Albert's Gift

He wanted lulzy, he wanted feelsy.

>You drape on your jacket, and take a deep breath from your nose.
>This was going to be the day.
>The day you asked her out.
>You know what your mother would say.
>’ANON YE DUMBASS WHAT’CHE DOIN’?’
>As yes, mother, a real charmer.
>You get to the front door, and slip into your best shoes.
>Of course, she made it.
>You giggle like an idiot, coming up with plans to do after today.
>Maybe a day at the movies?
>That could work.
>You kick once; to make sure the shoes are on tight.
>And it wasn’t your fault the door was right in front of you.
>No, you’re not making up reasons to kick doors.
>You step out of your tiny home, your abode.
>You walk much faster today, to HER house and your place of occupation-
>The Carousel Boutique.
>You fish your pocket for the key, and open up shop.
>Quite literally.
>Your boss was cool enough to let you hold a second key with you, just so you can come in early.
>Not that you did that a lot.
>You hear the shop bells ring, and you step inside.
>You turn the small sign on the door, ‘Opening’ the store.
>You sigh as you are faced with a mountain of used fabric and other debris.
>You grab your trusty broom, and hold it close.
>You angle it over some clumps of dust.
>OH GOD DID THAT THING JUST MOVE?
>You scream and beat the clump a few times, before running upstairs.
“BOSSSSSSSSSSS”
>You bang on her bedroom door, still screaming.
>No response.
>Your beatings get weaker after the first ten minutes.
>Giving up, you glance around, looking for that unicorn.
>”Anon, is that you?”
>Aww, you know that voice from anywhere.
>Another door creaks open.
>A small filly comes out rubbing her eyes.
“Sweetie, quick- where’s Rarity?”
>”She’s not in her room?”
>You shoot her a look of disapproval.
>”What?”
“Dust Bunnies.”
>”AGAIN?” that voice crack there.
>You nod, still can’t get over her voice.
>That is just cute.
>”We need to find Rarity!”
“Say, why would we have dust bunnies?”
>”Well, Rarity WAS hard at work last night.”
“Why?”
>She shrugs.
>”She just started giggling after a letter came in.”
>Now, you can’t stop giggling.
>Looks like the reservation came through.
>It took almost half of your yearly savings, but it will be well worth it.
>The most fancy restaurant in town, just for her.
>The name is in French, so you can guess it is fancy.
>Just like how mother taught you.
>”Anon?”
>The white filly jabs your shin.
>”You alright?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine.”
>You give her a sheepish smile, before moving on.
>The third door in question- Rarity’s workshop.
>You give a weak knock.
>No answer.
>You push the door, and to your surprise, it gives away.
>You can see the mess on the floor, on the desk, on the EVERYWHERE
>You’re in for a long day, aren’t you, Anonymous?
>You light the lamp in the room, to find Rarity slouched over an over-turned mannequin.
>You also go over to open the curtains, letting in the blinding sunlight.
>You cringe at the sudden change in lighting, and you back away into the darkness.
>You also notice a multi-colored shine coming from behind you.
>You turn to see Rarity, and the object behind her.
>Rubies were running across the bottom of the dress, followed by a line of sapphires, and the list goes on.
>It was dazzling, on both literal and figurative meaning.
>Looks like Rarity worked on it all night.
>You lift the white pony, and hold her in your arms.
>She stirs lightly in your arms, but settles in and goes back sleeping.
>You open the door to her room, and walk in.
>You tuck her in, making sure to put away her red glasses on the bed stand.
>You fix her ruffled mane a bit, and sit by her bed.
“Worked all night again?”
>No response.
“Of course you did.”
>You leave her to sleep, while you braced yourself.
>You find Sweetie Belle waiting for you outside of the door.
>”Anon, Rarity can’t help us, right?”
>You nod solemnly.
>Suddenly, a broom is thrown to your hands.
>Sweetie ducks in and comes out with a bowl over her head, like a helmet.
>”Let’s do this, Anon.”
>You grit your teeth.
“Lets.”

“HO GOD THIS WAS A BAD IDEA”
>”I’M JUST A FILLY ANON”
>A dust bunny jumps at Sweetie, and she lets out a little shriek.
>You quickly bat it over.
“SWEETIE HOLD THEM BACK”
>She fires off some weak magic.
>”I CANNAE, CAPTAIN”
“CANNAE?”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Cannae
[Credits to Betty and Brainhorn for that conversation]
>This was not good.
“FALL BACK SWEETIE.”
>The little filly retreats back upstairs, as you hold the evil creatures back.
>How much magic did Rarity use last night?
>And at last, when hope is almost lost, Sweetie comes upon a white steed.

>Like Gandalf.

>Which was Rarity.

>Rarity surveys the scene, spotting you being over-run by the little demons.
>”DUST BUNNIES?”
>She immediately discharges a spell, effectively ‘killing’ all of the vile creatures.
>As in to collapse them back to a puddle of dust.
>Those little shits.
>You sigh, as Rarity hands you the duster.
>”Can you also drop off Sweetie Belle at school?”
“Yeah, you want fries with that?”
>”Ew, oily food.”
>You ignore her ramble on how those carbs can kill you, and move on to cleaning.
>Look at you, disgraced to a simple housepet/cleaner.
>If these ponies ever invaded Earth…
>It will be the Romans all over again.
>Getting all the dust was easy enough, seeing how most of them were intent on clumping together and eating you alive.
>Shake the fabric and drop it to a corner- and you’re all set.
>Sweetie comes out just in time, having her tiny saddlebags on her tiny sides.
>She notices you all done, and comes closer.
>”Anon, Rarity says you’re dropping me off today!”
“Did she say anything about giving me a raise?”
>”Well, no- but she seemed excited for tonight.”
>You smile to yourself.
>Excellent.
“Come on, let’s go.”
>She gladly marches ahead of you.
>You hold the door open for her, not forgetting to hand her a toast you got ready during work.
>Feeling pretty good today, you take Sweetie’s bags, and put it over your shoulders.
“Here, let me hold that for you.”
>She shoots you a worried glance.
>”Anon, you okay?”
“Why?”
>”You’re being awfully nice today, Anon.”
“Well, I feel nice.”
>”Will you do this every day?”
“Don’t push it, kiddo.”
>She grins widely, before running off.
>Probably to meet her friends.
>There was that little apple hick girl.
>And a chicken?
>You shrug.
>Like you gave two shits.
>You drop Sweetie off at the school, not forgetting to pat her on the head, and whispering an insult for Diamond Tiara.
>Usual stuff.
>You hurry back to the store, and you find yourself being awfully happy.
>You find yourself saying hello to everyone.
>What has happened to you?
>And you know what smiles attract.
>It is about waist tall, and it is pink.
>Pinkie Pi-
>”HEYA ANON!”
>The damnable mare.
>”You’re awfully happy today!”
>You sigh.
>That was the fifth time you heard this question.
>”Youknowtodayis-“
“Hearts and Hooves day, I know.”
>”You’re… GOING OUT THEN?”
>You nod.
>She pauses for a second, and then she jumps on you.
>”WHOWHOWHOWHOWHO”
>A brown stallion passes the two of you.
>”WHOWHOWHO-OOVES, SUP?”
>He smiles and waves at the two of you.
“I’m not telling, Pinkie.”
>She falters just for a moment-
>No wait, this is Pinkie.
>”Even if I did a Pinkie Promise?”
“No.”
>”How about a cupcake?”
“You gave me indigestion.”
>She frowns at you, and does not lose eye contact.
>And then, she whispers into your ear.
>”I will find out, I SWEAR it.”
>That voice made you shudder.
>She then smiles again, before running off.
>She’s going to stalk you all day, isn’t she.
>You sigh once and many times, and return to the Boutique.
>Can’t get sloppy, Pinkie might ruin it all.
>Like last year.
>Damn, that was a bad episode with Rainbow.
>She got mad and left the place in a storm.
>She kept on telling you she just wanted to be your friend.
>Can’t really blame her, though.
>You guys didn’t talk for a month or two, until you decided to give up.
>And guess who spilled the beans before you asked?
>That bloody pink mare, that’s who.
>You still won’t trust her, through.
>Your trail of thought is interrupted by the door bell ring.
>”Ah, there you are, Anon.”
>Rarity calls to you, while you are still surveying behind you for that Pink devil.
>And oh look, is that a bush with a pink mane sticking out of it?
>Nope, nothing suspicious.
>”Can you help me out here?”
“Uh yeah, give me a moment.”
>And then, it strikes you.
>Rarity was in the center of the room, in her dress.
>She was- beautiful.
>Well, you could say other adjectives like ‘Breath-taking’ or ‘insurmountable beauty’, but then you are an idiot.
>You’re just standing there, mouth agape- over this mare.
>That special pony in all of Equestria.
>She notices your stare.
>”Too much?”
>You shake yourself back to reality.
“Err, yeah- no- you look fine.”
>”Just… Fine?”
“No! I mean, great- awesome, beautiful.”
>She blushes slightly at that.
“I heard you were going out tonight?”
>She nods happily.
>Looks like she’s genuinely interested…
>”Well, I’m just trying this on for later.”
“Oh?”
>”I need to get my mane done. Any tips, Anon?”
>You shrug.
>This was mare stuff.
>Like as hell you knew.
>You just give her a thumbs up.
”Hey boss, can I have the rest of the day off?”
>”Oh?”
“It’s a-“
>”Hearts and Hooves thing?”
>You smile, and nod.
>”Ohhh, looks like some mare out there is getting lucky…”
>She shoots you a dirty smile.
>And then she winks.
“Oh you.”
>”Sure, go ahead Anon, I’ll see you then?”
>You nod and leave the store.
>Your heart is racing now, you are absolutely pumped.
>Just a few hours more…
>You visit Snips, to get your hair done.
>He may be an annoying little twit, but he sure got his skills.
>You then pick up the suit you ordered from Fillydelphia, only one who could’ve pulled this off here was Rarity.
>And you didn’t want her to know.
>Obviously.
>You rush to your home, and get into your new clothes soon.
>Tonight.
>Tonight was going to be the night.
>You glance at your nearly empty wallet, and then to your watch.
>You better make it worth it.
>The clock starts to ring.
>Time to go, Anon.
>You take another deep breath, and open the door.
>Your home was in a quite far distance from the Ponyville town center, often giving you a nice over-hill view on the town.
>You see hearts everywhere.
>Just another special day.
>The sun is down, and with the heart shaped lanterns, Ponyville looks perfect.
>And speaking of perfect…
>You spot a little pony emerging from the Carousel Boutique.
>She’s in her dress, as far as you can tell.
>A carriage is waiting for her outside, and she eagerly jumps inside.
>The carriage takes off.
>You watch it as it slowly sailed over Ponyville.
>Wait.
>Something’s off.
>The restaurant is right there.
>The carriage quickly passes over it, and flies to a speck of light in the horizon.
>You stand there for a while, wondering what just happened.
>Maybe she got the wrong directions.
>You stand there, waiting for the carriage to come back.
>The chill is slowly creeping up to you.
>Rarity isn’t coming back.
>Nonononono
>It MUST be the wrong mare.
>You laugh nervously, and head into the town.
>You walk through the festivities, seeing couples everywhere.
>You ignore them, as you near the restaurant.
>You show the receptionist the invitation, and she lets you in.
>You take your seat, and wait.
>”What will you be ordering today, sir?” A waiter comes to you.
>You smile weakly and shake your head.
“I’ll get it later.”
>He nods, and moves to the next couple.
>You glance at the clock.
>7:29.
>You tap your fingers to the table, waiting.
>You glance again.
>10:50.
>Most of the ponies are gone now.
>Fuck this.
>You stand, and leave the place.
>Before you go, however…
>You fish for the keys again, and enter the dark house.
>You go over her work desk, glancing over the slew of letters.
>You start going through them, rummaging through the orders.
>You can’t find your invitation anywhere.
>You sigh, and leave.
>As you exit the Boutique, you hear a rasp under your foot.
>You look down to see a crumpled piece of paper.
>Out of sheer curiosity, you open it up.
>It was a green envelope.
>It was still sealed, as far as you can tell.
>You carefully open it, to find your invitation.
>You glance around the envelope, seeing three words.
>You drop the letter, and start the long walk to home.
>It was a cold night tonight.

>The letter landed softly on the small puddle, slowly growing heavy.
>Water breached its walls, slowly invading the body.
>The letter absorbed all it could, turning darker by the second.
>The ink on it slowly drifted away, but the scar of the quill was still there.
>And upon the inscription, it read;

>’Not a Pony.’

>And it could not have been so precise.