Nice Cream

So this is the story of how Nice Cream changed me. To start with, I wasn't always this great, lively, confident man. In fact, it was actually the opposite. Go back one year ago. I was this young, immature, childish, 20 year old man. Here I thought my love life was screwed. All I had was my guitar, $400 in cash, and a dream. But all my friends were either married or had children by the time they were 18. And at 20 years old, I thought, This is it. Maybe my love life is doomed. I'll be forever alone.

It wasn't till 6 months ago, while hiking up the Grand Canyon. I had missed a step and fallen 15 feet deep. I had landed head, heart, liver, and lungs first into the ground. By the time I had come to, I was in the hospital. I asked the doc, "How is it? Am I gonna be alright?" She said, "First of all, your organs are fine now after the surgery. But you're not gonna be alright. Your love life... your love life is forever screwed. You have no respect to women, you support patriarchy, you voted for Trump, and you're basically a narcissistic sexist. You will forever be alone. You'll die in 6 months, in a house, with 10 cats."

I said to myself, "WELL WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DYSTOPIAN FEMINIST BULLSHIT WORLD DID I WAKE UP IN?"

After I was discharged from the hospital, I had decided to take a long walk across the six with all my woes. I thought, "Maybe this is it." Then suddenly I came across a salesman who said, "You don't look too good. I know what'll make you better." He offered me some Nice Cream. Told me it would change my life forever. I didn't get my hopes up, but I gave it a shot.

6 months later, or now, I feel like a new man! I found a significant other who I've married. I now have this house and 10 kids. And my life is great! And just to emphasize on what the doctor said earlier about me having 10 cats at this point in my life. Well I don't have 10 cats. I have 10 kids.

Thank you, Nice Cream.