tried to stop and convince myself that I'd seen more than I could ever imagine, but it was never enough, somehow.  I needed to see and know everything.  Nothing would escape my vigilance.

Inevitably, it was forced to an end.  "Closure" is how he described it.  I think "despair" is more accurate.

Unfortunately, for everyone involved, it has yet to be truly over.  It's both funny and pitiful that we believed it ever could be.  Even I was anguished enough to stop, for a while.  Like, a couple days or so.

I once didn't recognize them.  I was walking to the school and a group of students wearing the gym uniform were going the same direction.  They were carrying rackets of some sport, so I assumed they'd visited a nearby court, despite the school having their own tennis courts.

Two boys were walking along the sidewalk across the street from me.  The nearest one donned glasses and short hair.  I noticed he wore NewBalance shoes, the bold N logo standing out, and mused that Isaac wore the same brand.  I happened to catch a glimpse of the bottom of the shoe when he walked; it had the same red stripe.  In horror, I froze and stared at the two boys nonchalantly returning to school.  I paid closer attention to the glasses, the hair, the face: that was Isaac.

I turned around and ran through the trees, trying to evade their gaze if they had not noticed me yet.  I don't think they did, but I will likely never know.

That was April 14, the first time I recognized that I'd been caught oblivious.  It turned out that almost every other event was also dramatic irony at its finest.

From May 4 to the rest of the school year, I sat locked away from the others.  I still ventured out, but it's not the same once you've been outed as an outcast.

when i talk
it is the voice of another person
i see a stranger
even the people around me
my family
my friends
are strangers to me

and it has always remained that way
even now
every day
i still have the feeling i am here for the very first time

Once school ended, I thought it was over.  There was now no longer a reliable way to search for them.  But on July 8, a disgusting coincidence occurred, and history repeated itself.  I'm just glad that I was able to see him from a distance, unlike on April 14.

I just want to say
Thank you for this day
Masking my dismay
Thank you for this day